One sided deep love
Salam,
I'm a guy, 24, and doing business. I'm from a good Muslim background. You may think this is weird, but I have been loving a girl who is my far relative. She is 16 and a half. She doesn't live in the country where I live.
The girl is from good Muslim background. She is really brilliant at studying etc, but we have never met and she doesn't know about me. She came to my mind when I was 18; she was around 9 then. Their family came back to the country to see their relations.
Since then she has been in my mind. I'm gonna ask for her hand in one and a half years, inshallah. No one knows about this thing except my cousin. He knows everything. He helped me find her- everything- photos etc. The possibility of the girl's side saying yes is 75%. If she or her family refuses me, I will never ever marry another girl. If I marry any other girl, that girl won't have love from me.
-coolfine
4 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Brother,
If you are interested in this girl now, why not send a proposal her way? It doesn't mean you have to get married right now however, if she accepts...maybe the two of you could get engaged and get to know each other in the mean time (in a halal manner of course).
Speak to your parents and see what they think. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Salam
Excellent reply / solution Najah.
Brother,
I absolutely second Najah's suggestion. If she has been on your mind for so long, be a man. Tackle the issue head-on. Talk to your parents and convince them to talk to her parents. In Shaa Allah, you will be successful and will have a great life together.
Waiting her to be an 18-year-old is just an arbitrary rule and has no basis in any religion, I think. Why waste sulking and pining away after for another year or so. Do it now!
Regards and best wishes...
Assalaamualaikam
Before making a decision to send any proposal, I think it's important to step outside the situation and look at some of the potential issues here.
You've never met this girl and she doesn't know about you. If you don't know her (beyond her name and that she's good at studying), how do you know she is the one for you? I'm not suggesting that the two of you should cross any limits! But if you are considering spending your life with someone, it makes sense to actually know a bit about them. Maybe your families could meet to discuss the issue of a potential marriage, so that the two of you can find out more about each other?
You have photos of her - remember that she is not your mahram. It doesn't matter whether it's a photo or not, you need to make sure you aren't looking at those parts of her body which should be covered. Personally, I'd find it an invasion of my privacy if I learned that a non-mahram man had secretly kept photographs of me - on that basis, I'd advise you to get rid of any pictures you have obtained without her knowledge.
I'm concerned about the fact that you first became interested in this girl when she was 9. Biologically speaking, a 9 year old is a child. It's not clear whether you mean you found yourself interested in her in a sexual or romantic way, but if you did, I'd advise you to discuss it with a counsellor. If you mean that you became aware that she existed and might at some stage be suggested as a potential bride for you, but you didn't have any romantic or sexual feelings towards her then, that would be a rather different situation.
If you are seriously considering marrying her, rather than continuing to build up an imaginary version of her, take action to get to know her in a halal way, to find out who she really is and what she wants, and submit a proposal to her wali. Remember as well that it isn't just her family that needs to approve - her consent is essential for a valid marriage.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
pray to God for this. Allah knows all more than anyone else in this world. you should do it now but even if you wish to wait till she is older you can because you know your circumstances well. And most important she is not your mahram so you should not look at her photo. This is prohibited in islam. As far as the matter of marrying somebody else is concerned, you should not say that the other girl will not get your love and affection because in reality its your wife who should get your love. And Allah does what is best for us so keep faith in God. In sha allah he will show you the right path. YOU CAN ALSO DO iSTIKHARA. It will be the best.