Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents forcing me to talk to my fiancee romantically.



I am 21 year old from India. I have been engaged to my cousin from last three years and he wants me to be romantically involved. I denied and that created lot of fuss, now my parents too want me to be in touch with him and talk to him the way he wants. I don't understand what to do? Please help me in the light of shariah; should I go against my parents wish and hurt them? I don't want to commit sin, neither do I want to hurt my parents.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister,

    First of all, what do you mean by engaged? I know some people use the term engaged to mean they plan to marry, while a few use it to mean they have had the nikah but have not moved in together yet.
    Have you had the nikah with him?

    If yes - then he is your husband and you can be romantically involved with him

    If no - then read below.

    I found an extract from a website which answers your question:

    'Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the parents ask their children to associate anything with Allaah and to commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents. In all cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents. They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allaah in the process. '

    'Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood may Allaah be pleased with him said: “I asked the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) which deed is most liked by Allaah? He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him: ‘Then what? He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

    “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Quran 31:14]

    There is no doubt the parents in Islam have a high status, especially the mother. We must treat them with respect and endeavour to obey them - except when they ask to commit shirk or sins. We must realise the difference between obedience and kindness and respect. In all cases we must be respectful to our parents, even if they are not being the same to us, or are iniviting to evil. But we do not have to obey them in some circumstances.

    In this case (assuming you have not had your nikah done with this man) being romantically involved with him or any non-mahram is a sin. So do not obey your parents. Be kind, tell them you are sorry but until you do nikah you can't to be 'romantically involved because it is a sin.' Be respectful but firm, even if they get upset.

    Ask them to do the nikah sooner if they so wish.

    Please read these links, there are hadith which may be useful if you need to explain to your parents.

    Sara Editor

  2. If you talking about getting involved with him in haraam ways forget it that involves all lovey dovey stuff etc. Your parents are in the wrong, and why have you waited 3 years to be engaged is this guy serious in marrying you? Whats even the fuss being made about the fact you dont want to sin or go against whats feels right and what feels wrong. Also if your not comfortable then say dont let your parents force you to marry this guy, at end you have to deal with it so you have a choice to speak up now in what you want not your parents.

    I strongly advise you to tell your parents to marry you off to this guy otherwise you may make a mistake you may later regret, but even talking leads to sin so i dont understand why your parents would want you to do that. If its to get to know the guy i suggest you have him there while your parents are, never be alone with him regardless.

    • also do not get involve talking to this guy romantically unless you marry him so your marriage is halaal otherwise this guy is nothing to you at the moment even if you are engaged, it means nothing in eyes of allah he is non mahram to you.

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