Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please Help Me? Forced Into Marriage..

Forced marriage hadith

Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam

As Salaam Alaykam, I am 22 years old female. I have been in a situation for quiet some time and I'm not sure what to do or who to ask help for (of course I make Dua and pray when I can I am not perfect but I try my best) ive been in a relationship with someone for 6 years now and Yh it was all hidden from the family and stuff and when my brothers found out they hit me a lot and stopped me from going college uni or even work until now it's been 5 years. My life is very restricted I can't have a phone speak to any friends or even go out its been more than a month I even went out last.I have no cousins here so I just basically sit at home all day and everyday. Of course I understand from their point of view why they restricted me because they don't want me to marry him so they don't want me to talk to him or anything but it's too much now. My family said to me I can never get married to anyone who is not a Sayed so they didn't even consider him an option. Him not being a Sayed is the only reason why they have said no other than that it would of been okay. Now they have done my Nikkah with this person who I don't even wanna get married to he is recently came from back home does not speak English his mentality is different his thinking his lifestyle everything is different, I am not happy with this marriage it was done by mentally torturing me and blackmailing me everyday by my mum and I just said yes because of the things she used to tell me but I didn't mean it from my heart and she knows that .

I have tried to move on from the person I'm in a relationship with but it's very hard it's just not in me and we both want to get married and settle the right way I don't wanna run away or anything I could of done so if I wanted but I know it's wrong and it's very hard to live like that.. He loves me too probably more than I do and he can't ask for my hand because my brother has hit him twice when he saw him for no reason so he thinks if he's hit me for nothing I know he will say no if I ask for your hand, my brothers wouldn't even want to see him..My family is forcing me to the limit where I am thinking of doing things I don't want to do because my family is all about the "respect" so it will make it worse for them, my brother is very strict and even recently he hit me very bad just because I said I'm not happy with the marriage and they want me to be happy and make plans for the walima but I can't do that. It had gone to a limit where I was suicidal twice and once taken by ambulance but I told the hospital that I was just stressed out.. I just want to get married to him and live happily that's all how much of a crime is it I understand it was a mistake to even start the relationship but I can't go back 6 years and change that. I love him a lot and we just couldn't change things even tho we tried a lot of times to let go but it's just not possible we both can't do it.  So I wanted to know where I stand in this situations and what I can do.. My brothers or family don't listen to no one and my older brother is willing to kill me and go to prison for 30 years these are his own words so it makes it very hard for me to even do anything when I'm living in this fear 24/7 of being killed at any time by my own family.

Both of my older brothers have had love marriages and both my sister in laws are not Sayed because I've been told it's okay for a boy to marry a non Sayed girl but a girl can't do the same and I've been told that this is how it's been going on from the prophet PBUH time and I can't change that.. I even understand that but the fact that I love him and we've been together for so long shouldn't parents consider that too? I am the only girl so all my brothers are allowed to marry a non Sayed girl but I can't do it because I'm a girl..

I want to know islamically what I can do as just something else which unfortunately I have to add is that I was pregnant in the past with the person I've been with and carried his child for 6 months but I was so scared and fearing I couldn't carry on with it but that decisions still haunts me until today and I regret it very badly every day of my life I think about that child and cry and make Dua. But not that I want to be with anyone else but because of what I've gone through what I did with that person I don't want to marry anyone else I don't think the marriage with ever be successful he will found out about me being with someone else and plus I will never be able to give him a wife side of me.
I don't have long left because the walimah has been planned in less than a month.. Would anyone advise me to run away and get married to this person as a last resort like I said I could of in the past but that was never my intention or his we wanted our families to say yes and get our Nikkah done the right way.. But is running away gonna be okay.. The person who my Nikkah is done to I don't wanna put him in a situation even tho I've spoken to him (unwillingly) we just don't clik, but why should I mess up his life just because I wanna get married to someone else. Do parents only have the responsibility to get the girl married and out the house, do they not think about her happiness because I know I will never be happy with that person but they will be is that okay to do as parents..?

Please advise me with something I can do. It would mean the world to me because I feel very unsafe and stuck in this situation I can't even go to a mosque to asks anyone regarding this situation. Jazaak'Allah Khair

please don't judge this is very hard for me as it is I know I made very big mistakes in the past but I repent to Allah for those mistakes and will always ask for forgiveness and hope the most merciful forgives me Insha'Allah..

Please again don't judge me I know my mistakes very major but I sincerely repent to Allah for what I did.

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7 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    If you are truly afraid that your family would be willing to harm or even kill you, then you need to get to a safe place as soon as possible. They have no right to force you into a marriage you don't want, and no right to harm you for their "respect". I would advise that your first step should be to find a women's shelter or emergency accommodation with a trusted female friend, and go there. If you are struggling to find somewhere, then you could ask your doctor or the police for help (assuming you live in a country where it is safe to do so). You mention that it is a problem that this person they want you to marry does not speak English - many English-speaking countries have laws against forced marriage and honour-based violence, so you may well have strong legal protection if you alert the authorities to your situation.

    As you mentioned, you know that you have made serious mistakes in the past and need to repent for these. If you need help in finding out how to do this, you might find it useful to read our articles on tawbah and repentance, inshAllah. Once you are in a safe place, commit to ensuring your lifestyle is halal from now on - no more haram relationships (if you and the guy you've been with want to be together, ask an imam to act as your wali and review his proposal), make your prayers and Qur'an study regular, observe Islamic guidance in your life. While we're alive, it's never too late to turn back to the straight path.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. I cannot understand how little women's rights are in Islamic countries. It makes me sick. I spent time in Morocco and have never in my life felt more miserable and abused. Just because your culture is male focused and women have no rights it does not mean this is right. It is the wrong way to live. It is mentally delusional that your brothers can marry anyone and you cannot. It is so wrong. If my brother hit me and threatened to kill me I would go to the police. No brother who wants to kill you loves you. You are being mistreated and abused by your family. Will you spend the rest of your life a slave to a man you do not love and a family who hit you? Will your arranged marriage hit you too? Your family sound like horrible people. You should certainly leave them all and find a life of freedom. Go to the police and ask for protection. Human rights are women's rights and women's rights are human rights. Human rights are women's rights and women's rights are humans rights. Human rights are women's rights and women's rights are human rights

  3. Assalaamalykum
    Firstly may Allah make it easy for you, from what i can see, if they were real sayeeds they would not lay a finger on you, and theres no such authentic evidences that Muhammad saw, actually said anything about not to marry otherones then your tribes or families or watever, infact It is preffered to marry someone out of the family and things like that, so if you think what ur broa or family is doing has anything to do with islam, unfortunatly NO. It has nothing to do with islam infact i have a doubt in the aqeedah(beleive) of your family, to be honest with you.
    I would say you know find a ahle sunna wal jama masjid around your area, just google it or you can Pm me ill try to find pne for you inshaAllah, and call them up and tell the sheikh your sitution, and InshaAllah you will find some kinda answer to suit your sitution,
    And one more thing sister, you know when you choosing a husbend, do not go crazy about that guy that you been with for soo long, marriage is a sunnah of Muhammad saw, to fulfill that sunnah, therea a way to do so, main thing is you have to see the men's aqeedah, deen, to see if he meets the criteria of islam authentically or no, im not saying you just look at that and you marry him, you look at him to see if u like him, you sit with him and your wali (guardian) and ask him questions and what not and then you decide, if your wali says he likes him and you dont, you can refuse, and if you like him and he dosnt, you can ask your wali for reason why? If the reasons are legit then kool if not then you disagree with him and go to further islamic authorities,

    And you love for the sake of Allah, not for the sake of your own desires or watever,
    You see your brothers (or family) have no knowledge of islam so you see what they have done to you, and yes i m not saying what you did was right but you repented and Allah loves those who makes a mistake and then realize and come back to Allah and repent truly, and like u said youve done that. So there would be no need for your brothers to just foce marraige you to somebody, you have a right to choose and deny.
    InshaAllah you get help asap.
    Watever good i said from Allah swt, the bed is from me.
    JazakAllah khair

    • Thank you for your answer. When you mention the Prophet (sws), you should refer to him as the Messenger of Allah, the Prophet Muhammad, or the Prophet - peace be upon him. Not by his first name only.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • JazakAllah khair for correction.
        I was thinming when you say Muhammad only that could reffer to anybody, but when you add SAW to it, then you know who we talking about.
        Now i think, messenger of Allah(which one?)
        Porphet peace be upon him(which prophet?)
        I think these two that you mentioned contridicts, so will just use prophet Muhammad saw. Please correct me if i am wrong i am only trying to learn everyday.
        JazakAllah khair

  4. In islam if ur wali guardian is dening a good muslim on any unislamic reasons then u can go to any uncles or noble nonrelative or imam for nikah , islam allows it , search fatwa at islamqa.info
    But i think ur family is too violent if u do this they will harrm u both , i can see 2 ways only , either u settle in diff city with him or u go on with this forced marriage as uhv said no so it will b invalid marriage in islam , u can try if u can go on with yhis unkown guy as wife , if not then tell him all tht u cant love him u were forced and u want khulah divorce , im sure no husband wants to live with unhappy wife who cnt love him , sooner or later uil b free untill then , study and b firm do job and personal relations and contact police too so ur ready to b strong after it then decide inshallah we r praying , repent too

  5. She was forced to marry someone she did not want. https://islamqa.info/en/47439
    Her father forced her to get married; is this marriage valid and what is the ruling on intercourse in this case? https://islamqa.info/en/163990
    Shold she complain to the qaadi because her father is not letting her get married? https://islamqa.info/en/32580
    .,,,

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