Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Out of my control

Girl with hidden face, teenage girl

Dear someone,

I am a young girl who studies and works like any other normal person, and people see me as quite religious. But I know that I am the complete opposite. I DO pray 5 times a day (quite strictly), and I dress modestly and do not drink or party or get involved in haraam activities. however, there is this one haraam thing which I have found my self getting addicted to. It feels like an addiction which I cannot seem to control.

For the last year or so, I have struggled with myself with control over this horrible thing I do. First time I did it, I broke down. I felt horrible, sick, shameless, disgust at my self. Then that phase was over and I strengthened my imaan and moved on. Then a few months later, it was the same thing. I went through the same horrible process of committing this act and then crying and repenting. This has been going on for the last year, and I have seemed to reach a point of hopelessness. For the first time in my life, I have stopped praying INTENTIONALLY. With no good reason apart from the fact that I am ashamed to pray to allah.

I feel as if I have betrayed Allah, and myself. So I cannot seem to bring myself to pray anymore. I know this is probably worse than committing sins, not praying, but I just dont know what to do anymore. I cannot talk to family or friends because they simply wouldnt understand me and would look at me differently.

I have reached good things in my difficult life, a degree, a suitable job, and and control over my life. But this one thing I cant control has made me depressed, and instead of being happy about my achievements, I feel sad and not worthy of it. I feel like I am losing my sanity.

What do I do about this horrible addiction I have? Because nothing seems to work, as it is a physical thing beyond my control. Should I start to pray again? Even though theres a chance that I will commit the sin again? Please give me advice. I just want to be happy. and I know my happiness lies in being a good muslim and pleasing allah.

Thank you for reading my plea

hopelessme123

 


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalam o alikum

  2. Pray and ask for forgiveness do jihad against this evil....Inshallah . The steps tht lead to these actions stay away from ...ramadhan is coming perfect time for committing to chnges you may fall weak at time again but slowly but surely if u stay strongly against this ...you should win the war.

  3. You should definitely continue praying. Nothing is hopeless as long as you pray.

    I think you are talking about masturbation, if so, you should know that many scholars do not consider masturbation haram. As long as you are not watching porn or exposing yourself to dirty images or books in order to be stimulated, it's fine. Honestly it's very normal to have these physical desires and realistically marriage and fasting aren't always options. So if this gives you some relief then it's harmless, it's actually probably better than you having these feelings and then you feel all this pressure to get married before you're ready to the first guy that comes along because you think there's no other way to relieve yourself.

    There are many posts about masturbation here that discuss differing opinions on it Islamically. I advise you to look through them, perhaps they may ease your mind.

    • Many scholars do consider it haraam and its act which truly does affect a person level of Imaan.

      Carry on praying and askig for guidance ... Alhamdulillah you have been blessed with the feelings you have, many people do the sin and feel nothing. Allah loves those who repent and try so keep repenting and trying to quit by the Will of Allah. Also make abudunt du'a to Allah to help ypu stop this act.

      May Allah guide you to goodness and May Allah grant you Jannat Il Firdous! Ameen.

  4. The tags say "pornography" if you need advice on how to stop this addiction search the archives there's already tons of answers on this.

  5. OP: But I know that I am the complete opposite. I DO pray 5 times a day (quite strictly), and I dress modestly and do not drink or party or get involved in haraam activities. however, there is this one haraam thing which I have found my self getting addicted to. It feels like an addiction which I cannot seem to control...........What do I do about this horrible addiction I have? Because nothing seems to work, as it is a physical thing beyond my control. Should I start to pray again?

    Does this "physical thing" gives you pleasure that keeps you going back? Keep praying.

  6. Salam.

    No. Do not stop praying as this is indeed worse than committing the other sin. Your sense of shame is a blessing from Allah (SWT) and through these feelings Allah (SWT) is punishing you for committing the sin so accept it. Reach out to Allah (SWT) even more to counter shaytaan's influences and in shaa Allah everything will be fine.

    I don't get what you mean by physical sin so I am going to assume you are talking about pornography (masturbation). For the porn problem, you can download parental control software and have someone else set it up for you. Google "K9 Web protection" or "Qustodio" and set these up on your computer. Both programs are free and I have used them extensively in order to prevent anyone in my house form going to pornographic sites. May Allah (SWT) grant you the same amount of success with these programs. Below are the sites for both programs.

    http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
    https://www.qustodio.com/en/

    Masturbation is usually dependent upon erotic imagery which might be in your thoughts or on the internet. With the internet part of the problem sorted out by the software, you will have to focus on controlling your thoughts. Addictions work through triggers which remind you of the addiction and compel you towards compulsive behavior. Triggers include words, places, phrases, or images that remind you of your addiction and arouse you to the point where you are compelled to carry out the act. Get a notebook and make a list of all the triggers that you can associate with your addiction and try your best to avoid these things. Limit the amount of time you spend watching TV and working on your computers. At the same time, attend religious events, recite Qur'an, develop a hobby, and exercise to control your desires. Exercise is really helpful because it burns you out and also increases your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is often the cause behind sex addictions.

    This is the best advice I could give you considering that you haven't elaborated on what type of addiction you have so if I am wrong, do correct me.

    May Allah (SWT) grant you ease through these trials. Ameen.

    Salam.

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