Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents wont let me marry the person I love because they fear what others will say

unhappy woman, sad and alone,

I been in love with this guy for 4 years, and I know it was wrong that i talked to him, but i never did anything but talk to him, and i have stopped now. He has asked for my hand many times, but peoples opinons would get to my parents head, cause they say his family are not very good and have many problems and over that are very poor.

And i know his family may be like that but he is a gud man, and people know that, but my parents do care what people say and they said even if the guy is gud, still his family is not good, and family is importand cause i will be part of them. I tried to convince them but they wont let me, everyone in my family dont because of his families reputation.

He is in Deep love with me and so am I, I cant imagine my life without him and he is going crazy that he cant have me, Since he asked for me many times, I dont know if i should let go and listen to my parents, or keep fighting but i feel so helpless and feel that they will never let me have him, even though i dont think i will never feel happy without him. He is also a good guy, and has faith and prays everyday. Please help to give me advice!



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80 Responses »

  1. Follow as per your parents wish.

    • well since your an adult its her choice who she wnna marry like dude marrige is meant for a couple who truly love eachother like you and your guy and you are an adult so its your decision,just sit your parents down and talk to them and tell them that marrige is meant for true love and that you are old enough to make your own decisions but you still respects them and also ask them if they care what people will say or for their daughter's happiness,i know it hurts when your parents wont let you marry someone you love even though you are an adult i told my parents i love this guy and that im old enough to make my own decisions but they never listened then one day i sat them down and told them kindly and they thought about it and on that same day i brought my guy home,he respected my famliy and soon they said that they want to get to know him well and when they did they saw what a great guy he was and let me marry him,but they didnt want me to marry him in the beginning cause they were over protective and thought that since i secretly dated him he might of being using me but soon they found out he was great so we married when i was 19,still in uni but its k anyway many people marry at 19-20 even most of my friends married at that age ,we married when i was 19 but birthday in 1 month so i was basicly almost 20 not so much difference and then i was pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy @ 20 ,life is amazing but sometimes us girls have to fight for our rights,in my house my parents used to let my brovs out wiv friends only so i lied to them and went out with friends and at teenage age i used to wear really slutty clothes for like one year when i was 16 secretly but then realized my parents were right becoz all the guys only wanted me for my body but wen i stopped i got mr.right so yh i think she shud stick up for her rights

  2. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister, first of all, your relationship with this man is Haraam. Talking of love with a non Mahram is Haraam in itself.
    Your parents are not totally wrong. They want the best for their daughter. They think he wouldn't be able to take care of you. If he intends to marry you, the only solution is that the man comes to your Wali who happens to be your father, and asks for you in Marriage, convincing him that he will take good care of you and he will keep you away from his family.
    And you should cut all contact with him. If your father agrees, Alhamdulillah. If he doesn't, still Alhamdulillah. Maybe he will choose a better person for you.
    Know that there is nothing in Islam like saying "I can't do without him" concerning a non Mahram.
    If your father disagrees, then take your time, keep yourself busy in Allah's Worship, cut contact with the man, and develop some taqwa, and insha Allah, you'll find every solution in it. Then, you can ask your father to choose a righteous person for you. And remember, you are not being forced. You have full right to accept or reject a man in marriage. And also remember that Nikaah is invalid without the approval of the Wali.

    [Do not forget to offer Salatul Istikhaarah first]

    May Allah give you the best match possible
    Muhammad Waseem

    • This is complete crap. So you're saying that she isn't able to speak to someone about "love" unless she is supervised? That's basically imprisonment. I wouldn't let the man I love be cut off from my life because my father disapproves. I'm actually in that situation, and I'm the one who has to be with whoever I marry...not my parents. If my parents don't approve then they don't have to be in my life...because it's MY life...not theirs. This way of thinking is backwards and stuck in the stone-age...oh of the many reasons I left this religion...and I hope Leena didn't follow this advice. with who you love no matter what..because what you have is a precious gift and don't let religious dogma take it away from you.

      • I 100 % agree. Islam gives us right to choose a groom for us. No stupid fellow can deny this fact. Why this is compulsory to get the consent of the bride at the time of nikah?? because it is order and will of Allah. We the females should stand against the illogical, irreligious dominance of stupid men. Allah taala' surah nisa main kia fermatay hain?? Men se kehtay hain keh agar tum insaf kar sako to 2, 3, 4 nikah karo, lekin yeh (Insaf karna) asan nahin iss liye behtar hai aik per qanaat karo. please read Quran and follow on it. You are right BTMH, it is girl who has to be with who ever she marries, not her parent. Choosing husband is our right, we should fight for this right.

    • how cn the best match is possible when the guy she love will alwayz be in her mind.why cnt her love be her best match.i m too gng frm same situation.i just lyk to ask question to parent we knw we hve done wrng by loving non mahram.what hell is wrong when we want do nikah n make it halal.its nt possible to forget what happend in life betwen dem.if get married to persn of parents choose it will be deception for both the guys.and by the way a guy never marry da girl when he get to knw dat she had a bf in past.if he cnt forget dat.why da girl should becme angel by marrying a person of parents choice.

      • AOA, I love someone from past 2 years and i told my parents about it and they straight away said no because of their reputation and as we are from pakistan what will people talk about me choosing a guy myself.they blackmailed me saying we wil have heart attack and dont do this to us.We love each other alot his parents are okay with and ready to talk to my parents but my parents dont even want to talk to them and just said no.I cant marry someone else iam a human i have feelings.I cant marry anyone else and ruin my and the guys life too...Please help me because i feel like running away and getting married but then its stops me because theyre my parents.And my guy doesnt wana do anything against my family wishes.
        Does other people's thinking really matter in our culture than to what your daughter feels? i dont want to against them pls give me something to recite everyday that it will happen and we will get married happily with our parents happiness too..I have done istikhara and it came postitve but my parents dont even care about that.
        we wil be in a long distance relation for 2 3 years so iam afraid if they try to force me to get married to someone else in the mean time..PLEASE i beg of u help me in this situation.If theres something to recite pls help me out with it.

        • AOA, i read your comment and i am going through the exact same situation. what happened at the end? are you married to the guy you fell in love with?

          • Did you manage to get the to agree? If so, how did you do it?

          • Im a boy 17 year old my love is 16 year old , iknow its haram completly haram to date a girl unless we are married , but since its been 3 years Alhamdulilllah i cant leave her . Her parrents wont accept me . but still i will fight , because its my life and i choose to whome i want to spend my entire life . if you people are stuck in this kind of bullock proble and your relation is less than 1 year (lol) , i recommend you to sort out the matter btw your bf/gf and chose Allah SubhanAllah ta Allah raod of cleanlight .

            Assalamo alikum ,
            Feroz saleem

          • Feroz, your problem lies in the first sentence of your comment: "Im a boy 17 year old my love is 16 year old , iknow its haram completly haram to date a girl unless we are married, but..."

            No brother. There is no, "I know it's haram, but..." If you know it is haram, then behave accordingly.

            If I were the girl's father I would give you a good beating until you leave my daughter alone.


    • As salam ualaikum

    • My friend you do not have intellect. Allah has given you knowledge so use it wisely. Falling in love is haram. But have feelings for someone is totally fine. Since feelings is from heart. Yes feelings nowadays mean lust which is absolutely wrong. Parents do have the right to reject. But only with the right reasons. But if the reasons are like; because he is poor. Then unfortunately that is unislamic reason. Because if he has good character; then he will surely will please God. Parents have an obligation to listen to child if there is a conflict and child doesnt agree. Since they are adult and will enter their own graves. Parents have done their part of raising the child. If child opposes then its better to listen to child and have them make the mistake. The generation and the world we live in has changed. You are being hypocritical by saying she cannot be forced into marriage because she can reject proposals. Well in that case the options she is recieving from her parents are still of their choice which essentially is forcing “option” upon the child. Please use your intellect wisely. But ofcourse, the child should cut contact with that person and also parents should get them immediately married if child doesn’t agree and is stubborn. Allah knows best, he is all wise and all wisdom belongs to him.

  3. MAK, advice from a movie? I think the sister is seeking an Islamic advise. And the love you speak about is Haraam. Any relationship with a non Mahram is disapproved in Islam.

    Muhammad Waseem

    • The girl is seeking for marriage , if she wouldnt know that the relationship she is having is haram she wouldnt seek for marriage in the first place. She wants halal and parents don't let her have halal , she is attracted to the person so she wants marriage. Saying that she is doing something that's haram is not helpful.

      • She loves some one and wants to marry her
        In order to have a halal n pure relationship.
        I have the same problem n i can feel her.
        I cant stop loving him and the thing my parents are
        Doing just puts me in more sins. Isnt that haram to
        Love a person n marry an other person? I myself want
        To be in Nikah with him. But if my parents wont let,
        Obviouly it would harm me n put me in more sins

        • Agree with Mehri, thanks so much for advice....i have same problem.

          • I have same problem roshni and don't know what to do. My parent force me to married someone I don't love and don't let me married someone I love and that man that I chose it's more better then they man my parent chose because they don't know him but because it's near to me that's why they want me to married him. I f I married him and my heart with someone als it's not haram ???? I thing it's haram i love someone and married someone

        • i am also agree and i am in same position.....

      • Love in islam is halal provided you dont sin.. the feeling towards another is purely halal, and the best thing for 2 people in love is marriage. This is from an authentic it up!

    • loving someone is not at all haram you are completely wrong 🙂

  4. Salam sister Leena,

    Have you met the brother? If yes, and during these course of four years you have not seen or noticed anything wrong in him then your parent's should not be a barrier to the liking of marriage of your choice to this brother. Not all five fingers are the same. You have the right to marry someone of your choice.

    If your parents, are not going to agree at all, try to get your trusted uncles/aunties involved. They may speak on your behalf, but if they are also against it or some other reason, then you can make the imam of your masjid your wali. Make sure if you take the last option, you still need to inform your parents of your decision, because secret marriage is not allowed in Islam.

    However, if you do not wish to go against your parents wishes, then yes, you need to continue with your stop by not talking to the brother again and break all contacts with him- you move on and let him move on with life too.

    My end advise is, if you are 100% sure of this brother's emaan and character, as well as if you feel ready for marriage responsibilities, then try to get married to this brother in most respectable and Islamic manner possible.

    Also, do estekhara. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) may guide you to one of your most important decision in your life.

    May Allah (swt) make your struggle easy for you, ameen.

    Your sister, Parveen.

  5. Assalamu Alaikum Sister

    I am also in the same position as you. My parents won't let me marry the man I have chosen and want to marry for a few reasons but those reasons are not good enough in an Islamic point of view. All I can say is do Istikhara, have faith in Allah (swt) keep praying and reading Quran too. This is what I am doing. Insha'Allah your parents will understand and realise soon. I will do dua for you please do dua for me too.

  6. Dear Muslimah As-salaam-alaikum,

    Islam is like a deep ocean and what knowledge you get from it is just a handful of water!

    Islam is the same which it was 1400 years ago during the time of prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H), din in islam has the most fazilat over any other affairs and relationships.

    Islam has given all the rights to women to choose their life partner but in the islamic way e.g Hazrat Khadija (R.A) sent the marriage proposal to prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H) at the age 40 when prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H) was just 25 before he got prophecy because he was the most influential personality on the earth(So here Hazrat Khadija selected a right person for her).

    Islam says if you get marriage proposal from a man whose who is noble and has good taqwa then you should accept the proposal or else there will be fitna on earth.

    So my dear sister ... if the guy has good islamic values then your parents should accept this proposal, but again your father is a door for heaven so use the right keys to open the door, never go against the decision of your parents as there is no success for those who dis-obey their parents on earth and in the life after death.


  7. The Prophet – Sallallahu alaihi was Salam said: “If there comes to you one whom you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry him, if you do not do so, there will be fitna in the earth and widespread corruption”

    If this guy is a good person, you love each other, it is fitna to stop the marriage taking place.

    Their is the evil of forced marriage, and then their is the evil of forcing two people of apart.

    So long as you are both Muslims then you should marry.

    If you two were to run away together and fornicate - the fault will be shared by the parents - they are making the halal (nikah) difficult (impossible) on you both.

    A "wali" is an agent, a wakeel, he works on behalf of the woman, and can only object with a valid Islamic reason. This does not allow him to make-up things, use "cultural" baggage, or exaggerate minor issues.

    If the reasons are not Islamic... then find another Wali. Appoint someone else as your wakeel.

    • Salaam,

      I have the almost the same issue. I have accepted Islam with complete faith. Not because i am in love with her. I have faith in Allah. I Love him.

      The girl's parents (neither dad or mom or any other relative) is accepting me. I am a good guy, I earn well, my family is good. However they want their child to marry only in their community, so that everyone in their community is happy. Without thinking about their daughter's happiness. I need a Wali and there is no one, I am not sure whether an Imam would help or not.

      I need to know whether I can take any of her friend or her cousin sister as her Wali, and in case neither one helps, can I ask Imam to be her Wali. As i have recently accepted Islam even my parents won't accept my decision. Hence can i bring two of my muslim friends as my witness for our nikah to be valid in Islam.

  8. exactly agreed with ISLAM.. and for those who are saying that love is haraam, then sorry to use the words but islam is not ur property, if u dnt have knowldge then atleast dnt misguide people.. haraam are those relations which are now a days common in the name of love.. but love actually and truly is a pure and noble feelings.. so pray to ALLAH for ur love .. if ur prayers are made as they should b then absolutely u will meet ur love and INSHA ALLAH will live a happy and peacefull life.. And dnt worry for those people who say u r a girl and wt will people think.. keep in mind that the marriage proposal to HAZRAT MUHAMMAD PBUH was sent by HAZRAT KHADIJA herself .. so pray to ALLAH whole heartedly and with complete beleif .. MAY UR NOBLE DESIRES COME true.. AAMEEEN.

    • Dear Fareeha,

      I appreciate the response you gave. It made me feel relief that somebody was speaking in a way that makes a human feel like they are not crazy or evil for experiencing normal human emotions. And thank you for clarifying that feelings are not evil themselves. Acting on them and passing the barriers of Islam, is haram, but love itself is not haram... That is why our Noble Messenger peace and blessings be upon him said that the the best thing for two people in love is marriage. "But the love feelings should be properly directed, meaning, no touching, no sex before marriage - keep it within limits."

      "Dont worry about two people in love as long as they keep it halal but you should worry about some satanic people who dont like two people in love to be happy with their marriage life, these people try very hard to break it by making up stories, by instigating issues so they fight, argue and lead to crisis..."

      May Allah reward you immensely in this life and the next Fareeha, for explaining it so simply. and in such a way that people can breathe a sigh of relief and have a flicker of hope in the heart - for the halal and that which is pleasing to Allah, the Most High, the Most Merciful.

      • My Pleasure dear 🙂 .. and do pray for me too.. i am also facing some critical situations because my parents r not willing to marry now.. and his parents are forcing him to marry somewhere else.. 🙁 .. plzz pray fr me .. May ALLAH put mercy in my parents hearts.. and they undrstand my emotions and love.. aameen .. :'(

  9. salaam

    we have to get one thing straight love IS allowed in islam the prophet himself fell in love. and he had wifes that are all outside his family. we should educate our families and make them realise that they are going against teaching of islam by prolonging marriage without islamic reason.

    im in the same position after 5 years of my relationship and fighting for getting married im just frustrated and having to cope with university studies at the same time. hes a good guy he prays he works hard and comes from a good family. he's spoken to my family twice and my parents are taking their time. i know we're good together we made it 5 years happily.

    they are getting gunah aswel for prolonging my marriage. i'm 22 years old and have needs life gets difficult without a mehram or spouse to take me to interviews or even shopping even islamic events where i need a mehram to go with me. i want to have a married life and not be in secrecy anymore. im sure this girl is doing the right thing by telling her parents and not hiding behind their back as im sure most girls do. now its the parents job to act upon and give an appropriate yes or no answer with an islamic reason.

    my parents are basically saying to wait after university studies which is fine but i want to be attached so that rishtas from pakistan can stop which my parents say no to anyway. its like they dont want me to get married at all.

    inshallah ill be finishing my degree in 7 months lets see where life takes us. Allah knows best.

    • a.khaliq, I think it is a disrespect towards the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam to say that he fell in love and got married. The reasons he got married to his wives were different.

      Additionally "love", "infactuation", "attraction" are different from "a pre marital relationship". If someone likes a person from the opposite sex to be his or her spouse, the following Hadith applies:

      "Nothing is better for those in love than marriage". [ Transmitted on the authority of Ibn Abbas, Ibn Majah (1847); Al-Hakim and corrected on Muslim's term 2/160, agreed upon by Al-Dhahaby and Al-Baihaqi 7/78; Al-Tabrany, Tammam and others. It is mentioned by Al-Albany in the "authentic ones" (624).]

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

      • I didn't say if he fell in love either before or after marriage the fact is he felt love towards all his wives. I'm sorry if I Made a mistake Allah knows best.
        My problem is that some traditional Pakistani families think love is not real and not allowed.

      • muhammed waseem dats wat we r saying .nthng is betr dan why people r against marriage of own choice

    • You did gunnah for 5 years aswell. And Allah knows best.

      • The reason it's been 5 years is due to my parents not allowing us to get married and prolonging it. Ill let u know that we have stayed in our limits. If it were my daughter saying she wants to get married I would not let her live in sin and talk to the families for marriage preparations. This is the Islamic way to go about it, not prolonging it and making it hard for us,

        • agreed .. making hard any halaal thing and prolonging it is not right.. if they even thing that love before marriage is sin then should arrange the marriage to avoid sin.. not ruin the lives of childeren and getting sin on their own heads as well..

        • a khaliq totally agreed wid u

  10. You have one opportunity to live your life. Don't let your parents live your life for you. Make your own decisions. I was in the same position and followed my heart. I have been happily married for 3 years and I am enjoying life. Family is not family if they emotionally destroy you for making a decision they do not agree with.

  11. dear leena,
    please marry this guy!!!!!!! dont let your parents live your life.. Not many find love. You are very lucky. Embrace it and love him and he will love you and get married =) once you do that trust me your parents will never stop loving you. You do what you gotta do !!! Follow your heart

  12. Asalamu Alikum

    I'm also in a similar situation as you sister Lenaa. I met someone on the internet and he loved me, and he asked my parents for me. But, my Dad thought that it's impossible, and that this guy wanted information obout our family to get us. That's because we come from Syria, and you know what's happining in Syria right now. So, my dad thought that this guy is with Assad regim and want to find out where we are so they can kill us. But, we are not in syria at all. He asked for my hand if we can just be ingajed on the internet baskicly, so we can talk to each other and it would be halal. But my dad said that I'm too young and that this guy is stupid to think about me not knowing how i even look like. I know I have a weard story, but yes we fell in love on the internet and we never saw each other.

    I'm waiting to grow up hahah, I will be 18 soon !!!

    This guy that i talked to you about is actully islamic studies teacher, and he been teaching for three years. He's almost 26 , not old for me in my cultur it's normal.

    But I try not to talk to him now days, we are just going to wait for things to get better in my country Syria. Please pray for them. The only reason i want to keep talking to him is to know if he's alive or not, and to know more about what's going on there.

    Sister Linaa, love is love, and i know it, it's not impossible to leave, but it's very very hard. I think your parents premition is very important, but again it will be your life. I convinced my mother, and she promised me to convince my dad to let us get married when things get better. I think you should do the same. Try to convince your mother that this guy is a good guy for you and that you don't wont anybody else, and let her convince your dad. If they both are not on your side, than leave him but tell them i won't ever get married. If they see how bad you really feel, they will be on your side. If that didn't work, than leave him and think of other things to keep you away from thinking of him. Don't lose your family for the guy, because your family should come first. Sister, love comes and goes, but family is only going to be once. The best thing to do is to let someone else inter your life, but ofcourse in a halal way. Don't make the same mistake again. Love is not harram itself, but talking to a guy with no ingajmet or marriage in between is haram. May Allah forgive me and you and all of muslims. I know that life have changed and now days it's almost imposible to not be in any relations with people from your oppiset sex, but thier is always red lines that we shouldn't cross. I'm in a kufar country and it's hard for me not. Alhamdulilah I don't get involved with any patucular guy ever in college. But, i don't remember how i met this guy on the internet and we got in love. I know it's a mistake, and thats why i wanted to fix it by marriag. But, they said i'm too young because i really was (16). So now waiting for the right time. May Allah guid me and you and all muslims to make the right discations.

    I never felt the diffrence between our ages, because even though i'm young people think i'm in my late 20s because of the way i speak and act. Age, culture, family issues, could be factors to your marriage, but they are not the most important ones. Wha't important is Deen, and maners. Just like The Prophet – Sallallahu alaihi wasalam said: “If there comes to you one whom you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry him, if you do not do so, there will be fitna in the earth and widespread corruption” (this Hadith is telling the parents to allow to allow thier kids to marry who comes with good relation and character, not to the kids themselfs - I speak arabic and memorize this hadith and in english it's hard to see to whom is the prophet talking to, but in arabic it's clear.)

    but again don't let your marriage from this guy create fitna between you and your family. Meaning problems. So ask yourself who's more important and who really care more for you. And who stayed beside you for a longer time. Try in all your might to convince your parents to let you marry him, but if you couldn't do it. Than find a halal love that your parents will excpt, and believe me you will forget him and move on.

    sorry that i wrote alot, I hope i helped you

    May Allah pick what's best for you and me and all our muslim brothers and sisters, and make us live happily with it.

    Asalamu alikum 🙂

    • Wa'alykumsalam,

      Just incase you're unaware, this you should know.

      I met someone on the internet and he loved me
      we fell in love on the internet and we never saw each other.

      This is NOT ' LOVE '. This is infatuation or in my place they call it ' immature ' and ' desperate ' . I don't know if you think its true love or not, but TRUE LOVE (With divine blessings) comes only after marriage, everything before it, is shaytan's tricks and deception basically false desires.

      Allah wanred us when " shaytan said: “I will take of your servants a portion marked off; I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires.." Whoever, forsaking God, takes Satan for a friend, hath of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest. Satan makes them promises, and creates in them false desires; but Satan’s promises are nothing but deception. (4: 117–20)

      This guy that i talked to you about is actully islamic studies teacher, and he been teaching for three years.

      This above statement is ridiculous. Because, Islam doesn't teach this:-

      He asked for my hand if we can just be ingajed on the internet baskicly, so we can talk to each other and it would be halal.

      Engagement doesn't make anything halal in islam. Marriage does. That man is trying to deceive you by making up a lie that he is Islamic teacher and fooling you into believing that engagement makes relationship halal. Even if its true that he is a Islamic teacher, he's behaviour is of a hypocrite.

      Umar mentioned the hadith of the Prophet (SAW): "The thing from which I fear for you the most is the knowledgeable hypocrite." Umar was then asked: "How can a hypocrite be knowledgeable?" To which Umar answered: "He speaks with wisdom but acts with injustice."

      “Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire; no helper will you find for them" [al-Nisaa’ 4:145]

      So basically, It is forbidden to have pre-marital relationship/ gf-bf in islam. Whether online or offline, it is equally haram. You've got to stop it right away and repent. That man online is playing and fooling you, you are very young (only 16) and he might be taking an advantage of your ignorance or maybe visa or whatever. Being in this illegal online relationship will only make Allah angry and severe consequences will befall you. Take heed. You havn't seen that man, your dad maybe right. Very dangerous game you are playing, with fire indeed.

      "And do not approach zina. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil way." [ Surat Al-'Isrā' 17:32 ]

      “The zina of the eyes is looking , the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heartwishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Muslim, 2657

      but talking to a guy with no ingajmet or marriage in between is haram

      Talking to a guy with NO marriage is HARAAM. Being engaged doesn't justify a lawful relationship. Being engaged, both of you are still strangers towards each other. Being engaged doesn't give you the right to talk like how a lawful husband and wife talks. So, Stop communicating with that man in Syria. By continuing it, you'll only let that false 'love' grow between you both which will make the shaytan very happy. Fear Allah for His punishment is severe.

      For now, be dutiful towards Allah. Pray the daily prayers, obey Allah and fear Him. Understand what are the islamic teachings and limits by reading the Quran. Make lots of tawbah and insha'Allah Allah will forgive you. May He guide you. ameen

  13. My parents and family do not treat me the same or equally and I cannot trust my father to find me somebody go marry as he comes across that he doesn't care who I get married to as long as he chooses.
    I know it is haram but I admit being in a relationship with somebody who is very close to me but I know it will be very hard for me to marry him in the future as my family will not accept as he is not Bengali. He is muslim and he is one of the nicest men you will ever meet with such a kind heart but my parents especially my father will not want to know. We want to get married to each other eventually but my parents are very strict upon culture more than religion I feel guilty for lying and going behind their backs so I cut all connection with him and its been months and I am very unhappy I cry myself to sleep because I know he cares and loves me more than any one in my family does.

    • If you're Sylheti, then most certainly your family and relatives wouldn't accept anyone outside the town. Unfortunately this is the culture. Whatever the case is, its great that you've cut all contacts because you might've saved yourself from Allah's wrath and punishment. You obviously knew that your relationship is haram and haram will only lead to troubles and punishments, therefore be firm in ceasing this relationship. Have patience, pray, repent and try to forget him. If he wants to marry you, let him and his family approach your family and ask. If he can't do that, then he should leave you as you'll be another man's wife. Your feelings for him will vanish in time,

      • I've tried forgetting him but he is always in my mind no matter what i do as well as that he said he wants to marry me and wants a future with me nobody else but we still have to sort our education out first. He is scared of my parents and family but he is willing to go through so much, even if i got married to a bengali i know my heart will always be for him and I will be unhappy as I never wanted to marry someone from sylhet or anyone bangladeshi.
        I cry every night because this guy isnt any other guy to me he is my best friend.

  14. Evn d problem wit me is same i luv a girl but i m of 18 nw and she is just 6 months smaller den me v both luv each othr vry much and her parents knows abt us & dey r forcing her to get marry to some one else plzz hlp me my brothers wat should i do

    • Salaams,

      Brother, if you log in and write your question as a separate post with more detail, in shaa Allah we will be able to advise you in turn.

      -Amy Editor

    • I am from India, mumbai. The rule to get married in india for a girl is 21 yrs. Check what is the legal age for her and then tell her to make police call so that her parents stop child marriage. Once you both are of legal age, do a nikah and then court marriage.

      Your Brother Ali.

  15. Listen...if you really love this Muslim man, marry him .... There is nothing wrong if you marry a Muslim man....Don't disobey Allah by marrying a Non-Muslim ....But if the man you love is a Muslim, by all means, fight with all your spirit to make your union halal through marriage ....if you do not marry the man you love, then you will feel miserable your whole life ....Listen, sister, if you do not marry this man in this Dunya, then you will lose him in the Hereafter...the husband and wife in this Dunya will also be husband and wife in the Hereafter .... If this union is not halal, then go and make it halal ... Go marry the man you love ...if you love him for Allah's sake...please go marry him ...Allah is the all-knowing ...He knows what is in your Heart ....He know you love him ...He knows that you desire to marry him ...that you want him as a lawfully wedded husband ....It depends on the will of Allah ///but you have to take the iniative to make it happen ...Tie the camel and have faith in Allah .... Allah has given you Free Will ...You must decide to marry the man you love or the man your parents have chosen for you ... Anyone who tells you that this is "false love" doesn't know what he is talking about ... whoever says that this is "false love" doesn't know what love is ....he is living a lie .... Listen if your goal is the hereafter ...then you must marry the man you LOVE ....Always ask Allah to grant you the man you love as your lawfully wedded husband BOTH in this Dunya and in the Hereafter ....

  16. Salam

    It saddens me to read so many people are going through this sort of pain.
    I hope inshallah some one can give me guidence too. Ive pretty much got a similar problem to most of the girls on this thread and really just need some one to confide in pain as I dont really have many friends that understamd it.

    (remainder of the comment has been deleted)

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam,

      Please login and submit your question separately. Thank you.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  17. I am 26. I am facing the same situation :'(. Follow your heart. Marry the one you love otherwise you cant enjoy your life. You will die everyday because true love lives within you. You cant overcome it. I also talked to my mother and she said NO. And also warned me not to talk about this to my father. And she asked me to cut off with him. How could I? I couldn't. Pray for me as well.

  18. Friend I am passing from same issues and chaos from last 7 years.Caste Discrimination,Racism.But if you both have good job,independence,stability,own house,then please move further because people will say 2 days and forget the matter,its your life that will finish.So,its better you both get married parents say everything just like they don't accept,we must also reject their certain decisions.

  19. Assalamualaikum,

    Remember, by your parents holding you back, especially if you are older then 21, your chances of fornication are increasing every day, and this sin will not be on them (unkess theynare FORCEFULLY holding you back) the sin will only be on you because you are old enough to make your own decisions, right? If that is true then is it not true that you are also old enough to make your own decision on marrying this guy?

    I am 25 and in the same situation. I would have left and married him long ago if it was not out of respect for my elder sister, who is finally getting married soon. I love my parents, but their excuses are only that my beloved is poor and has no college education, and comes fom a small village back in the country, and his mom, who is a single mom, works outside the house, so has gained a bad reputation by devilish men in our small Muslim community here in the States. What my parents are blinf to is the fact that we are also poor, they have no education, we are on food stamps and medicaid, also from a small village back home but managed to make a little money and move to the "big city", the only difference is we managed to take a mortgage out and buy a nice house here in the states with interest money, mind you I also had to take out a loan to go to College here. My love is a good man, we all make mistakes in our life, and i am not perfect neither is he. I dont have money either, neither do I have some fabulous degree, ive spent 8 years in College and have just recently found my career path in Nursing, Alhumdullilah.

    Believe me when I say there is absolutely no logic in my parents dissagreing to our marriage other then the fact that they are unfortunately obsessed with looking like they have money to gain respect, and have Pride, too much pride.
    I love my parents very much but I only hold off my marriage to my love for my elder sisters sake. I respect her and wanted her to have a smooth wedding to the one she has loved for so long, who they fortunately aggreed to because of his financial status and cultural reputation...and he is very nice. But inshaAllah now that she is soon to be married, I will take the step in marrying my love with or without them by my side.

    I am not an innocent young girl, age 16, I am 26 have made mistakes, gone out and ventured into this world, worked, been in college, so I have the right to make my own decisions. I have had many jobs, helping my family financially as well. I have bought everything for myself since I was 21, so believe me when I say I earned that right. I cook and clean and already have "womanly" duties., it makes absolutely no sense. There is no logic to it, other then the do as i say jahliyah logic, which is not the way of our beloved Nabi, I assure you. Our beloved Nabi taught us to think for ourselves, notto just believe any person and what they say, but to use your own brain and come up with your own decisions by seeking knowlege, and trust and love our Rabbil Aalameen enough that we will always be guided

    My advise is,if you are not innocent, have had a life outside of your family, then you are not one who needs their Mahram. As our Mother the Beloved Khadijah peace and blessings upon her always, was independent, not an innocent, so she was entitled to choose her own Husband.

    Those who need Mahrams are younger ladies, who have no experience in life and are truly innocent. They need the wise advise of their parents at that age because they have not attained wisdom themselves.
    If you wish to marry this man and are young and innocent devoid of worldly experinces, and mistakes, then have sabr and remain innocent, but at least become independent financially and mentally, see the world as much as you can within boundaries, and inshaAllah your luck will change for the better. Either you will have this man as your husband based on your own wise decision,or your wisdom will prove that he is not for you as your parents say. Have patience, it is key. If you are over 21 and your parents have not tried themselves to even get you married for whatever excuse, then do not feel guilt over going against what they say, please.
    Allah AlRahman AlRaheem made for Adam allaihisalaam a Wife, not a parent or child or friend or sibling.....
    The Marriage relationship has more ayats in iur Quran then those of our Parents. Allah created in pairs everything, Allah AlRahman mentions this many time. Allah AlWudood mentions peace and comfort between man and wife, also tests. It is the most important relationship between human beings... Read the Quran inshaAllah your answers will be seen because they are all there. Fast, pray, make dhikr, especially in the last part of the night, be kind, sincere, patient, and loving.

    • Subhanallah my story is just like yours, i'm 25 and i love this guy who used to work with me and he is well educated and he got promoted, he's smart and a hard worker but my family refused because they believe his family's social standard is lower than ours and just like you said we're not that rich or anything it's just that my parents are older that his so they got more time to make some more money than his family
      My father passed away two years ago and my mother sister and brothers they're all refusing
      And they keep saying my mom prayed estekhara and she felt he's not the one and they made me leave work and stay at home so i wont meet him
      And they keep telling me that i will forget about him and move on with my life but i cant.
      And i dont know what to do, no one is on my side and no one is supporting me.

  20. I am 22 now..I was 17 and he 24 when we first started talking .. He is my family friend & lives in another city

    • k. akram, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  21. Well frnds Allah created me u and the entire universe above is him below is love everything else comes in between the imperfect man born with a good jeart becomes perfect only when love exists if Allah has created the one for us when we are at our wombs he knows the best and souls recognise there reflection thats when love triggers its natural and accidental not manmade Almightyhas set rules for mankind not to go astray theres truth in love theres truth in islam dont you see it matches perfectly only souls understand souls no girl can find happiness with a man whom herheart doesnt desire that would be lust or that would be violation of islamic law having another man at heart and giving anotjer man your body so islam supports love the holy quran is for man who thinks Go for it my girl

  22. Assalamu alaikum
    brother i met a girl on internet we both fall in love and we r planning to get marry bt her parent is forcing her to marry with anyone else bcos im not from her country ? does islam allows force marriage ? she knows that we would be very happy in sha ALLAh bt her family is not accepting this 🙂

    • Forced marriage is not allowed in Islam. The girl has the right to refuse anyone she does not like. We have published many posts on this subject. Please search our archives.

      Wael Editor

  23. hey someone please suggest me i really love a guy and we are ready to get marry but the problem is he is not from my community plus he is not established on the other hand my parents are really pressurizing me to get marry to someone else i cant tell them what the truth is because they are really strict i just can make dua's i am fasting and making dua's so that i get him as my husband but today i realized when someone from anothrr community came home so my brother and father were really upset with this i am really sad and i only cry i am really depressed please tell me some verses of Quran which can make my situation easy please help me i will really be very grateful i believe nothing is impossible if Allah is with you every problem has a solution Althoug everything is prewritten but by making duas we can rewrite our luck please help me out and pray for me i will pray for you may you all get your love ones InshaAllah ameen :')

    • assalamu alaykum sister, and all bros and sisters,
      was sad reading all these stories, i prayed 4 u all. wanted to ask about any updates. has anyone had an happily ever after where they married the one they wanted and parents finally agreed and happy?
      fear Allah and RELY onHis power, He will make a way out

  24. Marry who ever you want !
    You have the right to choose
    When parents do this stuff I feel like they are so selfish ... We don't live in the Stone Age no more !
    When this was happening to me I went through depression...just don't even deal with your parents if you asked me respectfully and they didn't respect you .. Too bad ... Go ahead and do whatever you want ! I hope Allah makes your struggles easy !

  25. AOA, I love someone from past 2 years and i told my parents about it and they straight away said no because of their reputation and as we are from pakistan what will people talk about me choosing a guy myself.they blackmailed me saying we wil have heart attack and dont do this to us.We love each other alot his parents are okay with and ready to talk to my parents but my parents dont even want to talk to them and just said no.I cant marry someone else iam a human i have feelings.I cant marry anyone else and ruin my and the guys life too...Please help me because i feel like running away and getting married but then its stops me because theyre my parents.And my guy doesnt wana do anything against my family wishes.
    Does other people's thinking really matter in our culture than to what your daughter feels? i dont want to against them pls give me something to recite everyday that it will happen and we will get married happily with our parents happiness too..I have done istikhara and it came postitve but my parents dont even care about that.
    we wil be in a long distance relation for 2 3 years so iam afraid if they try to force me to get married to someone else in the mean time..PLEASE i beg of u help me in this situation.If theres something to recite pls help me out with it.

  26. Assalam u Alaikum ! please guys advised me i love someone and he loves me alot but he's parents and also my parents not agree our relation So, what can i do i can't marry from another he's well educated have well known job we both deserve to marry together we both are perfect he's parents read some messages of him then they said this girl is not for you my messages was not so bad it was just love messages and first of all he send me some love messages which was not so bad but his parents making issue of that messages... Guys please help me what can i do for him i can't live with him ... give me some true advise

    • Walaykumussalaam Ish ,

      Hope u are doing okay .. I want to know if anyones situations were solve ..did they leave the one they wanted for their parents? Or did they follow their own choice and in end parents agreeD?

      I know someone in similar situation .. in the end after help and persuasion of a Mufti alim , who said "its ur daughter who is going to get married and either be sad or happy, its her life she is praying istikhrah" --- after the mother heard this, she was very hurt but finally said yes, she even took the girl to his country and they got engaged .. however not long after she remembered er worries about him and doubts ... (her worries and concerns are valid, as many ppl have married for visa or jus use the girl etc, but this girl trusts him) ..
      so anyway, they both really suffered .. bcs they finally met in the end and had engagement ..
      the girl was threatened that she wud need to leave the house f she wanted to continue and marry him and help with his visa papers to bring him here .. she really stressed and prayed in the end, another mufti in this country tried to help, he also agreed that these are concerns and they have had similar experience from other ppl .. but in the end he said noone knows the future except Allah , and its the girl who has to live it , so let her do what she wants dont kick her out tho .. and he encouraged the girl to keep reading istikharah dua and allhumma khir li wakhtar li .. if she still wants it then pursue it in a way that does not anger the mother with wisdom..
      And the duas for marriage from Quran .. rely on Allah--

      Please if anyone can update, has there been any stories of succes .. either way is success because Allah is decreer and decider.. ????

  27. Leena sister, .. did it work out for u?

  28. hi i have been going through The same problem. My parents will never accept the guy i love ! I am an indian and he is a black guy! And the other problem is da the is a non muslim but he is willing to convert for me! Se have been In love with each other for 4 years! And now my parents found Out and took away my phone i cant even communicate with him.. But we really love each other and right now i am only praying to Allah to be with him and give hidayat to my parents .. To accept him one day! I am all alone right now my parents don't even talk to me they are more concerned about the society... They want me to get married to an Indian guy , but I can't i believe that he guy I love will be a true Muslim and make me very happy!

    • Your parents are absolutely right. You are involved in a haram relationship with a non-Muslim. I am quite sure that you have been hiding this relationship from your parents all these years. You say they "can't believe that the guy I love will be a true Muslim." Why should they believe it? If he is sincere in his willingness to convert to Islam, why hasn't he done so already?

      Wael Editor

      • But I love him and he will! but if we aren't destinated to be together we will both move on! But right now nothing can be done because I have no communication with him and my parents don't talk to me! I guess now I have to concentrate on how to make them forgive me but how will I do that? I am so scared.. I am far away from them right now and I will only meet them on the 24th of June ...and my brothers are planning something for me! They may take me out of school or they might make me marry someone .. What should I do!? I don't want to leave my studies and I don't want get married to anyone else. I m in exams I can't ev n concentrate

        • Assalalamu alaykum sister,
          May Allah make this situation easy and clear to u now in the blessed month amin.

          Brother Wael is right. If he really wud be a true Muslim, he wud have accepted Islam and began practicing, Islam cannot be just for sake if marriage. It will not have a firm base most probably. It can be shakey .

          If he does want to accept Islam and does want to marry, then he shud first accept Islam and truly accept it, not for sale of marriage, and then he can try again to ask your parents. Not thru u, he shud contact them himself so they can understand that he truly believes in Allah, and also will be a good husband to you.

          If he can't do this, then he is not truley ready to accept Islam, nor marry you, as he shud know this is the only way he can even hav a chance.

          May Allah make things easy and smooth for you. Ask for khair and try to do all ur fard ,sunnah and some nafl actions in ramadhan to purify yourself from ur sins and ask Allah what you want and need.


          • DjazakAllah it really helped ! I am praying I am doing everything.. InshAllah I hope everything comes out right. Ameen

  29. It's your choice and they should understand that because u will get married u.. U have to spend your life with him if u both love each other then u shouldn't stop now... fight for ur love dear... ❤
    Because i have the same story and i am scared to tell my parents that i love him and i wanna get engaged to him..

  30. Asalamo Aleykom

    I hope everything turned out the way you wanted sister, and everyone else in the same problem.

    I'm in similiar situation, I got to know a boy in uni in my class, he's practicing muslim, humble and very good person Mashallah. He has asked for my hand two times, But my parents won't allow us to get married because he's not of the same nationality and because his father used to have a resturant with alcohol. But why should he get punished for something his father has done, he doesn't drink, smoke or do any haram things. SubhanAllah 🙁

    Please make duaa for me <3

  31. I am going through a similar situation. You know, we should care for our family but, love is worth fighting for. Fight.

  32. Hey, am in your same position. I am in love with a guy for four years. We both want to get our nikkah done but my parents dont let me because they think that hes a bad person so is his family but they are not. People had filled my parents head with a lot of rumours and nonsense. I have been through so much. I know how you are feeling right now. I think the best thing to do is do what makes you happy. If you think he will make you happy, then go for it. One day, your parents will realize and should eventually come back to you. Your parents cant cut you out of their life forever because you are their daughter and they love you so much. Even though you or they have heard bad things about ther family, ignore it, because you will marry him not the family. Allah will be proud if you get your nikkah done and it is so much easier as there will not be any complains to your parents for other people that they have seen you around with him. If you feel guilty for talking to him, nikkah is the best thing to do. Your parents wont marry him, they wont marry their family? If you. Its your happiness. I mean we all want to make our parents happy and we will do anything for them but there are times where we have got to be selfish for abit of happiness. Why waste all these years of love, why waste another few years and getting sins. Just choose what you think its best for you. Dont listen to anyone because this if your decision. Do what makes you happy not others.

  33. I've been trying to convince my parents for 8 years now! I'm an adult, I can perfectly make my decision, still stuck in this crisis. There is no problem except my mom's arrogance.

    She fortune tells that the guy will be rude & bit me up for dowry, but she doesn't know him or talked to him ever!
    Isn't this haram to predict future? Isn't she pushing me to the path of sins? That guy is trying his heart & soul to be good in her eyes still no result. My parents forgot the fact that a 25 years old lady may have some desire!

    Now don't give me sh*t like 'you can't choose your mate or love before marriage, it's forbidden' Wasn't Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her) chose Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to marry?

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