Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His parents disapprove our relationship because my family has a bad background

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Salaam dear brothers & sisters,

I just want some advice. I have been in a relationship for 7 years we both want to get married but his family are not agreeing to it as my family background is not good but i'm very different from them. Is it my fault if my family is not good?

His family doesn't know me he has told them he wants to marry me but they said "no" because of my family. We really want to get married but we want his family to agree how do we do that? I know all parents want the best for their kids but why cant they be happy for their kids sake! He wants to marry me but then is scared to lose his family, please tell me what should I or both of us do?

~ ruksar


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14 Responses »

  1. sallam

    sister, your in a haram realtionship, any dua you do will be for haram. Any parents will wnt a pous woman for there daughter so why should his parents accept a girl who is in a haram relationship with there son? It just reaffirms their opinion that your family is bad becuase your doing haram with their son!

    repent your sins and try and be a good muslim then inshallah our difficulties in marriage will be resolved.

    • what about their son being involved in a haram relationship. how does that speak of their family background?.

      i guess you didn't understand her question.

      • sallam

        your correct there son should not be in that relationship and is just as responsible however im speaking form the families point of view. no one ever admits there kid is wrong they cast blame on others and i was just trying to say that if your family has a bad rep and your in a relationship withsomone most likely the guys parents will blame your for that relationship.

        Alhumdolillah we have been given marrriage as a means to live a halaal life and being in a haram relationship should not even be considered.

        please dont get me wrong im not sexist nor do i blame women, i was just saying waht i thought the family may think

        Allah hafiz

  2. Salamualaikum,

    Without a doubt, your relationship was Haraam for the past seven years.

    Now that you decided to make it Halaal, it is Alhamdulillah a good idea. But there are obstacles, as you said. But I do not understand one thing. What do you mean by 'my family is not good?'.
    Do you mean not good by financial status or by any wrong deed, or something else?
    If it is for financial reason, then it is totally stupid, because it is they who will have to take care of you if you be their daughter in law. But for any other reason, I believe they have a reason to worry, which, you will have to deal with, wisely.
    You need to somehow make them understand that you are unlike your family, if you actually are.

    Do Salatul Istikhaarah with complete trust in Allah, following the Sunnah of His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

    And sister, if it doesn't work out, then I would suggest you to move ahead, keeping this man out of your mind. Nothing happens, until Allah commands it to happen. Just accept it and be pleased with Allah, just like a true Muslimah.

    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Ruksaar,

    Thank GOD you are saved! He was not worth considering to be a partner. If he can't stand with you in bad times then that man is simply not worth!

    Did he not know about your FAMILY condition before loving you? If so, what has changed? He must have found another suitable match who is offering him BIG DOWRY or something else , hence he doesnt want to continue the relationship!

    Regarding ISLAMIC acceptance of this relationship, my brothers are sisters have enlightened you and what they are saying is correct!

    • Dear Umar,

      You have been way too influenced by the hindu culture. You should know that in Islam things are different.

      The DOWRY you are talking about is only in the hindu culture which the girl's family have to pay to the husband. In Islam we have the mahr and it is the opposite. The groom has to pay the mahr to the bride.
      Please think and research before commenting.

      • Brother/Sister Yoda,

        Sadly, demanding dowry from the bride is a part of the practices of the Muslims in the sub-continent, who do not follow the Sunnah.

        May Allah save us from this evil

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Salaam,

          Thanx for the info bro.

          Evil it is indeed. I just cannot figure out how someone can call himself muslim and reject what Allah has prescribed to adopt a practice from the jahil.

          SubhanAllah.

          • Brother Yoda

            We cannot know the mind of Allah, or how he guiding another soul.

            We all fall short of the ideals of Islam, we all sin. If someone says they are a Muslim, I take them at their word. That is the starting point.

            Then, together with all the pious followers of Allah, we can help each other to avoid haraam actions, and point out the true path, as you have done.

            Leave it to Allah for each person's final judgement. It is better they call themselves a Muslim and strive to be pious then not call themselves Muslim and give up their struggle on the path to Jannah.

            AmericanMuslim
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I don't understand sister said bad family background? What did she actually mean? It would have been easier is she could explain a bit more.

    • What I meant is some members of my family have been in a bad crowd which is why they saying no but no one on this earth is perfect! If you class meeting and goin for a meal or to watch a movie is haraam then I have been in a haraam relationship. Which I'm not proud of only Allah swt can forgive me and show me the right path Ameen..

      • Yes sister, meeting, having a meal together and going for a movie with a NON MAHRAM is Haraam.

        You admit that you have been in a Haraam relationship. Seek Allah's Forgiveness for that.

        Regarding your family, the boy's parents need to be convinced that you are not among the bad crowd.
        Do Istikhaarah and try what you can do.

        If it doesn't work, then I would advise you to move ahead, keeping this man out of your options.

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. ruksar your situation is a difficult one because usualy parents consider family background more than how the girl is.maybe the brother u want to marry can convince his parents by telling them dat ur different from ur family ,u should ask him to let his parents know all gud tngs about u.rest i would say pray to Allah for da best to happen ,ask for His forgiveness for doing haraam and also do istikhara.also i would advise u to abstain from doing haraam anymore.inshaallah i hope if it is for da best den may ur relationship become halaal.

  6. I have done istikhara and it's good we're a good match an will be very happy Insh Allah I just do dua that if we're meant to be may Allah SWT bring that day soon as I want to live my life in a halaal relationship not commit sin anymore.. I just want to say thank you all for advice an Ramadan Mubarak to all May Allah SWT forgive our sins and bless us all and show us the right path Ameen..

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