Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The one I loved married someone else; what should I do?

True love comes from Allah Alone, rest all is from Shaitaan

assalamualeykum

I need some advice from you. I wanted to marry a brother i've been in relationship with for many years.

His family married him to a cousin, we were going to marry but he married someone else. I know he loves me, I still love him very much, I can't go on, I pray that he comes back to me. my family wants me to get married, should I move on or still make dua to get him back?

~ aa1991


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13 Responses »

  1. Waaleikum salam
    sister move on he was not meant for you iam sorry to say dis,but if he loved u he could have fought for you and mark you everything goes by d qadar of Allah taala.what is meant to be yours will never be someone elses u get what Allah preordeined for you.
    I wish u all d best

  2. Assalamoalaikum,
    Sister,
    I hope InshaAllah you are getting all the benefits of this Holy month Ramadan.
    Now let me start first by telling that the picture with your post has all your answers .
    But since now you are hurting I will advice further .
    First of all this love between you and him was Haraam. Thank Allah (s.w.t) for ending it.
    Now as he is married don't make Dua for him tO come back. Instead make Dua that Allah(s.w.t) heals your heart and make you move on with your life. Once InshaAllah you are healed look into future spouse options.
    To get healing start imProving your bond with Allah(s.w.t) by prayers, dhikr, reciting Quran and anything Islamic.
    Do volunteer work , participate in charity, talk to your family , female Muslim friends .
    Look after your self. Don't sit idle. Do excersice , eat healthy , work or study and involve in your Islamic hobbies.
    With time InshaAllah the feelings inside you and the mourning will decrease till one day all will be gone.
    I'll pray for you sister.
    Masalaam

  3. Salam sister
    I hope your well
    I'm sorry to say he wont come back, whether you love him or if he loves you the fact is he's married now and nothing can be done! Don't pray to Allah for him to come back pray to Allah for forgiveness and to make this time easy for u as it will be hard! Believe me I've been there in the same position as u 5 months ago! Believe me I felt like my world fell apart and that there is nothing now but trust me this is a blessing in disguise! If this guy loved u it would of happened! I'm sorry I dont believe the excuse of a man bein forced on this day and age it's impossiable! Instead you need to focus on you and your Allah!
    I read a amazing quote the other day
    "the moment we "love" anything more than our creator, the very most thing we love will be our greatest pain"
    Sister don't think that you can't go on, hea started a new life and inshallah this bad time will pass believe me I was a mess for a few months still u will find time where ur heart sinks and u think did this really happen! But inshallah have faith in Allah! Pray pray and pray its the biggest healer! Feel the pain and betrayal don't think good of this guy instead think u have been saved believe me!
    Il tell u something the greatest pain I thought I felt was loosing my ex now I know this is not true! My farther is critically I'll and now I feel so stupid crying over him! Why? This is not pain and believe me dont let ur family see u down or depressed!stay strong honestly I will pray for u take each day as it comes but first understand he won't be back! Now it's time to make ur path and ur road to be with someone who will hold ur respect and who will stand by you regardless of anything! Believe in Allah, and fight through this pain!!!

  4. Move on trust me he won't. Come back he is now married moved on leave him alone. Allah has someone better the. Him out there for you, if he loved you he would have fight for your love. Is better f you forget about him. And move on.

  5. asalam alaikoum sister

    i advice you to move on inshalaah you was not meant for him make dua that you find the one who brings you closer to ALLAH Subhanahu watacala

  6. My Sister

    It is sad, but Allah has better plans for you. Ones that will help you to glorify Him and serve Him in ways only He knows.

    Man/Woman relationships outside of marriage are haraam. Now you know why. Even the simplest and most innocent meetings, discussions, or and plans between a man and a woman can lead to such pain. Ask Allah to forgive you, and vow never to have such a relationship again.

    Allah is wise, and has tried to provide us guidance so we can avoid such hurt. Follow the halaal path and you will be better. But do not expect the pain to go away quickly, nor go away completely. This pain is a lingering reminder of your venture down the haraam path. In this way you will never forget it. Focus your energy on the halaal and you will not have to suffer like this again.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. Salaam,

    I am sorry to hear that. As hard as it is you need to accept that you cannot marry him. Please do not make dua to marry him - this will only hinder your path to healing.
    Also please know that no matter how much it hurts now, in time you will move on InshaAllah and it will get better.
    I advise you focus your time and energy on making tawbah, getting closer to Allah and doing ibadah (so do the night prayers, read Qur'an in Arabic and with a translation and in general keep busy).

    In time the feelings will fade. Also do not contact him in anyway and do not allow him to contact you. Focus on yourself and your relationship with Allah and do not worry about marriage to anyone at the moment while you are still moving on.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Sister,

    Move on. In time your heart will mend. May Allah send a pious Muslim brother your way.

    Salam

  9. Salam sister,

    Your heart will heal soon inshAllah. Write down what you have learned from this situation and vow to not repeat the same mistakes again. Ask Allah for blessing you with peace of mind and heart and there will be someone on your path who will not have a relationship with you before marriage, but will have the purest of intentions, inshAllah.

    He has moved on, now it is your turn. 🙂 Focus on your life and set new goals for yourself for the future. Do not contact him ever again and leave it at that.

    All the best!

  10. i totally agree with everyone sister move on, everything for the better inshallah. Even though it hurts it wasn't meant to be, i hope you get through this and inshallah get married to someone who will keep his promises inshallah.

  11. Salam Sis.
    If am not mistaken you said you two where in a relationship for a long time,which is not correct becouse Allah will not bless such a relationship even if it gets to marriage level.As muslims we are suppose to set things right at the beginning so that even if things does not turn out the way we want,We wil not be very sad about it.
    Anyway there is no need to cry over a split milk,repend go back to Allah and he will surely give you a better man.
    It is said that you may want something which is not good for you and hate something that is the best thing for you.May ALLAH guide us all and forgive us our sinns in this holy month of ramadan

    Salam

  12. Salaam, well if he loved you why would he marry someone else ? He would have fought for it. So I think you should make dua for ALllah to find you someone better.:)

  13. Salam Sis
    I am really sad and can understand the pain you are suffering from. I know its very difficult to come out of this situation but believe me as time passes you will be able to overcome this problem and you will be happy IN SHA ALLAH. If this guy truely loved you he would never have left you alone as you said u had long relationship. Most of the time it is very easy for guys to convince there parents but what i can see from your post he easily married someone else and left you alone. I know it hurts but you have to accept the truth that he is gone and its useless to ask him again and want him in your life again. Allah always does what is in ones benefit. Allah has someone better for you and as you mentioned your parents want you to get married so its better for you to get married if you are done with your studies and you are ready. Do Istikhara before getting married and In sha Allah you will find a pious guy. Regarding your old relationship ask forgiveness from Allah if you dont pray regularly start praying and read all kinds of duas, read quran offer tahajud , nafil prayers, read surah sharh which is in the last parah of Holy Quran. In sha Allah you will feel better. I will pray for you In Sha Allah i know how much it hurts and how one feels. My prayers are with you. I hope you find someone better who will love you and respect you. Do remember me also in your prayers.

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