Feel positive after Istikhara.
Someone from my family has come proposing for me, but my parents aren't that happy because they think he is not that religious. I have heard from people that he is changing and wants to be religious but looking for a good partner who can help him going in a right way.
I did Istikharah for 4 nights. And I have gaining really positive feelings towards this relation.
Although I have never felt this way before istikhara. What next step should I take?
Sha
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asalamu alaikum,
if he is trying to change and be a better muslim then i dont see the problem. everyone makes mistakes, some worse than others but that doesnt mean you can judge him cos of that.
he might be the worst person in your family's/society's eyes but tomorrow he might be the best brotha in islam.
if his charecter is good and he is truly wanna change then ishallah accept him.
ma salama
Assalaamu alaykum,
Please note one thing: We have to be religious first. Do not expect from people before marriage that they will change afterwards. First see the change, see his imaan growing and let your parents see on their own how religious he is and let you yourself know how religious he is and then decide.
If this takes certain amount of waiting for a few months, let it be so, keep sabr and see how things go.
Many girls have made mistakes of choosing guys who are not religious or are outwardly religious and inwardly do not have fear of Allah.
Those who fear Allah the most, will be the ones who will try more to save themselves fromevil thoughts and actions, who will gaurd modesty and be faithful towards wives and treat them well and try to keep everyone among the family and society happy as much as they can.
So wait, do not hurry up due to good signs in Istikhara. What if he gets you a partner and does not become religious and later you regret for having false hopes.
So wait, if Allah has decreed your marriage with him, it will surely happen, but to be warned by examples of others and be cautioned prior to calamity is a wise policy.
Seek Allah's guidance, wait for him to change and if you see positive changes (for Allah) not for marrying you - for his deen would then be to please you and not Allah and it would mean shirk, knowingly or unknowingly.
Pure religion is for Allah only.
So let him change for the sake of Allah and if you are satisfied with what he has on offer they say Bismillaah.
We also pray for you Insha Allah.
Sallam sister... I agree with brotherrmunib .. just wanna add some few words... Try as much as u can 2 witness d changes in him b4 marrying him and also let ur parent witness it so dat they will be comfortable with him.. U know some people do hide their identity (character) and it is only when u get closer 2 them u got 2 know their true habit.. So i will suggest u take ur time and see d changes in him first b4 taking d next action... Also since u ve done istikhara and u claim positive, i want u 2 think positive in course of ur research. . . May almighty Allah guide u and also i wish u a happy and lovely marriage if ur research turns out 2 b positive.... . . . . . . . . Masalaam . . . . . Mohd
What do we do when there are lack of good Muslim men. They might not have religion but have good character. Women are living in a era, where it's very difficult to get married. Is this what Allah has decreed upon us to be single on our late 20's and early 30's. Do I need to be flexible with my religion, so that I can have a bigger pool of men to choose from.
I echo every statement of yours mentioned above...
ditto your comments
Assalamu alaykum sisters and brothers,
Allah's religion is not hard to follow. Who says there are no religious men? And who says men who are not religious have very good characters?
Deen is a criteria - to see the right and the wrong - to act rightly - abstain from wrong. Those whom you claim to be non religious yet with good characters may have a basic "fitrah" or human nature which commands goodness, but life without Islam is incomplete as it does not allow you to think beyond your own thoughts, criterias and limited knowledge and wisdom.
Whereas Allah, Our Creator, with His Infinite knowledge and wisdom given us this faith and has beautified it in our hearts. I regret and feel sorry for sisters in late 20s and early 30s waiting for the right man yet as it has become difficult to find "in & out" clean men in today's times.
Sisters and brothers: If we keep our duty towards Allah, He will nourish us and provide us for our needs. If we are good, we seek company of good people and we shun indecencies within ourselves and stop sitting in the company of ignorant people, Insha Allah, we would find a number of good people around us, girls if they sit in good circles may interact and come to know of good brothers and brothers who sit in good circles may come to know of good sisters and thus marriages can be iniated.
This is apparantly what we have known about sahabas as well. The companions of the Prophet, also were a pious group of people and they knew who among them was how much religiously committed and who lagged behind and they respected and married the more religious, as well as they helped the less religious build up a firm foundation of Deen by the help of Allah.
Nothing comes easy without effort except if Allah wills. So strive. " And man can have only that which he strives for" - Surah Najm.
So if you keep too goodness as well as to company of good people and pray to Allah, Insha Allah you will have a good match and Allah cares for His good and pious slaves more than anyone else and He cares for them more than they themselves do.
We thank Allah and pray for our sisters to get proposals good for their dunya and aakhirah and a peace giving life.
asalamu alaikum,
And who says men who are religious have very good characters? i kno this one brotha who lives 3 blocks down from i live who got arrested for wife beating. he studied in egypt, memorised quran well respected amongst the muslim community and this is what he does. NEVER judge a book by its cover.
ma salama
Waleykum assalaam brother,
As I said " I regret and feel sorry for our sisters in late 20's and early 30's who are still unable to find " in and out" clean men in today's times.
The example of Egyptian brother you gave, is of a person "who knows but does not act". Islam demands knowledge gained transformed in to action".
"2. O ye who believe! why say ye that which ye do not?
3. It is most hateful in the sight of Allah that ye say that which ye do not." - Surah As Saff.
It is most hateful in the sight of Allah that you say that which you do not. There is no meaning in delivering sermons and not practicing your own words. Rather it constitues hypocrisy. That is why being religious does not mean " outward" but it means " in and out" submission to Allah.
If you read the Qur'an, Allah has already delivered the judgment for all to see:
33. Say: My Lord forbiddeth only indecencies, such of them as are apparent and such as are within, and sin and wrongful oppression, and that ye associate with Allah that for which no warrant hath been revealed, and that ye tell concerning Allah that which ye know not. - Surah Al A'raf.
May Allah guide us, His slaves, we belong to Allah and to Him we are returning.
Some women have crossed into their 40's waiting for the right kind of muslim men to come into their lives - may Allah reward these practising muslim sisters who have preserved their moral values and what Islam has taught them to obey Allah and respect their bodies and themselves
May Allah reward these women in abundance and give them a good husband for their hope and their patience in keeping chaste, obeying Allah and waiting for marriage.
May Allah help these sisters further and provide them with loving husbands. Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
I wish 2 make some reply 2 tammy , faith, and seema and also ahmad . . . . Really sisters, i know how frustrating and painfull it is for someone to be in his 30's or 40's and even late 20's and still don't have a male partner. . But d question we should ask our selves is why is dis thing very common particularly in dis era. Sisters we should be able 2 know dat whatever good befall us,it is from Allah. But what ever evil or calamity or disaster befall us, it is from our own selves ( in other words it is as a result of our sinfull deeds).. .sisters i want us 2 look at our selves, 2 look at d sorrounding we are leaving and also d people arround us... I know very well dat Allah does not punish someone for somebody's else sin But we should also know dat Allah will never ever want evil 4 his slaves ( particularly does dat worship Him and are obedient 2 Him). . . Some times if we see some trial, Allah want 2 use it as an oppurnity 2 wipe our sins away from us.. And also if Allah beprives us from something, it may be dat it is d best 4 us at dat very moment. . .. Pls sisters don't ever think of flexibility in ur religion coz u been mislimas is d greatest blessing giving 2 u by Allah.. U have d keys 2 paradise in ur own hands and It just 4 u 2 open it.. The only way u can open it is by obeying Allah (by doing what he order's u 2 do and abstaining from what He forbid's u... Its just as simple as dat). . Islam is d only rope dat will lead u 2 God.. So sisters what i will advice d victims is 2 go 4 solid du'aas and prayers so dat Allah will release them from dat bondage..d victims should wake up in d last part of d night and beg Allah 2 wipe their tears and inshaAllah they will see
asalamu alaikum,
thats is what i said even if he is religious that doesnt mean he has a very good character? he might be the best brotha outside but in his house away from people who knows what is happening. i know islam is not jus outward but inward too but we can only see the outward action, so you gotta judge by that not inside cos we dont know his true nature inside is like.
theres brotha's who are not religious who has a very good charecter. it works both ways. same as the sayin goes there is a black sheep in every religion, society.
dont be fooled jus cos they are religious.
ma salama
Brothers who have responded, Salaam alaikum,
What sister Tammy wrote, and I echoed, is simply how we feel.
Of course we are aware that it is wrong to want to become flexible with the deen, however, we cannot help but FEEL like doing something like that due to desperation...
When you are in a situation where a guy promises you love, security and is only what we may call semi-religious, then the thoughts and temptations arise of just accepting a man like that in life who are around a lot more than waiting for a very pious brother (virtually non existant)...It would save us from a lot of haraam and temptations. Its not only men who have needs and desires for a partner, women are created that way too.
So many a times i feel like just accepting brothers who are not that 'religious' (but muslim of course) due to losing hope in religious brothers, but to be honest, deep down I know I cannot be happy and content in a marriage where I dont have a husband who will wake me up for fajr, pressure me into doing the right things when I dont and be the rock solid foundation for an islamic household...
I , like many sisters, yearn to find a brother who will tell me to go from hijab to niqab, take me to hajj, raise children upon the deen, pray tahajjud together with, ....but it is SO difficult to sit and wait and wait...and wait....and u just dont see it happening...
Yes its qadr Allah..what else can we do but be patient and accept His decree with lots of dua...but this situation that we are in is not something that Allah wants. We go through trials in life and other such problems...we know with them they are decreed and they cannot be removed...it is not part of shariah that no problems arise in life...however if shariah was to exist properly, us sisters arent MEANT to be in this unnecessary heartache and loneliness. Its not something that pleases Allah and BROTHERS need to change in order for this to change as this is something that should change.
Ahmed, what you mentioned is true.. And only ADDS to our problem , lol. We are supposed to (and want to) marry a religious man with good character...as you have pointed out and we are v aware of this - there are "religious" (outwardly) men who dont have good characters...as are men with good characters but not enough religion in them.
As I mentioned, us sisters are aware of this and it doesnt help us.
May Allah swt make it easy for us all...In these times of fitna, doing things that were so simple once upon a time have become so difficult, only making it harder to keep ourself upon the deen. Indeed we are in need of Allah's help to stay upon the right path.
W'salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah
asalamu alaikum,
sis i agree with you. one of the problems i noticed is when a sista and a brotha wants to get married then from the sista's side occasionally her family become demanding, they want 20grand for dowry loads of gold, furniture etc also the first think for them is what job you got? whats your education? if you fail to meet their criteria then you will be rejected. some brotha's cant afford all that.
it happens from both part's not to forget culture/race barriers also play a big role. some sis and bro's are too picky.
ma salama
wa alaikum assalaam,
That is a problem alongside the many problems..Even for me personally, what i mentioned was my demands..another issue for many sisters like myself is that what we are satisfied with is not what our family (especially wali) would be satisfied with.
Yes sometimes the family, due to culture, bring unncessary barriers and give preferance to issues that shouldnt be given so much importance.
However, with regards to some issues, like you have mentioned of the job, the family is right to ask. I think any father would like to and has a right to know how the man will support his daughter..hence he needs to know about the job and his financial stability. I'm not saying that the man should be "rich"...but he should not be put off when asked to prove that he can support his future wife as that would be one of his primary roles in the marriage!
W'salaam
asalamu alaikum,
sis i can understand where you are comin from but you gotta remember rizq comes from allah, if you have tawakkul in allah and you do your part then inshallah allah will provide for you.
jus as the sayin goes the bird leaves the nest hungry in the morning and comes back full at night.
ma salama
Salaam,
Ultimately rizq comes from Allah, but that doesnt mean we dont have to strive and seek for it.
It is Allah who has made the man responsible over the woman financially. What you are saying brother is like saying to a brother - go marry an infertile woman and dont ask or complain or demand that ur future wife should provide u with children. Ultimately, Allah gives children, right? But as is the duty of the wife to provide the man with with children in a marriage, it is the duty of a husband to support his wife financially.
Everything is from Allah but that doesnt mean there isnt a way of seeking it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman demanding her financial rights. Men need to realise that they are not doing us a FAVOUR by providing for us..It is their duty and they are accountable for it.
I trust Allah swt and I personally will be happy to marry a brother who has taqwa but isnt too well off...as long as he can support me and help me in my deen. But for sisters who want to feel that extra bit 'secure'...we shouldn't condemn them as that is a right given to us by Allah.
w'salaam
Ameen & may Allah gift you with a good spouse for your better dunya and aakhirah and the same for all Muslims.
Indeed Allah is best aware of what is hidden in the breasts of men.
* * *
asalamu alaikum,
sis if you read the part properly " if you have tawakkul in allah and you do your part " the meanin if you do your part means seek it as you said, there is no way rizq will be knockin at your door without doin your share
there is nothin wrong with wanting someone who is stable or with xtra money etc thats a individual choice.
ive seen people who are blessed with money, but within a month there life turned around. allah can give and take if he wills therefore you need to look at a bigger picture not jus his wealth. alot of marriage issues due to money.
as you kno when a brotha ask a sista for marriage you look for to things i.e 1. charaecter 2. religion if those are met you should accept. now for some reason its gone to i.e 1. money 2. education 3. status 4. chareater 5. religion. if those not met you gonna get refused.
alot of people say i belive in allah, if you truly belive in allah nothin materialistics will matter, allah will help you no matter the odds.
you said before its hard to find a good brotha? its cos of the mentality and society. the islam that we are doin is nothin like how the companion's of the prophet (pbuh) lived by islam. no wonder alot of sista are waiting till they are 40 years old for the right one for marriage.
you may not understand now but there will be time and you gonna say, you kno what damn thats what brotha ahmed was talkin about.
there is nothin wrong for stabilty, money but dont get too caught up on it. also the husband must take care of his wife and children.
everyone has preference there is nothin wrong with that.
ma salama
@ Sister Faith,
Assalamu alaykum,
The kind of husband you are looking for, is the same wish of me in doing with my wife. Praying tahajjud together, adhering firmly to the Deen of Islam, learning Qur'an and Arabic together, sitting together, sharing the day's activity, speeding out on motorbikes together, going for rides, dinners, walks, striving for the Deen of Islam, me working hard among the men and she working hard among the women folk and inviting Muslims and non Muslims alike towards Allah.
I wish to fall in love after marriage, do the boyfriend girlfriend things like dating, which the west does before marriage, we do it after marriage, start romancing etc and being like boyfriend-girlfriends and lovers first after our marriage and then be like husband wife and Insha Allah the foundation of marriage will be built with the Help of Allah based on love and care and total concern for each other's needs.
I am sure, Allah is more aware of this and will provide for me the right person at the right time, if it is in my muqaddar and if not, Insha Allah I am ready to die virgin then do zina. For sure the companions of Jannah will be far better for those who forsake the pleasures of the world and strive for the hereafter.
My Lord has guided me and now if I do wrong, I shall verily be of the ingrates, which I fear and which I wish never happens.
There are the good ones, as well as the bad ones and Allah is aware of what His slaves do.
Regarding "compromising" in choice of men or letting down your high set criterias of a pious man, may lead to dissatisfaction, discontent, fights and ultimately break up except if Allah wills one may see change in spouse due to the commitment of the other.
But to be cautious better is to choose the "good one" if you are good. As Allah says in Surah An Nuur:
26. Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.
May Allah soon bring good Muslim brothers' proposals for our pious sisters.
Life is a test , Allah sees our actions, so ward off evil, that is the best provision we can make for our souls.
Husbands and wives and children and wealth are ornaments of this life of the world about which Non-muslims who have no hope in Aakhirah are crazy about. Being Muslims, we have hope if we obey Allah and we do not get in dunya these things, Insha Allah our du'aas will be answer on Yawm ad Deen and we will be content with whatever reward Allah will give us, Insha Allah.
* * *
Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah,
Your post was v touching and a beautiful reminder so jazakallahu khairan for that...
Only thing is though that of course, it is alot easier for you to marry a woman like that, as you know there isnt really that much of a shortage of pious sisters OR sisters who will change and improve upon the deen for their husbands. Women have been created to adapt and we change for our husband whereas its very difficult the other way round...men usually do not change for their wife.
I pray that Allah swt gifts you with a v pious sister for ur strength and commitment to the deen, Ameen.
Was salaamu alaikum
There is for sure a shortage where I am. INDIA.
You can't find such women easily. Hardly, hardly you find a mosque here which has women coming to pray, as most mosques do not have separate praying spaces.
Also, due to the misconception here that women cannot enter mosques and also because large number of people seem to be just " Muslim" by names.
So hard to find, but I do not think much about this and I am not worried as long as Allah keeps me in His mercy.
Insha Allah in life ahead I wish to build mosques (for Allah only) where there are prayer halls for women as well. Insha Allah, if Allah gives strength.
* * *
Brother, just to point out, if you cant find sisters in mosques then perhaps attend a lecture by brother Zakir Naik and you can find sufficient sisters on the sisters side there, lol.
You say you are not worried now...perhaps as it isnt the time for you to get married and you are still young as well. If you were a sister, growing older and getting hopeless, worry would be natural. But I pray you never do get to worry and someone comes along ur way!
Ma sha Allah you have great intentions and I pray that The Almighty aids you in acting them out, Ameen.
W'salaam
Assalamu alaykum,
Me and my sister went for Umrah last month and she said look brother, here are the most beautiful girls from all over the Muslim world. I said leave it, we are here for Allah not for nikah. And we cannot "pick up" from the lot and they would be fine with being picked up, I guess a proper channel is required in such matters.
Khair, the point I want to make is it's not easy this way. But lets put it as, if Allah wills, any time, any place.
About worry you are right, but still once we submit to Allah, all matters we leave to Him and hope for the best in dunya and aakhirah.
Salaam
* * *
Assalamualaikum
Though i am so late to visit this beautiful site (better late than never) But so glad to read it.
Mr. munib i am so touched by your intentions to marry a muslimah. Hope u have already got the right girl for u. Though i do dream of such life. I pray to Allah(swt) that we all get such beautiful companions who will make our akhira well. Inshallah.
I have 10 children and I am mentally ill doctors said that I can not have any more children and my family said the same so I had to have operation I am so sad about that because I love children I want to now that are there any more children in my life or not
Safina, count your blessings and be happy for what you have, ma-sha-Allah. 10 children is plenty.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum.
this is the first time for me to do Ishitikhara.I have tried it for three consecutive days now along with my normal waqt salat.
I was in so much depression but as soon as i prayed Ishtikhara my mind felt so fresh and my mind was all clear.I actually felt much more better then last couple of days.First I prayed Ishtikhara during Magrib and later again on Isha on the same day.During Magrib I was feeling so empty and fresh after the Ishtikhara prayer but i did not get anything settling my dilemma(of whether to stay or leave the relation).But when I again prayed Ishtikhara during Isha,my heart suddenly felt so dense and felt like I should choose to stay.
But in here the problem is while memorizing the dua my mind continuously was feeling that I should stay.It will be better.(It took two days for me to memorize the dua properly).Its like everything around me was pushing me towards it.
then I learnt the dua and prayed,and on the first day I get this above mentioned result.As I am praying for three days now, I still have the same kind of feelings in me.
As it is my first time so I am actually confused if it is the sign from Allah or its just I made up my mind???????