Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents in law staying with you

A house can start to feel crowded when the in-laws are staying with you.
A house can start to feel crowded when the in-laws are staying with you.


Is it right for parents in law who have their own home, to come and stay with you and your husband and children?

My privacy in my own home will be gone..  They are good people, but I know. that familiarity breeds contempt also.

- Kammy

Wael's Answer:

Dear Kammy, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

It depends on the situation, in my opinion. Are they just coming for a visit? Then be patient and do your best to get along and to make them comfortable until they return home.

Are they coming to live permanently? Why would they do that if they have their own home? If it's just because they miss having people around and they need some company, then I suggest you talk to your husband about it. Your husband can explain to them kindly that although they are always welcome to visit, a married couple needs their privacy and and the two of you prefer to have your house to yourself.

However, if they are coming to stay because they are elderly and no longer able to take care of themselves easily, then your husband has an obligation to take them in and care for them. That's one of the obligations of life, part of the cycle of care that many of us must experience at some time.

Allah says in the Quran, Surat Al-Israa:

(23) And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

(24) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."

(Quran 17: 23-24)

Therefore we have an obligation to care for them in their old age.

So I think it's reasonable to want your privacy and space, but it depends on the situation.

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.

(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.

Best regards,

- Wael Abdelgawad Marriage Advice Muslim Matrimonial Service

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1 Responses »

  1. Asslam-o-Alaikum sister,
    I think sister your parents in laws have a right over their son as they gave birth to him and then went through every difficulty of his brought-up.Now when they are old they might want some company and care from their children and family.Have a big heart and seriously think if you could really adjust them in your home. I dont think any parents would like to spoil the married life of their son and they might like to be with their grand-children.It might turn out to be a good experience for you and your children and for them as well.It depends on the situation.
    May Allah guide you.

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