Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My past is making me sick!

guilt sins forgive

Salam walaykom,

I'm a revert of four years alhamdulilah, and I've been married for three and had two children before my reversion. I had an extremely shameful past of drug use and lots of sexual encounters with different men astaughfirAllah. Since my reversion I have done a complete 180, and I now see how disgusting my past was. My husband knows the general stuff about my past. I like to be honest and open with him.

We have moved into a new house where I'm surrounded by people in this new area that knew (and I'm afraid will choose to not forget) about the things I did. I lose sleep. I look at my husband and feel guilty. I just want to cry all the time. I know I am not what I was, and my husband always says to me 'Allah chose you to worship Him, it doesn't matter about your past etc', but I just can't shake these feelings. Is there a dua I can make, or a salah that could help me forget?  Because I'm honestly feeling like I'm in prison here, and feeling sick to my stomach everyday. Is tahajud good for this sort of thing?


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6 Responses »

  1. Alhamdulillahi that you've changed and repent from the old way, I don't know if there's any spiritual way to overcome your concern but I'd know that Allah is Al-Aleem( the all knowing) he knew what you will become before you were created and also chose you to repent and follow his path..
    I will share u 5 cardinal rules of life, they're very important..
    1. Make peace with your past
    so, it wont disturb your present.
    2. What other people think of you, is none of your business
    3. Time heals almost everything, give it time
    4. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
    5. Don't compare your life to others and dont judge them, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

    May Allah be with us all.. 🙂

    • Asalamalaikum,

      Its good to hear that you are a revert. Its Allah's blessing that you are concerned about your sins and want to repent. No doubt He is all forgiving.

      Give it time, time heals everything, start by forgiving yourself. Dont be to hard on yourself, even the best of muslims make mistakes. Not repenting is a matter of worry. Keep making dua for yourself, in sha Allah you will make peace with your past.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Your husband has good advice for you, Maa shaa Allah. Listen to it and accept it.

    The prison that you are in is the same one that you have created for yourself by dwelling on thoughts about the past. What you did in the past were deeds that you now realize were wrong. Isn't that a blessing? What if you never realized that those things were destroying your soul? Allah swt brought you out of darkness and into Light. Embrace that feeling and let go of what shaitaan wants to use against you to hold you back to bring you down to break you--don't let him do that.

    Pray all the time. When you get that feeling of sickness regarding the past, seek refuge in Allah swt. Ask Allah swt to help you and be grateful for Him removing you from that darkness. Focus your energy on gratefulness and inn shaa Allah in time, your feelings about what happened will transform into good energy.

    As for people, Brother Ibrahim said it best, what they think isn't your business. What people think isn't going to help you, nor can it hurt you if you don't allow it. What Allah thinks is most important, so channel your energy towards your Creator and worry mostly about what He would want from you and for you.

    May Allah swt ease your pain, Ameen.

  3. ALLAH IS MERCIFUL. WE R SO LUCKY THAT WE CAN ASK FOR HIS FORGIVENESS AND HE CAN we alll mke mistakes. Lifes a learning curveu r wiser u knw hw bad these things r Alhamdullilah its goodu hate these sins... now u r future..make the most of time dontover think move on

    You cn acknowledge uhve made mistakes all ur experienceshve made uu who u r today..
    do good deeds plz Allah this lifris a test u hve great blessings... ur children ur husband..Alhamdullilah thnk Allah the most compassionate most kind you cn help other ppl with ur experiences as ur wise itsgood ur discussing wats on urheart find peace in ur self , with islam fa ily friends husband every human sins in theyrelife.. but door ofAllahs mercy is open..... how lucky r we....that we have a merciful lord

  4. That was your past sister. You need to move on forget it. When you revert to Islam you passed is wiped away your like a new born baby your lucky to come into Islam fresh an Allah has guided you to the best of deen even when you repent you'll be forgiven. Don't worry sister think positive, don't make it a habit to think about your past.
    Just keep praying 5 times a day. And ask Allah to help you strethen your iman.

  5. If u know ur self thenn..u need to only prove yourself to your self if u do deeds its for Allah..remember tht

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