Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The past still in my future.

One should come to term with one's past to live a happy present and future

Asallamu alayikum,

I wanted to ask your advice. In the past I wasn't close to Allah, and used to disobey Allah, unfortunately. But many things have happened after each other and they were all full of lessons, but at the same time I commited bad things.

I have asked Allah for forgiveness and feel very afraid Allah might not accept it. I used to be around bad company which led me to all these things and I forgot my religion completely. But after many situations I have realized I have been completely misled by shaytan and repented and stopped many, many things and work hard to please Allah.

All my friends are those from the past times and I have stopped contacting most of them, but still see some of them. I'm afraid they might have a bad affect on me or my soul without realising it, but at the same time I can't leave them; I feel obligied to help them because I love them and care for them a lot. What should I do?

Also, what should I do about the bad things I've done in my past? I read one should keep their sins between themselves and Allah, but just recently and due to ignorance I have told close friends from that time when I did them- but now I will never tell anyone. I feel so afraid that Allah will not forgive me for telling some girl friends of mine, also I am afraid to tell my future husband about it. Should I tell the person I will marry in the future, or keep it to myself?

Please help.

Jazakul Allah khair,

May we all be forgiven, ameen


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I'm going to tell you a secret: EVERYONE has sinned in their past. Sure, some have sinned worse than others, but no one can say they've never done wrong. No one. In that, sister, we are all equal as teeth on a comb.

    Allah assures us that He will forgive us any and every sin that we sincerely turn away from. You've done that, now you have to take Him at His word. There's no need to fret, or ruminate about mistakes you've made; what matters now is that you continue to put your efforts into staying on the right path.

    And in that regard, it probably is better to keep more of a distance from your friends who have previously been a bad influence on you. You don't need to rudely cut them off, but perhaps keeping them as associates you only deal with from time to time would be the best thing for you.

    You're right that we should keep our past to ourselves. Allah tells us to do that not because telling it is a sin, but because He loves us enough to help us protect ourselves from the judgment and maltreatment of others. You made a mistake and told some people, and that's common. You learned from it, and that's the most that can be asked of you. Allah doesn't need to forgive you for that, because it was just a lapse in judgment- not a disobedience of a command.

    That being said, you don't need to tell your future husband anything about your past. Let it rest where it remains, and focus on the person you are NOW as well as continue to move toward the goals of the person you want to become.

    -Amy Editor

  2. I was born and bred in the UK. (remainder of comment deleted by editor).

    • Salaams,

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn in shaa Allah. It's not polite to take attention from a post where someone has waited weeks for feedback.

      -Amy Editor

  3. Assalamu Alaykum,

    Dear Respected Sister in Islam,

    The name here which you have posted is your user name or your own name I don't know, But after seeing your name, I started thinking about my mistakes in my past and asked forgiveness once again with Allah,

    Before 8 month 7 days, I was like a totally mentally disturbed due to one thing and I performed Istighara continuesly 7 months , which resulted in best answer, the final decision was ALLAH's and also after my mistake I realized importance of life. so when we commit one mistake we will learn a beautiful lesson for life time, and can be safe in life with similar mistakes in our our future,

    See sister, We all are human beings liable to commit blunders and mistakes and after realizing we must leave that sin and repent sincerely that is important and should never ever do that mistake again in life , we can measure and weigh our sins but we can not weigh our ALLAH mercy, and also ALLAH'S mercy is most high than his anger, May ALLAH forgive all of us. Ameen! summa Ameen! Ya Rabbal Aalameen!

    Dear sister your story is very well matching with my story, I used to be close with ALLAH but in those 8 months I involved in unwanted thing in my life and learned a lesson and came back to ALLAH and living a very happy life, I have not only done mistake with my life , I have hurted my parents very badly and dis obeyed them for the matter which I have involved ( before I was not like that) and finally realized all my mistakes and begged for ALLAH'S forgiveness and living a happy life. I want to share you what all I followed.

    Firstly I asked ALLAH'"S forgiveness for the mistake I have done in my life, and I felt that it is a secret between me and ALLAH alone, and I started becoming close to ALLAH by making my self busy in doing more ibadats like reading Tahajjut sallah, Reciting Quran and spending time in zikr and reading transalation of Quran.

    And I have accepted marriage, ( before that I was avoiding marriage proposal , and hurted my parents, because of some other person, who was not worth full)

    Now my parents are very happy by seeing my behavior , I started making progress and forgot my past gradually, And I feel no matter what it is, ALLAH is with me, and besides ALLAH I do not need any one and ALLAH is sufficient for us and I learned many lessons

    That to live life in a islamic manner, never cross ALLAH bounderies,

    If we get something free of cost we, will not be knowing importants of that, If we enter in some mistake and come back out of that means, we will feel about the blessings of ALLAH and we will still become close to ALLAH,

    So, every thing in this world happens for our own good. SO keep you cool , spend your time with only ALLAH, enter your marriage by throwing your past and always pray ALLAH to erase the mistake from your
    Remember me, my family and every ummah of Islam in your Dua's

    May ALLAH bless all of us and guide us to the right path . Ameen!

    Fee amanillah

  4. Asalaamoalaykum sister

    There was a girl I loved, I know now that it was haraam. But there was a girl who I wished to marry and made mistakes similar to yours. But we couldn't get married. Finally we broke up with lot of tears in both of our eyes. I told her not to tell her husband about the past, because no guy accepts those things. Ask me ! I still remember her and always pray for her better future.

    Just repent your sins sincerely with Allah, even I'm doing it ! Put your trust on him and walk forward.
    Pray for me !

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