Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Porn and masturbation have made me lose confidence

Husband controls the Wife

My sins are controlling me!

Assalamu-a-laikum brothers and sisters.

I am a 18 years old Muslim and have done this sinful act several times (porn and masturbation). I don't know why; every time I do it I feel guilty, cry and spend about 1-2 days in a bad mood. I'm trying to control but it's just getting out of my control. I lost my confidence but I'm still trying.

How and when I started it?

It was about 7 months ago after I successfully completed my boarding secondary school (having an interval before continuing my studies). In my hometown I got some of my friends that had no story rather than urges or thoughts. So I used to be with them sometimes and that resulted in me committing the most shameful sin I ever did (watching pornographic videos). As time went on, I used to watch that most of the time, but one day I went to take shower after watching it; and I mistakenly touched my pe**s. Then I felt concupiscence that I never felt, gradually I then showed a white liquid (release). I really don't know what causes me to touch it.

Every time I did that, I cried and felt very ashamed to ask for Allah's forgiveness, and trust me I hated myself for doing it. I feel like I am going to become an addict and even if I ask for Allah's forgiveness I am going to do it again. I even promise Allah that I will never do it again, but I do it again. I'm regretting every single moment I had with them(hometown friends) in a such very short time (as this is about to ruin my life!).

Whenever I am angry, I feel lust, lonely and nobody is there for me. I have negative thinking that many people are committing a greater sins than I do and Allah will forgive me even after I commit it. I masturbate to stop those urges, but now I am fed up by my behavior; I just can't live like this.

I might have done this act many times, I hate myself for doing it and I can't take the burden of this guilt but I'm gradually reducing it. I want to be a better Muslim for my future life, wife as well as my health and more importantly for the Sake of Allah ...I just want Allah to forgive me for one last time but in my head I keep saying to myself, " you are talking nonsense you will do it again no matter how many times you ask for forgiveness".

Currently now I'm in another country for my studies with many naked girls in the school (and I hate to commit rubbish) , and I got no body to tell me do this and that just like my dad.  I'm always alone in my room (where I commit the sins I had never committed!-masturbation). My father was a big fan of me and he did trust me in almost all of my activities, so I don't wanna betray him (he will be sad and angry at me when he knows about it).

What I was always happy about it was that I pray all the five daily and obligatory prayers in jama'a (masjid) with additional napeelat, I recite qur'an, I did many of the morning and evening azkrs (recommended by our Beloved prophet) and so also after each prayer.

I'm not doing any big sinful activities other than watching pornography and masturbation, (and as long as I watch porn videos it is hardly for me not do masturbation) so I think stopping watching porn is the main factor to stopping masturbation. I'm cheating on myself because I'm losting my confidence (as I can take up to a month without doing it, now it gets to be a week and gradually I can become addicted- which is what I don't want).... So please I need your advice  to boost up my confidence and save myself by Allah's will.

I have read many of the responses to questions like that, and Insha Allah I have a great feeling that the answers I read toward it will surely help me but, the thing is I lost my confidence and I always know that there must be a way to restore it because different people have different ideas, understandings and advice. Please, I beg you please and please, let your advice be the key to my long journey, so that me and you will both reach the final and best destination that's JANNAT.

Jazaka-llahu-khyr.

Wassalamu-alaikum.

-bareek


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26 Responses »

  1. ws.
    salam brother/

    the best thing is to do ask ALLAH for help and give away from these things lead u to do this kind of act. also read AWUJUBILAHIMINAS SHYTANI RAJIM as much as u can, keep trying until u get out of it. i hope ALLAH help us all AMIN!!!

  2. Asalamu alikum my brother,

    It seems that people are a bit shy around this topic and have not responded to you- but i can try to answer you to the best of my abilities.

    We are all young once and remember how crazy our hormones are- whether male of female and I can relate to your topic- you are not alone!

    First of all, there are facts of life- you are a young man and you have hormones and that is natural. I know it is a taboo topic to talk about masturbation to some, but yes you are not the only male or female that does it. As a human being you have urges, even in Islam there is a debate if the act of masturbation itself is a major sin....please someone correct me if i am totally wrong. I would look at all the other posts where others have asked about masturbation for your own research and reference. Look at the details of what islam says, i dont have time to research it just this moment, maybe i can add if i find anything meaninful.

    But anyways- aside from masturbation and the fact that it is a grey area in islam, and one should avoid things that are neither wrong nor right if you know what i mean. - you have to stop looking at porn.

    You my friend are addicted and its not healthy. Porn is unatural to look at, and Allah warns us of looking at other people's bodies and being modest. This is totally deviating from that. You must try your hardest to fight againts yourself , and treat it as any addict would treat a substance they are abusing.

    Ask yourself if you can go cold turkey?

    - Can you put the parental block on your internet so that it makes it harder for you to enter the websites?
    - look at the times of when you look at porn and masturbate- is it boredom or a trigger (seeng someone attractive)? Try to treat that cause..
    - If you are living alone, is there space for you to go for a walk or go for fresh air or a common dorm room if you feel your urges coming on? Can you study at a library instead, that way you are in the public eye and cant look at porn?
    - Is there a brother that you trust that you can talk to about this issue? I know you are not alone and many other males and females are addicted to that junk.
    - Can you find an alternative activity when you feel the urge- such as listening to anasheed that remind you of Allah? or getting up to go eat something....reading a dua book....listen to a lecutre..etc
    - or - there is an online free program that says thikr and dua every little while automatically- i forgot what its called....(if someone knows its would be really appreciated)- so as you are browsing the internet- it says "Alllahu akbar"- and if you are looking at something you are not supposed to- then it will give you a little kick. I just forgot the name.
    - when you get the urge - say "aathu billahi min all shaitan alrageem"- i seek refuge from shaitan.

    Overall, these are some ideas. But the most important thing is to know that Allah is watching our every move- and every thing you do the angels are recording your deeds. Also, on the day of judgment, your body parts will talk, so yes your eyes and hands will speak of what they saw and did. Every click my brother is sin when you are looking at that filth, so think about that.

    Also, i want you to know something about porn- its very unrealistic with woman that are fake and dont exist. Being addicted to that stuff will ruin your sex life when you get married. When your naive wife who has never had sex does not meet your expectations of what her body should look like and what she is expected to do- then you will be the one who suffers.

    So in the end- you are not your addiction my friend. You are a good man, you are just going through a phase. Dont lose hope and dont lose confidence. when you are married, your urges can be dealt with properly and you dont have to revert to looking at that filth. Use your guilt and shame of the act by trying your best to stop it.

    I know its hard as with all addiction, but i know you can do it. Just remember Allah is always there and watching and he knows everything you do- and you dont want your sins to pile up my brother. You want your hands to say i read the quraan, i listened to a lecture, i looked at a book that taught me good knowledge, etc.

    All the best to you, we all make mistakes - no one is perfect and all you have to do is just pick up from where you left of and start fresh.

    After every sin, just stop- make wudu and pray because Allah loves those that turn to him no matter how much you sin.

    • As-salam
      Jazakallahu khyr sister samira and may Allah(SWT) help us all. Ameen

    • " Also, on the day of judgment, your body parts will talk, so yes your eyes and hands will speak of what they saw and did."

      Jazakillah for the reminder sister. We have to stand before our Rabb. Let anything alse happen or not, this will happen for sure.

      He Says in Surah Yaseen:

      36:65
      الْيَوْمَ نَخْتِمُ عَلَىٰ أَفْوَاهِهِمْ وَتُكَلِّمُنَا أَيْدِيهِمْ وَتَشْهَدُ أَرْجُلُهُمْ بِمَا كَانُوا يَكْسِبُونَ
      That Day, We will seal over their mouths, and their hands will speak to Us, and their feet will testify about what they used to earn.
      36:66
      وَلَوْ نَشَاءُ لَطَمَسْنَا عَلَىٰ أَعْيُنِهِمْ فَاسْتَبَقُوا الصِّرَاطَ فَأَنَّىٰ يُبْصِرُونَ
      And if We willed, We could have obliterated their eyes, and they would race to [find] the path, and how could they see?

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Assalam-U-Alaikum brothers and sisters can you'll help me I had the same problem what one of our brother had but i'm trying to recover it but still there are some things which let me to the wrong path all the brothers and sisters please pray for me and the others who are suffering from this same problem

    • Assalam-U-Alaikum brother Anonymous
      As you made mention that there some things that led you to do such act.. so please do not hesitate to list them, so that anybody who will advice will specifically give the advice based upon your case..

  4. salam alikom i advice brothers to visit this website: yourbrainonporn.com to know how porn alter their brains and its highly addicting. i would like the staff of this site have more in consideration this addiction from the scientific point of view and propagate it amongst the ummah. porn is silent affection and we are very exposed to it in modern life. all people should know their effects and the negative impact it can have in ones life. leaving porn is as difficult as leaving heroin with same withdrawals symptoms so be aware of it.

  5. Thnks a lot samira sister.

  6. Thnks a lot samira sister.
    U hv given a vv.useful advices.

  7. salam can somebody help me!! why and how is masturbating haram it is something natural teens do please tell me if its haram and evidence inshallah.

    • I don't believe it is haram, as there is no clear evidence of that. Allah knows best.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • assalamu alikum brother
        ..brother allah the most merciful gave us knowledge and brain to identify the evil from the good through his guidance.. many evil we ourselves identify by his blessings ..we dont go for any evidence to identify it is an evil.. just think about it that how long it will be if the all the evidence about evils are recorded..like my friend told me that there is no evidence telling that ciggarette smoking is haram.. if we understand what the quran sheriff really possess.. we il get that clear evidence
        is there any evidence showing having sex with animal is wrong.. but we know that it is evilish and against the nature... masturbation is also against the nature ..
        devil vowed that he will make humans to do things against nature.. have a study in a fear of allah ...u il get the evidence... may allah guide us to the paths of Musthaqeem..

  8. ya but lots of scholers show proof from quran so they made that up.lots of people say its halal and lots say haram i dont know who to belive i thought u guys know everything.

  9. Dear i read most comments of the peoples all give you some advices and place some reference of other websites.you couldn't stop watching porn by the advices and the reference peoples provided.
    Nobody ask to help you in real manners.they just place reference of other websites which says porn is haram but nobody come up with this thing that he can help you.
    look my brother porn desire emereges so fastly in mind that it is impossible to stop it..from watching a porn movie and then comit mastrubation.the only thing that can stop watching porn is to discuss it with some frined that porn iis haram when ever you will discuss it with some one regularly it will boost up your power to stop watching porn.
    i can help you to come out of this worst thing.just talk to me 1 month and i will change your all desire of watching porn films.and one day you will feel relax and no desire of watching porn will emerge in your mind.

    • Are you a professional counselor? If you truly have some useful advice to offer, then post it here.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. AL Salam , to be honest, I don't think masturbation is Haram . It's one verse that Allah didn't completely mention. But , you can do something that might be dangerous. Injure your hand , so whenever you try to masturbate, you look at your hand and see the pain. You can cut or beat or bash. It's up to you. You also need to repent.

    • Abdulaziz, self-mutilation is not the Islamic way. The body is an amanah (a trust) given to us by Allah. We must not abuse it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Dont think, that porn addiction is something easy to handle. This is very serious! It almoust destroyed my iman an my whole life. If you suffer from this problem than watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge_EHjTM1Wo
    There are tons of information on the web which shows you how dangerous Porn-Addiction is.
    3 of the Side-effect porn gave to me was:
    - very very weak iman. i even saw naked images in every salah (since i stoped watching these dirty movies, these bad pictures left my Head. Alhamdulillah.)
    - crazy social anxiety, depression and sometimes even sucidal thoughts (If you are watching to much porn your brain will shut down your Dopamine receptors and this will lead to many crazy side-effects. [go and watch the Video if you want to learn more])
    - i got very lazy in many salah etc. even in other parts of my life i was very lazy. The cause of it was pornography. But Since ALLAH ta´ala cured me from this disease, i dont have to suffer from those side Effects anymore.

    Here are some websites if you want to collect some knowlegde about this evil sin. In these websites you will find in sha ALLAH all tips which will help you to beat this addiction:
    https://www.nofap.com/
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

    May ALLAH ta´ala help us all. ALLAHumma Amin.
    May ALLAH help me and you so we are never going to watching these videos again. ALLAHumma amin.
    ALLAHumma salli ala Muhammad. Amin.
    SubhanALLAHi wa bihamdihi. SubhanALLAHil Adhim.

  12. Asalamalikum
    Hope you guys well I was searching some thing else and mistakenly reach this site but Alhamdulilah I'm glad I find this site as I noticed that following post are quite old but still want to reply for sadkay Jarrah.......
    As I noticed some of the people started that masturbation is not haram! I'm completely shocked to hear that my dear brother and sister it's totally wrong it's haram at this point I'm not giving you any other reference than that haram is that thing which is gunah and after doing gunah a person became rest less and as it proved above my brothers who committed this gunah are restless.
    I want to add one more thing that once my mum says when ever you get stuck at some thing either it's gunah or not before doing some thing take a moment and ask your heart if it feel not good and your heart felt restless then immediately stop, you know why!!!? Because in this world you can't find any place to find Allah (SWT) except your heart! It's he who makes you stop from doing wrong thing. But one of the most important thing is that you have to have great faith in Allah(SWT) and everything will sorted as it just nothing.
    In the last one want to mention that I never love any one but I love Allah so much then no one else............ It's always me who did wrong but it's always him who secured me from every danger.
    Love you Allah your my lover and best friend ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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