Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Painful relationships

Thoughts and thinking

Salaam Alaykum brothers and sisters!

I have deep concern about marriages these days have you noticed that there has been more divorces and less happiness in every relationship they are not struggling to make it through either women divorce their partner or men... they don't struggle to keep it go .. obviously they do have their personal reasons or mental or physical abuse that they leave it because of that or sometimes some of them strive to continue also.. but I don't understand what's the use of acting like this or abusing someone like this seriously brother and sisters why do you guys treat each other like this like for god sake just remember we will die one day none of us gonna stay with each other permanently why cant we keep each other happy why cant we put efforts specially brothers why cant you treat women nicely. like here we are fighting with each other in our relationships in Syria, Yemen , Palestine and other countries males are losing their wives children and wives are losing their husbands they're leaders of their house they're losing they're home like of all of a sudden they're left abandon

Since my childhood I have phobia of marriage yes phobia I was scared to get married because of what I have heard and seen things around me what every relationship goes through and sometimes its worse I literally used to cry listening to all this in a room alone and get angry and I always wonder why does it happen why do people go through all this.. I feel if our relationships were good with our partners we can change the world and make it better place and help others with different professions... well my problem is that I m engaged/khutubah its funny how I have phobia but still engaged because i trust my parents decisions got engaged but whenever I think of my marriage I always have this feeling or waswasa I guess that I wont be happy I will suffer or I will get divorced like I m having problems with my partner hes not happy with me so am i we have mentality issues but i dont want to give up this relationship but in a serious concern..

I m very much scared like I cant think or concentrate on anything because of my fear of marriage I m very much scared to get married I feel either I will be divorced I wont be happy and like I m getting this instincts but because of this sometimes I don't feel like getting married like I m soo confused .. sometimes my instincts gets true and sometimes its does not but I don't want this to happen and I have done istiqara three / four times I don't feel anything after my istiqara prayer or getting any sense also. I have left my decisions on Allah to guide me through but still I cant stop thinking and because of this I m having chest pain and I m falling into other medicals illness which I don't want to. I have read here many problems too which makes me more scared.. my fear is almost killing my soul of living I wanna live for Allah only but it is making me more depressed that sometimes I cant control my pain and cry alone in a room or talk to myself ..

I have tried mentioning about it to my parents and family they're just little bothered about it and obiviously because they have a lot of things to deal with in their lives and I hate telling my problems all the time cuz I feel others get tired of listening and they may always feel I am sad with no happiness which I don't want to show. some are least bothered and I don't really have friends with whom I can share freely and who can guide me theyre not interested and doesn't talk to me that much. basically I don't socialize with my friends much and so do they. my fiancé is not understanding too. and I m just living my life casually trying to be least bothered about my pain and trying to please Allah ( I m not perfect but I m trying)

Dear brothers and sisters whoever read this please please remember me in your duas and our ummah we all need each others duas .

Jazak Allah Khair 🙂

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3 Responses »

  1. I completely understand where you're coming from because I feel the same. And I think it is affecting my marriage because I have low confidence in myself and my spouse.

    But as Muslims, it comes down to iman. How strong your iman is will determine your happiness and contentment. Look at the wife of Firaun, Asiya. Her husband was the worst that there could have been, but she was able to endure because of her iman and faith in Allah alone. Even in her last moments, after being tortured and taunted, she had iman and Allah gave her shade.

    Build up your iman, pray and make dua, increase your knowledge then you'll be able to endure whatever hardships that come your way. Even a difficult marriage.

  2. Yes I do understand that it comes from Iman, but the fact that it does not make me happy I don't feel happy getting married I feel scared and fear thinking of marriage makin me go insane and maybe because I m not happy with my partner at all we are jus havin different mentality in every aspect but, the fact that if I ever feel I m ever wrong in situation i try to solve it but its not even that anymore its just hard dealing with someone who have so different mentality . I just don't feel right I feel so low I cant really explain what kind of mentality issues I deal but I m full of this pain and but I need some help, I don't see anyone advicing me about my issue what can I do.

    please do remember me in your prayers.

    • Hi, it's understandable, because everybody's different, no problem .. I would just say that if you need to talk as a friend anywhere you want, just how you like. If it's a problem of identity issue you can talk on mail as a friend. I'm also a SAD patient sadly.

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