Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents are not willing to marry me of my own choice

Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

Salam,

I'm writing to any public forum for the first time. But I really need advice.

I'm female and my age is 31. Actually recently I found a person through matrimonial site who had been married before but for very short period and then he got divirced. He lives in a different country and his parents also not living with him. We haven't met his family or the guy personally and just talked on skype but he has his extended family here so we can meet them anytime.

He is well settled and got good education but the only problem he has is his bad temper and he doesn't like his wife to go out or sometimes even he doesn't like me to talk about male actors.

Now since we both have been talking for a while and we had fights because I'm a working girl and he doesn't like it so I told these problems to my mother. Now she is totally against this proposal and my father also thinks that since the guy lives abroad so it isn't an appropriate proposal for me. My parents have become so against this proposal. I have been in touch with the guy still n he keep telling me that he loves me alot and he can't leave me.

I do like him but I don't want to go against my parents will. I have explained my parents that I'm already 31 and apart from his anger he doesn't have any bad habit apparently. But my parents don't even want to investigate and meet their family. My parents are so over protective that's why me n my sister who is elder than me are still unmarried. My mother treats me like I'm still a kid and I can't do anything on my own. I'm really upset because of all this.

I want to get settled and marry this person but at the same time I want my parents happiness. I don't want to take this step alone as I'm scared too its a big decision of my life. Please help me. I don't know what islam teaches us to do in this situation.

Enigmatic13

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7 Responses »

  1. Salaam
    i'm going to be blunt because its what I do and Im looking to get married but You have to be smart about it. the purpose of talking to someone for the purpose of marriage is to see if theyre suitable not talk to them so much you catch feelings and fall in haram love then become confused you cant use your mind properly about if theyre suitable or not. Your parents are against it for a good reason by the sound of it, sister I dont mean to be mean but youre 31 you need to be clever, hes getting angry about you just talking about male actors and you think thats someone good to marry? Youre meant to be judging their character and then saying yes or no based on sense and reason and looking at their Islam. Sounds like his anger and strange controlling behaviour is why he was divorced. You need to control your feelings stop talking to this guy and pray istikhara and talk to someone enough to know if they are a good muslim or not, its not a dating or love thing, yes attraction and feeligs should be there but you need to be sensible and think about whether someones going to bring you happiness or misery, and a hot headed guy like that isnt bringing you happiness, if youre fighting already guess what youre going to be doing after marriage? Fighting.

    Be smart and I pray you find a good brother.

  2. Wsalam!
    This guy sure sounds insecure and probably carrying emotional baggage from his previous marriage. I agree with your parents. Islam teaches us to do istikhara and lots of dua/supplication in such a situation besides using good sense and seeking advice.
    As far as over protection is concerned, take small steps to become independent and be firm as to how you want to treated by your parents. It is probably out of their love that they do so. I do not think you would be doing a job and seeking matrimonial online if they were so restrictive.

  3. Dear Enigmatic13,

    From what you have shared I am with your parents. The guy seems misfit to you unless if you like someone controlling, short temper, insecure and possessive. I think you will feel trapped and emotionally (and probably physically) abused by this online matrimonial guy after marriage.

    Also you haven't seen this guy in person. Most often, online persons are far less glamorous in person, so let alone this guy that you haven't even seen him and your description of him is pretty bad and I can sense many red flags.

    I understand you are concerned about your age but only marry someone who is right for you. This guy does not seem right for anyone. Please be patient. Please listen to your parents.

    Best wishes,

    - Me

  4. Hello sister, please take a right decision before you get married. Because definitely Allah has created a better half for you already. Also he knows when should he show you that person in life. Please dont take any decision without thinking a lot. Because i had sailed in the same boat like you. That means i loved a persons who has all the characters and behaviours as you said. All of family members were against for my decision. But now i am married. My life seems very difficult to me. Now i regret to choose a wrong life partner. Because that much of physical mental torchers he is giving me. I dont like a life with him. Its totally stupid concept to marry a person without seeing his interior characters. Ofcourse i am stopping you to get marry that person. But i dont want anyone to suffer more as i am doing now.
    Sister if you take the decision to refuse the proposal, please stay away from him. Change all your mobile, emaild id and matrimonial id. You pray Allah whenever you are confused. Be confident, you shouldnt return to him. If you do, definitely you will face problems in the coming days.
    Otherwise, if you think you are that much tolerable to any situation in your life, then accept the proposal. All in your hand. Iam not against your decision. Because if you think you are flexible with him, wouldnt have fights with him after marriage, and if you are able to simply accept everything without out any conversation, just go with him. Because he has a bad temper, if you refuse to do or accept anything afer marriage, there is a possibility of physical abuse. To be honest i suffered all those things in my life and have 2 boy kids. I am 29 years old. So take a right decision. May Allah help you. This is not a sin if you leave him. Salaam

    Please any one please help me in

  5. Sister,

    I'm with your parents on this one. You may be 31 years old however that doesn't mean you have to settle. You don't need to settle for a man who has a bad temper. Chances are this mans temper very likely was a contributing factor in the demise of his first marriage. Don't take the fact that he has a a bad temper lightly. You might try to look past it now however, dealing with it on a daily basis will get old really fast.

    Salam

  6. I'm also with your parents. It's nice that this guy loves you but he's not the right fit for marriage right now. He needs to work on himself before he can look into getting married. You need to get someone else.

  7. Hi

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