Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents rejected good proposals, but making me marry someone I don’t like

I am the only daughter, my other sibling being one elder brother only. I am writing this because I feel really helpless. My parents had always kept an exceptional amount of focus on me, even as a child. I took it as something positive and considered myself lucky. But when I grew up and families started sending proposals of marriage for me, my parents did not inform me at all. In the begining, I was relatively young, 18 or 19, I thought it was a good thing. They were trying to protect me, but now I am 23. People send proposals for me, my parents do not tell me and instead force them to give a negative response TO ME so that I get discouraged about taking matters in my hand.

Everyone, my maternal and paternal aunts, uncles, cousins; everyone knows all this. I belong to modern family. My brother did a very passionate love marriage four months ago. People laugh behind my back. Now my parents have gotten me engaged to a guy I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY. I have known this man forever, I do not like him. He is full of himself, superficial. etc. etc.
Moral of the story, this is tip of the ice-berg and I am getting suffocated to the extent that I am starting to hate them. Even in matters not relavent to this situation, I feel continuous hatred for them. This 'circus' has been going on for five years now and I REALLY CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
They read my personal emails and letters and deide things without asking me. I get so many proposals that my mom are now diverting them to girls who need good proposals. But she keeps saying on my face that you are not pretty, you are not this or that. You will never get married. I was interested in a guy. And he was really very deeply in love with me. Even my parents were impressed by his passion, but they did not even ask me. They kept refusing until he gave up hope. I am not saying I was in love with him, but this is most interested I have ever gotten in a guy.

I am so sick and so stuck. Please help me out! I know it looks lot more domestic than an Islamic issue, but my father is very religious, I am hoping you can point out some facts in Islamic law that make him rethink his behaviour. This situation is making me aimless about life. My family acts as if getting me married is the biggest issue they have. And they do not let me make any other plans. But then they do not do anything decisive about this situation either. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? Please help me!

-roohi


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3 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, sister roohi,

    You cannot be forced to marry someone you don´t want to marry. Forced marriage is haram, haram, haram. Then, don´t give up, don´t give your consent to marry your cousin, if you don´t feel attracted towards him, just stay firm and say: No, until Insha´Allah, someone that you like, propose and fights for you.

    This is a question of endurance, be patience and don´t let your parents make you lose hope or patience, be respectful and loving to them, try to heal all that hatred that is growing up in your Heart, forgive them, specially your mum for her jealousy towards you, ask Allah(swt) to soften your Heart towards them and ease your path to marry the person you are meant to be with, insha´Allah.

    Accept this process as a test where the quality of your Heart and your trust on Allah(swt) is being tested and your parents are the one that offered themselves to help you through this growing process, then Alhamdulillah, this will finish when you have learnt the lesson, Insha´Allah.

    Be firm in your salat and your dua. Repent from Heart from the feelings towards your parents and put yourself in Allah(swt) hands, He(swt) knows all and knows best and the best, Alhamdulillah.

    I have you in my Heart, sister, May Allah (swt) reward you with the best for you. Ameen.

    From Heart to Heart,
    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Assalaam Alaykum w.w
    I don't know from where you are because every society has different culture and the answer is related. However,
    One of the way to solve your case is contacting one of the people your father trust, like your uncle or any relative and explain your story to him, without lilting your family know. then ask or text" SMS" or call the man who want to marry you to come to your family through this man.

    I wish you the best

  3. dear roohi.

    I am in the same situation you are. to disobey your parents is not good either and to obey them in the wrong thing is also bad. Am also confused because my parents have refused me to marry the man I love for reasons best known to them. Its a serious dilemma.
    We can only hope on God (Allah)

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