Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents forced me into nikah

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Forced marriage

Asalamualaykum brothers and sisters,

I am going through a very tough time in my life I had no choice but to come here and seek help. It's great what you guys are doing to help everyone mashAllah. I found many questions identical to mine but there are some specific details in my situation that make it a little different perhaps.

I'm a 22 yr old muslimah from usa (of pakistani origin), I come from a family that is religious I was taught good morals and to try my best to perform my religious duties. A year or so ago I told my mother about the guy I like and how I wished to make it halal and get my parents blessings. My mom listened to everything I had to say about him but didn't care much about it instead she would just bring up my cousin(he is from usa too) even after countless times I told her I don't like him.

I had reasons for that; Me and my cousin have a little bit of history, when i was around 15 we liked eachother but since he is 5/6 years older than me it didnt work out, i was really immature at that time and didn't know what I was doing. Also he used to do weird sexual stuff with me when I was much younger, I didn't even know what was going on many times but when i got around 16 or 17 i realised this was all lust and even though he may love me now it didn't feel right to me so i ended everything. That affected him and he has gotten obsessive and paranoid over time. He thinks he owns me and I belong to him. He also has anger issues and we've gotten into multiple fights where at one point he tried to hit me. That was more of a reason to not be with him because seeing how abusive my dad was towards my mom in my childhood, affected me a lot and when he gets mad he reminds me of my dad.

I tried to convince my mom and kept telling her all these reasons and how I like someone else but my mom at one point straight up told me that I can't marry the guy i like because some buzurg(spiritual person) did istikhara for me and it didn't turn out good. I didn't understand how since I have known this guy for a long time and I did istikhara and got good results so I was confused. At this point I was thinking my mom is rejecting him because #1he is of a different race(black) or #2that he's a convert not a born muslim. She was ignoring the fact that he is a great guy and a good muslim. She would tell me things like "you should only marry inside your culture, people would make fun of you for being with a black guy." I was hurt by her ignorant words and told her in islam these things don't matter but she didn't care. He even talked to my mom a couple of times on the phone and also drove all the way to the city we live in just to talk to my mom, he did that 2 times. I thought that would change things but my mom still had her mind on my cousin and kept bringing the istikhara that the buzurg did. At this point my dad found out too but since he's very close minded he didn't even want to hear a word about him from me.

Then just last year in December my mom told me and my siblings that we're going to pakistan, it was a little surprising since it was all of a sudden. I didnt want to go but she said we were only going for 2 weeks. Well 2 weeks passed and my siblings left but I was still in Pakistan with my mom. At this point I was mad because I was missing out on college/uni but my mom didn't care and said she has some stuff to do in Pakistan. I never understood and months passed, my mom kept saying oh we'll go in a few weeks but we never left and my cousin (who my mom wanted me to marry) came to pakistan too, I was confused at first but then later realised it was all a set up. I was mad at my mom and we had many fights I told her i didnt like him I didnt want to be with him i told her my reasons but she didn't care and instead told his family to come to pakistan too so they can get me nikahed to him. I was told it's because the same buzurg (spiritual person) said we should get married because it would lessen the black magic done on our family. I was so confused it didn't even make sense.

I was really depressed and stressed out and I still am. My mom thinks I'm affected by black magic. Then just a few weeks back right after eid I was pressured into doing nikah with my cousin against my will. My mom told me if I said no they will all disown me and everybody will turn against me and people would talk crap about my family. I was hurt and sad but I did it out of pressure and it made me sad how everyone was happy but didn't care about how I felt.

I'm hurt that even after knowing everything my parents did this to me. Now I'm not happy at all and feel miserable I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. My mom keeps telling me if I do something against their will that I will go through hell she threatened and blackmailed me into this.

It's not even been a month since nikah and my depression has gotten so bad that I get suicidal thoughts. I even told my cousin about everything (I told him before nikah about how I felt I was honest with him), he said doesn't care he said "it's better if you're with me" and "sorry but you have to deal with this" and he just gets mad when I tell him I don't like him. And just recently I found out his dad hates me.

On top of that my mom also said we're never going back to usa because the same buzurg said that usa and Canada will be destroyed by an earthquake...I'm so confused about all of this I don't even know how to feel or how it makes sense.

I'm also still in contact with the other guy and he is very hurt by how my parents are acting, he's a great muslim and very compatible with me I never understood why my parents denied him. We both did istikhara and got good results. At this point I feel so miserable my whole life has been turned upside down. People from my college and everyone asks me where I am? what am i doing in Pakistan for so long? and it hurts me because I can't talk to anyone since they'll judge me. I have also tried to keep myself happy but that only works for a little bit I don't want to be more miserable than I already am.

Is there anyway I can end this nikah?
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Can my family disown me for not marrying someone of their choice?
Do these buzurgs or spiritual people really exist? How are they predicting the future? Or someone's marriage?

I'm very confused and stressed out, any advice would be welcome

Jazakallah

veryberry

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41 Responses »

  1. Asalaam Walaikum Sister In Islam.

    It breaks my heart when I read stories like this. What kind of parents are these ... Ya Allah protect the ummah from such parents and also give them guidance Ameen.

    Do these Buzurgs exist?

    NO! These are normally liars and cheats who do it all for money. Do they claim the know the future? In what Hadith does it say that the USA will have an earthquake what kind of people are these ... they will face Allah one day and we will see how spiritual these people are on that day. And anyways no-one can do Istikhara in anyine behalf only you can. So this Buzurg doing Istikhara just shows his level of Islamic Knowledge. (I have very little Islamic Knowledge but even I know no-one can do Istikhara on someones behalf.

    Can your family disown you?

    Well yes they can but will you be sinful for them disowning you? NO. A woman can not be forced to marry someone whom she doesnt want to marry and if anyone is willing to disown you for practicing your rights as a MUSLIM woman ... then let Allah deal with them and you stand firm!

    Are you wrong feeling this way?

    No, How can a proposal not be rejected because of deen but be rejected for being Black! The best man of this Ummah was Black, Bilal RA. On the day of Judgement I can gaurantee you your parents and the likes if me will only wish they have an ounce of Bilal RA deeds. I did the Adhaan in the masjid for the first time a month ago ... Wallahi it moved me why? Because I did a sunnah of Bilal RA, the one whom the Non-Muslims would drag in the streets until his skin peeled off yet he wouldnt denounce Allah.

    How dare anyone disregard someone for being Black.

    Is there anyway you can end the Nikkah?

    Yes, try get to the US embassy in Islamabad and get back to US soil this should be your goal, you will live a miserable life in Pakistan mainly as you are a western child and settling into the Pakistani culture will not be possible as the mentality over there is completely different. Once you get to the US you can have a close family member/freind (i.e not ignorant) to help you speak to an imam to request a Khulla.

    By doing this your family will most definatly disown you but tbh they said they will disown you for not marrying so tbh you have nothing to lose but to gain your life back BUT think LONG and hard of the consequences of Staying Or Leaving. And you pray Istikhara salah before you follow whatever decision you decide in the end.

    The fact you told your cousin who is now your husband that you were forced and he didnt care just shows what kind of disgusting mentality and cowardly of a man he is (not to mension what he did to you when you were younger)Ya Allah forgive me if I said something wrong but I don't see him as anything else.

    Sister please for your sake dont even think of Suicide, do your best to get out of your situation for starters Allah will be with you what more do you need. These suicidal thoughts are from shaytaan and even though your mum is talking rubbish about you entering hell for not obeying her unislamic ideas, you will enter hell if you commit suicide. Please don't do this as what you think is difficult now in the hearafter it will be far worse.

    Also bare in mind its said "After hardship will come ease" so be patient and do your best to protect yourself. Remember if you stick to the Islamic principles in everything through this process Allah has promised he will open doors you couldnt Imagine.

    Allahu Alam if my advice is bad or good Everything I have written is from the heart and my heart isnt perfect so there is most likly mistakes, May Allah forgive me for my errors in whatever I have written. May Allah give you the Strenght, the Courage and Imaan to protect yourself and become the best Muslimah possible. May Allah Bless you with a beautiful Pious Husband, Beautiful Marriage and Beautiful Children whom are the coolness of your eyes and May Allah bless you with a Beautiful Pious death ... Ameen!

    • To the OP,
      I suggest that you follow this advice and tactfully get yourself out of Pakistan. Your family does not have your best interest in mind. Stop worrying about what people say and think--in different parts of our life, people come and go, but through it all, we have to withstand all types of criticism--do not make this the soil from which your soul grows--instead, seek Allah's guidance and His pleasure.

      May Allah swt help you to safety, Ameen.

      • Saba, you are absolutely right sis. I'm not going to let them control my life like this I have had enough and I'm going to break through this till I'm okay
        Thank you sister for the kind words
        Jazakallah

    • @jaaz

      I agree with you completely I don't believe in these buzurgs or people who claim to know the future and all that. Thanks for clarifying it for me. My mom was never like this before but she has gotten this way over the years and it makes me sad.

      About disowning, you are absolutely right. Honestly at this point I don't care if they disown me or not. If my family is ready to lose me over me marrying someone then that's not the family I want in the first place. I love my parents and my siblings so if they feel the same way I'm sure they will come around.

      And yes brother, race in islam is nothing. Islam is all about equality. I could care less what race the man is as long as we're Muslims and compatible and I always thought my mother thinks the same way but I guess not..

      About leaving, yes I was actually already planning to leave. I will keep your advice in mind. I know someone who is willing to help me. I have to get my passport first since my mom is holding it and if I ask for it she'll know what I'm planning to do and might put me through more trouble. So ill have to issue a new one. So I'm being very careful about it.
      I have some friends in usa back home who are willing to help too. The only problem is getting out of pakistan which I'll have to work on slowly.

      Thank you so much for all that you have said and putting my mind at ease. Only Allah knows how much you all are helping me by simply giving advice and support. Thank you so much for the duas too brother. May Allah bless you.

  2. [edited to remove racist and offensive content]

    • I understand what you coming through but thing is if parents are wrong than islam says you dont have to listen to them and a woman got every right when it comes to marriage and islam dont say that you cant give your daughter to a reverted or you cant give your daughter to a poor guy what islam says that a guy should be of good character and he should know religion and when it comes to kids you not the one who have to worry let the parents deal with it culture does not matter when you got the same religion because religion gives them identity not culture thats my opinion

      • Annie, everything you said is on point and exactly how I feel. Especially what you said in the end. That's how we as Muslims should be if we really care about islam since culture is not what unites us, islam does.
        And I agree with you parents have no control over that I just felt like I had to because I had no control when I stepped in Pakistan. I felt like I was in a ditch with everyone throwing bricks at me telling me to say yes to the nikah. But I'm going to stand up for myself and not live in misery.

        • Don't worry everything is gonna be oky this experience you just had good thing you had it because its gonna make you stronger give you more strength and now you truly knows whom you can rely on when it comes to family

          • Yeah that's true but then again I wish I didn't have to go through this

          • We wish for alot of things we can have some and some we can't but whatever happens we always learn from them wether its good or bad so you know no matter what happens learn from it and smile because its already done you can't change it thinking oh l wish this could not have happened won't do a thing just give you pain don't do it to yourself

    • Your comment is the essence of racism.

      • Assalaamualaikam

        I agree, sister Saba. As racism is not welcome on this site, I have deleted the remarks.

        The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught acceptance of people from all backgrounds, and emphasised that nobody was superior to anyone else because of skin colour or country of origin. InshaAllah we can remember his example and strive for a more equal and accepting society.

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Sister, no one can force you to get married. no one can force you to get married at all.

    Your marriage is not even valid.

    I agree with above posting. Go to your embassy and tell, them that you need to leave for your own safety, and find a way out of there.

    If my mom who forced me to get married wants to disown me. Fine. Who cares what people think, let them all cry and talk about what happened. This is your life sister, take charge.

    Go to the us embassy leave, and live on campus if your family at home won't accept you. Finish your studies and see where life goes,. But honestly, your marriage is not valid and do find a way to leave safely.

    If that's your moms attitude and that's your so called husbands attitude, I would run as fast as I can.

    Consult with the embassy, and pretend everything is okay for a while until you figure out the details and just flee once you figure out your plan. And if you ever feel like they are going to harm you, trap you, etc, just pack a back with few necessity and look up a women's shelter.

    • "If my mom who forced me to get married wants to disown me. Fine. Who cares what people think, let them all cry and talk about what happened. This is your life sister, take charge."

      Finally. People have started taking a stand. It's about time.

    • Samira, Sis you're right no one can force me to marry and it's not valid either I wish my parents would understand that.
      But now it has gotten too far I have come to the edge. I never thought I'd have to do this but I thought long and hard and I'm going to get away.
      I will be gettinga new passport since my mom is holding mine but after I get it I'm going to leave.
      Thank you sis for the kind words and your support. Jazakallah

  4. @luha,

    You are very WRONG. When a parent do not act logically and Islamic (forced marriage), it is the parents fault. Please STOP to put Allah in the middle!

    @very berry,

    Be strong, sister. Hang in there and do not expose yourself that you are making plan to go back to USA. Follow sister Jaaz's advice about heading to the US Embassy in Islambad. Collect enough money to get a taxi there, inshallah they will help you from there. You need to mention the whole case to them in detail and stress that you are forced into a marriage that you do not want.

    My blood is boiling when I read your post or any post about forced marriage in this site. There is no place for forced marriage in Islam. People are so ignorant, Islam for them is only a cultural thing, they are not following it right. They are following folklore and what their grandparents told them. They do not even bother to study or read Quran. What makes it even scarier is when you heard of this kind "spiritual leader", "performing istikhara for others, interpreting dreams, forced marriage with cousins", etc etc. How stupid and nonsense of these kind of practices are. It projects a very wrong image about Islam to the wider community. It makes us look like a bunch of superstition, illogical, uneducated, and stupid people!!!

    Sister, be strong. You are 22 and you can choose to live independently in US. What your parents did and trying to do is unacceptable and un-islamic. They can disown you but you need to stand firm to make your point. Highly likely they will be very angry and really choose to disown you. For them, this is not a threat as they push to the point to trap you in Pakistan. Do not feel regret if you choose to walk down the path to leave them behind (temporary). I will suggest you to write a detailed letter to explain your situation after you are back and safe in US. Still respect them as your parents. By respect does not mean to agree with them even when their action is not islamic.

    Come back to US first, then go to some agencies to seek help. There are some youth shelter and government assistance. Do not be afraid, be strong. There is nothing wrong with your feeling.

    By the way, if you told your parents about your cousin's "inappropriate / sexual abused behavior" and your parents thought it is still OK and push you to marry him, this is a clear indicator that your parents are not acting right. They are not putting your future and welfare first. All they want is having a tight knit of family tie.

    Remember, stay quiet, collect money (or make an excuse to borrow money to buy something etc) You need to act normal if you are really planning to get out from Pakistan. May Allah protects you and bring you home safe. Keep us informed. I'll pray for you.

    • Brother Jaaz lol.

      Btw Alhamdulillah good post.

    • Sister k, thank you so much sister for all your advice. I'm seriously so glad I wrote here looking for help. I had been feeling so alone and depressed but wallahi reading these replies made me smile.
      I was already planning to leave, the only problem I'm facing right now is getting a new passport since my mom is holding mine and if I ask for it it'll look very shady so I'm just going to get some help and get a new one. So that I can go back home.
      It's hard to act normal around my family after all that's happened but you're right I should act smart and slowly make a move. It's tough I'll have to admit but there's no other way. It hurts that my family is doing this but I'm hoping and praying it gets better.
      Thank you sister k for all your help. So nice of you
      Jazakallah

  5. OP: On top of that my mom also said we're never going back to usa because the same buzurg said that usa and Canada will be destroyed by an earthquake...I'm so confused about all of this I don't even know how to feel or how it makes sense.

    Is your family moving back to Pakistan also or earthquake is only going to destroy you?
    Most Pakistani girls who grew up in US will never marry their cousins if given a choice.

    • My mom has so far told me that my family will be moving back. I don't know why or how she thinks it's a good idea when most of my family lives in usa and why would you want to start your life from ground zero all over again? And that too based off of someone's predictions about some earthquake. I don't understand this.

  6. OP: It's not even been a month since nikah and my depression has gotten so bad that I get suicidal thoughts. I even told my cousin about everything (I told him before nikah about how I felt I was honest with him), he said doesn't care he said "it's better if you're with me" and "sorry but you have to deal with this" and he just gets mad when I tell him I don't like him. And just recently I found out his dad hates me.

    Is your cousin getting his US citizenship by marrying you? You told him every thing and he may use it against you to divorce you.

    • Svs, like I mentioned in the post he is from usa too. He was born there so no he's not looking for anything of that sort.
      I told him everything also his sister and my mother. They all know I'm not happy but want to force me to be happy which I can't do. I told him from the start I was never interested.

  7. what's a buzurg

    • 'buzurg' is an Urdu word for "respected elder" but it also can suggest that the elder may have special abilities in terms of wisdom and therefore, should be trusted for all advice.

      • But this Buzurg seems to be fake man telling lies about earth quake and lab lab laa ...
        Height of stupidity in believing such non sense ..
        Earthquake and disaster comes in all parts of the world including muslim countries ..

        • I agree with you completely on top of that he said it would be a 12 magnitude earthquake which is ridiculous because I did my research and it's basic knowledge a 12 will split the earth open and is not even possible. So he can can go bullshit to someome else.

  8. Just a form of respect of saying an Elder Person. But obvs in this case also a way of saying Peer ... you know like a mystic person. Those who dish out Tawizs and make dua for people in return of money etc.

    The people that follow these peers commit shirk as they go to these people for help rather than praying to Allah.

    If your still confused let me know lol.

    • Yes that's what he sounds like! I just know that this man has known my family for sometime now and idk if he takes money or not but he has given my mom amulets(taweez) too. Also idk if it's one man or a couple of them.

  9. Well l understand what you have been going through but you know you should take advantage of your USA citizenship if they forced you into this no one is supporting you if that guy still loves you and accepts you, you should take help from USA embassy and just go because you see you live once right you tried to do the right thing truth is that your siblings will get married than you wont be have that bonding with them everyone will be busy in their stuff lets be more honest its nature one day your parents have to die than what left is you and your parents are not the one spending life with your cousin its you who will they will go but you still will be in misery and dont forget yes you are pakistani origin but your nationality is not pakistani what is the big thing that can happen you will be alone at the end but if you do go to him remember this its a difficult path people will say stuff about you but you know what l believe you do good or bad people who got big mouths you can never shut them specially when it comes to families
    Just gather your courage and if he still accepts you withnopen heart go to him but you need to make sure that he will take care of you because if he wont than you not gonna have anywhere to go so think first if you have courage and strngth to do this and if you both alone will be able to fight because its not gonna be easy

    • Thank you sister Annie for all you have said. I agree with you completely. The guy that I like is very supportive and is helping me through this alot. He even said he can come get me from pakistan but I told him I don't think that will be safe. It's better if I go back myself and decide everything alhamdulillah I have lots of friends willing to support me once I'm back so the only issue right now is getting back after I issue a new passport since my mom is holding my passport right now. So after I have it I'm leaving asap.
      Jazakallah sis for the advice. May Allah bless you

  10. @ very berry and other sisters may be facing "forced marriage",

    @very berry, I am glad you are still safe and making plan for yourself. Listen, I want you to check out this website: http://www.theahafoundation.org/

    Scroll down in the middle of the page, click the icon: Help for women and girls. There is a pdf resources directory state by state guide. You may need that when you are back to US. Also, there is a phone that you can call and ask for advice (free) and they can bring you back quick and safe. In case you have problem to load it, here's the paste:

    "The US Department of State’s highest priority overseas is the protection and welfare of US citizens. If you or someone you know is a US citizen and could be or has been a victim of forced marriage overseas, please call the US Embassy/Consulate nearest you.
    You can also call the Department of State at 1-888-407-4747 toll free in the United States and Canada or, for callers outside the United States and Canada, a regular toll line at 1-202-501-4444.
    These numbers are available from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday (except US federal holidays). For further information and local embassy and consulate contact details, please refer to the Country Specific Information section on the Bureau of Consular Affairs website."

    "Working with law enforcement, the AHA Foundation was able to help Adeela get a legal order of protection to keep her parents from harming her and move both to a new, undisclosed location where she and her cousin would be safe from their family and community members. "

    Statistically, there are "approximately 3,000 known or suspected forced marriages occurred in the US over a two-year period." You are not alone, get help.

    Last but not least, DO NOT hurry to rush into a relationship with the man you are interested in US. These events are independent, do not mixed it and hurry for a decision. One common mistake that some sisters think it is a solution to fleet from a forced marriage to a "love marriage". Don't cloud your decision. You need time to observe the man if he is the right person for you. You still need to do it Islamically.

    For now, inshallah, come back home safe, get help, finish your study, earn your living, be a good informed muslim inshallah.

    • Sister k, thank you so much. That's exactly something what I was looking for thank you so so much!!! I will be checking the website soon and see what I can do.
      I don't want to take a legal action towards my parents because I don't want to cause problems. Once I'm back I'm going to explain everything to them and make things better. Right now I just want to leave as soon as possible and I wish/hope this can help me through that.
      Thanks a lot btw this website is by ayan Hirsi ali, who talks a lot of crap about islam confusing it with her own culture, but I'm glad she has this set up for girls looking for help.

  11. Also I have another question if someone can help me? My mom has my passport and if I ask for it she'll know what I'm planning to do and she might lock me down completely. I have tried looking for it everywhere but can't find it.i want to get a new one but I heard it's gonna take a long time?
    Can I get it quiker if I tell them my situation?

  12. It took me a while (if my memory is correct, about 3-4 weeks) to get back mine and my children's passport while we were traveling to my home country. (It is a cosmopolitan city, not an underdeveloped country) I needed to provide their birth certificates, social security number, my address proof, marriage certificate,etc etc. That's why I urge you to call them to see if they will treat your case differently. I do not think you will bring any trouble to your family while you try to get away from them. The best way is to call them and express all your concerns, such as you only want to make way back home and do not want to press charge to anyone etc. I think your friend or your college here can help you to proof your identity.

    I understand Ayaan Hirsi Ali is the founder of AHA. I heard about her background and read most of her books. In fact her recent book - Heretic is holding a more moderate attitude towards Islam, not like the other books she wrote. I understand that she did blasphemy Islam and the Prophet (PBUH), I pray that Allah will have mercy on her soul. I do not blame her for what she did and said as her experiences in Islam was really not a positive one. I pray that she will discover Islam again by re-exam the religion. It may be her journey of re-discovery of Islam. By 5, she went through genital mutilation and constantly witnessed how "Islam" treated women badly, unfairly and brutally in her country. Do I blame her? No, I don't and I won't. I wish noone should have gone through what she went through.

    I appreciate her action of founding this organization to help end honor killing, forced marriage and genital mutilation. Exactly because of her background and her painful experiences, she is determined and committed to end these issues in this century. Unfortunately, most of these cases happen in muslim dominant countries and doing it under the name of Islam. India, Pakistan are known culturally pushing "forced marriage" regardless of their religion.

    Sister, for your case, it is a drop in the Ocean. I hope you may make use of the resources and get yourself out of this misery.

  13. Hi veryberry

    I am sorry to read about what you have been going through. It is incredibly courageous of you to post this message and reach out for advice and support.

    The Tahirih Justice Center’s Forced Marriage Initiative provides confidential support to individuals from anywhere in the United States that are facing forced marriages either in the U.S. or overseas. In some cases, the U.S. State Department may be able to assist you in returning to the U.S. if you are overseas. We can help you work with the State Department to return to the U.S. and can also help with safety planning and connect you to other agencies that can provide ongoing support when you are back.

    No one has the right to force you or pressure you to marry, and we encourage anyone facing forced marriage to reach out for support. Our services are client centered, which means we support you by making sure you have the information to stay safe and make your own decisions, and we will continue to support your regardless of what you decide for yourself. Our services are also confidential – we will never share your information with anyone else (including law enforcement or immigration) without your consent.

    You can contact us by emailing or calling 571-282-6161. You can also text us, or use kik, whatsapp, viber, or snapchat to reach us and if any of these are your preferred method of communication we can provide that contact information upon request. If you do reach out to us, make sure to stay safe while doing so by making sure your communication can’t be monitored. Make sure you do not use a phone that may be monitored, and it is always best practice to protect your privacy by creating an anonymous email account that nobody knows about in order to communicate with advocates or others trying to assist you or provide you with support.

    To get help overseas you can also:

    • Contact the Department of State Office of Overseas Citizens Services. They can provide assistance to Americans in crisis overseas. Call 202-501-4444 between 8 a.m-8 p.m. EST; after-hours, call 202-647-4000 and request to speak with the OCS duty officer.

    • Go to or contact the closest U.S. Embassy or Consulate for help. To find the closest embassy or consulate to where you are please click here: http://www.usembassy.gov

  14. passport takes time I know

  15. Assalamalaikum sister. I cannot tell you how I felt reading this as this is exactly what is happening to me. 22 years old from US forced to come to Pakistan and forced to get a nikkah done against my will. Threatened that if I say no then I'll get disowned and my parents will never see me again and they will die. But the difference in my case is my younger sister is engaged to the mans younger brother. And they say if I break it off then she will not get to marry the man she loves. My parents have kept me trapped in the house, said there's no need to go to school although I'm halfway through medical school. Taken my passports. Threaten me everyday. Tell me they have spiritual "friends" who guide them and this is what those friends want. I've been beaten countless times over saying no. Now they are saying they will have the wedding ceremony in a month because their "friend" will kill me otherwise. I have no idea what to do. I hate the man. I want no life with him. He's much older than I am. I will never love or respect him. But my dad keeps saying peoples minds change. But I don't know how to go against them. I don't know if it's respect or fear but I want to keep them happy despite everything they have done but I also want myself to be happy too. Why should I be the sacrificial lamb for my entire family who wouldn't do the same back to me? Please let me know what's happened in your case.

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