Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Physical, emotional and financial abuse… Is this what an Islamic marriage is meant to be like???

domestic violence husband father

Domestic Abuse... There's NEVER an excuse! Violence against women has NO PLACE in Islam!

I am from Canada and my husband is from Tunisia. We married in 2012 and have been together since January 2010. We met online and since the day we met he has cheated on me with 24 other girls that I know of and the girls ranged from the ages of 16 to women in their 50's. At the time I met him, I was 28 years old and he was 25. Now I am 32 and he is 28. We survived the distance for this long. I traveled to see him for the first time in November 2011 and stayed with him in his family home until I returned back to Canada 1 month later. The second time was in 2012 for our wedding, which none of my family attended not because they didn't want to, but because they couldn't. I stayed there for 18 days. The third time was February 2013 and I stayed for 12 days. I went back again for my fourth time from July 2013 until October 2013. I stayed 3 months.

When we first met, I was welcomed and accepted by his family as one of their own. His mother gave me an arabic name (the name she would have given her daughter if she ever had one) but she didn't because she gave birth to 5 boys, so I was the daughter she waited 28 years for. That quickly changed especially when I was there in July to October of this year. I will elaborate later.

Now onto what my topic is about. I am not a Muslim but my husband is. He does not practice Islam such as prayers ect... but does talk about ALLAH and says WALLAH alot. In the 4 years we have been together, I have asked him to help me learn about Islam and most recently to help me learn more about marriage in Islam. He has not helped me at all. I do searches online, and I have a Quran here which was translated to English but there are some things I just don't understand. When I ask questions, they go unanswered.

He does not work and has not worked in the 4 years that we have been together. He has told me about his past jobs and they are always in hotels working with tourists and in bars only during the summer months. He has also told me stories about things he has done with the tourists and guests, his etiquette with the guests and tourists of these hotels and bars which has caused me not to like him working in these places because his behavior was very inappropriate and he is now a married man and he should be working in a different profession. He has no diploma for these hotel and bar jobs, but has a diploma for working with metal and plastic making doors and tables, chairs ect... However, he insists that the only job he can work is in the touristic areas in bars and hotels and refuses to look for something else so because of this, I have been supporting him financially since January, 2010. I send him money every month, rented him an apartment and I take care of his needs, wants and transportation. I have purchased 6 cell phones for him, 4 laptops, clothes and so on.

Even though I do this for him, my husband continues to lie about everything!!! When I say everything, I mean even the smallest little detail such as, for example, he will lie about having 3 eggs for breakfast when he really had 4 eggs. He has lied to me about the cheating, even going so far as saying WALLAH 3 times and holding the Quran in his hands telling me he never cheated on me, wasn't cheating on me, and I was the only woman in his life in order for me to believe him because he knew I would. He did this on 5 different occasions. He knew I would believe him because I take swearing to God very seriously and I truly believe that when you swear to God you are telling nothing but the truth especially when you are holding His holy book in your hands.
I did believe him for a while but after I began having my doubts.  I found all of the proof on his cheating ways and confronted him with it and he could not deny it. I am also unsure whether he was a virgin when I met him because 3 of his friends told me he wasn't and told me the story of how it happened, I had my doubts until I found a message on his facebook which he gave me access to typed by his own hands to another girl telling her he wasn't a virgin and told her the same story of how it happened that his friends had told me.  But to this day he swears and says WALLAH that he was a virgin. But I really don't know because he lies so much.

I forgave him for his cheating ways, we got married and I continued to financially support him. Even after marriage, to be honest, I am still having my doubts about his fidelity.

I have not attempted to bring him to Canada after we were married which is my biggest regret. However, when I was there from July to October this year, I wanted to do his paperwork for a visa to come here. We did everything, we went to an interview but was told that we needed more paperwork done. We never did it and we never rescheduled for another interview. That was not my fault, it was his because I did mention to him many of times to do his papers but it always fell on deaf ears.

During the time we are apart, we talk on Skype and on the phone. It is very difficult having a long distance relationship but more so having a long distance marriage. Instead of looking at Skype as a blessing by having something where we can see and talk to each other is not good enough for him. He says he hates Skype and he hates being online with me, but yet he is constantly online via his Facebook and blocks me from seeing him online on chat and blocks me from seeing his friends list and posts so I won't know he's online. This has been happening for a long time now. When we do chat,  He is very rude and mean to me with his actions and his words to the point that I am in tears 99% of the time we talk. When I asked him why he is this way with me, he says that it's because we are online but in person things will be so different and none of that maltreatment will happen anymore. Again, I believed him even though I had doubts at the same time.

The first time I traveled there, everything was great overall. We had our share of arguments and this was the first time he hit me. The second time when I went for our marriage, it was great. He never hit me but one time in a argument 3 days after the marriage he threatened to rip up our marriage certificate and get a divorce. The third time, there was no physical abuse either. But this fourth time, there was A LOT! This is the time which makes me so confused and stressed.

As mentioned earlier... I decided to travel to his country to spend 3 months with him. I did this  in order for us to live together as a married couple which we never had the opportunity of doing before. To get to know each other, for me to be able to experience life in his country but most importantly to experience what an Islamic marriage is like and to learn more about Islam by his example for help in my conversion.  I thought by being there physically and to learn by his actions and treatment, it would give me a better understanding of Islam rather than just being told with words, however, now I am more confused than I was before!!!

Well, it didn't happen quite the way I thought it would. We did not live the life of a married couple for the first month and a half I was there. We were living at his parent's house and from the second day I arrived there, he started to hit me. While we lived at his parent's house, he would leave me alone there and go out from the moment he would wake up until sometimes the next morning before he would come back home. So I was alone all day in his parent's house where I was not allowed to leave, not even to go outside for air. I was literally held prisoner in his parent's home. I could not even go to the bathroom without being asked by one of his brothers or his father where I was going. It was so bad that after I would finish using the bathroom and open the door to go out, I would find someone standing there to make sure I would not go outside.

When we did go out together, which was not very often, he would bring me to a coffee shop or to the capital. The most time we would spend together was a morning or an afternoon in the capital and 1 or 2 hours in the coffee shop then we would return back to his parent's house and he would leave me there alone again and go out. During this time, his brother came from Belgium with his Belgian wife who I did not like at all because she tried to cause so many problems between my husband and I by telling him lies about me and things I said when he was gone, things I did not even say at all. Her husband (my husband's brother) would leave her alone at home just like my husband was doing to me. But her husband was gone more than mine was. So the only interaction she had with a man was with my husband. She would follow him everywhere, wait for him to come home, talk to him about her problems with his brother and he would listen to her and comfort her meanwhile me, his wife was alone waiting for attention from him and to spend time with him. It got to the point that when her and her husband (my husband's brother) would go out together, they would bring my husband with them and I would be left at his parent's house alone. Sometimes they would go out all day and all night until 5 or 6 in the morning before they came back.

His brother brought a scooter with them from Belgium which they were looking to sell in Tunisia. My husband spoke to me about it and I agreed to buy it because he painted the most beautiful pictures of us going for rides together and travelling with it. So I thought that by buying this scooter it would bring us closer together and would allow us more time to spend together as a couple. BIG Mistake!!! After buying the scooter which was 3 weeks after I arrived until the day I left, I only went for a ride on the scooter twice and both times was only for a short ride of 15 minutes. The other times the scooter was used was when he would leave me at his parent's house and he would go out alone with it. Over 400 km was put on the scooter from the time I bought it until the time I left and I left it there in his possession when I came back to Canada. So from the date of arrival on July 28 to September 12 we lived at his parent's house.

On September 12, we moved out of his parent's house and into an apartment we rented in another city 2 hours away. The second day after we moved in, we had an argument and he left the apartment. I followed him. He knew I was behind him but he did not stop. I did not know this city at all. While I was following him, I stopped for less than 1 minute to catch my breath and when I looked up he was gone leaving me alone in an unknown city to me and I was lost. I walked to the main road, and called him. He would not answer his phone. I sent several sms messages telling him I was lost, alone and scared to which he replied that this was my fault, and he didn't care and I did this to myself to forget about him because our marriage was over. I was crying standing on the street not knowing where to go so I called one of his friends for help. His friend instructed me to get in a taxi and call him so he could speak to the driver and he would bring me to his apartment and I would wait there for him because he was at work. I did not have a key for the apartment, but was told that his roommate was going to leave his work to come and open the door for me so I would not be left outside in the heat. It was 43degrees that day. Upon arriving, and waiting for his roommate to come, my husband came. He had a key and let himself in because he was living there prior to my arrival. When I went to follow him inside, my husband closed and locked the door leaving me outside in the heat sweating, crying and scared and would not allow me inside. When the roommate arrived, he allowed me in the apartment and was surprised to find my husband there and me outside. My husband began to yell at me and scream at me so I ended up leaving to go outside but came back a short time later. When I came back he told me his mother was coming. I asked him why and he said that his mother was coming to stop me from not letting him leave the apartment we rented. When his mother came, she was yelling at me, she was saying that it was all my fault and that in no way will her son ever come to Canada and that he will stay in Tunisia with her. She kept saying that it was over between my husband and I and that I will never have her son again and she will do whatever it takes to make that happen. This was not the first time she has said this to me ... she has said this to me several times before when we were living in her house. We ended up going back to the apartment we rented and the owner intervened. Both my husband and I ended up leaving the apartment that day and we traveled back to his parent's house where in a fit of rage he took our Arabic marriage certificate, ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. I had the English translated version in my possession. After taking his fit of rage, he then went on his Facebook and started chatting with the wife of one of his friends who is also Canadian and was our neighbor at the apartment we rented.

The following day we returned back to the apartment and officially moved back in. From that day on was just horrible. Sure we had our good moments, but most were bad ones. He would sleep all day and stay awake all night. I would go to sleep alone and wake up alone. I caught him watching pornography on his phone via internet and searching for pornographic pages on Facebook while I was sleeping. I confronted him about it but he would just tell me WALLAH he didn't know anything about it.

There was one night when i was so hungry that I needed to eat. Because I have medical problems with my stomach there is not much I can on a bad day and this night was a bad one. I was experiencing alot of discomfort.  He was laying in bed playing on his phone when I asked him to go out with me to a restaurant to find something to buy and bring home like we have done so many times before. This night, he didn't want to. He wanted to go by himself. Since we did not go to the market to buy food, we had nothing in the apartment to eat so I had to rely on him going with me to a restaurant. It was dark outside and it was not safe for me to go out alone. He started pushing the issue of him going out to get me something alone even when I was explaining to him that I needed to go with him because I knew what I could and could not eat. I could not tell him to bring me something and then he goes there and they don't have it so he has to buy something else and if that was the case, what happens if I could not eat what he brought back for me. So I needed to go out with him. Since he already ate the rest of his pizza he had for lunch and that I could not eat...I had nothing.

When I would not stop pushing the issue of going to the restaurant with me to find something for me to eat, he told me either he goes alone or I won't eat at all. I was hungry, I wasn't feeling well, I was angry at this comment, I went over to the bed took his phone and told him to listen to me that the way he was treating me right now wasn't right. He commanded me to give him back the phone and when I said no he put his hands around my throat pushed me up against the wall and started punching me REALLY hard. I started to scream for someone to help me. He was screaming insults at me and I fell to the ground because I could not breathe. I felt myself going black like I was going to lose consciousness. When I fell to the ground he began kicking me and continued to punch me. I just kept screaming for help and almost lost consciousness again 3 more times.

He was punching me everywhere and kicking me everywhere but he focused more of his kicking to my stomach where I was already in pain. Then he kicked my private area as well and told me that he knew I was having problems conceiving a baby because of my medical problems and that he would make sure that I never conceive with him or anyone else if I ever left him. He kept saying over and over again that WALLAH he was going to kill me. There was knocking at the door but he wouldn't stop. Finally he did, and when he answered the door the owner of the building was there. He entered our apartment and my husband came back to the bedroom where I was and was going to start beating me again until the owner stopped him. He told me that I had to remain in the bedroom and if I left, WALLAH he was going to kill me.

I ended up leaving and went to the owner's house downstairs of where we lived. His wife took care of me. She gave me some eggs and took care of my wounds. He hurt me very badly. I had a swollen black eye, bruises all over my body, the inside of my lips were cut open, I could not move very well, every time I did, it was so painful that I would just start to cry.

Finally after some time, my husband and the owner of the building came. My husband held me and hugged me and was being very sweet and affectionate and brought me back to the apartment. Once we arrived he began his insults again and ended up leaving the next day. He told me that he was going to go get me a doctor but he never came back. He abandoned me for 5 days with no contact, no food and nothing to drink in the apartment. I ended up falling very ill. I was dehydrated and mal nourished. I spoke to his father on a daily basis and his father kept telling me that he spoke to my husband and told him how ill I was and that my husband would return but he didn't. 5 days later he came back and could not believe how much weight I had lost and the condition I was in.

He told me he was sorry for what he did. (First time that he ever said sorry for anything) and that he would never do that to me again. after apologizing ,He told me that now I have finally seen him at his worst and what he is capable of doing and that I have to be careful not to make him angry again because I was lucky he didn't kill me.

We remained in that apartment. It took 2 weeks for my bruises to heal and even to this day, I have permanent scarring on my eye. The blood vessels were broken so severely that my eye is permanently bruised and it will never go back to my normal color.

After 1 month at this apartment,  he decided not to renew the rental agreement to stay there longer so we moved out and found a 2 bedroom villa. The first week, I spent everyday cleaning it because it was so dirty and he did not help me at all. All he did was sleep and when he woke up, he would sit on the sofa watching television and play on his phone (that I brought to him from Canada...Phone #6). When I would ask for help because I didn't want to spend all my time there cleaning as I only had 15 days left before going back to Canada and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him, he would get angry with me and tell me not to bother him.

After that first week, we had our share of arguments but nothing like before we moved in there until 5 days before I was due to leave. That day, he was violent with me again. This time it was because I found a girl's earring in the pocket of his shorts when I was washing them while he was sleeping. When I confronted him about it he was calm and told me WALLAH he had never saw that earring before in his life. When I gave it to him, he told me that it was mine. First of all, it was pink and I don't wear pink and I only brought 2 pairs of earrings with me. Then he changed his story and told me it was a button that was on one of my dresses but it wasn't. I explained that a button has holes in it and this had a long metal piece that goes in someone's ear so it was an earring. When I said that it doesnt make sense and why he was changing his stories so frequently about the earring he became irate with me and began to choke me. Holding me up against the wall with his hands around my throat. I could not breathe and again as the last time I felt myself losing consciousness so I slapped him to make him stop. I didn't realize where I slapped him because my eyes were closed and I was seeing only black due to my lack of oxygen. When he let me go, I opened my eyes and I realized I slapped him in the face. I quickly apologized and he began to slander me. Yell obscenities at me and he began to hit me. He told me that he would do the same thing to me that he did before in the apartment we were living in. When he began to pack his things I tried to stop him. I was crying and begged him not to leave. He punched me in the mouth and my lips were cut open again and that's when I ran out and called his father.

I was going to go to the police but the owners of that house came and spoke to my husband. I put the earring in my bag. My husband ended up leaving and came back 10 hours later after getting his mother involved again. She didn't come to us this time, but she was saying the same things she did to me before on the phone. The day before I left Tunisia, we spent the night at his parent's house. I looked for the earring because I wanted to ask his mom if it was hers but it was gone. He took it out and didn't tell me. I forgot about it at that moment because I was busy packing.

After that, things were fine again. When I left his country to come back to Canada, it was different. He ended up going to jail the day after I left because someone tried to steal the scooter when he was at a coffee shop and my husband broke this guy's nose. I had no idea this was going on. I called his phone, I spoke to his dad, I spoke to his brother's and his mother and no one would tell me anything. They would just lie to me. His mother even went so far as to say WALLAH WALLAH WALLAH that my husband was not home and he was out having a coffee with friends and Inchallah when he got back home later that night, he would connect on Skype with me, but he never did. So I kept calling and speaking to his dad until finally after 5 days his dad told me the truth that he was in jail and the reason why. The day my husband was released, he went to his parent's house, did not connect with me online to tell me he was ok. He went out with his friends instead. I found out by calling his dad and he told me where my husband was.

That night my husband came online with me on Skype. it was the first time since we first met that I saw him so caring and loving towards me. He was the best to be honest. I thought to myself, FINALLY I am getting the man I fell in love with back. But that changed dramatically.

I heard his mother talking while we were on cam and that's when I remembered the earring. I didn't want to tell him that he took it because even though I knew which pocket I put it in, I thought maybe I may have moved it and didn't remember so I wanted to look for it first. I got my bag emptied all the contents from every pocket and the earring was gone. When I asked my husband about it, he told me WALLAH that he did not take it out. But he mentioned it to me that night before I left. I left it alone and didn't say anything more about it. We ended up falling asleep with each other on skype that night.

When I woke the next morning he was online writing to me. We talked for a little while and then he left. I called him a few hours later because I was going to travel to another city which is 1 1/2 hours away to the closest Western Union to send him money. I wanted to know how much he needed because since he was in jail, he needed to pay for the lawyer and he needed to pay the hospital bills for the guy he hurt as his conditions for being released. I did not want to see him go back to jail again so I agreed to help him pay for it. When I explained this to my mom, she even agreed to help as well.

I did not end up going to the other city. I called him to tell him I wasn't going and he began to scream and yell at me on the phone. When I told him that my mom would like to speak to him, and as I handed her the phone before she said hello she heard him say that he didn't want to speak to me or her and hung up. My mom was so upset that she was crying. She is 71 years old and is not in very good health. I called him back and his phone was off. I waited a while and called back again, while it was ringing I gave the phone to my mom. When he answered, he said some very mean and cruel things about me and her and then he hung up again. She was crying even more and she informed me that he was not welcome in this house and she refuses to help him now.

She asked me to leave her alone so I did. I was so upset that I left and I got into a car accident. It was not my fault however. I was hit from behind and I was injured. When I was at the hospital, and during the examination they found other things wrong with me from the hospital and I had to go back to the doctor the next day. After I returned home, I called my husband and told him about the accident. He answered and told me that he was at the coffee shop and he was watching the football game and did not want to leave. I asked him how he could do that considering his wife was in an accident and he won't even leave to get home and check on her!!! He said well, it's Skype and there's nothing he can do anyway and that he would talk to me later. When he arrived home he did not come online. I waited until midnight his time before I called. His phone was off so I called his dad's phone. He answered. I told him I needed him and asked him to go on skype. He did, but when he did he was very cold and he was very mean. He told me he was only giving me 10 minutes to talk and he was going to bed because he was tired!!! I told him that it wasn't fair and he said 5 minutes then he hit the computer and when I started to cry he closed the laptop shut and would not come back. He does this to me a lot!!!!

Today I had to go to the doctor because they found problems in the x-rays they did at the hospital that were not accident related. There is a problem with my kidney from what they could see. I sent him a SMS message and told him this and told him the time of my doctor appointment and what time I would be home. He never responded. I went to sleep, woke up looked to see if he sent me a message online but I found nothing. I called his phone and again nothing. I sent sms messages and again nothing. He did not come online until 8:30 that night and when he did, he only asked me how the doctor's appointment was. He never asked me what happened. I told him the appointment was ok and that we got test results back. He never asked me any questions about it and I never told him. After that he quickly changed the subject to himself as he usually does. He is not concerned or anything for me. I told him that I have to travel to another city the next day to see a specialist and he replied with only be right back I'm going to the store before they close. When he came back, he started talking to his brother from Belgium on his parent's laptop and ignored me. I tried so many times to get his attention, he would look at me then turn back to his brother again. Finally, I wrote him another message telling him that it wasn't right what he was doing and he responded by saying that he would make it right and closed the laptop. When he came back on, he still never asked me about the doctor appointment or what the test results were. The first thing he asked me was how much money I was going to send to him. I asked him if money was really more important than knowing about my health and he got really angry and said be right back and left me sitting on Skype looking at a wall. He was gone for 40 minutes!!!! When he finally came back, he just said he was tired and was going to sleep!!! I asked him if he would stay with me on cam that night because I didn't want to be alone. If we could sleep together like we used to and he flat out said NO!!! Then he shut off Skype in my face and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the night. I left Skype and went to check my Facebook and I was getting notifications there about about him commenting on his friends pictures.

This is his behavior and his treatment towards me. I should be used to it by now but I am not. This happens almost every time we are connected with each other on Skype. I asked him if this is the way an Islamic marriage is and he said no. I asked him when I was in Tunisia with him for 3 months was that the halal way a Muslim husband treats his wife based on the teachings of Islam and he said no that it wasn't. I have been doing a lot of reading and searching as I mentioned earlier online about Muslim husbands and the treatment of their wives and I have forwarded the links to these different sites to him telling him that I think he would find this interesting and that I think he should read it but he just ignores them and doesn't look at them at all!!!! He is acting like he doesn't care about what ALLAH and the Prophet (pbuh) teaches us to do and the proper way of treating others. If this kind of treatment from a Husband to his wife is the Islamic way, I am afraid to convert. Based on what he has shown me about marriage, I am confused and scared now especially about applying for his visa to come here!!!!

Onto his mother... his mother. His mother is 47 years old. 2 years younger than my oldest sister. She has not only said those mean and hurtful things to me. But it is what she does as well. She tries to come between us. When we were living in their house and when we were living in the other city every time she needed something or wanted something or wasn't feeling well, instead of calling on her husband (my husband's father) to help her, or even one of the other 3 children she has, he called on my husband and expected him to come running to her aid. She does not respect his privacy and time with me at all. When I was there, she blamed me for everything. She said everything that was happening was my fault and not her precious son's. She told me that she knows her son better than anyone else including me. But the thing is, I keep her son's (my husband's) secrets. There is A LOT about her son that she does not know about. I have never talked badly to her or about her and my husband's family. But he has. He has spoken very ill of his mother and his family and I was the one protecting them by telling him to stop and for not telling his family what he was saying. He has used his mother to lie to me and others, he has even lied to her and his family about a lot of things too and I never said a word!!!! So she really doesn't know her son as well as I do and what he's capable of doing!!!

There are a lot of other things too that concern me about their mother and son relationship. Not only the fact that she calls on him for her every need and not her own husband or her other children. When I was there, she would cradle him and cuddle with him on the sofa and has even walked in on him while he was taking a shower and has even went so far as to go into our bed and sleep with him. It raised concerns for me because I have never seen this before especially between a mother and a son who is 28 years old and married!!!

When we were living there and he would go out alone, she never called him. But when him and I would go out together, she would call him constantly to ask him how he was doing. We would just leave the house and she would stand in the doorway and watch us leave and the minute she could not see us anymore she would call him. She even did this on the night of our marriage when we were on our way to the hotel to start our honeymoon. And every day on our honeymoon she was calling him not just once a day either, on an average at least 8 times a day then more times at night. These past three months were the same thing. We would get woken up from sleeping because she would be calling his phone. Sometimes in the really early morning hours like 4 in the morning she would call.

There were several times that I was ill. So when she would call my husband would tell her that he could not talk to her because I was ill and he was taking care of me and that he would call her back. When he didn't call her back after a few hours she would call him and tell him that she was sick and she needed him. He would tell me that, and I told him that she has 3 other sons at home and a husband to take care of her and get her what she needs. I also told him that I am his wife and I am ill and that if he left me to travel to go see her, I would be left all alone because he is the only person I have. When he would tell her that he could not go to her, she would become upset and start trying to make him feel guilty. There were even times when she would call and tell him she was sick and he would go to her but he would tell him not to bring me so he would leave me all alone. Then when he got there, as soon as she would see him, she suddenly and magically was fine!!! She has done this A LOT when I am there, and when I am not and we are via cam on Skype.

Today he went to our house that we rented in the other city and brought his mom. I paid for the house until the end of December but he told me that his mother insisted on going with him so they went. He came back online and told me that he completely moved out of the house!!! I was shocked!!! I asked why and he told me that his mother wants him back home and could not travel back alone so he went back with her and since he has no money he could not travel to go back to the house so he took his things and left. Which means I lost a total of $800 (Tunisian Currency) that is $550 Canadian dollars!!! I know that is the reason why she wanted to go with him because she knew she could talk him into coming back with her because he had no money and she would use the fact of not being able to travel alone. Once he came back and was on cam with me, she stayed right there by his side the whole time. Every time we tried to talk, she would start talking to him. When he moved places with the laptop, she followed and started talking to him again. She even went so far as to turn off our video call when I was waiting for him while he went out for a cigarette. He says that he sees what she is doing and he knows it's wrong and has even tried to speak to her about it but she just ends up crying and makes him feel guilty again. And once she sees he's feeling bad and guilty she stops and then runs to him and starts to cuddle him and hold him like he's a baby.

I explained to my husband that in any marriage, in any religion when it comes to a mother and a wife, there has to be a balance. Yes she gave birth to him and for that I will always be thankful to her. She gave birth to my husband and there is no way that I will ever come between that bond of mother and child, however, there is a time when a mother has to learn to let go and allow her son to be happy with his wife that he chose to marry. She gave us her blessing and now she's trying to take it back!!!! I don't understand why she is doing this!!!! Is this how a mother and son relationship is in Islam? Is this kind of relationship and hold she has on him normal in Islam? Is her treatment of me normal in Islam?

These things all worry me, especially if the time comes that he will get a visa and come to Canada to live. She has already told me that she will follow him if he does which I don't see is right especially when she has 3 other children and one of them is in a wheelchair and depends on her for everything, and the fact that she has a husband there as well!!! I am sorry that this is so long and so descriptive ... I just wanted to be sure that everything was clear and could be understood. I need some help with this and have my questions answered!!! I am desperate need of some advice!!! I would appreciate anyone's help on this!!! I just want to understand... I need to understand!!!

Thank you in advance!!! 🙂


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25 Responses »

  1. Asalamualiakum Sister,
    I felt very sad after reading what you went through and when i was a child my father used to hit my mother too and during her pregnancy he used to hit her on her stomach and so on. What you have told is much less then what i have seen my mother bearing, my father once tried to cut her hand. And for 13 years we lived like this.And seriously im really astonished that this person did not know anything about being a Muslim. However I advice you to accept Islam not because of your surroundings but because this is the only religion which i s real and there is no god but Allah. If you do research on this topic you will see that this religion was not made or is named by someone but it is a religion by Allah and this is the only religion which not only deals with our moral problems but also about our life here on earth.
    My advice is only this that you accept Islam and consult Allah through ISTIKHARA. This is a way through which you connect with Allah and ask for his advice. If you do not believe that Islam is a real then take a look at the life of the Holy Prophet (PBUH).

    • Muhammad Abdullah, please do not post your private contact information here as it is against the rules of our website.

      Wael Editor

    • Asalamalaykum, So sad that you went through this and how shameful of him. My advice is drop him! Nothing sounds positive about this man. Sorry to say but he obviously along with his family looked at you as an immigration source. Don't waist your time and life on this looser who puts his hands on you. I think it's awesome you want to learn about Islam. He obviously is not the one to learn from. Do yourself a favor and speak to an imam and run as far away from this toxic relationship as far as you can. I wish you peace of mind and happiness.

  2. Peace be upon you sister,
    Your situation reminded me of a documentary I watched on tv about Caucasian women from the west who go to the Middle East etc and end up marrying younger men. These men only marry these women to use them since they have no jobs themselves and once they get the passport, they've got what they've wanted and leave. What an earth are you doing with this man? His family sound very disfunctional from what you've told me. I honestly think you should stay away from this man. He's extremely dangerous and by bringing him to Canada you won't be doing yourself any favours. Just look at what he did to you! If you have children with this monster in the future, do you really want to raise them in that sort of environment?! If he does come to Canada then the abuse will get worse. You seem to think his family are the problem but it's not. Even if they weren't to interfere you think he would stop cheating and being abusive towards you? I hope you are able to set your emotions aside and think about your situation logically so that you realise you need to get away from that man. I'm sorry if anything I've said offended you but I needed to be this blunt so you can realise for yourself. I pray god keeps you safe and sound

  3. Sister, your story was tragic from start to finish and made for some very uncomfortable reading. I am deeply sorry for all that you've been through.

    I believe it is best to focus your attention on your husband (at least to start with). His mother does appear to be exacerbating things, but she should only be a cause for concern if you and your husband were on good terms to begin with. Since that is clearly not the case I suggest you focus on your husband's treatment of you. But to respond to your questions about she is not the ideal muslim mother in you are right to feel the way you do about her.
    moving onto to more pressing issues..namely...your husband..

    When you met him online for the very first time, was he sweet, charasmatic and considerate? Yup. thats why you fell in love with him right? And how to you suppose he is with those other girls he's been seeing? my bet is exactly the same. Understand that this is nothing but a facade. And this facade is not the real person and hence the reason for it not lasting. The real person is revealed over time. And he (your husband) has been revealed...has he not?

    Men like your husband are indiscriminate, meaning they will do this to whoever they happen to be married to. They're promiscuous and reluctant to commit to a marriage so whoever their wife happens to be they will treat her badly. So even if you both separated and he got married again, his new wife will probably go through the same pain as you...literally!

    Men such as these have no standards (let alone islamic standards), have no heart, have no honor. They know how to manipulate a woman and use her. All he wants from you is financial support. He doesn't care about your feelings or about your wellbeing. He knows when to be sweet to get what he needs. He knows you have feelings for him and so he can afford to push the boundaries with you.

    Concerning his lies over trivial things..there is a hadith about that. The Prophet said, “Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to Al-Fajur (i.e. wickedness, evil-doing), and Al-Fajur (wickedness) leads to the (Hell) Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies till he is written before Allah, a liar.”
    So one lie leads to another until the act of lying becomes habitual and compulsive. that seems to be the case with your husband. So how is it even possible for you to trust him? and without trust what marriage can there be?

    The physical and verbal abuse that you've experienced is nothing but tyranny and no human, no animal should have to experience that! Coupled with the lies and the promiscuity..i really don't think you have anything to work with in this marriage..and you should not hesitate to leave him. As far as I can see this seems to be a case of unrequited love. You're prepared to sacrifice so much for him and he is not interested. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve far better.

    Think about all you've put into making this marriage work and ask yourself 'is this what i deserve?' The answer is a resounding NO! I really hope and pray that this experience has not affected your self esteem and made you reluctant to move on. The longer you stay put the worse it will be. Do you want look back in 10 years' time and think..'if only i had left him and found someone better' You CAN have the life you want believe me. But you must take steps for it to happen. And step down to you.

    I would ask you to consider Islam on its own merits and not be dismayed by the poor portrayal of it by your husband. There appears to be something about Islam that appeals to you so please don't let that die. Continue with your research and keep asking God to show you the path to guidance. Also pray to God to grant you a true pious husband who really does embody the teachings of islam.

    Realise that you're in love with an illusion, a facade, nothing more. Will you continue to tolerate all the abuse and mistreatment just for that illusory and unrequited love? Is that all your life is worth?

    Your story has really moved me sister and i'm glad you shared it with us because I've been going through a lot of personal struggles and I was close to giving up on my life. Thinking about how difficult things must be for people such as yourself has given some perspective. All I can do is pray for all of us, may God help us all and relieve us of our hardships. Amen!

    I hope i have not caused you any offence. If I have I am very sorry.

    P.s. please try soul searching, talk to God in your is not too late for you to have the marriage you want and deserve.


  4. As-salamu Alaykum,

    Sister, you are 32 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. I am not one who recommends divorce lightly, but I can find nothing whatsoever encouraging in the situation you have described. Cut your losses now before it becomes a lot more complicated. If he ever comes to Canada or if you ever have children with this man, you will live to regret it a thousand times over.

    Sister, listen. I am from the United States, which is a "Christian" country. The vast majority of Americans say they are Christians and that they believe in God. I imagine it may be the same or similar in Canada. Certainly you understand that many people who say they are Christians are really Christians in name only. They may drink, fornicate, and commit even worse sins, but at the end of the day, they will still say they are Christians. Maybe they are, inside their hearts (that's not for me to judge)...but their external behavior is not representative of the religion.

    Sadly, the same phenomenon exists amongst Muslims. There are many Muslims who are Muslims in name only. They may be very charming people and have certain attractive qualities, but overall they are ignorant of Islam and its teachings and do not live their lives as Muslims. Personally, I have lived in a Muslim country for more than 10 years and have seen all kinds of people, ranging from the truly religious/pious to some of the most rotten people around. Unfortunately, you are currently married to someone from this latter category.

    Ask yourself if you would tolerate such behavior from a non-Muslim Canadian or American man. I am almost certain the answer would be no.

    Sister, ask yourself why you are willing to tolerate such behavior from this man. Because he is a Muslim?

    Sister, this is not Islam, and your husband admits this to you.

    Sister, for the sake of your future, move on and forget this person. If you continue in this relationship, you will never have a day of peace in your life. For his sake, I pray that he reforms himself, but not at your expense, Sister.

    Dear Sister, I suggest you reread your post and understand that this person represents a danger to your life. Someone who beats and chokes his wife is capable of murder in the future, whether it is intentional or not. How tragic to become another statistic in such an entirely avoidable situation.

    It is possible that you have an emotional attachment to this man because he introduced you to Islam. For whatever reason, God introduced you to Islam through this individual, but you do not owe him anything because of that. It seems that you have a very peaceful, loving nature and that you are inclined towards the religion. I believe that God has a plan for you, just like he has a plan for me and everyone else. In His wisdom, He has showed you that you must be wary. Just as He has showed you what Islam IS, He has also showed you what it is NOT. Insha'Allah you will contemplate over this and take the steps necessary to remove yourself from your current situation. If this person wants to come to Canada badly enough, he may suddenly turn very sweet, but you should be strong and not accept his apologies. You have endured incredible abuse in a short period of time, and I am very sorry for what happened to you. It is absolutely disgraceful what you have endured. On this site and elsewhere on the web, you will find many Muslims who are supportive of you and who will answer any questions you have about Islam, Muslim marriages, and anything else.

    Stay strong, Sister. We all care about you and want what's best for you.

  5. Peace be upon you Sister,

    In fact, I really can’t express how irritated I was while reading this. I really feel so sorry about what you have went through, Sister. May God save you from evilness of that evil man who calls himself your husband. I thank God he himself confirmed it that his actions and the way he treated you were all against the Islamic teachings and morals.

    Since the day you met, he has cheated on you with 24 other girls (very strange). He interacted with his brother’s wife and his family were ok with it. All this indicate that he didn’t even know much about Islam or maybe he knew, but he just didn’t care to practice it correctly, and I doubt if his family is a good Muslim family. Do they even pray five times daily?

    He does not work, and you support him financially (Apartment, monthly stipend, cell phones, laptops, cloths etc). What on earth is this kind of relationship? Isn’t he shy, at least a little? In fact, this doesn’t sound like a genuine marriage to me at all.

    You mentioned that you are in tears 99% of the time you talk. This is indeed a clear red light. There is no future for you in this kind of man. So do not waste your time expecting that he will ever change someday. I pity some women sometimes, when they expect that such merciless men will ever change someday, while they keep on getting abused all the time.

    In fact, hitting you before marriage should have been enough reason for you to dump him and get rid of him forever. But you proceeded with him and then he hit you again and again after marriage. What else are you waiting for before he kills you, Sister? He came after jail and acted like innocent and said some few sweet words to you, and then you thought he is changing. Come on sister, he can’t really change that quickly. He did it because he needed you to send him that money for his bills etc.

    You see what he did when he left you standing in that heat (43 degrees) and never came for you, and plus when he didn’t feel pity for you enough to open the door for you to enter the room, when you found your way to his friend’s apartment and then on top of it yelled at you, till you went back to stay in the heat, in addition to the night he left you hungry while he eat all the pizza, without taking you out to eat? And also, you see when he physically abused you and hurt you like to kill you, and then left the house to spend days outside without finding a doctor for you, while you stayed hurt in your bruises? And also, when he sat there and watch football without caring that his wife has had an accident? All these indicate that this man is the type of man that can really watch you die while he stand beside and laugh at you. Believe me here because I am very serious, Sister (I know what the 43 degrees heat is). I really know what I am talking about here. Listen to what your Mum told you (“he was not welcome in this house”).

    I really do not know any other way to make you understand that the man you call your husband has no good purpose for you in the future, and that it could be worse if he gets his Canadian visa/passport. As I fear the future for you Sister. Don’t wait till you are 42 before you start thinking that you made the wrong decision by spending all those years with him. I know it’s hard to accept this, but believe me leaving him now for good is the best thing to do, and you will never regret leaving him.

    Engage yourself in some other things in life. Learn much about Islam, as others have advised you, and then see how you could love practicing this beautiful religion. You will come to know one day that all what he was doing were truly against the Islamic teachings and morals.

    Perhaps God made this to happen in order for you to come closer to His mercy, and now you are closer to His mercy, so just learn to be even more closer, Sister.

    May God help you Sister, and may He touches your heart with the beauty of Islam. Ameen.

    • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      I was too stressed to read past a few sentences....subhanAllah it's absolutely horrific........sister, you are in our duas and we are with you. Soon you will be out of this difficult inshaa allah. I will get more later inshaa Allah but for now, these are the words of comfort I have.

  6. Dear Sister,

    Your post is long and detailed. I think this is NOT a question of is this an Islamic marriage about. The situation that you described is not even a functional marriage. I feel sorry for you but you are the one who inviting all these troubles and problems for yourself.

    1. I do not understand if you have known of he had relations with different women before marriage, what made you still proceed in this marriage?

    2. I do not understand why you are willing to finance this guy and rented a house etc etc? why you are allowing him to hit you? What made you do all this for him?

    3. Is it obvious that he and his family is not even a decent human? Can you see it?

    4. Is it obvious that he just wants his way out of his country?

    5. I know sometime women are weak, but you went through all this WITH AN OPTION which is by travelling to him from Canada to Tunisia, then marry him, pay him and let him hit you. Do you hear what you said and what you wrote? You need to wake up and ask yourself: what I am looking for? For love? For marriage? He definitely is not a good person.

    6. Sister, do not let him abuse you and use you. You are very young and you have a good future ahead of you. DO NOT rush into a relationship without knowing the person. He is so dangerous and he is not a good person, period.

    7. I know single woman is so vulnerable but RESPECT yourself. DO NOT ENGAGE a relationship because you are desperate.

    8. Talk to your family, friends or even counselors if you can. You seems to me that you do not know how to protect yourself and extremely lonely. You invite all these unnecessary troubles to your life.

    9. You live in Canada, you have a much better choices in life than most of the people in the world. Go work as a volunteer in your community, open your circle, invest yourself in gaining knowledge. Build up your self confidence.

    10. If you want to learn Islam, go to a masjid and there will be plenty of sisters would like to offer help.

    11. About your "husband", I think you should seriously consider to move on without him. DO NOT PROCESS any paper work for him, honestly. He is using you, YES, HE IS USING YOU. STOP any paper work for him to come over or you are creating another bigger problems in your life.

    12. Keep all the legal marriage document with you. I think you should seek legal advice for a divorce.

    I am sorry for my harsh tone but I really see that YOU ARE STILL NOT AWAKE to see where is your problem. No matter he is a Muslim or Christian or Jewish, I think you need to learn how to choose a right person regardless of his religions or ethnicity background.

    Take care

  7. ASA sis. Short answer is, NO, this is not Islamic! Divorce your husband but do not go back to his country to do so because you will jeopardize your life!!! Stop the immigration visa process and say alhamdulliah for having the ocean between you!!!!!

  8. For your own sake do not bring this evil person to Canada ever. Leave him. Do not go to visit him anymore. Stop supporting him. Just end it NOW!

    • Marsallah this was the longest post I have ever read since I have becoming to this web sit but I just couldn't stop reading it and feel sorry for a good sister like evil of a human being your husband is heartless!! All I have to say is he is using you 100%for paper work to come to canada you be the smart one and stop this now move on u will find someone so much better then this person who is using you for money
      And papers. I mean I'm superise your from canada and non Muslim women taken this from a man!!! Just move on ASAP he isn't worth any tears..

  9. Sister,

    Your post bought tears to my eyes. There is nothing to understand here, this man is diabolical! He is just using you as a cash machine! This is why he sweets talks you after beating you up. This is the only reason he married you! And to eventually migrate to canada and abuse you further.

    You made you a big mistake by ignoring the warning signs. He is a renouned womaniser and abusive man. He has absolutely no characteristics of a muslim man. He is a monster!

    I feel so angry when I read these posts when these so called muslim men treat their wives like punchbags! This is definitly not how any marriage should be. Marriage should be full of love,kindness and mercy for each other. Marriage is team work. Marriage is being best friends and understanding each other, being happy when the spouse is happy and being upset when the other is upset. You are the only one who is doing Everything in this marriage! He does not love you one bit!

    A true muslim man would not lay a finger on his wife. He would take care of her financially and emotionally. He would take care of her in health or in sickness. He will sit down and teach her about Islam and be happy to spend all his time with her when he is not occupied with important things( prayers, work etc) you are not obliged to spend on your husband! It is his responsibilty to pay for your upkeep.

    I understand why you maybe love him so much because finding true love is hard and finding a good man is rare. But it doesn't mean that you should settle for a monster because you can't find a good man! You deserve way better. You appear to be a very loving and caring individual ( sadly these are the types of woman bad men find easy targets to take advantage of). You need to find someone who will appreciate your qualities and treat you like a queen.

    Stop being desperate! Be strong sister! There are much more worthwhile things to do in life then to wait for this evil man to change! Do yourself the biggest favour and leave him forever! Do not apply for him to cone to canada! Just send him the papers to Tunisia. Don't go near him. Don't talk to him or fall for his sweet talk again. You know its all lies just to get what he wants, money! You are closing down his unlimited free bank account so he will try every trick in the book to keep you with him. Please open your eyes and save yourself. Be strong and respect yourself! Do not br scared of him and do not shed tears for him.

    And finally please research about Islam. This man is the complete opposite of a muslim man. So do not let him reflect Islam for you. Read about Islam independently. Reach out to sisters in the mosque to help you. You do not need a man to find peace and happiness in life. All you need is right there in your heart, you just need to find it.

    I hope get out of this nightmare and find peace in your life.

  10. Asalamu Alaykum,

    I'm sorry for what you're going through. The thing is, islam tells us to hear both sides of the story before passing judgment, but if all that you're saying is exactly what happened, then seriously if I were you, I'd rather be single. You should never let any man hit you or abuse you like that. And he seems to be a pathological liar which makes it impossible to maintain a healthy relationship. Get out before you regret it. Don't waste your life on someone like that. You will never have a successful marriage with him if he is an abuser. I know you may be feeling scared of being alone, but you're not. You must have other people in your life such as family, try to get closer to them and leave that abusive man. And something else to think of, would you ever want him to be the father of your kids? if he abuses you, he will abuse his kids. It's your duty to leave now and drag this any longer.

  11. hi, after reading I have so much to say. I wont drag I will keep it very brief..

    okay, first thing I would like to say no matter what, NEVER compare Islam and your husband/in-laws behavior. they have nothing in common, maybe a Muslim name that's all.

    you said, your mother-in-law seen your husband in the shower, cuddles him on the sofa, sleeps with him in his bed, keeps calling him every hour on the hour and on top of that when you was on the cam she was with him all the plus if your husband moved to Canada she will also go. that is not normal, seem to me there is a mother son complex is going on. your husband might be committing INCEST with his mother.

    but what I don't understand is why are you still with him, when he beat you black and blue, strangling you, trying to kill you plus you said he kicked you in your private part so you wont have children, yet you don't say anything regarding that, does that not phase you? I really don't understand, its too crazy for me to comprehend.

    you are his golden egg, don't you realize, he is just using you but why are still with him? please don't say love, cause its not. I'm sure in your teens you had better loving relationship compared to this sham.

    after reading your post I cant see him do anything good for you, what can you hold so dear to you, saying my man did this? nothing.. after all you said I am in tears 99% of the time we talk.

    I suggest you leave him, one day he may really kill you. don't you care about your life? signs were there from before yet you still ignored them. I also think you rushed into this marriage.

    also the earring you found, I think it belonged to his mother.


  12. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    I was/am very much affected by what you have described is happening in your life.

    I don't think the question is "Is this what an Islamic marriage looks like?" Clearly, you know that it isn't otherwise you wouldn't be asking.

    My question to you is: What is the reason that you pursued this relationship?

    According to you, your husband lies, cheats, hits you, swears, abuses, does not respect you and the list goes on. I don't know what you were hoping for everytime you spent time with him, but let me give you a simple example: if you unlock a door and turn the knob, the door opens. If you repeat this 100 times, it will always produce the same result. You can't expect the result to be different no matter how many times you would repeat this. When I apply this example to your situation, I don't see anywhere in your post a glimmer of hope that you could use to expect different behaviour from your husband. I don't see any happy moments that you could use to hope that he might miraculously change.

    I think you know the truth. Sister, you need to love and respect yourself. You should not be desperate for this person. If you can support him and yourself, then you can support yourself alone just fine. You are articulate, you are intelligent and you are capable. Please remove this person from your life and find a place for safety. Take care of yourself FIRST. Make a connection with Allah so that you understand that He is your only source for pain. Perhaps you are going through this to make you realize that a man isn't going to save you from the emotional pain that you are in. Be strong. Think about how Ibrahim's AS wife was strong when she was alone with her infant. Think about how strong Hazrat Maryum AS was throughout her life. Think about how strong you are--do not let this man do this to yourself.

    May Allah give you more strength and I hope that you realize your strengths as well. May Allah guide you in this very difficult time. Ameen. Thummah Ameen.

  13. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    You may be wondering why all your brothers and sisters here are defending you, even though you have not converted to Islam yet. You may also be expecting that, since your husband is a Muslim, his fellow Muslims here are most likely to defend him. However sister, I would like you to understand that Islam does not teach us to defend what is wrong, even if it will be against ourselves or against our flesh parents and relatives.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran,

    "O you who believe! Be upright to God, witnessing with justice; and let not the hatred of a certain people prevent you from acting justly. Adhere to justice, for that is nearer to piety; and fear God. God is informed of what you do." (Quran 5: 8)

    "O you who believe! Stand firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even if against yourselves, or your parents, or your relatives. Whether one is rich (the one deceiving to be innocent) or poor (the one being oppressed), God takes care of both. So do not follow your desires, lest you swerve. If you deviate, or turn away—then God is Aware of what you do." (Quran 4: 135)

    So just because he says he is Muslim doesn't mean we will be at his side and argue for him. We defend only what is right with justice.

    So Sister, what will make you not love such a beautiful religion that teaches its followers to stand firmly for justice, even against themselves and their love ones???

  14. guys met online,right ? Sister,you must know that online world is full of corrupt people.I am not saying that everyone is corrupt but vast majority of the people are corrupt.
    There is so much more to this.You said he is addicted to pornography.Sister,this pornography habit is making men monster these days.I promise you.This pornography addiction is so severe that it alters your brain pattern,makes you see things that you are not supposed to see.When you are addicted to porn,Shaitan literally whispers in your ear when ever you see an attractive woman on the street.I have been thru this.Trust me.Porn literally induces extreme anger in the person.It makes a man vile !!!
    Sister,i am so sad to hear about your story.Please find a good guy now.Leave that man.He doesn't deserve to be loved.You have so much life to live Inshallah.
    Posts like these make me angry too.When we young men in our 20's go to the doors of our extended family to propose to their girl or when we ask hand of a girl of our neighbors,we are told that we are not good for their daughters.In fact we are earning Halal money and are ambitious and everything still parents of girls reject us.I don't know why.I don't know what criteria they set in their minds.I don't know why they want the richest man to propose to their daughters.Girls like you should accept such rishtas and not look online.Trust me.Please pray for me that i get married.

  15. Sister,

    I am going to apologize right up front for what I am going to say but it has to be said. You are a fool. This man is using you for all that he can get from you. He treats you like dirt but you keep sending him money, cell phones and whatnot. He kicks you and chokes you and send him more money. Stop sending him money, cell phones and anything else. I'll bet you anything that it won't be long before you don't hear from him at all! As long as you make yourself available and keep giving him money, he will take it. The only real advice I can offer you is to wake up and see this man for who he really is. Should you continue to live this way and throw caution to the wind, you deserve everything that comes your way.


    • Assalaamualaikam

      That's kind of harsh, don't you think? The original poster has come here for help and advice, not to be called names. I agree that it is important for her to recognise that this "man" is using her and treating her badly, but it's unfair to say that should she continue to live this way she "deserves everything that comes" her way. No matter the circumstances, no woman or man deserves to be on the receiving end of physical or psychological abuse.

      Midnightmoon editor

      • I stand firm by what I wrote as hard as it might be for some to read. I am being realistic, not harsh. Harsh is the conditions by which she lives. Harsh is how this man treats her. Reality is often harsh. I mean this woman no disrespect by my comments but they are mine and I take full responsibility for them. I called her a fool and rightly so. A fool by the English language dictionary is a person who acts unwisely or imprudently. Should she continue to send him money, bail him out of jail or send him another six cell phones...she most assuredly deserves to deal with the consequences of her actions. They are foolish and self destructive at best.


  16. Sister,

    If you are reading this then please can you reply. Have you freed yourself from the clutches of this diabolical monster? I am worried about your health and welbeing.

    I really hope you are better and have taken heed to all the advice given. I know that life can be lonely and one can be desperate for a glimmer of love and affection. But please do not allow anyone to abuse you mentally, phisically or financially just for this mere hope of affection.

    You don't need anyone's love or attention. You have all the love you can ever ask for from god, Allah. If you place all your love and trust in Allah, you will never be hurt again. When you love Allah, he will shower you with attention, affection and blessings. He will never ignore you. If you take one step towards him, he will take three steps towards you. Allah is all you need in your life and hereafter.

  17. salam... huh what a long and awful story, sympathetic, felt Luke to cry for ur sutuation.. wallah u hv been patient enough, but to be honest I cant take this.. I cant at all! I would hv kicked him and move on.. anyway, im sure u will be a great women as a muslimah.. considering ur level of patient and caring.. And patient is an important character in Islam, not all hv it.. even the Muslims.. not even me.. im sure ur more patient than me :/ .. so by converting u will get double reward (if u want be with him) for pateint and fulfilling ur right as his wife... hope that u revert it will be great.. a (Muslim) women with expensive character (masha Allah very rare to find but ofcourse being with such kind of husband as a muslimah, newly reverted will nt make u get the best out of Islam and will only makes u hate Islam even more... I wonder why some Muslims still dont knw the value of women whether Muslim or non-Muslim.. sure if u leave him it will be difficult for him to find girl like u with the same or similar patient u hv.. who knows he might end of marrying a girl that will BEAT HIM UP AND EVEN HIS MOTHER, that will take control of him just like driving her car. lol anyway, im not saying u must seek for divorce but u should consider and sort out the best thing for u.. I really pity u.. I hope I get a wife with such patient lol,.. I hope this is helpful, and ofcourse I will pray for u.. best regard.

  18. You say your husband has cheated you by doing it with 24 women. He tried to choke you few times as you mentioned your post. Behavior between his mother and him seems abnormal, indicting incestual relationship. You need to work on your self esteem. Your husband and his family is milking you for your money. Since you are a Canadian you may be able to find a good man with good education who wants a serious relationship and good life. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. PEOPLE WHO LOOK VERY RELIGIOUS OR PRETEND TO BE RELIGIOUS are some times worse then regular people.

  19. Dear girl,

    You have to know that this guy doesn't love you at all, not in the least bit. And that is an understatement. I think everybody reading your story feels like: "what is she thinking?!" You allowed this guy to treat you this way. I honestly think you have a great responsability yourself, for the way you are treated by this lowlife. If you are not gonna defend, protect, respect, stand up for yourself, than who is? He is a worthless human beeing and i don't understand what you see in him. He is sick,evil, mean, hartless and he is obviously using you for your money. What attracts you in him? The fact that he hugs you after he beats you up? Seriously, i don't understand you. And i'm not saying this in a hurtfull way, as a woman to a woman: my blood boils when i read what this guy has done to you. You come across as someone who needs a lot of help. These guys pray on women who are softharted and accept a lot. I'm not saying it is your fault, don't get me wrong. But you have let it go way to far. Marrying him was a big mistake, and all you can do now is make sure he doesn't come to Canada. He's a miserable human beeing and he wil get what is coming to him, if not in this life than in the hereafter. As for the muslim part, he is the complete opposite of what a muslim man is supposed to be. He is an honourless coward, nothing more. And if you learn more about Islam, you will see that it is beauty and truth. And that man you call your husband is uglyness and a lie. The two couldn't be farther apart.
    I wish you the strenght to break free from the hold he has on you, and the wisdom that will leed you to the truth insha Allah. Take care of yourself.
    A friend

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