Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help me, I am scared and don’t know what to do

Unhappy young woman

For the past few years I have been in a haram relationship with a man who is promising to marry me when he is able.

Many times I have wanted to leave, but he has been sexually physically and verbally abusive. He is so possessive and manipulative and I have been forced to do many things I did not consent for.

There have been very good times where I believed he had dealt with anger issues, but then a small thing will make him angry and each time is worse. Verbal abuse has gotten so bad I am scared. I am scared to leave because I don't know if he will do something to embarrass or Expose our relationship to the Muslim community and shame me. I don't know if he will attack me or what will happen if I try to leave.

He has often threatened to leave me and while secretly I wished he would. He was only trying to manipulate me and never had intention of actually leaving. I am so scared and feel as tho I am stuck because I cannot tell anyone and embarrass myself and my family.


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9 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu Alaikum,
    I am very sorry that you are going through these problems. May Allah make things easier for you.
    Sister, I know you're not going to want to hear this, but I think you should seriously leave NOW.
    Right now.
    I can tell from your words you want an easier way out, but there really is nothing else you can do about this. Here is something I found from the online PDF "I want to repent, but..." by Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid. I just felt like it really related to your situation.

    ...this is a difficult situation. Take the poor girl who has repented, but her former
    boyfriend calls her on the phone and threatens her by saying: “I have recorded our conversations
    and I have pictures of you. If you refuse to go out with me I will disgrace you in front of your
    family.” She is certainly in an unenviable position.
    Look at the way in which the friends of Shaytaan wage psychological war on those singers and
    actors, male and female, who have repented. They distribute the worst of their former
    productions in the marketplace, to put pressure on them. But Allaah is with those who fear Him
    and those who repent. He is the Friend and Supporter of the believers. He will not abandon or
    forsake them. Never has anyone sought His protection and been refused. Remember that with
    hardship there is ease, and after every difficulty comes relief.

    Do you see how Allaah protects those who believe and how He is with those who do good?
    But if the worst comes to the worst, and the thing you fear happens – they broadcast bad things
    about you – what you need to do is to be honest and explain your situation to others. Tell them,
    “Yes, I was a sinner, but now I have repented to Allaah, so what do you want?”

    I really hope this helps, and that you do the right thing and stay safe.

    Best of luck and wishing you well,

  2. Salam sister,

    I know you are scared at the moment and that he has put fear in you but think about it, either way you are at loss! Staying with him will put you a greater risk of physical abuse and on the other hand leaving will challenge him in putting his treats to action. I suggest you tell your mum about the situation and get out of this destructive relationship. Repent to Allah, Pray to Allah and make Duaas to Allah and ask for HIS help to get you out of this situation with limited damages. May Allah help you.

  3. Sister,

    You may not want to hear what I am going to say however, you need to end things now. You need to reach out to a family member or someone you trust for help. No one is perfect sister...we all make mistakes and do stupid things throughout our lives. We are after all, human. This man does what he does because he knows that no one is aware about what is going on. He will continue to do so as long as you allow him. You do have control over this situation, you just don't know it.

    Please reach out to a family member or someone you trust for help. You can and will deal with the consequences of your actions either way. You can come clean with this haram relationship, end it and receive the love and support you need from your family or, you can let this guy continue to manipulate you and destroy you more than he already has. You just have to decide which is worse, the embarrassment this situation will bring you, or the continuation of this haram and dangerous relationship which is going to without a doubt destroy who you are as a person. I pray you will reach out for help, consequences be dammed.


  4. Salam sister,

    Leave that man! Find any way. Change your phone number and delete your facebook, tell your parents that there is a boy who is stalking you and you seriously need to change schools. If you live alone, then move and dont tell him or anyone close to him where you live. Even change jobs if you have to. There are ways to escape, you just need to think about all the ways that he could track you down, and places that he regularly visits. If you two don't have cars then it's as easier, but it will include getting your parents involved. The way that you sound scared means that you need to get serious about leaving. InshAllah you will make it out fine and will have learned not to trust any boy to date before marriage.

    Salam alaikum,

  5. Assalam o alaikum.....
    Dear sister I can understand ur problem coz once upon a time I hv been through this situation so the best thing u can do is before he tells the story to ur parents ,u tel this to ur parents coz thy trust u n thy would b atleast happy for ur honesty n u can end this trauma here itself n repent to Allah n ask for forgiveness n everything ll become normal coz time alone can heal wounds caused from this relation....inshallah...

    Good luck ....allahafiz

  6. You know its so easy for us all to tell you leave this man and ppl here are right. All girls should learn from this that men are not to be trusted having haraam relationship this what happens. I do hope you leave him repent and move on. This unfortunately is the filthy society we live in makes me sick.

  7. Sister,
    The best advice that I can give you now is to leave. Right now and don't look back. Leaving is the only way out of this. I know you might think there are simpler options but there isn't sister take our advice and leave. Everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect. Sister no one can judge except Allah.

  8. Assallamu alaikum sister u will be get what u did may Allah help u plz keep pateince a and give lots of money in charity truly repent to Allah Dear sis i know it is not east for u but u have to do it plz leav him who have called u for a wrong purpose will he love u think a bit Allah loves us a lot if we had Allah love then Whose love is we are waiting for and I know if u leav him their will be much trial and tribulation but don't leav the hop and rope of Allah but leav every kind of sin no matter how much u have to keep pateince remember do the best for akhirat

  9. May Allah help u and give u lots of pateince lots of love from my side to u in shaa Allah soon to meet in Jannah don't lose hope sweety Salam

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