Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help me?

Takuma Kimura_Tree_YkZkQmI

I have been married for 6 years now. This marriage took place when I was 18 and without my parents consent.We used to talk when I was 15 or 16 I believed everything this guy used to tell me back then & to be honest I didn't know much about stuff at the age of 16 and 18.  My family dislikes him since they said he has been with girls and he just plays around I didn't believe them because I haven't had seen that but I actually did find out a couple stuff about him online and I told him to leave and I didn't want to be with him but he didn't go he promised me he deleted everything he said he will do anything he will change and I did the mistake to live him again. He asked me to move where he use to be since he use to work and go to college there I actually moved for him and college and then he asked me to get married to him and I said no at the first time since I didn't want to do it that way but he some how convinced me and we got married his family was aware of this marriage and his family had given him the permission to do so but my family didn't know. During the time of this marriage there were two witness as they told me since I was not able to see the imam who had read the nikkah at that time. And his brother was there as well so there were two witness as they had told me. They didn't give me any Nikkah Nama or haq mehr . But the problem was we both lived in different states and I was not able to move where he wanted me to and also since my parents were not aware but I tried my best to do so. We started getting into arguments and fights he got very abusive he use to abuse me and my family and say just disturbing things which were a lie.

His family was aware of all this and they told me to ignore it for almost 5 years and I trusted them and did as they said but things were just getting bad. They were nice for a while but Allah knows if they had something else in mind.He use to come visit me I use to visit him his family was aware of all this. But things just got worse he started asking me for proofs to the marriage  I ignored his anger and whatever he use to do for the longest his abuse came to the point I just got sick of them I used to cry all the time since I couldn't move where he was or he couldn't. I asked him for talak since I though they were cheating me and he started telling me I will divorce you if you don't move here. And I couldn't ever imagine cheating him or ever leaving him I use to say it so that he stops taking me for granted. One day his family asked me for my family number saying give me the number or u'll end up no where? Which was hurtful and made me mad and I didn't give it then because,  no one deserves to be spoken to like that. And then he just texted me and said talaq 3 times and also said my family had showed me the way I left then I was not even aware why he did that. And then he started finding ways so I would respond to them so he doesn't look bad in front of his family.I told him to stop he would msg my friends and when I responed I told him u gave me a talaq but his family said talaqas don't happen this way I trusted them again once more  but they just played with me and my feelings they use to say nasty stuff to me then. And then again he said he gave me a talaq according to their times like it was a joke for them. But kept talking to me over the phone and msgs and also came to see me and then later his family use to act weird stopped talking God knows what all he told them or said about me he use to say nasty stuff either ways. And his family then got very rude and said oh your parents must be really happy about whatever you did while they supported all this for 6 years. They said you can leave now and go tell everyone this is what I did to you. And you will remember life long. I didn't care about that since I know what I have done and what not. Did this talaq even take place since we met again he says he said it in anger and then we met we were in contact this is all a mess now I am suffering cz of them now I don't know what to do. I told his family we met but his sister said oh he din't come for you and stuff like that. Which is funny to me thinking about what they think they may be doing is right.  My family knows now about this and they don't approve it saying where is the proof to this marriage and also they said how can they let this happen?


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8 Responses »

  1. I have a question.. I dated a guy whom I intended to marry, but we had kiss and hug each other. But now we have come to realized that its haram. We ask forgiveness and now separated we no more dating. My question is can I marry him in future? Please help me out

  2. Dear Zee199,

    Do you have any documents regarding the marriage/nikah? It sounds like you don't have any for the divorce.


    • Nope I don't. They didn't give me anything.

      • Salam Zeen,

        It's been a while since you posted this. Have things been resolved now? What's the latest news?

        • Walikumassalam,

          Nope nothing has been resolved. It's been getting worse and worse. They haven't gave anything yet. They keep abusing and say abusive stuff and say it's over and not over according to their times.

  3. this is nothing. i hate my life. my life is a complete disaster and based on humiliation where i have to stand and beg for everything . i am totally empty handed with no good surroundings and no friends at all.

    • The Girl,

      I am so sorry you are going through this. May Allah reward you for your patience with everything your heart desires. Please pray Salat-ul-Hajat, asking Allah to fulfill your needs in His best way.

      Big Hugs,


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