Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m in deep pain, cannot talk to anyone

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Hello I have posted before ("Homesexual love is torturing me to suicide") and I got good advice, but I am unable to cope.

Sorry I'm posting again i really don´t know who else to get advise I need someone to talk to.

In order to understand my question i posted before plz read it and I got good advise but I haven´t been able to help myself.

I am struggling a lot, i have no control of my body and my mind is telling me to suicide i know its bad and i have held very strong for now is 4 and a half years of pain and grief. I havent seen the boy for nearly 6months or have i spoken to him. Its been very harsh so harsh i cant breath anymore and my body is shaking constantly. I have severe major depression and now i am 18yrs old and i havent told my parents about my severe depression as i hide it away from them, but they have notices me shaking and heard me cry. They gave me advise and asked me why i am crying but i said to them because im very bored in life and i never told them im in love with a boy, so they gave me advise to calm down and leave it to Allah.

My family knows this boy as he tried to give me a bad name cause i hurt him before and my family said to me to stay away from him, but they dont know i love him. My family moved cities away from the boy and its been 6months i last saw or spoke to him. During the 6months i went through so much pain and has now lead me to craziness. I still pray 4-5 times a day and have been asking allah to please remove this pain but i havent gotten any result so then i asked allah to make me be with this boy in any halal way.

I prayed this for 6months and was waiting patiently for allah answer and i just found out yesterday he had gotten over me and has moved on. i found this out by a friend and she told me that her friend who is the boy i have feeings for friend told them that he likes this girl and wants to be with her who is from the same country as me. My friend lives in the same city as him, when i found out this i told my friend who told me about this on the phone i had to go (no one was at home at the time) and it was in the middle of the night at 9:00pm and ran out my house and screamed in a park that i collapsed in the park no one was at the park, i was conscious.

I asked allah why has he done this to me? why has he made me in love with him in the first place? I went back home with tears and went to pray to allah and begged him to save me or ill die. My dua didnt get answered when i asked allah to calm me so i cried for hours until my parents came back home and i pretended i was asleep.

I never want my parents to find out about this issue and if they do they might kill me as they hate people who are fiflthy like me inlove with a boy. Im the only one who follows my religon whereas my father was a muslim when he married my mother who is a muslim as well. But my father became athiest and has changed my mother belief and my brothers in doubt with islam and my sisters who are younger dont know much. I educated myself to my religion.

This boy told me when i saw him last that he wanted my life destroyed and wanted me to suffer for him forever. Im soooooo depressed, angry and feelings of suicidal. I want revenge on this boy i want him to suffer the same way i did, i want him to go through the 4 and half yrs of pain as i did. If i dont see him suffer i will lose my mind and i have asked allah for his suffering. i have no one to talk to and im alone with this problem and i hate love, i have complete hatred towards love and fear it.

i really dont enjoy anything anymore and this boy took away 4 and half years of my life by showing affection towards me and destoryed my chance of getting into medince because i couldnt concentrate on my studies. he has destroyed my life and took everything away from me. i constantly dream about him everyday i dont know wat it means but everyday i dream about him and still have the feeling that he still loves me.

I need advise on what i should do and who should i talk to?

does these dreams mean anything?

i just dont under stand why allah made me fall in love with him again at when i was in grade 10 and why he is giving this boy happiness and giving me pain as i pray to him constantly. everyone is happy except for me i feel so alone in the world i have forgotten how happiness even feels. is there any duas please i really need, plz i cant eeven sleep anymore, He took everything and he is happy in his life whereas i am suffering for me. I fear for my future and fear about wats going to happen to me and im doing watever i can in my strength to survive.

I really want to be happy again and live happy and follow my religion. I dont want anymore pain, i just want to be normal, i dont want love a boy and i know this may not be love it may be an obssession. i waned to marry him in any halal way but i know i cant. forgive me if my question doesnt make sense.

Unknown


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33 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, Unknown,

    Thank you very much for sharing with us and talking to us

    I will begin from cero with you, you are suffering anxiety attacks and as you said depression, I want you to know and I have to tell you that this condition has medical treatment that can help you to balance the quemicals of your body to be able to at least improve your quality of life, insha´Allah. Please, if you have a crisis tell your parents to take you to the doctor, stop this before goes further and while we will work through other ways of getting out of this turmoil, insha´Allah. If they ask you why, just tell them that you have suffered from the last changes in your life and you feel dissapointed and very sad for the direction is taking your life, you don´t need to go into deeper details to keep your intimacy and this way you will feel free to ask them for help, insha´Allah.

    Now, I have said this, let´s go to the main point here, you want revenge, and this means every arrow you throw against your friend comes back directly to your own being, then you are paying your need of revenge with all the suffering you want him to suffer, do you really want this in your life?

    You will have to forgive my harshness but you need to wake up, all the darkness you are throwing to this man is all the darkness you are living in, this is not love it is the desire of possesing him.

    Real Love would forgive him and would let him go to move on with his life, insha´Allah.

    Related to your prayers, how would you feel if anyone ask Allah(swt) to change your destiny to please their desires? Is that fare? How do you know he is the best for you? You don´t know it, Why are you infatuated with him for so long? Because you need it to learn a huge lesson of how to give yourself to Allah(swt) with no conditions, completely submited to His Will, you are fighting with him to make your will prevail on top of Allah(swt)´s will, that is why you have those anxiety attacks you feel you don´t control anymore your world, and that is why you have thoughts of suicide, this way you tell Allah(swt) I control the right to be alive, submit to Allah(swt) , He(swt) is Al-Bari´, He(swt) is As-Salam.

    Alhamdulillah, you are a kind, soft hearted man, but you need guidance to get rid of the darkness that has taken you to this difficult time, insha´Allah.

    I would do what it is in my hand to help you to, at least, get rid of the darkness and find Peace in your Heart, to be able to handle your situation, insha´Allah.

    About prayers, to pray three times before going to bed, surah 112,113 and 114, Surah Al- Fatihah and Ayat al-kursi, you need Peace during your dreams, during the day record Al- Baqara and listen to it, listening reciting the Quran brings Peace to the Heart too. Do your salat just asking Allah (swt) to comfort you, to help you to get out of this painful turnmoil, insha´Allah.

    At the top of the page you have a link with duas, the seventh is specially comforting, it will help you, insha´Allah. Please try to do this and I will be back to you tomorrow to see how you are doing and to be for you a bit more, insha´Allah.

    If you read this tonight, please don´t wait, do it tonight, you will feel it insha´Allah.

    I have listened to everything you have said, and you can talk as much as you need to, but for now, I want you to focus on you, you have been living your life looking into other person´s eyes, now it is time for you to get detached from him, and have a proper image of yourself focusing in Allah(swt), insha´Allah

    You are important to me, I see your kind and soft Heart and you deserve to be loved, insha´Allah, then let´s work in all what is going on with you right now, and when this situation has improved we will study how to move forward with the rest of the issues, insha´Allah.

    Let your parents love you and go to them if you feel you cannot handle the physical pain, please, nothing wrong with recognizing we need help.

    I will pray for you, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. As salamu alaykum, Unknown,

    I hope you are better today, insha´Allah.

    After reading your first post, many things are clearer now Alhamdulillah, forgive me for not doing it yesterday, but I felt you were in such an emergency that I just answered the most urgent needs, still valid what I said with some details, you love him, but not as a lover, your love will find the right place, but you need to work on it, seriously, do you want to do it? I will compromise myself to help you as much as I can, I don´t want an answer, your compromise will be between you and Allah(swt), Alhamdulillah. Once this is brought forward, it will be easier for you to stop this kind of situation and to stop any kind of connection with him, but I tell you again, if you feel you need medical assistance don´t doubt it, tell your parents, they will help you, insha´Allah

    Please, Bismillah, I urge you to forgive him and yourself for all the struggles you have been gone through during the last five years, insha´Allah, ask Allah(swt) for guidance and help to be able to do it, I know this will be the toughest part of this healing, but Alhamdulillah, you will feel liberated of this emotional slavery after the seed of forgiveness is planted and sprouts in your Heart, insha´Allah. Please listen to this, it is very important, insha´Allah. Here there is no guilty ones, try to stop blaming him, ask Allah(swt) to help you to have compassion towards him and to lose the need of wishing him bad, both of you suffer in your own way, but it seems to me you are very empathetic and sensitive, that is why you cannot get rid of all of this, I will try my best, insha´Allah, but always remember I am a human being and I can be wrong, practice, experience and see results, if you wanted to study medicine, you have scientific roots, then this is proper language for you, Alhamdulillah.

    This is going to be like a daily routine, you will feel the change, insha´Allah, but for that you will need to stop having any kind of contact with him, directly or indirectly, this means if you comun friends, don´t ask your friends about him, and if they are going to tell you, tell them straightly, please I do wish the best for him but I don´t want to know anything about him, when this comes to his ears, he will go crazy, then to be ready and protected from his outburst of rage, you have to continue with this attitude, try not to show emotions about it, practice in front of the mirrow if you want, but I want you to say, "Bismillah, I wish you to move on with your life and the best for you, insha´Allah". Stop everyone, he has close comun friends with you, stop them to try to make a hole in you talking to you about him, please, this is very important. While doing this, please always Allah(swt) in your Heart, He(swt) will heal your wounds, insha´Allah, and He(swt) will give you the tools to move forward insha´Allah. This is a deeper process but for now it is enough.

    Now, learn from memory ayat al-Kursi, recite it everytime, you feel, you see or you think anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or when you feel remembering him unendessly, if you wake up disturbed during the night, don´t doubt it, read it with faith, insha´Allah.

    After each salat, read Ayat Al-Kursi, Bismillah, and do what I told you before going to bed, do it religiously, insha´Allah, if you forget, get up and do it, blow air in your hands as the Prophet(swt) did and brush your body with your hands after reciting the prayers. Before entering to bed, say bismillah, when you undress or have a bath, say Bismillah, before initiating any action, always Bismillah, and at the end Alhamdulillah.

    And if you want something to be done, always remember to say, insha´Allah, because this way you acknowledge your submision to Allah(swt). With this I encourage you to be conscious of your thoughts, then if you capture a negative thought you will be able to transform it into positive, I know that this has been worst the last two years, but you haven´t been like this before, through your words, I see how who you really are beyond this negativity, you have to polish your energy from all the negativity that surrounds you, and, little by little, you will see again the shine in your Heart, insha´Allah.

    Just a favour, is there any way you can apply for medicine again?

    I think it is enough for today, I have more for tomorrow, insha´Allah, but this has to be done everyday, and every prayer to be felt in your Heart, you can do it, insha´Allah.

    If you don´t understand anything, just let me know please, I would try to explain it differently, I will be back tomorrow insha´Allah, to share a bit more, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam sister
      Thank you sooo much i feel better. I started those surahs you have told me and prayed from 4 times a day to 5 times a day during this week asking allah for help. I cant ask my parent because they dont understand, I ask them i was feeling bad has you said and they said take this natural remedy medication to get rid of stress it helped a little but when i ask it hasnt done me that much good they said that ur 18 yrs old and 18yrs old dont need to stress. They said our problems are more but we cope so you should not put negative thoughts. It didnt help me though. My thoughts are not think of suicide anymore, i only thought that way is because my biggest fear was him falling inlove with someone else really hurt me. 2 days ago before this post i contacted him through facebook i said sorry to him wat i did to him last year and wanted to be just friends as brothers the way we were in grade 9 and he forgave me i felt really happy and i have forgiven him and dont want revenge. I sent him a message saying that how u been and he replied back to it. When i started talking to him i saw him as a friend again i dont have feelings for him anymore. Its been a day that i havent seen him in a lovers way only friend, but there apart of me that loves him as a friend. I usually get different emotion and usually i use to get over him for an hour but then i fall back inlove with him again but today i have been happy for the first in a day that i felt just the love of friendship. I read the surah to not dream bout him but i dreamnt about him again and constantly dream about him. I care about him alot. I fear that i may regain my feelings again. I still am healing over two days away because of the shock i went through. I have headaches but my heartache is getting better insallah. I still get moderately that he likes someone else. but today i felt so much better when i also pray hajah. and dua for happiness n remove depression. I feel something that in future we will be together but im confused because i dont see him as a lover. i will comment tomorrow and say how i will go. thank you sooo much i just have a few questions

      Why do i dream about him constantly does it mean something, i dream about him when im in wudu state and not in wudu state, i dont understand wat it means and i also get a feeling when i dua that this boy will me with me i dont know as a friend or lover but i feel more like he will be a lover
      and is it a sin that i contact him but feel for him as a friend?

      • My medicine course i have to study three years something else then i have to study 6 years medicine, it kinda makes me angry because of him but i have forgiven him.

      • Salaam dear brother.
        I apologise for not commenting before, but I am glad you are feeling better Alhumdulilah. Keep striving with your salat and qur'an and InshaAllah you get there. I am afraid some of the things I will say are going to hurt you - but its important you know the truth.

        Why do i dream about him constantly does it mean something,
        You most likely dream about him constantly because he is in your mind. You are thinking about him/miss him. Please don't read into it too much - many of our dreams are based on thoughts and feelings and don't necessarily mean something. They can, but not that often. It is quite normal to dream of someone you are thinking about or something related to what you saw/thought while awake.

        Is it a sin that i contact him but feel for him as a friend?

        I will give my opinion - so please take it with a pinch of salt. It is not right for you Islamically to contact him when you feel such a way.

        However the hard truth is that it is certainly not good for you to contact him dear brother. Think of it this way from all of the past events you have acquired a wound. That wound is trying to heal - as wounds do with time. Each time you contact him or ask about him you are opening the wound again. Please do not do that to yourself. You deserve better, so please allow that wound to heal. If you continue this way, you may be stuck in this situation for a long time - years down the road. Dont waste any more time in your life on this guy. The past is the past.

        So you need to do something which will be really difficult for you - but its your only way forward. You need to let this guy go. You need to accept you can't be friends with him, at least not for a long time, if ever. This is so important. This is the only way to remove your confusing feelings in the long term. You will miss him at first, maybe for a few months, but it will fade over time, and you will think about him less and less. As long as you stay away from him. So dont contact him, don't ask friends about him, dont make dua to be friends with him. In fact try to remove him from your duas if you can.

        Dear brother you have stuck your happiness to this old friend - he does not and he should not hold the key to your happiness. It seems you have convinced yourself of this. Happiness comes from Allah swt alone and never rely on any one else for it. So dear brother realise that you have so much, look after yourself. Focus on yourself. Not in relation to this guy - just yourself. Try your best not to think too much about him and divert your thoughts if you find yourself day dreaming about him/ wondering about him etc.

        Is there anything you enjoy doing thats halal or you used to? Take up a hobby if you can. With respect to stress - I can understand. I am not sure if you mean that your stress stems from your pain over this guy or if you are just one of those 'type A' persons. If you are trying to overcome a naturally stressful personality - I feel for you as I am taking that journey myself and its hard - but its possible.. Either way - stress is bad for you. Everything is already written. You have to change the way you think about scenarios actively to a positive way. It is about how you reactl. I know many who have been through worse scenarios than myself and been less stressed if you get what I mean. If you clarify and its the second, maybe I can post some stuff that helped me, but regardless focus on yourself from now on dear brother.

        I am sorry if anything I said hurt you or was harsh - I just think its important for you to see the truth in order for you to move forward. If there is anything else you want to share keep posting, we are here for you.
        I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah.

        May Allah help you through this difficult situation and give you true happiness!
        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wasalam, Brother,

        Thank you for sharing, Sister Sara has said straight ways to you, I am just going to add the following.

        Alhamdulillah, you are feeling better, it is fine, don´t worry about your parents behaviour, there are other ways to strengthen your being not to get into this crisis, insha´Allah, I am amazed that you have recovered so fast from the crisis, Alhamdulillah.

        Keep doing the prayers, his image will fade with time, everytime you contact him, you renew the bond, then the best you can do if you want to go above this situation is stop any kind of contact of any kind and through anyone, directly or indirectly, this is a strong step in your process of healing, I am telling you the best step to heal the wound,
        insha´Allah, if you keep feeding the hope of being with him in the future doesn´t matter which way, this will mantain the wound open. This has to be gained, day by day, we cannot move fastest if we want lasting results, insha´Allah. Then today Patience is a key word for you, Alhamdulillah. With the prayers you will focus to get closer to your own energy and to diferenciate your energy from others whispers, insha´Allah. ´ ´

        You don´t know what is the best for both of you, when you make dua, please do it respecting that Allah(swt) knows what is the best for you, him and everyone, Alhamdulillah.

        Try one week doing exactly what I told you and we´ll see if you have any changes, don´t worry about the dreams, pray as I said to you, if you wake up Bismillah, pray and go to sleep, very important specially before going to bed and when you wake up during the night.

        I will be back tomorrow, insha´Allah. It is fine that you have an opportunity to study medicine, why did you choose this career? All my Unconditional Respect,

        María

  3. Can you plz make it pirvate again i dont know how to i fear for my relatives finding out in this site

    • I doubt very much that your relatives would ever in a million years recognize you from your post here, since there is no personal information about you whatsoever.

      But I have made the post private, since that's what you want. You must realize that no readers will be able to read it and respond. Only the Editors can see it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salam sister sara and maria
    Thank you so much for your advise i havent felt this good in ages. My feelings for him are slowly going away each day. i say those surahs everyday and pray 5 times a day i dua for allah to cure my depression and bring me happiness, and now its been 3 days i been saying this dua i feel nothing for him. I cant believe i dont love him anymore i havent felt like this in ages. But i usually have emotion problems where i get my feelings back like in few hours. but its been two days i dont love him. I dont love him but i think about him alot i dont know why though and i care about him is that normal? i see him as a friend and would like to be friends with him again but i dont know if im allowed. Am i not allowed to be friends? i dont know why but the more i talk to him the more i lose my feelings cause he has changed his not the same person anymore. should i cut contact? but i feeling much better and my pain has gone. i thank allah for recovery but i dont trust my emotions that much cause my feelings change ill see how i go for a week and if i dont have feelings for him then i think im over hiim, i feel something is blocking my feelings for him. And sara if you about blood type A, then yes i am blood type A+. Thank you so much im calm now but still recovering. i jst needed someone to talk to thank you

    • W/salaam brother unknown.

      Alhumdulilah, I am glad you are feeling better brother and I hope it continues InshaAllah. Feelings do fade over time being away from the person, so you do need to cut contact with him and avoid talking with/ about him.

      The hard truth is you cannot be friends with him brother - especially not for a long time. I recommend you try your best to get the thought of being friends with him out of your head my dear brother in order to heal you need to fully let go. It never had a future and you cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for - it just doesnt work, results in too much pain and is not islamically appropriate.

      By the way I didnt mean blood type A I meant personality type A, as in stressful, overachiever personality lol - but it does not matter as it is no longer relevant to your post - not your new one anyway.

      With respect to you thinking about him/caring for him. Its normal do not worry too much about it dear brother, your feelings will be up and down at this time. Just keep praying to Allah swt and make dua for Him to help you through this and help you move on.

      Please do not waste any more of your precious time worrying about this guy. It is no longer about him, it is about you from now on dear brother so the best thing you can do for yourself is accept it and let him go. It is always difficult.

      I pray that Allah makes it easy for you
      Ameen

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • A friendship with him is NOT a good idea. It will only generate the same feelings again.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wasalam, Brother Unknown,

      Keep moving and don´t get too excited, you want to get a balance in your emotions and in your life, then if you see yourself out of balance in any direction just go to the center, no much sadness, no much joy, quiet feelings are the best for now, just keep moving, little by little, insha´Allah.

      Thank you very much for listening and for making the prayers, you are already seeing the effect but this is just a surface effect, will be deeper in time, it is like when you have an infection and you begin to take an antibiotic, just a couple of days after begining the treatment you feel better, but it is not until the end of the treatment that and depending on the life of the antibiotic in you, maybe a days later that you don´t realize that you are now completely recovered from your infection, I mean that you are healthy again, insha´Allah, then let´s go day by day insha´Allah.

      You must continue praying, as you are doing, Alhamdulillah. Please every step I told you before is necessary for regenerating your energetic tissues, insha´Allah. I insist again, specially at night time.

      I support what Sara and Wael have said to you, anytime the thought of talking to him comes to your mind pray this dua:

      "There is no power nor strength with (anyone) save Allah.

      LAA H'AWLA WA LAA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAAH"

      If you need to talk more, here we are, insha´Allah.

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. salam
    I have cut contact,
    my emotions has changed i feel stressing out n upset is there any dua to calm me cause i just realized cant be friends with him hurt me but i know i have to move on as he did. the memories hurt me alot. Now i just want him out of my life. no more dreaming or thinking about him. i knew my emotion will get me bak. Im not going to dua about him again just ant him to leave my mind alone.
    Thank you for your advise

    • Wasalam,

      Ups and downs are normal, but as I told you before, less high is the up, less down is the down, we are working for the middle way, for a balanced way, insha´Allah.

      Keep all this work between Allah(swt) and yourself, strengthen your bond of closeness to Allah(swt), look for refuge in Him(swt) to help you, insha´Allah.

      Three times in the morning and everytime you feel confused,

      "bismillahi ladi la yadoro ma'a smihi shay oun fil ardi wa la fi sama i wa houa sami' oul 'alim"

      in moments of huge stress the most calming dua for me is:

      Allaahumma innee (If you are male add: ‘abduka wa ibn abdika ibn amatika; if, however, you are female add: amatuka wa bintu abdika wa bintu amatika), naasiyatee bi yadika qadhin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadhaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fee kitaabika aw allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fee ilm al-ghaybi indaka an taj’ala al-Qur’ana al-rabee’a qalbee wa noora basaree wa jilaa’a huznee wa dhahaaba hammee

      (O Allah, I am your servant, son/daughter of your servant, my forelock is under your firm grips, Your decree in my case is sure to be realized, and Your judgment is just. I ask of You by invoking every single name that you possess, with which You have called Yourself, or You have revealed in Your scripture or You have instructed any of Your creation or You have kept hidden with Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen realities to make the Qur’an the spring of my hearts, light of my eyes, and dispeller of my grief and remover of my anxieties).

      From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salaam.
      It will take some time dear brother, as sister Maria said up and down. It will be hard but as long as you maintain no contact you will begin to heal InshaAllah. Keep striving. Here are some duas for anxiety and distress:

      Du’as for anxiety/difficulty

      اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ ، وَ الْعَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ ، وَ الْبُخْلِ وَ الْجُبْنِ ، وَ ضَلَعِ الدِّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

      Allahumma inni a’udhubika minal hammi wal hazan, wal ‘ajzi wal kasal, wal bukhli wal jubn, wa dhala’id-dayni wa ghalabatir rijaal
      O Allah! I seek refuge in You from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and from being overpowered by men (other people)
      [Sahih al-Bukhari 7:158]

      اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي اُنْزِلُ بِكَ حَاجَتِىْ وَ اِنْ قَصُرَ رَابِىْ وَ ضُعْفَ عَمَلِى افْتَقَرْت ;ُ اِلى رَحمَتِكَ

      Allahumma inni unzila bika haajati wa-in qasuura rubbi wa du’fa ‘amali iftaqartu illa Rahmatika
      O Allah! I ask You to answer my needs, though my intellect is weak, and my actions are defective, O Allah! I am in need of Your Mercy

      حَسْبِيَ اللهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

      HasbiyAllahu wa ni’mal wakeel
      Allah is my availer and protector and the best of aids.

      رَبِّ اِنِّىْ مَغْلُوْبٌ فَانْتَصِرْ

      Rabbi inni maghlubun fan-tass-ssir
      O Allah! I am overpowered, so help me.
      [surah al-Qamar, 54:10]
      This was the du’a of sayyidna Nuh (alayhis salam) after 950 years of preaching to a stubborn people.

      Also repeat "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah
      (There is no Might or Power except with Allah)

      In times of intense sadness/worry Hasbun Allahi wa ni'mal wakeel helps especially but try them all InshaAllah.

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      x

  6. salam sisters
    I am progressing alot and i do feel better and calmer than before and my feelings are fading away thanks to allah. I said duas and has helped me alot and i have gotten really religious and love following my religion. I just have few problems. I really dont want to delete him out of my life, i've been through so much with him. Remembering the past on what i went through brings me anger and don't understand why i went through it the first place. i'd wish always that i wish i didnt meet him in the first place. Even i dont have feelings for him i still miss him alot and just really dont want to delete him out of my life. makes me upset and my life without him as gone really boring and i know the feeling of not loving is better than the pain i went through last week, but its just not the same. When i was at school i use to see him everyday and he always made me happy just seeing him and made me happier just talking to him and that was my only hobby . Now i dont have anything and remembering him makes me upset. i know this may mean i still may have little bit feelings. Before i met him i enjoyed going out to cinemas, being around with family friends watching movies and fixing myself up n etc. But i have no interest at all anymore and i dont like anything and those thing i do is very boring to me now. I have no hobby at all i dont know what i like anymore, i love praying and reading the quran and just waiting till the end comes and maybe i might go paradise. I havent had a really good life as i have been through alot in my past before i meet him. Thank you for you advise i just posted this cause i just need someone to talk to, just tell me advise, i also still dream about him, i dont think about him as much either. I really dont like when i dream about him because im calm when im a awake but in my dream i still have feeling for him and it hurts me in my dreams. Just confused

    • Walaykum as salam, unknown,

      He must be out of your life, you must find other activities and people that will fill the space you gave to him in the past, insha´Allah.

      Keep straight with your prayers at night, it will fade just need time, insha´Allah.

      You are young and full of energy, sports, hobbys, new friends, you are in a new place, write in a newspaper, whatever but keep busy.

      Put yourself nice and handsome for Allah(swt), insha´Allah.

      Alhamdulillah, you are a straight man.

      Nice to know about you, Alhamdulillah.

      From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalaamu alaikum.

      Do not worry brother. Your feelings of numbness in his absence is nothing to worry about. You are so used to having him as part of your life it is going to be difficult to allow him to leave and to remove him, especially as you have based so much of yourself and your happiness on him. Remember this boy cannot buy your happiness, you are two seperate people. It will take time to forget him and you will miss him but this is what you need to do if you want to move forward. Sometimes you have to take a difficult route in life to succeed and sometimes the best thing is not easy. You need to accept that he is gone and accept that it will be tough but it won't last forever.

      The best example I can think of is the smoker addict quitting cigarettes or drugs. It is a tough decision, they suffer withdrawal symptoms for some time, but they come out clean in the end as long as they persevere. So persevere with it, keep this boy out of your life, accept hes gone. Continue improving your relationship with Allah and as you heal InshaAllah, then you will find yourself and your hobbies.

      I pray Allah swt helps you
      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. Dear Brother,

    May Allah give you peace and clarity and may this difficulty bring you closer to Allah(swt). Make your foundation Islam, then keep striving by taking positive and regular steps, no matter how small. Its like a building a house, keep laying even just one brick a day and eventually it'll become something beautiful.

    You don't have to wait for the 'end' to come Bro, instead you can train yourself to live life happily - afterall its a gift from Allah. You may find this article inspiring and helpful:

    http://islamicsunrays.com/riding-the-waves-of-life-1/

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Salam sisters
    I have gone better than before and i dont feel jealous anymore if his with someone else i still love him n i feel ashmed of saying it. i sick of dreaming about him.
    This is off the topic but 2 days ago i was finishing my assignment at around 4:00am i live in the southern hemisphere and praying time here for mornig starts at 5:00am. I have a neighbour who adopted a cat which is grey and white. The cat was found around last yr at December and was lost during that time and was founf out of no where. My neighbours arent muslim and no one in my area is muslim. They adopted that cat a fed it everyday. We didnt adopt it cause my mum hates pets and doesnt allow animals in the house. The cat usually use to come to our house behind of backyard and frong yard usually in the day and night and the cat is scared of us. Around 5:00am the cat always cries, i can hear it cause the neighbours are next door to my bedroom and the cat cries out in there backyard always around 5:00am to 5:30am. When i was finishing my assignment it become 5:00am, then i started to pray and rest my head on my bed. I heared the name Allah while resting my head. First i thought it was my baby sister sleeping in the other room and sleeping talking. But i heard it again and then afters the cat started to cry. I found out that the cat said it. I got really scared and nervous, you might think im crazy or mental, but i really heard it say it. I told my parents that the cat said gods name. My dad said ur going crazy, and u have depression, we might have to take u to a mental house. My mother doubted me and said if this cat said it and i heard it ill pray straight away 5 times a day.
    What does this mean? you might think im crazy but i wouldnt makeit up and i thought to myself that this cat might not be a cat. i dont know i very curious, plz dont think im mental.

    • Wasalam brother,

      Nice to know about you. Keep with your prayers at night, there is nothing wrong or shameful about loving a friend, take it as this, normal healthy feelings, that´s all, unconditional love. Keep praying please.

      Don´t worry about the cat, some animals when they make noises seems to say words, you are completely healthy, your brain try to identify the sounds made by the animal, the conditions were favourable for you to hear those words. You are praying your five salat, aren´t you? Keep focus, this cat is an interesting distraction, but take it as this, just an interesting distraction.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. salam sister
    Yes i pray 5 times a day and read the quran and do durood sharif. I dont like to be a sook or anything. i usually keep my problems to myself. But talking to someone really helped me alot. I really miss him as a friend sometimes i want to contact him but i control myself. I dont know how long this will take but im waiting really patiently for myself to be happy again. Im not happy or neither that upset the way i use to be. Sorry to bother you, i have no one else to talk to. Im the only religious oone in the family and if i tell anyone about this they will freak out and never talk to me.
    I keep on dreaming about him, is this something a sign or is it just me thinking about him alot?

  10. Wasalam Brother,

    Nice to know about you, you don´t bother, in no way I think of you as a sook or anything, I don´t like to listen to this words from you, you are growing roots for the man you are called to be, that deserves all my respect.

    Keep in contact anytime you need us, we will be here for you insha´Allah, this way you won´t have the need to contact him, insha´Allah. You are getting in the middle way, not too much pain, not too much joy, don´t worry it will pass but I wanted you to experience it, this way, you know now you can get it, your cells have memory now from this state, then next time you need to come back to it, you won´t fall so down, you will know for sure, Allah(swt) is for you, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

    Don´t be so scared of your family´s opinion, with time you will learn that they love you unconditionally.

    Related to the dreams, it is normal, forgive me for repeating myself again, keep doing the night prayers, it will take a time, but you will see a difference soon, insha´Allah.

    Just one thing, I am curious, why durood sharif, what about Dirk, Du´a or Dhikar.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Salam sister
    hello sister i just need someone to talk to. I dua and also say dhirkar, but im geting really sick. Im not over him and feel like i cant get over him. Im frustrated and angry. makes me upset on how he got over me so fast and i cant do the same. He didnt even pray or anything and he is happy in life whereas im suffering so badly. His family was religious, but mine isnt. Is that why he got over me so fast? I really want him to go through wat im going through, he has mentally tortured me. I have gone really sick during the past 4 and half yrs. I shake constantly, and hallucinate that i see things. I hear things when im trying to go to sleep. I've been not been able to pray 5times everyday and usually it went to 4, but i have tried to pray 5 times again. I dont understand, why i fell inlove in the first place, why allah made me fall in love with him, and why did it have to be him. I have never commited zina sch as having gf or kissing etc, whereas he as. He is happy and im struggle and getting sick over him. My heart really hurts and i feel really depressed everyday, i dont know what else i can do. SisterZ gave me a link to wael article it did inspire me alot and i saw how other ppl are suffering so much more than i am and i felt bad complaining. But i am unable to get over him, i would really like revenge but i feel its haram.
    Thank you sister for everything and thank you for your adivses you have given me

    • And these dreams that come is driving me crazy when i wake up from the dream i feel severe pain in my heart, is there any way to stop dreaming about this person.

      • Recite Ayat al-Kursi before you sleep, and imagine yourself in a safe and warm place. Keep Allah in your mind as you fall asleep.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wasalam, brother,

      Talk to me as much as you want, don´t worry, you were doing very well, now that you have been resisting him, he is getting worried he cannot manipulate you anymore, good that you told me about your prayers, Alhamdulillah.

      Be in Allah(swt) brother,

      "Verily! Only in the Zikr of Allah will your heart find peace."
      Quran (Surah 13: Verse 29)

      Go deep in this Surah, you´ll get it.

      Are you doing your night prayers as I told you? Which kind of dikhr do you do?

      Keep going, keep reading inspirational posts from Wael, read the Quran, little by little, maybe one line a day and keep it in your Heart think about it, make it your blood, all this negative energy you are feeling will transmute into Light, insha´Allah.

      Talk anytime you need it.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. Listen sister you can talk to many people. My name is sohaib akhtar and i live in Denmark. For some time now i have been talking and trying to help people like yourself and people with other problems. Just so you know, i am here and if you ever feel upset or feel like doing something bad just talk to me. My email is *** we can talk over emails. Theres a reason why people like us are here. We want to help you.

    • Sohaib, please do not post your private contact info, as we do not allow it. Besides, it's inappropriate for you to ask this sister to email you privately.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  13. And if it makes you feel just a little better i am going through the same test as you are but im trying to keep it together. Just dont stop praying. Maybe theres a reason why this is happening now and not later.

  14. Salam...you know I was reading your problem to a point were it was pointless..The problems in life world sickness money depression etc.......is only due to proper faith and belief in Allah...so I will tell you some important notes and also advice on pain... We must know who Allah is and his prophet Muhammad S.a.w. .halal and haram must be observed..mixing with opposite sex food music bad programs bad company job and dealing with interest...The scholors say less then 5 % of muslims in the world are praying 5 times a day..and out of the 5% less then 1% PRAY with devotion and concentration.we must learn the prerequisite of SALAH. .making perfect wudu each time and praying on time...the next thing is reading Quran morning and evening minimum. The quran protects you in everyway and brings to many benefits to list to the reader.Quran is also a healing.most of all the Devil stays far away from the person in rememberance of Allah .So do zikr .Pious man said an idle man's brain is a devils workshop. You must go to the Sunni mosque and hang around practicing muslims.Where you can learn and be involved with the community.This world only runs with the belivers actions.We know this when the prophet ascended on miraj.When a muslim commits a sin it hurts himself the environment and animals .This why the world has so many problems!!!!And you wander why are DUAS are not accepted. The sahabas had the world at there feet because they knew that there purpose in life was to call people to Islam and that's why there Graves are all over .Why did they leave mecca were the reward to pray is huge ...but to strive with your wealth health and take time to invite people to Allah be it your family neighbor friends non muslims etc...the reward is greater..as mentioned in the quran.Finally it's a fact that your devil is been mentally disturbing you..It is possible that you have black majic or evil eye done on you...You need a Sunni scholor to direct you to a learned person in this field of Islamic exorcism to examine you..Don't worry most people in the world live with it and they don't know or they are ignorant. ..Be careful who you contact..it must be sunni muslim scholor!!!!!There is also a way to put yourself to test.....
    Listen to MANZIL morning and evening.go to app store download it and listen to it...MANZIL is selected DUAS of the prophet for any jinn involvement. .play this for atleast a month...because ..these shaitans are sneaky evil and they will wait for any opportunities to come back..In this way the person who sent it or whatever happened won't come back because of the consistancy ...Also eat right and keep fit...be educated so you can be financially independent. ..the world is place to check out and learn and hajj is also recommended at early age...So don't waste your time in non sense...marriage is another big test too...Homosexuality suicide are the Devils proposal...you lose .he don't. ..so fix it and take my advice...Remember we are all tested in different ways ..and know that it is from Allah .Do not curse yourself and say why Allah is not answering my dua..Alas knows best what you do t know....understand this and take my advice...I am not a scholor. Although my wife is .She studied at 7 years at a women's Islamic institute in U.K and has child phycologist. Myself I did some islamic studies..Involved with dawah and tabligh..Goodluck

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