Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents will not approve of marriage with non-muslim woman.

Salaam,

Hi brothers and sisters. I am writing today to get insight, advice, and a probable solution to a issue I have been facing. Me and My family are from Pakistan I have met this great Christian hispanic woman. We have talked about everything ranging from our cultures to religion to our lives together. She respects my religion and I respect hers, she said she will consider converting but she needs to learn more to consider. My parents do not know but the issue is that they are strictly against this. I have brung the topic up multiple times about marrying a woman of my choice, or even a muslim woman but their answer was solid. They told me if I marry someone that they do not choose, I will not be a part of their life anymore. They said they will make the decision 100% and I have to abide. I love this woman, I have a feeling we are soulmates and have a connection that will last a lifetime.

I also love my parents. And I am certain they will not change their mind. In Islam we have to respect our parents and show them nothing but gratitude. I am not mad at them, and I understand their mind set, but I simply cannot marry anyone else. What should I do? What steps should I take to solve this issue. The only solution I have thought of is leave the house in my own terms and let them calm down, and later pray for their acceptance. Please show me a way..

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6 Responses »

  1. There is respecting your parents, and there is being a slave to them. Sounds like you are the latter. You need to man up and insist on your Islamic and human rights to choose your own wife. Be honest with your parents and tell them that you love and respect them, and that you would do anything for them...but marriage is something that's far too serious and personal to be a choice you will let them make for you. Tell them that you understand their disappointment, but it's actually your Islamic right to choose your own wife...that it's not their Islamic right to choose her for you.

    Another reason why you need to man up is because you're thinking about becoming someone's husband. And as a husband, you need to have a spine and a pair of balls. For your wife and for your children, that are going to rely on YOU - the man of the house - to protect them, defend them and have their back. How are you going to protect and defend your wife and children when you can't even defend and protect yourself? You are not ready to be a husband, in my opinion, until you have a serious and honest chat with your parents. It's not disrespectful at all...and as a man, these are the sorts of things you'll have to get used to doing: Stand up to your parents (or anyone) when they are being oppressive and unfair. You sound more like a 13 year old boy that still relies on weekly 10 dollar allowances from mommy and daddy, and whose curfew is at 19.00. grow up, man. What else are you going to let your parents control once you are married? What you feed your kids for dinner every night? When you should have kids in the first place? What colour underwear you should wear?

    You are an adult, and as an adult different standards and rules for what's considered respectful apply. What was respectful of you to do at 13 is irrelevant now. And you need to get that into your head...so you can actually choose the wife that you want and, hopefully, have parents that respect your choice. Maybe not agree with it, but respect that it's your life and your marriage...

    • How dare you! Question his manliness ?

      The brother came here for a solution because he found himself to be stuck in a dilemma . He already has a solution, but just want's to hear others opinion before he makes a decision. To me this is what a man does. He takes every party into consideration and then makes a decision that's right for everyone. Him wanting a second opinion doesn't validate the questioning of his manliness.

      Lindita can we not have any biased advice please. I'm sure if I advice a woman to remain at home and take of the family and cook, I'm sure that would be seen as sexist. Just because your ideal man is the one who beats his wife doesn't mean you should try and transform everyone into this.

      • Hi again, oh molested one. Did your uncle sneak into your room again last night? He must have since you're AGAIN taking your molested frustrations out on me. You really do need to talk to a therapist soon...

        Since you're STILL making assumptions about me, I'll STILL make assumptions about you. I already told you to stop getting personal with me, because these posts are not about me, lol. Why are you so thick that you can't understand that? Are your parents related? They must be siblings, since you're such a massive retard that can't comprehend simple messages.

        Anyway, to answer your question...how dare I question OP's manliness? Very easily, lol. If I was to be scared of questioning anyone, I certainly wouldn't be scared of questioning a "man" that lets his mummy and daddy decide who he has to get married to.

        I see your retardation shines through again: I don't understand why you think there are only two types of men in this world, and that women have to choose between either extreme type. Just because I don't like when men are weak and slaves to other people, doesn't mean I like men that are abusive and aggressive. Maybe, just maybe, I like men that are strong, independent, responsible and that make their own decisions. Maybe in your world all men are either molestors or man children, but if your mummy allowed you to leave the house once in a while, you'd maybe see that there are lots of men out there that are neither pussies or abusers.

  2. hopelessromantic 1945,

    I agree with Lindita's advice, and I certainly hope you were not born in 1945!

    Nor

  3. Brother, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am going to speak from my own experience. I am a Catholic Hispanic woman that fell in love with a Muslim man. I loved him and I still do but his parents were so against our relationship. At first, he kept as a secret which I did not understand but when he showed me about Islam I learned so many beautiful things that I even adopted for myself. I learned how to dress more modest and learned about Quoran and Ramadan. After some time he decided to tell his parents and everything was a No No..he decided to leave his house and family and move out to his own place...after some years his father got very sick and was in the hospital the family called him saying his father wanted to talk to him before something happen well he went to meet his father while in the hospital, it was very sad because I could not even come to say hi to the family, they are very strict Muslim family, they dont like woman who does not cover themselves etc etc etc, his father asked him to marry a Muslim girl they have for him before he dies and it was all. I remember I was waiting in the parking lot and he came out really sad and apologize to me and told me what was going on and he can not leave his father dies before marry this girl approved by his all family. My world collapse in that moment but I did myself understand what the parents are for a Muslim person. We decided to do no speak/see each other anymore and after some time I knew he got married. I still love and learn from Islam thanks to him. It was his precious gift for me and I will be always grateful for it.

  4. Once you decided to get married on you own and have children, then maybe the children will soften their hearts and your parents will want to continue the relationship with you. I don't know what advise to give you. It's the fact that you want to marry a non-Muslim woman is hurting them. They raised you Muslim, thinking that you will carry that Islamic practice, culture and values with your future wife. You can marry whoever you want. They can't force you to marry someone of their choice. Brother whomever you marry, consider if you'd be able to have a Islamic environment at home. Kids spend more time with their mom's and tend to choose less stricter religion or choose not to be any religion. There's too much fitnah in this world now, raising kids can be challenging.

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