I want to marry my boyfriend but I’m paranoid that someone has been watching me
"Have they not looked at the birds above them, with wings outspread and folded back? Nothing holds them up but the All-Merciful. HE sees all things." (Surat al-Mulk: 19)
Salaams,
I have been going out with a guy for about 4 years. I know that it is a sin, and I am trying to put things right as we both would like to get married. My mum recently found out about him and I feel as though she is not happy, obviously because I have been seeing him.
However in my family girls are not supposed to have love marriages, and cant marry out of caste, as it is shameful etc. I love this guy I dont really care what caste he is, his family are totally fine with him marrying me. My dad does not know yet but when he finds out, he will hit the roof.
I really don't know what to do. My friend suggested black magic on my parents so they agree. Astagfirullah I will never do such a thing!
Is there anything which I can read, and wazifa or quranic ayats etc? Also someone told my mum about me and him, that we have been going out etc.
Is there anyway of finding out who told my mum..for eg istikharah? Because I really need to know, as it has come to a point that I have started to feel paranoid, I feel as though someone is watching every step I take and will go home and tell my mum.
Jazakhallah xx
- muslimah in distress
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Salamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..
My dear sister.... you know what i feel like it's a blessing in disguise that this happened....infact you should have known AllahSWT is Watching you....so you are right when you say "I feel as though someone is watching every step I take.."
the first thin you gotta do is to sincerely turn to AllahSWT in repentance and that means you regret sinning and you make a firm resolve not to repeat the same mistake. so you both shoulnt be contacting or meeting eachother...it may be hard but trust me we are fooling ourselves when we sin and justify our actions...just cry out to AllahSWT to help you and inshAllah He'll make everything easy for you if you SINCERELY want to stop committing sins and be a good Muslim.
Pray istikhaara and make dua to AllahSWT to turn your heart in the right direction especially when it comes to marriage...Remember one thing AllahSWT knows if this guy is going to be good for you or not...maybe he will treat you badly after marriage even though you feel like he's the best man on earth..the other thing is even he has to repent...if you both still want to go ahead with marriage speak to your parents...
the One Who has complete control over the hearts of people is AllahSWT.... so just wake up before fajr and pray 2 rakat seeking His Help and ask Him to open your parents hearts to accept this and make this marriage which will be khair for this world and akhira...the last part of the night before fajr is the time when your duas are most likely to be answered by the Most Merciful One.
subhanAllah...you have to be cautious about this "friend" of yours...either advise her or stay away from her...black magic is one of the major sins in islam....
They followed what the Shayatin (devils) gave out (falsely of the magic) in the lifetime of Sulaiman (Solomon). Sulaiman did not disbelieve, but the Shayatin (devils) disbelieved, teaching men magic and such things that came down at Babylon to the two angels, Harut and Marut, but neither of these two (angels) taught anyone (such things) till they had said, "We are only for trial, so disbelieve not (by learning this magic from us)." And from these (angels) people learn that by which they cause separation between man and his wife, but they could not thus harm anyone except by Allah's Leave. And they learn that which harms them and profits them not. And indeed they knew that the buyers of it (magic) would have no share in the Hereafter. And how bad indeed was that for which they sold their ownselves, if they but knew.
And if they had believed, and guarded themselves from evil and kept their duty to Allah, far better would have been the reward from their Lord, if they but knew! 2:102-103
Walaykumsalaam, Sister,
I agree with everything that is written in the above comment.
1) It is quite simple. You are committing major sin by being in such a relationship with this man. What use will it be to you to find out who told your mother? None. You are avoiding the real issue and wasting time on these things, when all you need to be concerned with is this, that 'Allah is watching you' - full stop. Allah is the All Knowing and the All Seeing.
2) Black Magic is an extremely grave sin. In addition to the above ayah, I want to remind you that Prophet(saw) said: "Whoever blows on knots, practices magic and whoever practices magic is a mushrik (polytheist)." Reported by At-Tabarani. Furthermore, The Prophet(saw) said: "The punishment for a magician is beheading." So if one was caught doing magic in a Muslim country, by Shariah law he would be beheaded. This should teach you the severe dangers and sin of doing magic.
3) As your friend has suggested such a vile act to you (and on top of that against your parents, astagfirullah, I am doubly disgusted), I seriously recommend that you take a good hard look at the kind of company you are keeping. This is not the trait of a good friend, you must explain to her that black magic is totally forbidden and if she chooses to hold her belief that doing black magic is ok, I would suggest you subtly distance yourself from her as she is very bad company.
The Prophet (saw) said : "A man is upon the religion of his friend, and there is no good in friendship with one who does not see for you what he sees for himself". (Ibn Adi)
The Prophet (saw) also said: "A good and a bad companion are like the bearer of musk and the one who pumps out filth respectively. As for the bearer of musk, he will either give you a share, you will smell perfumed air, or you will purchase something from him as for one who pumps out filth, he will either burn your clothes or you will smell something filthy from him" (Bukhari and Muslim)
***
1) Stop your relationship with this man - it is haraam.
2) Do sincere tawbah and start doing your obligatory acts of worship before it is too late ( before death takes over you). Allah(swt) says: "And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,- and who can forgive sins except Allah.- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done. " (Quran 3:135).
3) Learn about what traits a good Muslim husband and wife should have. Based on this, you should be in a position to know whether this boy is good potential husband for you or not.
4) Pray Istikhara with regards to this boy as a husband as Allah knows the Ghaib/Unseen - that which we do not know and so He(swt) knows what is good for us and what is not.
5) Behave like a grown up and an intelligent Muslimah and speak to your parents about this boy you are interested in. Work with them to progress a marriage proposal with him.
6) If after all efforts, your parents do not agree to this proposal, take it as an experience, learn from it and move on - thats life.
May Allah give you Hidaayah, may Allah give us all Hidaayah, aameen!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ditto to everything SisterZ has said; I won't repeat her, instead I'll add that if this guy is serious about marrying you, let him come to your family and make a proposal. Stop sneaking around and seeing each other in secret. Act like a Muslim. Worry about your obedience to Allah, not about who is spying on you.
If he comes with a proposal and your parents reject him based on caste, then you can deal with that. Calmly mention to them some of the Quranic verses and hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) about the equality of all human beings, and about judging people based on character rather than on jahiliyy factors. Ask them to consult the local Imam - he may be able to correct their misconceptions.
However, you also need a serious wake up call. Your current behavior is unIslamic and will not lead your parents to respect your feelings.
As for your friend's suggestion of doing black magic on your parents, I'm shocked. If your friend was serious and not joking, then he/she is evil and should be avoided at all costs. What a sick thing to suggest.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael, jazakhAllah for mentioning the very important matter of 'caste'.
With the issue of black magic on my mind, I forgot everything else!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam sister
i agree with all three i also think that you have to get married to him leave about anybody else watching Allah is watching you for the acts done so i request you to ask Allah taala for forgiveness and instead of finding out who has given information about try to convince him ask him to convince his family and you convince your mom and dad instead of making them embaressed in front of everyone
i pray that let Allah show you the right path
Salaam My Sister,
I am sorry for this sense of dread that you are experiencing.
Your feelings of paranoia are a natural accompaniment to doing something wrong, it's a form of guilt. Whenever a person is doing something in secret, they will naturally start to look over their shoulder, have a sense of being watched and all of the other emotions that you are feeling. So first I would like to establish for you that your paranoia is a form of guilt.
Next, there is the issue of who told your mum. I would like to suggest at this stage that your mother just "knows". Mothers know their children incredibly well, and it is highly likely that you have been demonstrating all of the signs and symptoms of being in a relationship even though you don't know it. All your mother had to do was develop a hunch, and then look through your phone, or see you out somewhere, and she would have known straight away. Mum's know things. Its that simple.
Regarding the caste - I am not aware of any caste in Islam, so this is a cultural barrier that you will just have to overcome when you are communicating with your family.
The best assistance you can give to your intended union is as Wael and Sister Z have already said, which is for him to approach your family in an honourable manner and ask for your hand in marriage. By doing so he will demonstrate manners, respect and honour and this is the only move he can make which has any chance of achieving that. It is not very respectable to see a girl secretly from her family and then expect her to do all of the work in creating a marriage and fighting with her family, whilst the man sits at the sidelines and lets her fight the cause all by herself in his absence. A decent and moral man will take charge of things, and step up to the plate and ask for you and protect you from this harm and take the risk of humiliation. So if your other half wants you to win the battle alone whilst he sits in his bedroom waiting to hear what happened - don't even think about it. He must phone your parents, and approach them directly in the correct manner and argue his case, preferably with his parents. This way, he is respecting your parents and their values.
Regarding who told your mum, it doesn't really matter. The fact is, your Mum knows and you must take some kind of affirmative action before the situation gets worse and that action is for you and this boy to follow the correct procedure and protocols and not try and do things backwards (i.e: get together first, inform parents second).
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Thankyou so much for all your wonderful advice. This friend who suggested the disgusting act of 'black magic' i do not associate with her anymore. As we had an arguement on the topic.
I decided to speak to my mother and father a couple of weeks ago about marriage to this man and they are willing to meet his family. He has also spoken to his family and hopefully the two families will be meeting up soon. After speaking to them i realised that caste was just an issue to my grandparents and the older generation. My older brother also put in a good word for me. So things have started to look brighter.
The only thing left to do now is repent. Please pray that my sins are forgiven and that i have a happy future.
Jazakhallahkhair
Salma
Dear Salma,
Alhumdulillah, this is very good news.
Repent sincerely and do not forget to do istikhara. Be sure to take the right steps from now on, then after that leave things to Allah.
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams
Black magic does exist and you did the right thing for leaving that friend such evil acts do not resolve anything. I myself do not beleive with such thing as this makes us weak and focus on the bad rather than get close to allah asking allah is always the best way to feel ease. People who do such things are just pure evil and very weak the one you should concentrate on is ask forgiveness and pray for yourself and family. The one who been watching you is allah and the advise given I totally agree. Concentrate of yourself and inshallah everything will fall in place for you. It is really good to know your brother is also very supporting wishing you all the happiness in the world amen.
Guess what sister...... Allah swt is Watching your every step, so please continue to feel very paranoid. It's shameful in the sight of Allah swt to have a boyfriend, knowing it's wrong and to still continue. Before you fear your mother, should you not fear Allah swt? Unless you don't believe you'd be accountable and then that's a different story.
Each person has been given the freedom to make their own choices,and every choice comes with a consequence(s). The longer you choose evil over good, the more restless your soul gets. Which then makes you behave in a 'paranoid" manner, because you are uneasy with yourself. That's why they say "The truth will set you free", because truth is from good, while lying is from evil.
By the way, a "friend" that would even suggest you do black magic on your family (or anyone for that matter)... IS NOT A FRIEND. The roots of magic is very, very evil. To suggest is evil, and to do it is even more evil....it even makes a lame joke (if they said it as a joke). I'm glad to see you have limits to your desires. May Allah swt make it easy for you,and help you to pick good over evil..Ameen.