Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Phone or Shoes?

Woman holding mobile phoneSo my mum said that I can either get new shoes or a new phone, but if I get a phone I can’t get shoes, if I get shoes I get only a basic Nokia with no internet no touch screen just a basic top-up phone.

My mum always seems to promise me, but always disappoints me. When she set up a requirement (give a note to school and they said u need all black shoes and she saying getting it from shoe zone) and I meet all of them, she says no. So what do I do?

I think she’s being unfair and I’m 15.

Whenever I get told no I say let me get a job she says no. And I’m getting 40% of £75 which is £45 bit she still says no. She doesn’t seem to understand the reason i need them. School is really hard. When the opportunity comes she’s always says no and when it goes she says no.

Any advice?

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2 Responses »

  1. I can sort of relate, because I also - at the time - felt like I grew up with a mum who wouldn't let me do anything. Now that I'm older, I can see that I was allowed to do LOTS of things...but more importantly, I'm truly grateful for most of the things my mum didn't allow me to do, because I understand now why she didn't allow them.

    With that said, my mum also wouldn't allow me to work...she wanted me to focus on my studies and she felt like a job would distract me from my education. This is possibly the only thing I disagree with her on: If you live in the West, it's SUPER important to gain work experience at an as early age as possible; It'll look good on your resumé and you'll for sure have more options in the future with a nice resumé to show off. Working is not anything terrible, bad or haram (quite the contrary - Muslims are encouraged to work and support themselves financially), and I think you can benefit tremendously from having a little side job...I would advise you to apply for jobs. Even though your mum says no now, she will probably not stop you from working if you do get offered a nice job. At least, my mum didn't. She wasn't happy that I worked, but she said that as long as I kept up with my studies, she'd accept my choice.

    I think it's particularly important for you to learn about self-reliance, because you have learned from your back-tracking mother that people can be flaky: They make promises, but don't bother keeping them. It's important for you to learn to do things on your own terms so that if people don't keep their promises or words to you (like your mum doesn't), you'll be just fine doing things on your own. If you had a job and earned your own money, you could buy both the shoes you want and the phone you want. As long as you're using other people's money, you have no right to make demands.

    Alternatively, it seems like you do get some pocket money...what do you do with them? Why don't you save up for the things you want? This is another thing you need to learn: If you want something, you have to save up to get them.

  2. Hey hon,

    You're 15? Yes, it is true that most teenagers these days have a smartphone and it's very tempting to do the same. However, there are actually advantages to not having one until later. Spending more time on your computer and less on your phone is actually better for your eyes. With a smartphone, you'd be looking at everything in small type or constantly zooming in and out...on a laptop or pc, you can be much more comfortable and keep your vision going strong. Also, there is some science that says that there are other health-related issues with using smartphones.

    So you don't feel so alone, I just got a touchscreen phone this year! 2019! And I'm significantly older than you! When I finally got one, it was so easy to figure out, that it felt like I hadn't missed a beat. So don't fret. You're not missing out on much. Also, I know of teenagers whose mom's didn't allow them to have a phone until just now, despite all the hype around these devices. There are definitely some advantages to not having the internet everywhere you go. You can focus more on people-watching, nature, your steps...with a phone your head would be buried in the screen all day!

    All that said, you are given a certain amount of resources, like money, and you need to make the best of what you have, as you can't have a different mom! So I would save up the money you get, and over time, use it on whatever you want! You may have to give up on eating out or other little expenditures for awhile, but it will be worth it 🙂

    Hugs,

    Nor

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