Online friendship becoming romantic, I feel confused
Assalamu Alaikum
I've been chatting to a girl online who recently reverted to Islam. She's fallen in love with me. I've been talking to her for a while, although we haven't spoken to each other because she knows it not allowed in Islam so I've talked through social website. I do know it's a sin to do that and Insha'Allah I'm going tell her. But how can I explain it to her? I don't want her think that I'm trying get rid of her. I had no intention of falling in love with her, she's kept on telling me she loves me and I'm at a point where I'm deeply confused because the reason I used to chat to her is to help her with the religion as she had asked a few questions. This has been going on for a good 7/8 months
I have told her a bit about Islam and am consistently providing links for her to increase her knowledge about Islam and she enjoys learning more. I do not know if that is a SIN?
Also she lives in a different country and its hard controlling feelings for each other, is it even wise to continue they way we are? I'm confused.
Also i know she use to have a boyfriend before, am i allowed to ask her about him? i do intend on Marrying her as i feel she is close to me but i havent asked her personal questions, well, she's told me alittle bit about him; that he had broken her heart and left her and she found it hard to trust anyone, but know she says she's over him and that she dearly loves me.
I've never been in a relationship before and she is the first person to attract me and i hope she is the only person Insha'Allah.
I havent told my parents yet, my parents have gave me permission to find anyone of my choice, i know i will have to tell them but i dont think i am ready to tell them just yet. i asked my 'partner' about her parents. she said her dad is alright with it but her mother hasn't agreed as she does not want her marry a Muslim as the previous person had broken her heart. He parents are Devout Christians and they regulary go to church.
(this is the first time I'm seeking advice online, so please excuse me if it doesn't make proper sense)
~Asif2012
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Salaams,
Clearly, if you feel like the feelings are getting too strong and you are already looking at the relationship in terms of marriage, this is the direction you need to take it. I realize that her parents do not want her to marry a Muslim, but if she is a revert and now Muslim herself, it would be haraam for her to marry anyone but a Muslim. In this case, her parents are going to be dissappointed no matter who she chooses to marry, and it would be haraam for her to respect their wishes to the extent of marrying someone forbidden to her.
I think she needs to start preparing her parents for this reality now, regardless of who and when she marries. As for you, I believe it's time to start talking with your parents about marrying this girl so they can at least support the both of you in this endeavor.
The longer you continue to talk to her without taking this steps, the more difficult the emotions are going to be to manage, and the more you take the risk of things taking a turn into sinful conversations or worse. If the girl doesn't understand this herself, you will need to explain it to her. Do things properly as they should be done, and insha'Allah you will reap the reward of it in this life and the next.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum ,
Brother I don't know about the marriage aspect but you should distance yourself from the chattIng.
I think you should be clear to her about your intentions and don't make the chattIng stuff more as it may lead to sins and pain.
Just think about it this way if our creator has adviced us to stay away from such things then this earth is it going to bring us any good. I'll pray for you inshallah .
Masalaam
JazakAllah Khair for both Replies, I truly appreciate it. Insha'Allah i'm going take your advices on board. I want do this the right way Insha'Allah.
I have one more question regarding this please, how would i speak to her Islamically, Am i allowed to speak to her over the phone, she lives in another Country, i live in the Uk and she lives in the USA, How do i tell her parents? Am I allowed to call right? Her Mother wants see me in person, but its not possible as of yet, Her mother doesnt speak english, but my parents do. How would they communicate, could i talk to my 'partner' or is that an excuse? i would like to talk to her, or would our parents have to be involved for us to go any further, i know there needs to be a wali involved, from both parties right?, but how does this work as we live in different countries?
Could you please kindly reply back again
JazakAllah Khair
Asalaam alaykum,
Concerning the old boyfriend: but know she says she's over him and that she dearly loves me. So that is all that matters and I would advise you to take her word and look into it no further. Find peace in what she confesses to you of her interest in you and since you will be contacting her parents, this should belie any fears that you have about someone else, because you say.....
I've never been in a relationship before and she is the first person to attract me and i hope she is the only person Insha'Allah.
How to approach her? Ask her to speak to her father, as she said..... she said her dad is alright with it ..........and place your faith in good intentions.
Use a webcam for now so that her mother can see you. You can partner this with skype or another online medium. Yet, exercise caution that when you and the young woman speak online, you are not alone. So make sure that you are speaking with her parent's permission, perferably with either your parents in your presence of vice versa with hers when using a webcam or talking over the phone. Never be alone without parental supervision! Since you are hesitant to tell your parents now, be respectful to her mom and allow the mother to accompany her daughter on any webcam chats, if you do so.
If there is no way to communicate with her father because of language difficulties, then see if she has an uncle or another male member that can convey your intention to him as to speak to the young woman. This is the proper way with your intentions so genuine.
Your concern is admirable, but make sure that you do not waver in keeping this halal and safe for the both of you.
i think you must have some time for yourself .,get it right and if you still feel so first make her Muslim .,then tell you parents and marry her...happy ending.