Parents won’t let me marry a Pakistani woman
"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)." 49:13.
Salam Allaikoum brothers and sisters, I'm really new here!
I'm facing this problem right now, I've met this very decent loving and caring lady, she's British Pakistani. and I am an Arab from Qatar. We are both british citizens. We have not done anything wrong or met alone or anything dodgy! I'm just very interested in her and have fallen in love. We have gotten to know each other which is a bad thing in a sense, but I honestly want to stop it from going any further by marrying her and taking our relationship in a completely halal way Insha-Allah. I see a good future for the both of us.
I expressed a future marriage proposal to her in coming years after I finish university. She accepted and agreed to marry me in the future Insha-Allah, and has informed her mother about it. Her mother completely agreed and has no problem, same with her father.
She wasnt a good muslim before, not wearing a hijab and not praying and fasting, but after getting to know me, mashAllah she has gotten much better. She has started to pray 5 times a day, fast ramadan and would love to preform hajj in the future, but she is still not wearing a Hijab due fear of social pressures in the UK. I'm trying to convince her and she is slowly coming into wearing it. She wears it sometimes to see what its like when she goes out for errands. I'm very proud of her and myself for making her come closer to Islam and guiding her to the right path. I feel as if I have made a good impact in her life and made her come closer to Islam and she has made a good impact in mine by making me much kinder than I used to be.
I'm more of a good character than I used to be, and she encourages me to help her get closer to Islam. I really want to marry her in the future and make our relationship completely halal but I'm too afraid of my parents reactions if I asked for marriage. This is due to the difference of race and culture, my parents don't want me marrying a woman of different culture and race as they cannot relate to her as much as they can to an Arab girl, but this is a stupid reason as both my parents have many friends from different races.
The backwardness in the race barrier is causing havoc in my mind, as I'm a great opposer of all this. Could I get married without my parents consent? I won't hide the marriage and everything I'll tell them I'm going to marry her and everything so there wont be any secrecy.
My parents know who she is, and I have asked the question ''Can I get married to a girl that's Non-Arab?'' without mentioning her and both my parents disagreed, opting to go the traditional arranged marriages.Is race a valid reasons for parents to stop you marrying a woman? What could be a valid reason other than race to not marry a woman?
~JamalJay
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Salam brother your situation is not one that can be simply answered. You see you do not obviously want o go against your parents wishes and you have become attached to this girl beyond islamic guidelines, making it more difficult to get away from her. Your mom and dad seem to be viewing this from a more traditional perspective rather than a religious one, if you have time I would try to convince them that it is both in yours and their best interest to let you marry a person whom you believe will help you gain jennah and raise an islamic family. do tawbah for becoming close to this girl and do istikhara as to whether or not this is right for you family and future. Islamically you can marry this girl, and your parents are preventing you from marrying her for nonislamic reasons. which is not right, however perhaps they have other reasons? many parents also believe that it is more difficult for two people of different cultural backgrounds to stay in a harmonious marriage.
Although marrying this girl seems appropriate now, think of what if your parents did not speak to you forever? Understandably you feel that she is right for you, but in the long run how will effect your emotional stability?
Allah knows best in all matters, seek his guidance before all else. Brother from a personal experience i can tell you that in such a matter the best thing always ends up happening. Although it takes time to appear i encourage you to be patient and to seek refuge in salah and duaa as Allah is the only one who can really help you.
Sorry if this just seemed like ramble
-roona
Perhaps this will be of real help
?
Is it permissible for a man to get married to a woman whose religious commitment and character he admires, even though his parents do not approve?.
Praise be to Allaah.
A son is not doing wrong if he chooses a woman who is religiously committed and of good character, for this is the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to marriage. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466)
There follows some advice for you and your father from Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, that has to do with your situation.
The Shaykh (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The question leads us to offer you two points of advice. The first point is addressed to your father, if he insists on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously-committed. What he should do is to give you permission to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar’i reason that he knows and can explain to you so that you will be convinced and your mind will be put at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself: if his father had refused to let him marry a woman whose religious commitment and character he admired, would he not have thought that this was wrong and a suppression of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do this to him, then how can he let himself do the same to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
It is not permissible for your father to prevent you marrying this woman for no legitimate shar’i reason. If there is a legitimate shar’i reason then he should explain it to you so that you will understand.
With regard to the advice which we give you, we say that if you can forget about this woman and marry another, thus pleasing your father and avoiding a split (between you and your father), then do that.
If you cannot do that, because you are emotionally attached to her and you are also afraid that if you propose marriage to another woman that your father may also prevent you from marrying her – because some people may have envy or jealousy in their hearts even towards their children, so they do not let them have what they want – I say that if this is the case and you cannot be patient and forget about this woman to whom you feel emotionally attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you get married he will become convinced and the feelings in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which is in the interests of both.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/193-194
And Allaah knows best.
i am a Muslim lady i met i christian man...
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AA;
Alhamdolellah, in Islam, no one is better than another except in Takwa and being a better Muslim. And you are correct that race should not be a barrier.
But here is a couple of things that are good to consider:
1) Seems like you are both at a young age. At young age, usually these feelings and relations grow fast. and as you mentioned, you will get married after you finish your education so I am not sure how wil the relationships be during the time. Or if you will live with your parents, or wait till you get a job, etc etc etc.
2) Even thought race is not an issue, backgrounds is another thing to consider. People who lived in different environments usually think about issues differently. Things might be acceptable for you, might not be acceptable for her and vise versa. That might cause issues as well.
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.
AA;
Alright let say. You have the power to marry. Not your parents.
I wish you the very best akhee - I am Kashmiri from Pakistan.
I will say this mush that family is very important in a Islamic marriage and persuading your parents will be important.
May Allah guide you and if it is the right thing then verily it will be.
Many years back I met a beautiful Jordanian but I was not as courageous.
Courage is imortant but so is honour and respect for both sides.
Wishing you the very best akhee.