My past is ruining my future
Asalamualykum,
I had a boyfriend for 2 years, n then we broke up, it has beeen 1 year that we have been apart but i still cant seem to move on from him n i can take him out of my heart, he hurt me a lot and i know that i should hate him but i dont instead i make dua's for his health and happiness..
I am getting marriage proposals but I say no to all of them.
I don´t know what to do, because I don't want my past to ruin my future, I don't know what to do, how do I move on, I pray so much to Allah that he be removed from my heart, but still I feel the pain of losing him.
I had realized all of my mistake and want to be a better Muslim,
What should I do?
-maryam 1
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We are all human and we will all err..
Sister you should give yourself time to forget about him. Get into other activities like sports and etc. Volunteer at the local mosque. Keep yourself nearer to your family and GOD. Try and zhikr as much as you can. Shaytaan plays all sorts of tricks on the mind. What you think is love could turn out to be wrong for you. Turn to HIM for answers.
Excellent advice, Masha´Allah. Thank you.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams maryam 1
I agree with the advice from wiltingflower masallah it is true. You have to move forward, say yes to one of the proposal sister you have a second chance to make it work for the happiness you deserve and inner peace. I agree reflect on yourself make improvements in islam and be happy so you find your inner peace inside yourself inshallah you will. Don’t let this ruin your ahead main thing is you learnt from your mistakes I have no right to judge you in anyway nor does another person everyone makes mistakes and live to learn from experience. May allah give you the happiness you deserve and the strength to get through this difficult time w/salaams
As salamu alaykum,
You are holding to an illusion, a dream you had in the past and it is not longer close to you, and listening to your words, he wasn´t even there whe he had to be, that dream was a false illusion, you need to wake up and then give yourself the opportunity to flourish as the young muslimah full of life you are, insha´Allah.
Sister we are here because you call us to help you to wake up and we will try our best, my advice to you is to get rid of all the details that reminds you everyday of him and to get up, go to the mirrow and to tell me what you see, before you say a word, i will tell you what you will see after reading this post, a wonderful, young muslimah ready to close a door call past behind her, and ready to open a door with a beautiful window that says present and hope.
My beloved girl, the world is yours, time to renew your energies and be the woman you dreamt to be when you were little, be loving, caring, respectful, kind, generous, pious, I imagine you are already but work for excellence and put on a side the shadows of a past that is stopping you to be who you really are, to shine as the jewel you are, to get ready as your best for the man will see you as the diamond between the stones, insha´Allah.
You need to increase your Iman, your closeness to Allah(swt) and every piece will go to the right place, past will be past and won´t interfere in your present, and present will be a neverending opportunity to strive to be the best muslimah you can be, insha´Allah.
You have beautiful readings in IslamicSunrays, and you can find tips to increase your iman in the next post,
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-can-i-increaseiman/
To increase your Iman make your salat, read and recite the Quran, this will benefit you enormously, insha´Allah.
You have a Life to live, don´t give it away for free, be with your family and friends, be open to your proposals, get ready to have your life back and to have your own family, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thank you for all especially to Maria...it's totally right...it is also what happened to me
forget is stop to think abt it..move on with beautiful life 😀 spirit to maryam..you are not alone 🙂
Man Jadda Wajadda
God(swt) bless you
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaykum Maryam1,
May Allah ease your way for you.
If you can marry someone, alhamdulillaah, if it does not turn out as you wished before, do not despair.
Say yes, to any of the good proposals coming your way and begin your married life.
If you require some time to move out of this, then take some time out, engage yourself in the study of the Qur'an, make notes, try to know the truth of matters and Insha Allah your mind will open up to the greater realities of life and responsibilities we as Muslims have to take up for ourselves and our people and mankind at large.
Widen up you spheres of thinking, think far beyond this love story, think of the greater purpose of existence, think and ponder upon the signs and ayats of Allah.
May Allah bless you, as I said, if you like someone and get married to him, it is good, if it does not happen do not remain stuck, marry someone whom you think is good.
Same is with marriage, if you marry someone and it works, alhamdulillaah, if not, leave it and move on, a Muslim should not remain stuck in to past or present but rather should try to seek Allah's guidance, refuge from Shaytaan and send good for his/her soul for aakhirah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Maryam,
Don't let your past rule your future. You can't get over "him" because you aren't allowing yourself to move on. Of all those young men that have come to ask for your hand, one of them is your prince coming to bring you from the darkness and despair that you find yourself in. Take a chance and allow yourself to find one of these men who you "click" with. You will find that you can and will in time, be able to give your heart to another. Have you ever heard the old cliche, "time heals all things"? It may be old, but the saying holds true. When you can allow someone else to come in and give you his heart, you will also be able to give him yours and as for the pain that you feel so deep in your chest...that will subside in time. When you find that you can love another, you will have no room in your heart for "him"... you will no longer need to. That is not to say that you still won't wish him the best in life where ever it takes him.
I would like to commend you for being the bigger person here and not hating "him". Your prayers for this mans health and happiness are sure to reap only goodness upon yourself. Youth is short lived...I know. Don't waste these precious years pining away for someone who broke your heart, give it to someone else who will cherish it and appreciate you for the person that you are.There is nothing to be gained by you from letting yourself sit idly by and wish for what could have been...let it go. May Allah almighty give you the strength and the courage to move forward and may he give you peace and lift your heavy heart...amin.
Salam
Maryam, I can tell you from experience that you can't "force" yourself to move on. It will happen when it will happen. When someone you love hurts you, it cuts you to the core of your being; sometimes it can take a year or more for the pieces of your soul to be put back together. I am in the same boat as you, and there are days when it hurts so badly I can't imagine living for the next 20, 30, 40 years. But I agree with all the comments made above, that you just keep praying to Allah SWT for peace, and, eventually, it will come Insha'Allah. But leave the timing to Allah. I am still waiting for that moment when the hurt will dissolve. I know it will come, someday.
Also, may I suggest you stop praying for this man? You seem like a girl with a lovely heart, but as long as you pray for him, you will remain emotionally attached to him, and your heart will remain "open" to the possibility of him.
Salam Sister
It must have been a very hard situation for you but relise that allah was probably testing you and he still is. He would have brought him in your life and taken him out for a reason. If he was meant to marry you and be your husband and you would live happily then it would have happened but allah has bigger and better plans for you and someone who you will be happier with inshallah. You have to turn to allah because he is the only one who can help us!! I know this is really hard for you but this guy doean't deserve you if he left you!! he should have wanted to give you a halal relationship and make you his wife instead of having a 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship and not being serious about you and hurting you!! Take this as a learning experience and cut him completely out of your life. Throw out everything he gave you and avoid seeing him completely because only then will you forget him. Start learning more about islam and the quaran and try new hobbies!! Also give the new guys who come for marriage a chance, they are coming to you in a hala way asking for a halal relationship and wanting to respect you. You never know who your future husband is!! but make sure to give yourself time to heal before you say yes to marriage to a new guy!! i know you can do this and i know you will get through it!! please don't give up darling!!
Salaam sister,
Cheer up. I'm sure there are many blessings in your life if you look around for them. What many girls don't realize is that there are many men who could make you equally happy. When good proposals come, don't rush into them, but find a man who on paper should make you happy - who shares the personality traits you are hoping for and is a good practicing Muslim. It may be that being in a relationship was very important to you because you honestly needed to get married because it was that time for you. Of course you need to be closer to Allah and restore your faith and practice as much as possible, but don't underestimate the fact that you probably had a boyfriend despite feeling somewhat wrong or guilty about it because it filled some need emotional or otherwise for you. Allah has made marriage halal for you, so you should pursue it. You may find the love and companionship you desperately want and need. Just know that marriage is work too. Educate yourself about it and pursue it. May Allah bless you.