Islamic marriage advice and family advice

One lost unhappy soul

girl praying,

Allah says in Surah Zumar, Ayah 53-55: "Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. "Turn ye to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped. And follow the best of (the courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the Penalty comes on you - of a sudden while ye perceive not!"

Asalam Alekum
I am so regretful for everything i have committed in the past,
Its just that no one is telling me how i should choose life.
Although i regret a man i have married and do not wish to go back to him.
i alhamdulilah have 3 children from him, right now i am separated of 20 months.
He is spying on me online whenever i make an account on Fb or insta etc.
I gave 2 of my children to him that he takes care of and the youngest one lives with me, the thing is right now i also have problems with my family, which i seem not to get along with any of my family members.
Im stuck with depression and have lost hope in everything.
My husband is not so attractive but i wouldn't say he's not a good person either.
I am planning to Divorce and already spoke to the lawyers colleague, says she will proceed the divorce in couple of months time.
I have my own house that i have recently moved 3 months.
however i do not commit adultery but i have a habit of talking to men A lot
and unfortunately committed Zina with some in the past.

What do you think i should do?

Please advice my lost soul
JazakAllah khairan

Unhappylife1

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6 Responses »

  1. An unhappy marriage is a mistake. My mother was unhappily married to my father for 25 years. He became very emotionally abusive towards her. Everyone in the family suffered. My father became a monster and nightmare to live with for years and recently killed himself. My mother has psychological problems from abuse. All the children have too suffered from the unhappy marriage. Including one sibling with schizophrenia. For one family to be so plagued with misery all because my mother decided not to end the marriage despite knowing it was damaging early on.
    I am happy to be able to warn you of the consequence as now I belong to a very damaged heartbroken family. My father is dead, mother is traumatised and one very sick sibling.

    It requires a lot of hospital psychiatric care and cannot be called a functional family unit.

    For the short time you will suffer in breaking the marriage but for the long time it will be a good path for everyone including your husband, children too.

  2. Asalaam alaikum. A lot could be happening here. Somehow you are the one not getting along with everyone else, why? Did your husband do something bad to you? If he is, eg being abusive or being cruel or not earning properly then that is a good reason for divorce. If there is nothing major (you didnt say there was) then you are being unreasonable and you are being horrible by speaking to other men. Maybe you dont realise. Maybe you dont feel 'love'? If that is so but he is kind, trust me you are still lucky in todays world. You also didn't say why you dont get along with your family, you need to be honest here - is the problem you? If it is, do not rush into a divorce you will regret it. If there is a big reason for you to divorce eg he is unkind then i would say do it. Divorce is huge and difficult it is just shaytaan who makes it sound easy and like the right thing to do when sometimes its not.

  3. Zina is major sin and it shows you are not commited Muslim woman ..it seems you need to look at yourself first . Zina that too for married person has worst punishment

  4. Salaam Sister,

    I think the reason for your depression might be that you are stuck in life. You have to make a decision and decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with your current husband or find another one. Sit down and talk to your Husband, family members or friends with whom you can make a firm decision. Once you decide then move forward with it and move on with your life. Don't stay in this situation forever.

    Remind yourself of the sin and punishment of talking to non mehram men and control your desires. Your heart will always be dissatisfied with any man you marry unless you stop interacting with non mehram men.

    Tip;
    To stop the online spying, I recommend you format your smartphone or buy a new one. Also, format your computer/laptop or buy a new one.

    May Allah guide you.

    • I mean, is it really wrong for him to check up on her via social media? This post is too vague, to be honest. It doesn't sound like she's being abused, two of her children are with the father. She mentioned him not being attractive, and her habit of talking to many men.

  5. OP: now i also have problems with my family, which i seem not to get along with any of my family members.
    Im stuck with depression and have lost hope in everything.
    My husband is not so attractive but i wouldn't say he's not a good person either.
    I am planning to Divorce and already spoke to the lawyers colleague, says she will proceed the divorce in couple of months time.
    I have my own house that i have recently moved 3 months.
    however i do not commit adultery but i have a habit of talking to men a lot
    and unfortunately committed Zina with some in the past.

    If a man was talking to a lot of women and doing stuff with some of these women, it will not be a big deal. If his wife is uneducated totally dependent on him she will ignore all this. Most families will not make a big deal

    Does your family and husband know you talk to men a lot? Do they want you to stop this

    I guess you do this to feel happy even though you know it is not the right thing to do.

    What do you like about your husband? How old are your kids? Do your kids also know about your men friends?

    Divorcing may give you more freedom to you to meet lot of men, but you may have hard time finding a husband.

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