Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His parents reject me because I am not an Egyptian

Making it a Halal Relationship by Marriage

I am an American female (32) and he is an Egyptian Male (32). We became friends long ago by chat. I have even visited Egypt and met him in person. We were considering marriage before I reverted, and at that time the revolution was beginning and circumstances changed. We stopped talking.

Fast forward 1.5 years now.

I am now Muslim. I became a Muslim shortly after we stopped talking. I had made my decision after years of trying to decide what to do and which is the right path. Islam is for me. I have struggled with my transition because the local Masjid is very small and to be honest I have only met 7 ladies who attend, and 6 only during a bbq. I'm doing my best to learn simple things like prayer etc. Online I am watching and trying to learn, it is not easy for me with this format but I am trying. I also am in the process of learning Arabic.

I am told that I should get married because it is good, and also a better way to learn Islam as I will be living and learning. I contacted my old friend told him this. To be honest I have loved him since 2002, and this story for us has been very long. His parents do not agree for him to marry me because of from what I understand are traditions, and mainly because I am not Egyptian.

I am still reeling over the fact that even considering me at all was an explosion of tempers for his family. I'm not sure why as a Muslimah that I'm being rejected just because of where I was born, and possibly because I am a revert.... That is another story.

I'm not sure what to do... I plan to move to Egypt and take a job teaching English early next year. It has been a dream of mine to return since I was there over 4 years ago. My eyes were opened to Islam, the examples of faith I saw when I was there allowed me to see Islam with clear eyes and make my final decision. My family is accepting (non-Muslims) and his is not. Any advice on this subject available?

I truly believe I am in love with him, and no one over the years has come close to compatibility as they never compared to him.

Either way I will still move as it is my dream to live in an Islamic country for some time.

~ jassie


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11 Responses »

  1. Salam Jassie,

    I can perceive the level of trauma that you are going through. The agony of a shattered heart cannot be salvaged. However, all I wish to tell you are 3 important words: Faith, Hope and Perseverance. Trust me on this one. If you believe in Allah, just remember Allah in your heart every time you feel low and shattered You don't have to go to a mosque and religiously perform Salat. Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein.

    Allah will understand. He is testing your love. Don't lose hope.Don't relinquish come what may. Take the first flight to Egypt and convince her parents. Cook her parents a nice Egyptian meal. Be Cogent and confident.

    Allah will not let you down. He will protect you and will send personal angel to help you. Allah always does.

    All the Best !

  2. Salam

    When I read your question, I want to answer, because well, I'm a foreigner in Egypt, so I can see why his parents react the way they do. In my opinion, some Egyptians are still very much holding on to traditions, especially in some areas/cities in Egypt, while others are not so much. His parents must have a Muslim Egyptian girl in mind, the typical ones.

    Have this guy of yours talk to his parents about you? Convince them to at least give you a chance? What is his opinions on this? Because sadly to say, a lot of Egyptians guys tend to blindly follow what their mums want them to do, regarding this 'marriage' business.. So I'm asking you to ask him on his opinions, choices, and decision on this. He knows how his parents are like, can he persuade them or not?

    Because sister, to marry a person, you Not only have to marry him, BUT his family as well.. You have to get along with them. Try to get to know them better, what they like/dislike, their culture, faith, opinions, mentality. Because all this are important.

    I think it's great that you're a Muslim now mashallah.. and even Better you took the initiatives of searching/going to mosques to gain knowledge. This is VERY crucial as a student can not study without a teacher. Find a teacher, someone that can guide you through. Be friends with the Muslims sisters there in your area.

    About you wanting to come and live in Egypt, I can see why is that. Egyptians' hearts are pure, and I felt in love with them as well.. The Ramadhan here is more beautiful and very special. You are welcome here, and regardless of the guy/his family, I hope you will have a wonderful time here in Egypt, inshallah.

  3. Just remain blessed and keep pray to almighty God den wil be ok of ur life insha Allah

  4. Jassie,
    First, i am happy for you because you have reverted. Islam is such a beautiful and fulfilling faith.
    It is so sad that culture can stop us from marrying those we love. I mean you two share the same faith and would like to be married to each other.what exactly are the reasons for the parents denial for thsi marriage to take place?? If the reasons are not 'real' i dont see why you should not marry.
    Ask this man to speak to his parents very nicely so that they can bless the marriage. Islam asks us to respect our parents. But when it goes beyond the boundaries of islam i.e if they ask us to do haram things or sin, we should not obey. It is Allah first then them.
    This life is full of trials and tests. Who knows? Maybe it is your test.I pray that Allah makes it easy for you if it is right for you.
    If it works out or not, dont let it stop you from teaching in Egypt. I hear it is beautiful there. Such a great opportunity.
    Salams.

    • Yes but what about commuting sins yourself like chatting on.internet not allowed in Islam.
      Marriage proposal.must be made to wali! It is forbidden for a girl to do alone.

      Makes it easy for the man, and the men know that girl is easy prey.

      Talk about sinning regarding their situation too. Sinning by talking to man and falling inlove by flirting and being passionate with feelings that Haram and we know work of saytan they fell in that hole now they want a Alllahs blessings? Just a joke.... do something Haram you should be prepared to be punished for it.

      Stop the sin and repent to Allah that means cutting off ties with this non mahram.
      Otherwise this marriage not blessed by Allah and you deserve all the bad coming to you....

      • Settle down mate.. She knew this man prior to coming to Islam. What she did before coming into Islam is forgiven by Allah swt, so who are you to judge her? Her conversion was after she broke ties with the man.
        Even if it werent the case, this is no way to give advice to people.. Not the proper manners anyway. We should be compassionate towards one another not point fingers and paint everything in black and white.. Your post is exactly the reason why so many people turn away from muslims and unfortunately Islam.

  5. hello Jassie, my name is Sophie and am actually going through the same pain, my boy friend is Arab American and am an African gal from Uganda. l meet my boyfriend 2years ago, we have dated all this time, he has come to see me in Uganda several times but most of the time we have had a long distance relationship, time came and he has proposed to me, l happily accepted his proposal and told my parents about it. when he told his parents about us, they asked him the kind of girl he intended to marry, he told them every thing and on learning that l was an African, they threatened to disown him, his mom swore never to approve our marriage, we were supposed to get married in November this year, am so depressed and confused. l feel like my life is at its worst. my boyfriend is the love of my life, what do i do.

    • Thats the issue there.

      You doing things Haram.way. no relationships out of marriage in Islam. No dating mi boyfriend no "fallen inlove". Sorry but bought this upon yourself you commit Haram accept the consequences.

  6. First of all a BIG SALUTE and congratulations to accept ISLAM and learn about it...WOW, you are a real example..

    Now here is a peice of suggestion that somebody told when i was going through tough situation of interfaith marriage..
    When Alexander (THE GREAT) was winning the world... He didnt had big army... ALL he had was brave solders and trust in their leader...

    In your case the same is the situation... I realized that you love this man alot, does he love you the same??

    If so, you guys need to get together and decide the end goal of your relationship... IS marraige the end goal or something else?
    Keep the end goal in mind and then try and convince their parents! Just like Alexanders Army knew their destiny and moved ahead...You guys do need to follow the same path!

    I hope i make sense....

  7. Asalam waliykum sister,

    I think thats the problem there.

    You met him in Islamic way.
    Before you even start to think of marriage have u got a wali?
    You need to ask your local imam or someone in the community who is well respected.an elder to be ur wali.

    Have u been previously married? If al you are able to choose a auiter in Islamic way not on chat!
    If you never been married it is for the wali to suggest men to you and to make a suitable match.
    If you next a brother outside and he showed interest you give him your walis contact details you do not entertain chat and "love" which is lust. Love only in marriage... you have fallen for the oldest trick saytan has.

    Once you wali has details he will tall to the brother meet face to face. Of wali pleased with his deen and character then you are allowed to.meet him with wali present. All meetings wali male gaurdin must be there.

    After that families should meet. The important factor is tour wali gives permission if his family not happy not a big issue as in Islam you only need permission from.wali/mahram from girls side.

    However you should not be selfish... are u happy to do an Islamic thing? Destroying his family?
    You should marry a.man who respects you first of all. Not a man who u met on chat that is not Islamic at all.
    He could of done that with several usa women that's what they do. I am Arab woman I know they like western women east prey. Especially naive reverts. I know in UK I have many freinds who are English reverts married Egyptians and Algeria ended in divorce. Got married as a Jew Muslim.bad idea.

    Love Allah first take time to grow in your deen, learn to respect yourself and not to sink so low and so desperate to look on the internet in the Haram manner.

    If you.must use then net at least use an Islamic marriage site which has regylatuons so non of this flirting happens. Egyptian men are good with words I know personally and nearly fell for that.

    Ask yourself this if you want Allahs blessing who you are meant to live more then any man why would you disobey him??? Why would you do Haram? And then you ask why bk blessing in this marriage?
    You disobey Allah and do Haram you think he will bless your marriage?

    Do it the permissible way aa outlined above and you will see Allah male it easy and you meet a man who respectable you and not a man who juat flirta and chats up new Muslims on the internet.

    Give that a go and you will get allahi blessing. Do it the Islamic way.
    I can only say fear Allah have taqwa and don't disobey Allah.

  8. I would like to add I know an American revert who married an Egyptian currently living there. She married him only having been a Muslim for a short time.
    His family never accepted her and refuse to visit theory flat in Cairo.

    They never accepted her as daughter in-law and constantly little and curse her in Arabic she has 2 children. Her husband wanted to make his parents happy so married am Egyptian who lives with his parents as you can imagine they cut first wife out and she is like an unwelcome great and her husband has no sympathy.

    Do you care what happens when you do grow in your religion don't respect yourself first?
    Lobe Allah first and then.Allah will bring you a man a real man.

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