Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pakistani Boyfriend left me Pregnant

Pregnant Muslim woman (drawing)

She was left pregnant by her boyfriend

Hello brothers and sisters,

I had a 7 months relationship with a pakistani guy who is younger than me. We have always got along pretty well, and i had the feeling that he was the one. He was very loving and caring. But there was a problem.. he always stated that we couldn’t commit in any way cos his family would never accept this relation and he wanted to be loyal to his family. It was not a problem of religion but of cultural background. He is the eldest and has no father, so he feels very responsible about his mum and siblings.

Nevertheless, i always told him not to worry about that, and just let time pass and see whats in store for us. Even though his family lives in Pakistan, there is an uncle and a cousin living in our same city, and he was so scared of them seeing him with me that we barely went out or have much social life.

The thing is that I got pregnant by him. This came as a shock, as I wasn’t expecting it, but as I am old enough, I decided to keep it. Im 4 months pregnant now. In the beginning he told me many times to abort it, as it would only bring a lot of problems for us. I said, babies are blessings, but he kept being stubborn and repeated that the baby was a punishment from God for having relations out of the wedlock.

He said if his family would come to know it, they would feel a deep dishonour and it would affect everyone. As he explained to me, it looked like the end of the world... everyone would cry, part of the extended family would stop talking to his mum, there would be problems to marry his sister later on, and he wouldn’t even be able to go to Pakistan for some years, as he said no one would speak to him after the shame he brought to his family and they would want to kill him.

He repeated that over and over with tears in his eyes. I told him why don’t you trust God? He will lead us in the right way.... but he said, I know I will go to hell for this, my son and you will have to forgive me in the future, but I can’t stay, this only bring me problems. It's hard for me to believe, as I am from a different culture, and I've already informed my family, They are angry, but i know they'll be fine after seeing the baby.

Still, this guy has been by my side for 3 months of pregnancy. He didn’t tell anyone, but he called me daily, he visited me 2-3 times per week and he was still loving and caring. Even though we are in Ramadan, he was still coming to see me, he showed me he cared and he was still by my side. In return I help him to respect every day the holy month, not to feel any lust and I cook and make the home ready for him everytime he came. He told me, being in Ramadan was the first time he was near a girl, and that it meant a lot to me as I understood he had deep feelings for me.

Then, 5 days ago we went to doctor for a pregnancy check-up. While in the waiting room, we saw his workmate's wife. My guy just got too scared and wanted to leave the hospital, just in case she saw him and would spread the news.... I asked him to stay, and I got a bit angry for his behaviour. Once we left the hospital he was really mad at me, he said I only cared for myself, and he was doing everything for me, coming to hospital and caring for me even in Ramadan, but I didnt care for him, as if that lady would see him he would be in serious problem, and that i wasnt understanding...

From that moment 5 days ago, I havent heard from him. I called him yesterday many times and he didnt answer. I texted him and he didnt reply. I guess he is trying to delete me from his life. Its kind of childish cos I could go to his workplace, or even go to his uncle and cousin's job and inform them...

My question is... Is it real everything he told me about Pakistan? Can he really be so extremely scared of his (extended) family reaction? Or he doesnt want to be involved with the child and its making a big lie? I love him so much and I always considered him a gift from God as he came after a hard time in my life. and I want the baby to have a father, as I was abandoned by my own father and I suffer the consequences of not having a male at home.

Thank you for answers and support,

May God Bless you all

~ Munira


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60 Responses »

  1. As Salamu'alaikum,

    Sister, both of you have committed a huge sin. Allah Has Forbidden sex outside of the marriage fold. It corrupts the parties involved, families and the society as a whole.

    Your boyfriend is concerned about his reputation when the family and the society will know about his deed. It will be seriously damaged. But this is not a reason for him to abandon HIS child. He is the biological father of this child. He should have thought about his reputation, before he indulged in this sin with you. He should face the consequenses whatsoever.

    I suggest you to contact his family by any means and inform them about your child. Then get married to him.

    Most importantly, please do Tawbah to Allah day and night, in order to have your sins forgiven.

    To you and all the readers: Please do not cross the limits of relationships set by Allah - The Law Giver. Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is forbidden, because one of the consequences is what you have seen.

    May Allah Accept your Tawbah
    Aameen

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Thank you brother for your answer

      • Hello, looking for advice you seem to have the best I've read so far..I'm also in the same position...as soon as I told him I was pregnant he said get rid and I've never had a message reply phone call since..I think his family have a right to know regardless and want more than anything to marry him and bring our baby up as a Muslim but I've no idea how to tell his parents..i know they don't live to far away that's it..is there anyone I can go to that will help me find them and do right. Y this baby x

  2. Assalamu alaikum sister,

    First of all, I agree with what Muhammad Waseem has said. But u also asked whether it was that extreme in Pakistan. The answer is yes. I come from the South Asian peninsula(Sri Lanka) and our cultures are more or less the same. The parents and family reject the child who has indulged in this type of life and never allow him to come near again(most of the time), this is due to the conservative ideas of the Asians(excluding Russia and Eastern China and Japan). It will be hard, but depend on Allah, he will do what he wishes, put as much hardship on a soul as it can bear, so repent and ask Him. What ur boyfriend said about what will happen to him...inshallah it WILL happen to him. But have trust in Allah, repent to him. Inshallah this will work out fine. 🙂

    • Thank you for answering. I know that he will get his punishment, in this life and in thereafter.

      • Sister don't worry he will get punishment what he did but don't forget you did same sin as well and ready for same punishment as well in this world and day after make (TAUBA)

  3. Sister, First of all sex before marriage is haram. It is
    forbidding in Islam. You should do sincere tawba to Allah and ask for forgiveness. 

    The worse thing is that he wants to avoids his responsibly.Tell him to be a man and to stand and face what he has done. Age should not be the matter nor his family.  

    If he doesn't want anything to do with you and the baby, then make sure that his family knows that he made you pregnant and that the baby is part of their family If the parent(mother) is religious then she will courage him to be a responsible person as islamicly.

    And if you think that wont also happen then make sure that the government that the baby is his and make him pay you every month for maintenance of the baby, dosent matter you can afford. It's the father's duty to provide for the baby. Whatever you do, do not let him get away without paying for what he has done.

    May Allah guide you in right path and pray to Allah to make your pregnancy safe and healthy. 

    • Kudoos to your advice sister Nadia especially,
      If he doesn't want anything to do with you and the baby, then make sure that his family knows that he made you pregnant and that the baby is part of their family If the parent(mother) is religious then she will courage him to be a responsible person as islamicly.

      And if you think that wont also happen then make sure that the government that the baby is his and make him pay you every month for maintenance of the baby, dosent matter you can afford. It's the father's duty to provide for the baby. Whatever you do, do not let him get away without paying for what he has done.
      This sort of things are too common these days, I know many guys are more Westernised than non-Muslims but act like pious gentlemen in front of parents and society. They should be named and shamed and made to take responsibility of their deeds. Only way to stop this practise.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

      • Thank you Sister Nadia and Muhammad. Exactly as you said, he makes his friends and relatives believe he is being pious. Obviously he is not...

      • The answer lies in your story: He was very loving and caring. But there was a problem.. he always stated that we couldn’t commit

        Men, unlike women say exactly what they feel most of the time, unless pressured to do otherwise. When he stated he didn't want to commit, you should have been careful about your feelings.
        Remember no one can change the man, except his conscience. Not even his family. You can force him to behave in a certain way but he will eventually revolt because that's not what he wants, and he made it pretty clear to you in the beginning.
        This is unfortunate that you are bringing the child to the world. Contacting his family etc. will definitely make things worse. It is sad when people want to have babies they think least about the baby but more of themselves. I hope that your boyfriend will begin to love the child.

  4. Salam sister,

    why can't he accept you? What is you culture and
    Where r u from?
    Just wondering why can't he make u his wife while
    He love you...

    • I am not pakistani, and that is the main thing, as it seems... As he told me 2 days ago, I am a superb girl but he wants his life to be easy.....I understand, to follow traditions, arrange marriage and so on

  5. He is such a coward that before having sex with you he shouldn't have got involved with you. Secondly it makes my boiled boil when religion, family, reputation matters all of the sudden knowing that you are doing haraam in the first place why didn't he think about that before causing you more pain and giving you false promises after using you the wrong way. If he cant stand by you now, you are better of without him he is a COWARD. You deserve respect for yourself and your baby. Tell him marriage AND HONESTY if not then you are better off without him.

  6. salaam

    In islam the child belongs to the mother, if its out of wedlock
    In the pakistani its a big shock to have a child out of wedlock.
    The mother is responsible for the child.

    • Assalam 3aleykoum W.r W.b

      What???

      "In islam the child belongs to the mother, if its out of wedlock"....... Where is the proof that says in Islam the child belongs the mother??? Where is the father in this scenario?

      "In the pakistani its a big shock to have a child out of wedlock"...... Islam comes first not any other culture. Islam is a way of life and should not be placed second base next to "pakistani" culture.

      "The mother is responsible for the child"......... As far as I know, it takes two to tango and the sister should not be the only one left to bear the responsibility of the child.

      • In Islam it's father responsibility to look after and provide children needs and expenses.

      • Thank you sister. In my humble opionio, in many cases is the mother who takes full responsability, BUT only because the father doesnt. It is obvious that the child is both parents responsability, as you stated, it takes two to tango.

  7. Dear Munira,

    May Allah make it easy for you.i will be very honest with you and apologise if i may sound a bit harsh.i respect you and really feel for you my sister.

    i dont think your boyfriend will ever own you or your baby unless you decide to take a legal route. he doesnt love you and doesnt care about you. he cares about his desires and his place in family and society. he was being 'caring ' towards you so that he could fulfil his sexual desires. he used /abused your emotions and body .you wanted a loving man in your life who can be a loving father to your kids ........ something that you longed for all your life ( as your father not fulfulling his duties), he abused this vulnerability of yours and you allowed it thinking sex=love

    keep this very clear in your mind HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. people who love dont behave this way. you love him , do you imagine yourself behaving this way?

    now about you. you said you are old enough, but you faled to recognise that a man who doesnot even want to be seen with you in public and just want to come to you for sex ( and sister having sex is not caring!) will be someone you can trust and rely on? sister thats a big mistake on your part. i dont know if youare really that innocent and naive or just got blinded by love like many of us have been.

    you have 2 ways of dealing withit. cut off all ties with him( well he already is doing that) bear all the consequences of this realtionship your self alone and let him be free of any responsibility and sooner or later in one way or the other , in this world or the hereafter he will have to face this sin of his.
    the second way is to go through legal route and make him own his child and responsibilty . i think you owe this to your child, this child deserves to know who the father is and father should have input in his life.

    answer to your question is that he doesnt love you and he is selfish as he wants to save his reputation( but doesnot care about your reputation) in front of everyone , he doesnt really care about anyone other than himself.
    its true that in pakistani culture( this doesnot mean every one in pakistan) it is really looked down upon having a child out of wedlock and having sexual relation outside marriage.this doesnot mean that people dont do such things.

    religiously, in islam sexual relationships before marriage are forbidden ( for reasons you will now very well understand) however if a child is born out of wedlock has a right to know his father , and according to the laws of islam father should take the responsibility of this child.( as suggested by brother waseem)

    • Thank you Friend. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. You are right in every word.

      I love him, and I would stand for him whatever the situation. Problem is that i am more mature than him on that. For instance, he is very influenced by his friend's opinion, whereas I know what I want and try to focus on that. So I think, that his "reputation" is more important to him that the "love" he could ever feel for me.

      Thank you for all your advice, may Allah bless you

    • I agreeeeeeee !

      Plus if he keeps silent for one more month, (read my previous comment too) pleaaaaase contact his family. Why pakistani girls should marry such a idiot 🙁
      We reject such guys who mis-treat any lady on earth. We girls should support other girls.
      I m from pakistan and i loooove my land, but my religion comes first for sure. And my religious values too.
      You cant return this baby, u cant return time. I m 5 month preg and i knw it is noooot easy to b a single mother. I feel so isolated when my husband leaves for his 12 hour job. Even when he keep calling me n asking about me n baby but still living alone is not easy at all with a baby in ur womb.
      Seeek refuge from God. Dnt ask mercy from humans.
      Just tell his mom. If she denies (God forbid her and give her wisdom) do Inform her that her "cultural stigmas were making his son a killer of his own child"
      I will pray for u with all my heart

  8. @ Nadia: actually the sin of fornication is disallowed in all religions, not just in Islam - just that most religions are so far distorted from what they were initially, that their "followers". Nowadays, it is "abnormal" if you DON'T have sex in casual relationships. Sr. Munira's dilemma IS exactly the reason why sex outside of marriage is not allowed for the protection OF the woman, but women are so willing to let guys use them without as Beyonce sings, putting a ring on their finger, then why should such women cry when the man wants to walk away.

    Also note, Sr. Munira encouraged him with continuing sins when she says;"Nevertheless, i always told him not to worry about that, and just let time pass and see whats in store for us" and he caved in. This is the reason why the world is falling apart with broken families, young men/women not getting married, because they are busy sleeping without any boundaries, and kids are being born to single women - sorry if I sound harsh, but Sr. Muniar dug herself a hole and showed no respect for herself. If you don't show respect for yourself, how can you expect someone else to show you respect. A woman should be like a pearl in an oyster, to be protected, cherished and won and then claimed and maintained for her chastity.

    • Agree @ serendipity. So true.. Sister munira ur bf did say he couldent commit to you from the begining but you choose to carry on.

      • agree with @serendipity but it takes two to commit such acts and i do feel sorry for the lady who is going through this difficult time. I just cant believe how someone can do this, just use someone for their own desires let alone believing you have someone who loves you. Its easy to say she carried on its like knowing your marriage is a fail but you still at it thinking you have someone who does loves you or for the sake of the child you want to stay married even if you are happy or not. Eitherway @muslimgirl people are just using people without the consideration of other people's feelings for that i hate the world so much with evil spreading fast like a disease.

    • Masha Allah sister Serendipity very honest and straight forward advice, couldn't agree more. I am glad that there are sisters out there who are intelligent and can see the real picture of where our societies are heading toward and their behaviour/treatment toward women. We need more mature sisters like yourself:). I really loved this,

      If you don't show respect for yourself, how can you expect someone else to show you respect. A woman should be like a pearl in an oyster, to be protected, cherished and won and then claimed and maintained for her chastity.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

    • Thank you sister, I also agree with you blindly. I would have write something like that just this sister was lost now or I can say confused! that's why my comment didn't judge her maybe my comment was wrong but that time I thought was not good time to express. Now it's good to explain like this.

      Thank you once again.

    • Agreed sister 🙂

    • I completely disagree what you said with her situation. She said she was abandoned by her father, and people who was in this experience easily trapped by a man who come with a pretend love. what u said it's just harsh and not helping anything just kicing her head more down. I dont think so you are smart for saying like this to her. I think you can say this bcuz u r maybe lucky come from strang family who support u not to fall easy with guy's word..woman in this situation doesn't aware that she is not respect herself it takes sometime.
      for sister from now on I advice u to leave the guy cut all tie with him..not to inform his f amily cuz that even make situation worse..now baby is your baby so many baby in this world living without parent. But Alhumdulillah he/she is luck that having you as a mother..it will be difficult but you have to move on. Inform his family will just create more hatetress between everyone. They will never accept u or baby. This is pakistani way and they will not change it for u..

      If you don't show respect for yourself, how can you expect someone else to show you respect. A woman should be like a pearl in an oyster, to be protected, cherished and won and then claimed and maintained for her chastity

      And sentense above is very dangerous bcuz I heard exactly same word from pakistani family who chase away a girl and baby. This is just selfishly protect thier son from his zina.

    • Assalam 3aleykoum Sister Serendipity...

      Very strong statement but this is not the time for sister Munira to start beating herself up with guilt. She is pregnant and needs to take it easy. We don't want to send her into depression or any thing that might jeopardize her pregnancy. The sister is looking for emotional and mental support from her fellow Muslim brothers and sisters. Allah SWT is most forgiving and most merciful, so why is it that we cannot show empathy for our own. Yes she made a mistake and realizing it, and InshaAllah learn from it. Below is a narration/hadeeth of the Prophet Muhammad SAW of a similar situation that I quoted from an Islamic Counselor; Sister Dalia Salaheldin.

      "At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), a woman committed zina and became pregnant. She went to the Prophet and confessed to him. Because she confessed, the proof was there and the Prophet could not but apply God's law. If she had not confessed, the Prophet would have never punished her.

      Though the Prophet wanted to apply God's law, he tried his best to be merciful with the woman, especially because she had confessed in repenting and seeking Paradise. The Prophet told her to go away until after she had given birth. Maybe she would have never come back. It was a chance for her to rethink and save herself. But after delivering the child she came back, asking for her punishment. Again, the merciful Prophet tried to avoid it. He gave her another chance. He let her go to nurse her child. And again, when she had weaned the child, she came back for her punishment".

      Sub7anallah....Look how kind and empathetic Rasulullah was. We shouldn't judge a person but rather advice them with kindness. Leave the judgement to Allah SWT, most Gracious, most Merciful. We are not perfect and we all make mistake. We need to help each other by show of support, good/sound advice and be gentle with each other.

      I will post the whole counseling session by sister Dalia Salaheldin.

      Salaam

    • Right, I am responsible, too. I have been naive and stubborn. I had a big feeling of connexion with him, and I trusted he was the one. For that reason I asked him to relax, only to see what was in our destiny, instead of running away from me. And in our destiny it was a baby. Like it or not, Allah brought him to my life for some reason. Only HE knows my destiny, and HE choose for me to have a baby from this boy. I did wrong, I know. But now I amend my sins and I am loving this baby and bearing him and be a mother for him until my last breathe.

  9. Assalamu alaykmu,

    I ask that Allaah eases your hardship as this is certainly a very difficult time. Forgive me if I am incorrect but from your writing I get the feeling that you are not a Muslim, and you live in a Western culture. I too was born and raised in the West. One thing I know from experience is that much of what Western culture considers "not that big a deal", or "small", are great sins in Islam. If a Muslim does these things without shame, that says allot about his character or lack thereof.

    One of those things which all Muslims know is forbidden is fornication, and that which leads to it such as dating. When we violate this, the results are always bad. The comments above stressed the nature of this sin, and the need for Tawba (seeking Allahs forgiveness) so I will not repeat those things, however (God Willing) I want to add a couple of points to the discussion to encourage you in this difficult time.

    The first thing is that this brother is way off of his Deen (religion) and you should think twice about whether or not he is right for you. Meaning he is not practicing his religion, and if he does not marry you (as he has had ample time) then this testifies to his intentions, which are bad. Please do not take his behavior as an example of Islamic character. As you know there are strict rules regarding male/female relations, and he obviously knows them and has a lot to hide in that area. All things however happen for a reason, and therefore if you are not a Muslim, you should certainly consider becoming a Muslim, and accepting God, as One, and Muhammad (P), as his final Messenger. This in itself will help you to better understand what has happened, and how to improve your life after such a disastrous experience.

    Always remember that Allah gives life, and Allah gives death, and no child is created without His permission, thus it is for us to take a bad situation and make it into a good one. The best thing that could come out of this situation is that you become a Muslim, and raise your child as a Muslim. This is the only thing that will break the cycle of insanity and immorality which is tearing societies and families apart these days. Our Messenger Prophet Muhammad has stated that when a person takes their Declaration of Faith (shahadah) that all of their past sins are forgiven. If however you are already a Muslim then as the brothers and sisters have suggested above, make your Tawba (repentance to God) and focus on being a better Muslimah.

    As for the brother you need to separate a few ideas:

    1. Your feelings of intimacy for him are ruling your thoughts. You must step back put the situation into perspective and determine exactly what you want from him (ie. marrriage, child support etc). If you are still being intimate with him then this is haraam (forbidden), and its making things worse. The only option is for you two is to get married, or walk away (however he must still provide support for his child), however in light of his behavior he might not be the person for you (in terms of a relationship), as he has demonstrated: dishonesty, immorality, lack of commitment, lack of love, and cowardice.

    When you stated that he was "standing by your side", basically in Islamic terms you two are still behaving in an unacceptable way, which can only be remedied by either (a) getting married, or (b) staying apart. To continue to be alone with one another in an intimate setting is adding insult to injury, is un-Islamic and suggests that he has absolutely no intention of marrying you WHATSOEVER. In other words as we say in America: it ain't going nowhere (for example his behavior in the hospital).

    Essentially you are playing along with his game, and making the hurt worse for yourself. A person can never be happy in a relationship where their spouse (ie partner) is ashamed to be seen in public with them, to the point of running out of a building... think about it. And really ask yourself "am I not worth more than this"? Allaah tells us in the Qur'aan "reverence the wombs that bore you", thus we must have respect for all women, in his case he took advantage of the fact that you are from another culture and religious background, showing very little respect or regard for you as a person.

    This brothers behavior is typical of someone who is dishonest, immoral and selfish. Is this how you see the next ten years of your life? Maybe you made some mistakes, but certainly you don't have to continue making them. In other words don't give him is cake and let him eat it too, make him be responsible, by acting responsibly and in accordance with the religion he professes to believe in. Not matter what takes place between you and he, or his family problems, nothing removes his obligation to take care of the child.

    2. Practice patience. Usually it is the lack of patience which gets us into these situations, so we must practice patience when trying to salvage what is left. In your case there is a lot left, however if you allow yourself to become an emotional yo-yo, happy when he's around or when he calls, depressed when he's not...etc. you are only hurting yourself and your baby as the fetus is responsive to the mothers moods.

    Study the Qur'aan, connect with some Muslim sisters in your area that can aid you in improving yourself spiritually, these things will have a deeper impact than chasing after a guy who is ashamed to be seen with you. Unfortunately, with him that may never change, and to his loss, however your world must become clean, balanced and centered on behaving in a more responsible and moral manner, for the good of yourself and your child. Remember that God has something for you as well, its not all about him, think of your obligation to yourself to be happy, and at peace. This however can only truly be found by seeking nearness to Allaah.

    The Qur'aan teaches us that Allaah's Mercy is greater than his Wrath, and also that Allaah will guide us if we ask. Your situation is just one of many millions, what will make it different from the rest however is if you decide to take control of your life, by following the light which has been shown to you, will you change, or will you continue to be in a state of confusion running from what you know is right? The future of you and you child will hinge on this answer. May Allaah have Mercy on you and guide you to the right path. If there is anything I said that was incorrect know that that is from me, and if there is anything I said that was good, know that that is from Allaah.

    "By the soul and order and proportion given to it, Truly he succeeds who purifies, and he fails who corrupts it"
    Holy Qur'aan Surah Shams: 7-10
    Assalamum alaykum.

    • Thank you very much for your advice and comment. I was and I am kind of blind with him, that is true. I believed his depths are good and I still trust he will change. I do not know why, but I trust on that. May Allah bless you, brother

  10. Assalam Aleikum Sister Munira,

    I pray that you find solace, peace and tranquility in yourself. The only advice I can give you is that, turn to Allah SWT. He SWT will never abandon you. When you turn to Allah SWT, cry, beg and ask Allah SWT to forgive you and help you find peace. The sin is/was (Allahu-a3llam) there but I also think that Allah SWT gave you a gift... a life... a baby. MasshaAllah. I say it is a gift because this is a precious life that you are bringing to this world and it would not have happened if not for qadar-lillah.

    My opinion is that you should involve his family and have them marry you two. Dont think about 'what if' because that is the work of shaytan creating waswasa. But instead place your faith in Allah SWT and let HIM guide you to the straight path, InshaAllah. Whether you two get married or not then say "qadar-allahu wa masha'a fa3ala" because at the end it only happens if and when Alllah SWT wills it.

    Below is a post that I read from an Islamic Counselor advising a sister with almost similar situation (but in her case I am not aware if she got pregnant or not). InshaAllah I hope it helps.

    By Sister Dalia Salaheldin

    Now moving to your problem and your worries, to tell you the truth I was happy to sense the feeling of self-reproach between your lines. I personally don't want to be hard on you. It seems you are hard enough on yourself. In fact, you have the right to be. Yet maybe it is better to kill your sin and bury it instead of destroying yourself by exposing your sin and being lashed.

    You have to know, my dear, that mercy is the original essence of Islam. You need to learn from the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and from his biography that we are not ordered to expose our sins or to confess them except to the Divine.

    Here you might notice that the Qur'an points out that we have to find four witnesses to the crime of fornication before we apply the penalty. Of course this is hardly to be had, for who would decide to commit zina in front of four people? Is this by any means a mistake in the Qur'anic text? No, my dear, it is the mercy of the Divine. He does not want fornicators to always be punished. But He wants people to know that the crime is grave and that the punishment is even graver.

    At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), a woman committed zina and became pregnant. She went to the Prophet and confessed to him. Because she confessed, the proof was there and the Prophet could not but apply God's law. If she had not confessed, the Prophet would have never punished her.

    Though the Prophet wanted to apply God's law, he tried his best to be merciful with the woman, especially because she had confessed in repenting and seeking Paradise. The Prophet told her to go away until after she had given birth. Maybe she would have never come back. It was a chance for her to rethink and save herself. But after delivering the child she came back, asking for her punishment. Again, the merciful Prophet tried to avoid it. He gave her another chance. He let her go to nurse her child. And again, when she had weaned the child, she came back for her punishment.

    I am not narrating this story because I see that you should go for your lashes, but to show you how the Prophet was merciful and was trying to avoid punishing the repentant woman. Also, you need to notice that she confessed to the Prophet, not to her father, her brother, or her uncle.

    Today you have no Prophet to go to. You are living in a non-Islamic country and there is no government that applies the law. Another point that is most important is that it is not the Sunnah of the Prophet to expose our sins to others.

    In Islam, we do not have priests or bishops, but we have the One and Only Lord, Who is our Witness. He saw you when you sinned … and now He is there for you when you repent.

    You are asking whether God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the sin — whether major or minor — if one repents. My personal answer is I do not think so. I think in your relation with the Divine, you have to be watchful all the time.

    What makes a sin grave is the ability to defy Him in the first place, whether with minor or major sins. This would differ from one person to another and from one situation to the other. How ignorant or weak was the person when they transgressed? Did they sin because they were weak, because they were ignorant, or because they didn't care?

    In your question, you said that it all started with minor things and gradually things just got out of hand. But that is why a minor sin is also forbidden, not only a major one. Zina starts with holding hands and touching … a glimpse or a look could drag you to the actual act.

    If you really loved that person, you should never have made the deal with him, for it is not he who put love in your heart. I doubt that you still feel the same way about him. I would guess all you feel now is bitterness. The right thing to do — what you should have done — is to make a deal with Allah, the One and Only Sustainer of pure love.

    In Islam, my dear sister N., if you loved your man right, you wouldn't want to hold his hands only for five minutes or be with him only for a night or two. Rather, you would want to be with him for the rest of your life. You would want to bear his children. This can be achieved through the institution of marriage and establishment of a family. This means responsibility and accountability, and this is the best way of expressing love in Islam.

    Here, the Only One Who would have given him to you is the One and Only Giver … Allah. This would have been true love — dual love — love for your man and love for your First Beloved: Allah, because you are doing it His way.

    I hope you don't get me wrong. Do not live to repent what you thought was your love. Love is a great value. But you need to repent what you have done in the name of love and to distinguish between love and sin.

    Whether things got out of hand or not, black is black and white is white. No shades of gray here, my dear. You have the right here to mourn and grieve … and even weep for every moment of joyful sin. But don't trap yourself there.

    Repentance is your right. Pray at night and cry at the hands of your Lord, asking for His forgiveness. Fast a lot on Mondays and Thursdays. Make the Qur'an your best companion. Read a lot about the interpretation of meanings of the Qur'an. Attend Islamic lessons.

    Learn your religion. Become a better Muslim. Keep asking for His forgiveness all day long. When you grow a bit older, try to go for pilgrimage. Set your goal to become a knowledgeable Muslim, for this will make you a stronger one. Then you would not be trapped in such a sin again that easily. Promise God that He will never see you a fornicator again. Promise Him that in the years ahead He will see you a strong, knowledgeable, pure Muslim.

    Carry a sincere heart that seeks His forgiveness and when you do, be sure that you are forgiven. This is the final answer to your question whether God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the sin.

    My dear, God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the repentance, not the sin. All sins are transgressions, daring to cross the Divine. But because He is Merciful, He has promised to forgive everything and anything as long as we go back to Him — all except worshiping others than Him. And even this sin is forgiven when people revert to Islam, for they are considered newly born and they are accepted.

    Repentance is not a word, my dear N., that you will say with a teardrop and then forget the whole thing. Nor is it an instrument of self-torture with which you are to reproach yourself and keep yourself idle and useless to yourself, your society, and your religion.

    Sincere repentance is a serious and complete change in lifestyle. Devote yourself completely to your Life-Giver and you will attain His forgiveness. Not only that, but you might become one of His closest and favorite servants. However, this can never be achieved without knowledge. Seek knowledge and study your religion.

    A whisper in your ears: The information you provided us with tells us that you are under 19. You are young. Get away from men for a while until you are mature and know how to handle a relation. Always know that not all men are bad and not all of them will just use you. Some of them will. But others will love you, cherish you, and want to share life with you. You are not at the age to distinguish who is who, especially after such a terrible experience. Give the wound time to heal. Give yourself time to mature.

    Wishing you all the best. Please write us again if you need anything.

    Salam.

    Now moving to your problem and your worries, to tell you the truth I was happy to sense the feeling of self-reproach between your lines. I personally don't want to be hard on you. It seems you are hard enough on yourself. In fact, you have the right to be. Yet maybe it is better to kill your sin and bury it instead of destroying yourself by exposing your sin and being lashed.

    You have to know, my dear, that mercy is the original essence of Islam. You need to learn from the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and from his biography that we are not ordered to expose our sins or to confess them except to the Divine.

    Here you might notice that the Qur'an points out that we have to find four witnesses to the crime of fornication before we apply the penalty. Of course this is hardly to be had, for who would decide to commit zina in front of four people? Is this by any means a mistake in the Qur'anic text? No, my dear, it is the mercy of the Divine. He does not want fornicators to always be punished. But He wants people to know that the crime is grave and that the punishment is even graver.

    At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), a woman committed zina and became pregnant. She went to the Prophet and confessed to him. Because she confessed, the proof was there and the Prophet could not but apply God's law. If she had not confessed, the Prophet would have never punished her.

    Though the Prophet wanted to apply God's law, he tried his best to be merciful with the woman, especially because she had confessed in repenting and seeking Paradise. The Prophet told her to go away until after she had given birth. Maybe she would have never come back. It was a chance for her to rethink and save herself. But after delivering the child she came back, asking for her punishment. Again, the merciful Prophet tried to avoid it. He gave her another chance. He let her go to nurse her child. And again, when she had weaned the child, she came back for her punishment.

    I am not narrating this story because I see that you should go for your lashes, but to show you how the Prophet was merciful and was trying to avoid punishing the repentant woman. Also, you need to notice that she confessed to the Prophet, not to her father, her brother, or her uncle.

    Today you have no Prophet to go to. You are living in a non-Islamic country and there is no government that applies the law. Another point that is most important is that it is not the Sunnah of the Prophet to expose our sins to others.

    In Islam, we do not have priests or bishops, but we have the One and Only Lord, Who is our Witness. He saw you when you sinned … and now He is there for you when you repent.

    You are asking whether God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the sin — whether major or minor — if one repents. My personal answer is I do not think so. I think in your relation with the Divine, you have to be watchful all the time.

    What makes a sin grave is the ability to defy Him in the first place, whether with minor or major sins. This would differ from one person to another and from one situation to the other. How ignorant or weak was the person when they transgressed? Did they sin because they were weak, because they were ignorant, or because they didn't care?

    In your question, you said that it all started with minor things and gradually things just got out of hand. But that is why a minor sin is also forbidden, not only a major one. Zina starts with holding hands and touching … a glimpse or a look could drag you to the actual act.

    If you really loved that person, you should never have made the deal with him, for it is not he who put love in your heart. I doubt that you still feel the same way about him. I would guess all you feel now is bitterness. The right thing to do — what you should have done — is to make a deal with Allah, the One and Only Sustainer of pure love.

    In Islam, my dear sister N., if you loved your man right, you wouldn't want to hold his hands only for five minutes or be with him only for a night or two. Rather, you would want to be with him for the rest of your life. You would want to bear his children. This can be achieved through the institution of marriage and establishment of a family. This means responsibility and accountability, and this is the best way of expressing love in Islam.

    Here, the Only One Who would have given him to you is the One and Only Giver … Allah. This would have been true love — dual love — love for your man and love for your First Beloved: Allah, because you are doing it His way.

    I hope you don't get me wrong. Do not live to repent what you thought was your love. Love is a great value. But you need to repent what you have done in the name of love and to distinguish between love and sin.

    Whether things got out of hand or not, black is black and white is white. No shades of gray here, my dear. You have the right here to mourn and grieve … and even weep for every moment of joyful sin. But don't trap yourself there.

    Repentance is your right. Pray at night and cry at the hands of your Lord, asking for His forgiveness. Fast a lot on Mondays and Thursdays. Make the Qur'an your best companion. Read a lot about the interpretation of meanings of the Qur'an. Attend Islamic lessons.

    Learn your religion. Become a better Muslim. Keep asking for His forgiveness all day long. When you grow a bit older, try to go for pilgrimage. Set your goal to become a knowledgeable Muslim, for this will make you a stronger one. Then you would not be trapped in such a sin again that easily. Promise God that He will never see you a fornicator again. Promise Him that in the years ahead He will see you a strong, knowledgeable, pure Muslim.

    Carry a sincere heart that seeks His forgiveness and when you do, be sure that you are forgiven. This is the final answer to your question whether God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the sin.

    My dear, God's forgiveness depends on the intensity of the repentance, not the sin. All sins are transgressions, daring to cross the Divine. But because He is Merciful, He has promised to forgive everything and anything as long as we go back to Him — all except worshiping others than Him. And even this sin is forgiven when people revert to Islam, for they are considered newly born and they are accepted.

    Repentance is not a word, my dear N., that you will say with a teardrop and then forget the whole thing. Nor is it an instrument of self-torture with which you are to reproach yourself and keep yourself idle and useless to yourself, your society, and your religion.

    Sincere repentance is a serious and complete change in lifestyle. Devote yourself completely to your Life-Giver and you will attain His forgiveness. Not only that, but you might become one of His closest and favorite servants. However, this can never be achieved without knowledge. Seek knowledge and study your religion.

    A whisper in your ears: The information you provided us with tells us that you are under 19. You are young. Get away from men for a while until you are mature and know how to handle a relation. Always know that not all men are bad and not all of them will just use you. Some of them will. But others will love you, cherish you, and want to share life with you. You are not at the age to distinguish who is who, especially after such a terrible experience. Give the wound time to heal. Give yourself time to mature.

    Wishing you all the best. Please write us again if you need anything.

    Salam.

  11. Dear Sister,

    I have been on the same situation as yours 2 years ago. I believed I tried everything to keep my Pakistani bf but he didn't stand for me and for the baby. No support at all, not even a single cent. When his family learned about it, no one also even cared. It was very painful then.

    But I believed, if you focus on your baby and look into the future, you will get through it. You repent to God, apologize to your family and be strong. Now my baby is almost 2 years old. I'm proud to say that I was able to raised her without her dad. Although there were times that my past haunt me. The thought that her dad is not with us means he doesn't bother.

    Take it from me. We made stupid mistakes but we must learn from them. It is not the end, it is just the beginning of your new life, another chance from God. So make the best out of it.

    God bless you Sister.

  12. a child born out of wedlock belongs to the mother according the sharia.

  13. Assalam Aleikum to all brothers and sisters,

    Thank you all for your answers. I apreciate the time you all took to read and reply my post. I apreciate the supportive comments as well as the harsh ones. Life is full of ups and downs, and here I am proving it.
    To update you all, the last month was one of the downs... After a week not knowing anything about the father-to be, I went to his job with a friend. I am not muslim myself, but my friend is, so he listened to her with respect. She went to speak to him, to make him come to senses. It was quite futile as they spoke over 2 hours but he kept his heart hard as a stone. She explained to him how she married a non-muslim guy and he converted later and they've got a very succesful marriage. She adviced to him to go to Mosque and talk to the Imam for advice, to fear God and to trust him, She said to him not to leave me alone on this, to care for me, etc, and his answer was " I do not want to talk to her, cos If I do, I know I will feel guilty and I will fall for her". I came home very dishearted.
    After few days I called him to wish EID (he answered my call!) , we talked a little bit and well, little by little he is starting to be close to me again ( by being close I do not mean in intimacy, I mean on speaking freely and calling or visiting more often). That make me kind of happy because he was so set back that this is a kind of miracle. Only Allah knows. But Allah gave me some feeling to trust and to hope. HE told me not to despair, to be patiente and loving with him.
    In some way I can see how the father-to-be is suffering as well, how he is feeling all this, the stress and confussion he is bearing. I can see and feel how from one side he wants to run away, to forget me and baby and to have an easy life and from the other side he feels that's not the right thing to do and he feels full of guilt. I pray everyday that Allah gives him the courage to do the right thing as HE is blessing me with strenght and courage as well.
    As some brother stated above, he behaves as a pious person. All his surrounding (apart from his best friend),believes he has no connexion with me anymore and know nothing about me being pregnant. He still keeps me in the dark, but I trust one day he will be mature and strong enough to stand for me and/or the baby.
    He does not want to come to doctor with me anymore, but he keeps asking whether we are having a baby boy or baby girl (I still dont have answer to that). Then he repeats he will be with me during pregnancy but he will leave after baby is born as he doesnt even want to see the face (??).
    I guess his mind is as confussed as his words/behaviour. Moreover, he is not trusting God to make our destiny qadar-lillah.
    Anyways, my health is perfect, I am 4 1/2 months pregnant now and pregnancy is going smoothly and fine, alhamdulillah.
    Everything is on God hands.
    Thank you all. I'll keep you updated.

    • please keep on update Im waiting to hear from you now you must be 7 1/2 months pregnant

      • Assalam Aleikum to all brothers and sisters,

        Thank you for your kind support. I have 1 month and a half left for delivery. We are having a baby girl and her name will be Sarah, insallah.
        During these last 3 months, things have changed dramatically in some ways, but have been stuck in other. Plus, recent events in the last week have changed the curse of action.
        Let me explain. The father-to.be came little by little closer to me. As you might remember from my first post, in August he did not want to talk to me. However, from September to December, I won his heart. I want to marry him and II behaved like a wife to him.

        • Assalam Aleikum to all brothers and sisters,

          Thank you for your kind support. I have 1 month and a half left for delivery. We are having a baby girl and her name will be Sarah, insallah.
          During these last 3 months, things have changed dramatically in some ways, but have been stuck in other. Plus, recent events in the last week have changed the curse of action.
          Let me explain. The father-to.be came little by little closer to me. As you might remember from my first post, in August he did not want to talk to me. However, from September to December, I won his heart. I want to marry him, i want to do things right and I want a father for our daughter. I behaved like a wife to him during these months. He came to see me twice a week, and I cooked food for him, I washes his clothes when he needed and I cared for him in all possible ways. He always states that I am a perfect and lovely girl. We, together have decorated the baby's room, painted furniture, and he agreed to come to hospital with me in delivery day (remember at first he did not even want to see baby's face). He changed his mind in some ways, he said he would keep visiting me and baby and I even introduced him to my grandma. We went together to see her and I was very pleased. I could see many improvements and I thought he was finally giving in.
          But in the other hand, there was something troubling me. He still kept me in the dark. Still, no one from his friends or family/relatives knew about his daughter. That implies that every visit he paid was in secret, lying to his people. He even changed my name in his phone, so no one could relate me with him. He never went out on the street with me, so no one could see him with a pregnant girl.
          His family lives in Pakistan but I asked him many times to inform about it to his 2 relatives living here. He said that he cant find the way to tell them. His biggest fear is that the news will reach his mother in Pakistan (he is fatherless and elder of his family) and the shame they will feel. As he sees it, people in Pakistan will repudiate him, his people in the country we live in, will also repudiate him and he cant trust that I will stick with him for ever, so he will finally be left alone. I know it sounds stupid, because for his fears, he is the one leaving us alone. And having a daughter, he feels it even more, but there he goes. He also says he feels completly ashame, but he will bear it, but he cant place shame on his family for something he's done.
          As he says, he will help me in any possible way, but with limitations.
          So I tried to be patience, I tried to stick to him until delivery day, Many people told me, wait until he sees his baby daughter face in hospital. Then you can see his reaction and act according to that. If he keeps visiting you, holding the baby in his arms, feeding her, etc, life will roll like a snowball, and he will be a family with you.
          But last week, I asked him once again to tell his relatives living in our city. We cant have a normal life if we cant go out of home together. I asked him to start afresh with the new year, start with a clean heart and no more lies and hidings. He got angry, he said i bring up the topic every other week. I said, then I cant live like this. I cant live in the dark and I hate lies. So this has to stop. It's better we part away now. He agreed. He left some clothes at home. He said leave them as a memory of dad for my daughter. I was crying and he was crying. But he left.
          He called me 4 days later. Asked for my health in a very short conversation. He called me again after 3 days, but I didnt pick up. I didnt call back either. Now, 4 more days are gone and he hasnt called again.
          I dont know what is best solution. Informing his relatives is something I belive he must do himself (once the baby is born I might change my mind on that and do it myself). I just want the best for my daughter and I sincerily believe she must have a mother and a father. It's her right, we brought her to this world and we must give her all the care and attention. Im not happy with my lack of patience in this last episode and final stage of my pregnancy. And now, I dont know what else to do, but keep praying for my daughter and that his father will come to sense.

          Thank you all for reading me and I wait for your kind answers

          Munira

          • Munira, I would like to hear from you. What happened since December? How are things now between you and the father?

          • Munira sad to hear about your whole situation but I dont think this.man is going to a marry you ever cause if he wanted he could have made u do court marriage wd him..but u shud keep this in mind tht he cud.marry someone else too bcz his family is evernthng for him..have patience sister

  14. Please grow up and relise he ain't coming back
    His family mean more to him then u and ur child. This is what a lot of men do nowadays easily walk away !!

  15. Katkuta,

    I am fine. Baby is a blessing. She is very healthy and was born all perfect, thanks to God. She is nearly 3 months old now. Father and me are and were in touch. I took father with me to delivery, which lasted for more than 12 hours. He was first person to hold baby in his arms. They exchanged looks and it was kind of magical moment. One week later he left for Pakistan for holidays for 2 months. I did not take it well at all, as he left me with a new born baby all alone, so it was quite stressful time. My family was around helping, but no one could believe he left as if his holidays were so important, but although i thought the same, i dont want anyone speaking bad about him, so I defend him everytime, making the situation easy. I also registered the baby with my name as he did not want to give his. That it also hurt me a lot, but in a sense is better, as she is only mine. To make a story short, he came back 20 days ago from Pak. Since then, we had quite a lot of fights, cos I expected a change on him. I thought that after 2 months he would be missing us madly, but it wasnt so. He brought some presents for her and for me. But after all, I have been demanding and expecting things which did not come naturally from him. I tried every possible way, islamic and not, but with no result.
    I do not understand him. From pakistan we used to talk once or twice a week. Now that he is back, he comes to visit 2-3 times a week. He plays with baby, he holds her, bath her and change her nappy. If I have to go somewhere, i call him and he looks after her. But right now, that is it. he wants to keep all a secret, at least until he fulfills his family responsibilities. Every time we fight or i demand more help and time from him He states every time he does not want the baby. But then he comes to see her! Can anyone explain that to me, please?? I guess he is too much of a child, and already have a burden of his family as he is elder and fatherless and now the baby. He is also not independent here as he lives with some relatives so he has to lie every time to come and see us. I pray every day, to bring him to me, to be patience with him, but honestly, I do not see him marrying me. I do not want other father for my baby but her own, Im young, but I do not want to get involved with any other man. I want my baby to have her family, daddy and me. Please, pray for me. Thanks

  16. i hv read d entire thread n feel sorry for ur situation. Ur baby's father is a black spot on man for being such a coward
    anywyz wantd to know d updates

  17. Oh sweetheart, i really dnt knw what to say 🙁
    Well in reply to your question; every bit of what he has said about our culture is TRUE.

    But he is not only a pakistani. He is not only a son and brother now. He is also a muslim and a human. How can he think of killing his own child for the sake of his mom and family n culture? He is a dad now 🙂 he is not realizing it but trust me you did totally right by protecting the child. May Allah keep the innocent one safe and healthy. Ameen

    A sin is a sin; i agree; but i m not your lord who can keep telling you how bad u did. You didnt knew the pakistani culture, but ur guy knew it. He can keep sexual relation with you coz it wont effect him. He was selfish , trust me! Tht was not love, what is love without loyality?? We in pakistan believes in loyality more. And he was not even loyal to his values.

    If my husband had to do sex with a lady (for a genuine reason like halala) he would tell me before opting for it. This would b our mutual decision to do it or not to do it, depending on if i can bear it or not. This is loyality.

    You r misunderstanding him. I mercy that guy who is coward and rejecting fatherhood. What if God wont give him a baby again??

    You can give him a chance, just one chance with options; (this is what i would have done if i would b in ur place)
    1) have nikkah with you and then he is free to go anywhere, you will keep the baby and will not let him meet the baby again. If he agrees to it he is selfish but atleast the baby will know who his father is.
    2) have nikkah and inform family that he liked n loves u n u two did the nikkah and now going to have a baby. He can praise you n can ask his family to support him and come to visit you guys and then you can remarry infront of them. Ask him to do istakhara if he wants.

    If he doesnt agree to anything, just tell him these things;
    1) i can always keep my baby with me, coz i m a mother, i love my child like your mother loves you. I cant kill my child be it a sin product. For me he is just my baby and a blessing for me.
    2) if you ever wont get a child from your mom's choosen wife, dnt ever dare to chk on my baby to heal your fatherhood, u r dead for us.
    3) dont forget to tell your mom that you couldnt kill her grandchild, coz a mother didnt let u do it! Your mother may b proud of another mother but not of you.

    Mothers can forgive disobediance but a literate and good muslim mom can never appreciate abortion.

    May Allah bless you and ur child. Makes things easy for you, give you strength and protect you deen from now on.
    Dear sister, start obeying your parents and your religion. You will never find loneliness. ALLAH is the moooost merciful and He loves you n ur son 70 times more than you can ever love your child 🙂 dnt you trust such a loving God?? 🙂
    My prayers r with you

  18. Your giving advice from a Muslims belief and to say we are giving our bodies away to freely outside wedlock all depends on what religion you are and on the individual !! People don't choose to become single mothers and it's no sin yes the children are the ones that need explanations at some stage of there lives !! Just don't be too quick to judge others. There are Muslim men out there who go against Allah and sleep with western women because it's human nature regardless to what culture you are.

    We do respect ourselves!!!

    • Yes, of course we give advice from an Islamic perspective, since we are Muslims and this is an Islamic website. And yes, in Islam having sex outside of marriage is a serious sin. The fact that there are some Muslim men who commit sins is besides the point. They will face their own punishment from Allah. We still have to try to obey God's rules.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • You mention it's a serious issue for a Muslim man to have sex outside marriage and those whose chose to will be punished .... Then why do you say in one of your comments regarding a lady who is in a relationship with a Pakistani man isn't respecting herself... One rule for a man and another for a women. And there is a point !!!

        • hey sweetheart. m a muslim lady Alhamdullilah. and even i m against that statement you mentioned.
          we being a muslim can not ask any non muslim to obey our trends. the right point is that here the majority of us find the guy guilty. he disrespected a girl, he disrepected the law of God, he disrespected fatherhood and most of all he disrespected humanity (be it for any reason any pressure or any cultural value).

          • I respect every religion and culture and the fact you are a Muslim lady and you have your views ... On the other hand why can a Muslim man enter a relationship with a non Muslim women and play god with their emotions when they decide they don't want to commit ? And a child Is left without a father. And how do you explain that ?

          • They can't do that - at least it's not allowed in the religion. Muslims (men or women) are not allowed to engage in premarital relationships, or to have sex outside of marriage. However, just like in any faith, there are people who don't respect the rules of their religion and are concerned more with their own desires. People are people. Some are good, and some are bad.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • @Annabel, muslim men can't just get a girl pregnant and leave her. Her guy knew that sleeping with her without marriage was seriously wrong. So wrong that if his family found out they would want to disown him.

            He has sisters and arranged marriages are resume based. So for his sisters their resume is going to say, sister of the guy that slept with someone out of wedlock. And people may jump to the conclusion that if your brother did it then your parents didn't do a good job of raising any of you. Maybe the sisters have also done that and are hiding it? Why take a chance, move on to the next girl. And they will have a harder time getting married.

            So now the only thing he's worried about is word getting out that he slept with someone. His baby is solid proof that he clearly slept with someone and for the family to accept that child also means to public announce their son had sex outside of marriage. So that's why he wants an abortion.

            His real concern all this time should've been that he's stringing a girl's feelings along, that he's using her for sex with no intention of marrying her. And that he may pay with hell for eternity for his sins. But instead he's adding on to that by worrying about this life and asking for an abortion. He's trying to avoid the damage to his sisters over his own afterlife and doing the right thing. He should accept his child, pay for his child and marry the woman he slept with if he can treat her well.

  19. I came here because of the same situation, I am 7weeks pregnant from a Pakistani man, we have very good relationship for about 6 months until this news flash like a bomb to us.. when I became positive the first that came from his mouth was to abort this baby because in his religion it is "allowed to abort as long as it is under 3 months and the organ hasn't started to develop? Is it true? Which I doubt because what I read from different blogs it is allowed as long as the unborn child will do harm for the woman which I doubt I will be because I am very healthy..
    another issue is he was afraid of the future because his parents will disown him if they found out & they will not talk to him & the baby anymore.
    I don't have the intention to abort this because first heshe is innocent. He said to me & i am cruel to him because this is just a pregnancy, I will give injustice to the baby if I gave birth without a father.
    But sometimes I can't hold loneliness & sadness because he was my first, I gave him my all but I was wrong for trusting & loving him..

  20. I am Filipina who has a pakistani bf. I got pregnant to him and he wants to abort the bby but i dont ever follow his evil thinks. He leave me when i was preggy and never support us. Now I raise my Son wiht my family. I dont know why pakistani man are like this! I respect muslim people but what he did to us is not a human.

    • I'm sorry you had to go through this. But, Allah is Just and Fair.

      Unless your Pakistani boyfriend repents to Allah and does right by supporting your child, Allah will punish him severely.

      Stay strong sister. We support you!

      • I also got pregnant to a pakistani boyfriend... We are together for 2yrs.. Im 8months pregnant now. He fight for me from his family since his family knows my situation. The time comes he was trapped by his family and later his family did arranged marriage for him. My world was destroyed. He wants to marry me as a sescond wife for he loves me still coz we have so many memories and went through many hardships and struggles together. but i never dream to be one.. the fact that he is married already to someone else. I want to be the "only one" from someone else life. If he wants to marry me, he should do divorce and he can do marriage with me, otherwise i will just move on with my baby boy..

        • Aariz: The time comes he was trapped by his family and later his family did arranged marriage for him. My world was destroyed. He wants to marry me as a second wife for he loves me still coz we have so many memories and went through many hardships and struggles together.

          Is second wife allowed legally in country you live? I have a feeling he just wants to use for sex as long as he can. He will even tell you he does not love his wife but only loves you. This happens a lot, Pakistani men use girls by promising to marry them and all of sudden they break the news, they were forced to marry their cousins.

          • Thank you for your advice sir... I am a filipino and I am already in my home country waiting for my delivery after a month. and he is working in qatar.. He keeps telling me "you are still my love, i just meet this girl, i dont love her.. You are still my love coz we have so many memories and we have come along way already"... His arranged marriage happened when he took 20days vacation.. He was just married last november 5...i come to know last november 19 that he is already married...

            Second marriage is not allowed here in Philippines..but im not sure in Islam law here in Philippines. I already converted to islam while im still working in qatar. He still love me and thats why he wants to marry and take responsibilty as a father. But i could not bear sharing my man to other woman thats why I refuse to be the second wife. And now its been 5days i did not communicate with him. He is still sending me hearts messages but i keep ignoring him. He keeps telling me how can I love the person I just meet.. Unlike you, you are deeply engraved to my heart..its just 2mos since I came home from qatar.

            When I come to know that he is married already, i was crying my heart out too much. We are talking at the phone that time, it was last nov 19 he is in pakistan and nov 20 he is going back to qatar. That time he is confessing everything he was crying also too much.. I told him before u went to vacation why u didnt tell me ur going to get married..he said i dont know that im going to get married. He send me the picture the marriage was just too much simple like it seems they have just signed a marriage cert. Unlike other pakistani marriage that was so grand and very beautiful.. Because he said it was immediate marriage and very fast..

            To be honest I still love him and I want a father for my baby boy. But my heart could not accept sharing one man with his wife now. It may sound selfish but I grew up here in philippines and we are not accepting this kind of situation. I pray Allah will enlighten my mind and realize what is the best for me and my baby.. I told my exbf to just focus on his wife.. And he said pls dont do this to me.. I love you and our son.. Its just that i could not say no coz i was trapped and whole family is acting different towards me and other relatives coz i have made u pregnant before marriage, they lost their respect for me... He said i want to come there to philippines and stay for u for two weeks after 3mos and im filing my next leave from work... I want to see u and my son.

            Brothers and sisters... Pls help me... Should i allow him to come here??? Is this right for he is married now??? Should I share my son to a person who is just married to his distant relative chosen by his mom???? Pls.......... Help...... Still im in great pain today...thank u..... Help me what to do.. .

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