Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please Help Me! What should I do now to save my marriage?

wedding night bed

Assalam-o-Alaikum.

I'm having some difficulties in my life and i'm so depressed about it,

I got married to my wife a month ago, and we couldn't have  sex because i'm gay (i hate myself for that), i never wanted to get married on first place but my family forced me to do it and i thought maybe after marriage everything will be okay and Allah will make me straight for my wife but i was wrong about it nothing is okay.

My wife want to have  Sexual intercourse but i Don't, because i don't get that much aroused with her so that we can have sex.

Plzz help me what should i do now to save my marriage, thanks.

ujji

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10 Responses »

  1. Unless you were forced in a way that someone threatened to take your life, I don't believe your innocent in this. You ruined her life by marrying her if you have no intentions in seeking forgiveness from Allah swt and praying for him to cure your mind. I don't like to be harsh, but imagine someone did that to you knowing in advance they didn't want to be with you. What you did was harsh.

    First, you need to realize and take responsilibilty for yourself. Stop this mentality thinkint "Gay" is a sexual orientation. Islamically, it is a sickness.. Caused by Shaytaan in efforts to ruin mankind and make him stray from Allah swt / destroy families. If you have exposed yourself to Gay behavior, you need to eliminate all things that remind you of homosexual fantasy, behavior.. Even if its not directly sexual. Please, repent sincerely to Allah swt.

    Work on yourself then start to make efforts with your wife. Allah swt CAN remove this from you. Ask him.

    The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says,

    "A person who commits sodomy with a boy will acquire such a Janabat (impurity) that even all the water of this world cannot remove it. Allah will be wrathful at him and curse him. (That is He will take away His Mercy from him and will award Hell for him.) What a dreadful place it is! Then the Heavens shudder of it. And the person who allows another to mount him from behind to commit sodomy, then Allah puts him on the fringe of Hell (in extreme heat) and keeps him there till He completes the reckoning of all the people. Then He orders him to be put into Hell. One by one he is made to suffer all the punishments of Hell till he reaches the lowest stage. Then he never comes out from there."

    ______________

    If you feel that you do not have intentions to leave this way of thinking.. Then divorce her, and financially take care of her until she remarries.

  2. Not good at all..you need to see a Sunni scholor so he can direct you too an exorcist. ..because when a person is cursed it's very hard to see and think straight....It is just a very bad evil that must need a cure....Think of it you are sticking into somebody's .......We're waste comes out...Prophet Lut people were punished...I believe with prostate cancer and other sickness that kill a person is due to the sins we commit.. or those around us .so beware ...The law of God must be obeyed..and most of all every scholor knows this world is not about sex n good times...Intercourse is only to bring pious children into this world....because we too much sex removes the light on the person face....So get help or you will lose both of the worlds

  3. Walaykum salam.
    Brother frist you made big mistake for Married.
    Now it has happen, talk to your wife straight every truth, give her choice to help you out best way.
    If she want to leave you. Live her best way. And ask Allah(swt) for your problem.
    Do Not disappoint by mercy of almighty Allah,
    Allah has all power to change you.
    We all dua for you and ummah. Amin.
    Allah hafiz

  4. If you are gay, you are gay - sexual attraction is not something that can be helped through exorcism, therapy, praying, or whatnot. If you are not at all in doubt about your sexuality, just accept that you are gay and try your best to lead your life in a way you deem to be most right in accordance to your beliefs. Stop being in denial about your sexuality and ruin others' lives in the process. It was very unfair of you to marry this woman, making her believe she has a future and family prospects with you. And stop making yourself sound like the victim in all of this - it angers me, quite frankly. How exactly were you forced to marry this woman? Did someone in your family put a loaded gun to your head, or what? You chose to be too weak to stand up to your family and say no to their pressure...it doesn't make you a poor victim, it makes you a coward. Sorry to be so blunt, but I really don't like it when people's personal complexes and egotism affect the innocent lives of others. I feel sorry for your wife...please divorce her ASAP so she doesn't waste her youth on someone who used her as some kind of cover up. Be fair to her and give her the freedom to marry a heterosexual man. And, please, don't marry anymore women in the future. You can't cure your homosexuality with women's future and lives.

    • Hi again, Fake Internet Imam.
      Where exactly have I said anything unislamic? Have I adviced this guy to go get a boyfriend / husband? No, I have not. Homosexuality is nature, because some people and even animals are born being attracted to the same sex - just like you can't being attracted to females, homosexuals can't help but be attracted to people of their own gender. Even Islam acknowledges that homosexuality is a real thing. So why are you sitting here, as Mister Know-it-all, telling people homosexuality isn't nature? What makes you qualified to talk about complex science and social concepts?

      And no, I don't agree with any of your statements, actually. I don't agree with your idea of nature and what's "natural", and I don't agree with your idea of Islam, overall. I already mentioned in my previous post that I am in fact a Muslim woman, yet, here you are saying you are questioning my religiosity. Why? Because my beliefs are different to your's? Newsflash: Not everyone that calls themselves Muslim accepts your interpretation of Islam, and no, that does not make them less Muslim than you are, necessarily. In the end, that's up to Allah to judge, not you.

      Also, this site has never specified that it only accepts advice from YOUR Islam, or advice that pleases YOU. So I assume I, as a Muslim, am allowed to give my 2 cents on matters. Now, leave me be.

  5. You better go to some sexologist and psychologist to get medicine and some sittings with a psychologist. V can't tell u anything coz v r not gays 😉 but u did something wrong in the first place , you could've told your parents that u need some medication before getting into marriage thing. May Allah guide you.

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    If you want to try to give this marriage a chance, then there's no harm in trying to build some intimacy. Maybe you will find that you have love for your wife and find her attractive, inshAllah - you won't know unless you try. Why not talk to your wife and explain that you don't feel ready for sex yet, that it's not because of anything she's done or not done, but that you'd like to spend more time getting to know her before getting physically intimate. InshAllah she may well understand and appreciate that herself. You could then spend time getting to know each other, building a connection. And as you do, you may well find that you start feeling what you want to feel for her. Then, give sex a try. InshAllah you may find that you enjoy it when it's with someone you know and trust and love.

    Remember to keep praying for Allah to bless your marriage, and avoid anything that's haram. This is a big test for you, but don't give up - if you keep striving to live your life in accordance with Islamic values then you will inshAllah be rewarded in the next life.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  7. You Should not be a gay. Do sex with ur wife

  8. You really should not have married your wife, when you knew you were gay. It is not going to go away abd you won't magically become straight or attracted to your wife. You chose to enter a marriage with a woman who doesnt know. Its not fair. How will you lead double lives? At some point you may seek other outlets to satisfy yourself as sex is a natural part of human life. Gay or not. Then what?

    I am not judging your homosexuality. That's between you and Allah. I am just concerned how you will live a life of secrecy, as hiding who you are wont be easy. Telling this to the wrong person is risky to your safety and maybe life.

    I dont know where you live but I know there are Muslim organizations for gays at least in the West. Maybe they have counseling or ways to empower you to break off this marriage which honestly is the best and honest choice. You may even find somebody who empathic in a mosque but that's more risky unless you know somebody who is tolerant and can guide you confidentially. Otherwise they to google as there maybe some online option where you can get support and courage to make a decision.

    If you do become physically active outside your marriage, then use protection. In all cases. Also I think it's best if you avoid sex with your wife until you know where you stand. If you are genuinely gay, however then it won't change. You wil stay gay. I hope you find your way. All the best.

  9. The mistake is you did not let your wife know that you are gay, but we will leave that in the past, as we cannot go back and fix it. Strengthen your dean, recite duas for staying in the right path. There are many duas available on the internet, take time and search them. If your wife doesn't already know, tell her you are gay. Then it is her choice if she wants to help you with this situation or not. The first step is to try and stop feelings of being gay by dua and strengthening dean. Then after getting over that, focus on your wife. Maybe focusing on your wife can help stop being gay.

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