Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents’ past is preventing my marriage

Love in Islam

The Prophet (sws) said, "There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage."

There's a guy who I wish to get married to but my past about my parents is coming in the way. My mum married my dad without her parents' permission as they were not happy with it, but after few years she committed suicide and 2 years later my dad was murdered. then I lived with my granddad along with my sister and brother. However, my granddad was very old and could not take responsibility of us anymore so my aunty took us.

I'm 21 years old and I like this guy who I wish to get married to. He told his mum about me and she was not happy but she still agreed to meet me as she wanted to ask me few questions. But then after few day she spoke to him and said she's not happy and that's not what she had planned for him.

I can do housework, cook, clean and I pray 5 times a day; also I'm working and doing studies part time but she's still not happy even after knowing that her son is happy with the way I am and that is what he wants as well but he doesn't want to upset her or go against her.

I don't understand what I can do or say to her to make her understand. I know i'll do my best to keep him happy and his family as I never had proper family of my own

Can someone please help me out, I'm really hurt I feel whoever I get close to ends up leaving me or I get separated from.

Jazakallah Khair

M. Tariq


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6 Responses »

  1. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    First of all, may Allah have mercy on your parents and forgive them, and grant them Jannah! Ameen.
    Please don’t forget to pray for them too during your regular prayers and during your extra-night prayers.

    As for your case, I don’t really know how to help you. However, I was thinking that it would be better to leave the guy to save your own dignity. Leave him and then focus on your ibada, while you learn much about your Deen at the same time.

    Also, pray for a religious brother who is better than the guy, a brother who will put Allah first before his family and marry you for the sake of your Deen, without looking at your parent’s past. If everything about your Deen is acceptable, then that should make you irresistible to the best Muslim brothers, InshaAllah.

    Leave the guy and repent to Allah, if anything haram has already happened between you and him in private. As keeping yourself clean will earn you much blessings in your future marriage and family, InshaAllah. If the guy is meant for you, Allah will surely make him come for you at the right time, InshaAllah.

    You really don’t have to loss your dignity just because you want to be married, just as you don’t need to bring yourself low (like saying things like you could do housework, cook, clean etc) just because you want to be married. I mean you don’t need to beg for marriage. Put all your trust in Allah, and pray to Him. He will suffice you when the right time comes, InshaAllah.

    I wish I had more to add, but I am short of words. InshaAllah other brothers and sisters may add more advice.

    May Allah be with you, and may He ease things for you! Ameen.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum,

      I think what Sister Midnightmoon has written is better and enough. Therefore, I would prefre for my comment to be delated.

      Jazakumullahu Khair

      • I think there is value in what you wrote, and it's good to have different perspectives.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalaamualaikam

        I think your comment gives another perspective that's equally valid, and it can be good to have more than one viewpoint (if we all had the same opinion, the internet would be far less interesting) - your posts are well considered and helpful, so it would be a shame to delete it.

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, may Allah ease your burdens and help you and your family find peace.

    From what you've written, you have coped admirably with exceptionally difficult circumstances - you have remained steadfast in your faith, continued your studies, found a job to help support yourself... MashaAllah. Many people wouldn't be able to do even one of these.

    If you and this man wish to marry, then it is your wali's approval which is essential, not his mother's. Therefore, if despite your best efforts she continues to be negative about her son marrying you, he can go ahead without her agreement if necessary.

    That wouldn't be ideal though, and I understand and applaud your desire to win her over. Why not try to arrange a meeting where the two of you can discuss her concerns openly, maybe with your aunt there as well - that way you can reassure her that you are of good character and integrity?

    Throughout this, please remember to keep your interactions with this man halal, and pray istikhara - trust in Allah to guide you to what is best for you in this life and the next.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Al Salam Alikoum wa Rahmat Alaah wa barakato

    My opinion is different than that of the others it may be that I'm raised in a middle east Muslim country and i think differently than you

    From what I have read you are still young and got difficult life which made you eager to have a normal family and also from What I have read you pray for Allah (which mean that you are on the right way ) So why didn't to take it as a sign from Allah that he is not the man you deserves you .... He isn't the man that stands for his choices and defends his opinions

    About your parents .... They are part of you and anyone wants to marry you must accept your past and hold your hand during future. don't meet his mother you already met her and the Egyptian proverb says
    "to be stocked in your parents home is better than marriage you always regret"
    قعدة الخزانة و لا جوازة الندامة
    Best of luck i
    take care of yourself

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