Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please Help Me – I Can’t Bear This

Muslim woman in hijab


I am really depressed wife, i was married in 2011 and was expecting baby. after 2 months i lost my baby and later after a year was kicked out from home because of my in-law my husband was n is still jobless..

now last year my husband took me back to his house, and i got pregnant again my mother in law doestnt like me, she always insults me infrnt of her sisters guests and everyone. She always find ways to torcher n tease me.

while i was pregnant my mother in law used to force me to do work all the time..i use to clean the house do dishes cook food and had no permission to go to my room and have some rest and i wasnt allowed to have more than half roti no break fast no supper no extra meals and my husband was at village..later at 5 month of my pregnancy my dr advised me bedrest bt my mother in law never let me to lay down for a sec 8 months my water broke n she didnt let me to 9 month i went to my father house for delivery there i went to dr and dr suggested c-section because my baby had passed meconium n was 4 grade..later at the 6 day of baby name ceremony mother in law pumped my hubby so much that he came n fought with me even he was about to beat me..

now my baby is 6 months old n Alhumdulillah m blessed with a baby boy..but still my mother in law isnt happy..she always says things to annoy me like this room isnt urs its my house..ur son is mine he wont say u mummy..they even dont buy pampers milks or anything for the all expenses are on my mother in law without permission uses my room use my clothes my personal things which my father has bought for me..every day s very hard for me now..

Allah pak may forgive me i was so torchered by my mother in law that even i tried to kill myself..i realy love my husband but now i cant bear my in laws anymore sometimes i think to take khula but what about my the situation s getting more worse my husband every day fights with me even beats me..i not in a condition to buy a separate baby s 6 months i cant even work all day when i cant work she says to my husband that ur wife s sinner look she doestnt work for us she s disobeing us she vl go to hell..a wife duty s to work for in laws m not even allowed to go Any mother in law is illetrate n hasnt read quran pak my father in law is full in control of his wife he even considers me wronge..m realy v weak physicaly n mentaly..some day il die please help me out for the sake of Allah


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15 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,

    Just read your mail. May Allah reward you for you registering patience. There is no rule in Islam that you have to obey your in laws .you should respect can always demand a seperated house if you are so troubled and anyway you don't have to live with non mahram men like your father in law. If you are husband is not standing for you then he doesn't love you and it's you who is after him. You should probably talk and looking at your email I can say you speak very good English and since you have written this email you even know how to operateach basic computers. If you have no means of livelihood you can always work if you are educated to earn a living. You don't have to live with people who don't respect you and if your husband is not treating you properly then you can always take a talaq and if you are talking about your son or thinking of him I am sure Allah knows the best. If you are working you can take care of your means if you earn and also you can support your parents instead at their home than staying with such inhuman people. I have you an answer as per myour level of courage and I am working women if you are in parda it is allowed to work .so think about your future in this home .Do istikhara and take a step . I will pray for Allah to help you and give you strength. Aameen!!

    • W.salam Heena
      Sister i know my husband doesnt loves me.i am a govt primary teacher and my income is 18k in which i have to give 5k each month to my mother in law and in remaining i have to fullfill my baby's and husband's needs.yes i have told my husband that my in laws have no rights upon me and now after showing hiM evidence now he agrees..from last 2 months m at my fathers husband doesnt tells me but i have a strong believe that his mother has closed her house door for us..i have talked to my brother n my father about my problems n told them i want to take brother isnt willing..he says that if ul take khula ur mother in law will strt to spread rumors about u like last time she did that u have an affair n blah brother has talked to my husband n to my in laws that this is the last warning.after that brother said v will file a case on them.

  2. Asalam Walaykum I hope you are in good health. It broke my heart reading that you are going through a terrible treatment. But you know, Allah never places a burden on which the soul cannot bear. You are still going strong! Keep going! Mashallah your son is doing fine so let him be your motivation to do things. Go out there and work, goto school, indulging your hobbies, etc. You most defintiely do not owe anything to his in-laws nothing at all sweetheart. Patience is a great thing and props to you for holding onto that. May Allah bless you with many rewards and happiness. I know you are putting up with it as much as you can but enough is enough. You better step your foot down and let em know what they are doing is not right. They are supposed to be your family and take care of THEIR GRANDSON. What kind of people are they? Why did they let their son get married if he can't handle a marriage. It's his duty to put them in their place too. Family or not you are his wife and you guys have a son. This is ridiculous. I really feel for you. I pray in my heart things get better and you move on to better things and surround yourself with people who love you. You deserve all the happiness you can get. Much love, keep praying <3

    • A.salam mei
      Ur comment means alot to me.i knw what m going through..its realy gettin hard for me now..but still waiting for a miracle.need loads n loads of prayers

  3. I cant believe how people can mistreat others thinking its ok. Its far too common.I suggest you tell your parents, and seek khula. Allah will replace him with someone far better. You can eat only half a roti? Please leave,and don;t be their punching bag nor maid.

    • My family is aware of whats happening to me.i knw how i get the half of roti i have to pay them 5000/ month n do all there work..even washing my brother in laws clothes n ironing dem.but still no respect

  4. Assalaamualaykum helplesswife,

    I am so sorry to hear of what you are going is absolutely unbearable and you have tried so hard already. With everyday being such a struggle, you must be so tired and depressed. I echo the sentiments of the previous advisors that it is in your best interests to seek a way out of this situation. I know you love your husband, but his and his family's behavior and actions towards you are not loving. Love is not demonstrated through words or a piece of paper alone, but through consistent kind actions. And sometimes in life, the most loving thing we can do for someone is to leave them.

    Can I ask you...from what you write, it seems that your father is very supportive of you! Could you and your son move back in with him, your father? And then once there, once some time and space have intervened, come up with a game plan together on separating from your husband and/or divorcing him once you're distanced yourself physically and emotionally? You don't even have to think as far as all that immediately...just go to the protection of your father, and then once there, emotional separation from your husband will take place naturally over the course of time (it could be a couple of years). I think that in your situation, that might be the best thing you could do. There are other options such as going to a domestic violence shelter, and if you prefer that, you could call the police at any time to take you there. They accept people who have been physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused, and they accept babies/children as well. You could get the phone number for your local shelter, give them a call, and ask for their advice as well. They are in the business (nonprofit of course) of helping people out of situations just like yours.

    Try one of those 2 options, sweetheart, and please do not hesitate to write again after some time if things aren't working out or if you come across another roadblock. Remember each and every difficult day, that Allah loves you and is on your side, and that He will create a way out for you.

    May you see the sunshine again and walk on the clouds,



    • A.salam dear nor
      Basicly my father and my father in law both are in real brothers.m married to my cousin n my aunt/mother in law has a v domintin persnlty.My mother in law has hindu mentality. She is almost fully in indian dramas and movies.i realy feel sorry for her cus she doesnt know kalam tayaba.m realy sorry she even doesnt knw bathing method "after that thing" she anD her whole family is a full time islam no islamic methods pregnancy was normal bit due to over load work my water leaked n had to go for c-section and i knw what pain i have gone through cus i havnt fully recovered cus dey didnt buy painkillers and other medicines for my mother in laws sister was pregnant n had a normal dey say our younger sister has gone through from complications she was about to die.First they said that her sis has taken sleeping pills mistakenly n her baby is unconsious from last three days in womb, and after eating burger king the baby is back to life then dy said at delivry the baby got stuck in cervix for 4 hours and then the dr applyed 5 times vacum to baby and dr said that she needs blood and v all sister give her blood n den dy say c-section is nothing.this is her mentality..
      My father is financly supporting me even my brother n sisters too..because m a govt primary teacher i have a v low income and my husbnd is jobless and frm my income i have to give 5000 / month to mother father buys baby's milk n other stuffs.a week before my brother talked to my husband n in laws my mother in law infrnt of me denied everything she even said i swear to Allah i swear i have done haj ur sister is liein..but my brother said whether my sis is lieing or not this is my last warning to u all..den il file a case on u ppl.m already at my fathers house after few days my husband will come frm village n vl take me home.Hoping everything will b in my favor.just loads n loads of prayers needed

      • Assalaamualaykum Sister,

        I have made a dua for you, and Inshallah you will be guided to the best option for you.

        I know it must be so hard to have your mother in law underestimating the severity of your pain in having your C-section in comparison to her sister's vaginal birth. I'm very sorry to hear that you had to heal from that without the help of any painkillers. Indeed it is Allah that got you through and made you closer to Him. Remember that while it is always comforting to have someone acknowledge and validate our pain and feelings, that Allah, the Most Compassionate, knows exactly what you went through and will compensate you for it.

        Try not to worry about your mother-in-law's stories about your swearing and her black magic. These things have no power over Allah's truth and will be fruitless.

        Alhamdulilah you have a father and brother that are so supportive of you financially and are willing to stand by you through all of this. If I were you, I would tell them that you are feeling very weak through all of this and that you want them to "take over" so to speak. Let them handle the case and any proceedings and try to relax more often in their home rather than at your husband's.

        It sounds like you have a lot of tension on you right now and that you are not in a place where you feel comfortable making a final decision about your marriage. So I would suggest that you take one day at a time and take as good care of yourself as you can. That is all that is required of you at this difficult time. Drink lots of water, go to bed on time and get enough sleep, get outdoors every day or every few days (if possible), and take some deep breaths if you are able. Know that you are worth every bit of attention that you give to yourself.

        May Allah grant you peace.



        • A.salam dear
          Thank you for ur supportive reply,it means alot to me.ur prayers are needed.may Allah pak showers His blessings upon u n ur family. Realy THANK YOU for ur support..
          love hugs

          • Wallaykumasalam sister,

            You're so welcome and I just made another dua for you. Thank you so much for your well wishes for me and my family. It means so much to me too!!

            Luv and Hugs,


  5. Asalam Alekum

    These one sided stories really saddens me a lot.

    I suggest you should speak to your father about your situation.
    And tell your mother in law that your son is his grandson, maybe she has black magic on her.
    Allahu A'lam

    Play the Quran when you're in your in laws house.

    Ramadan Mubarak may Allah Subhan Wa T'alah bring peace, Joy and Barakah to every Muslim home. Ameen

    • A.salam dear
      Thank you and ramdan mubrik to u n to ur family.yes my mother in law is into blackmagic because i have found things in my room like once i found a premature baby palate and den a lizards skull after that blood on my clothes.u cant believe but trust me my baby is now Alhumdulillah 9 months old n he is still sleepless..he doesnt sleep in daytime neither at nights..hav taken him to doctors n no problem found..m also sleepless with him since 9 months.even i have been told that she does blackmagic n ppl are asking me to find someone to break the magic.yes surah rehman surah bakra surah yaseen 24/7 on my mobile.prayers needed

  6. Sorry to hear your situation .I will suggest you to consult some Aalim about this black magic .which part of India you stay ?

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