Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Positive Istikhara for two potential spouses

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah


Recently since I had not been successful in finding a potential spouse - a friend of mine asked me to create an online account on an islamic marriage website to meet someone online. I did meet someone who I have now been speaking to for 7 weeks. I did do Istikhara before speaking to this person on marriage, as I did not want to do anything haraam - only speak and get to know the person for potential marriage. The Istikhara came out positive for this person - speaking to her online, we get along very well. She is very intellectual, smart and knowledgeable in islam and above all is god fearing and conscious. We has had a similar upbringing to me, my heart is very inclined to her. The issue is she lives in another country and is an only child. We both foresee issues in convincing our parents for marriage, despite us knowing in our hearts its right.

Now the issue - recently Alhumdulillah from the grace of Allah SWT I went for Hajj, and during my time there a brother asked for my proposal with his sister. She lives in my country and according to him - she is really similar to me both intellectually and in deen. I have not spoken to this sister. So I did Istikhara while in medina about this proposal, and this also came out positive.

I am really confused on what to do, despite my heart leaning towards the first girl I met who lives in another country. I think the proposal I received from the brother would be easier on my family as she lives in our city. Both Istikhara I did for the two potential girls came out positive, but my heart is directing me to the first one.

Can I please receive some advice from brothers or sisters here in what you will do in my case? I really don't want to speak to the second girl at the moment as that is not fair on the one I am currently speaking with. I don't think that is right. The one I am currently speaking to wants to spend more time speaking with each other so it will be easier to speak to her parents and convince them about us.

JazakAllah Kheir


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4 Responses »

  1. tough case . I guess i will marry both.. problem solved. My friend until you meet the girls personally 1 on 1 bases and ask all the do's and donts.I only met my wife 3 times and on those 3 times we both prepaired questions and so we got nikkah. Mind you i met somany girls before.Just be careful there some swords are sharp both sides!

  2. Go to the one to whom your heart and processes are easy toward your marital goal---that will be a further answer to your istikhara.

    Greetings brother.

  3. Brother I suggest you meet with the person and see if you have a connection. Talking to someone online/phone is totally different than meeting the person in real life. Don't give the girl that lives in another country who you met online a false hope. Mind you...hearts and emotions can be hurt. Be honest with yourself what you really want in life. It's good that you are thinking very logical and want things to be fair for both people. Keep praying a lot and ask Allah to guide you to the best.

  4. Assalaamu alaykum. I think the brother misunderstood the concept of Istikharah. Most of Islamic scholars agreed that Istikharah is prayed when you made your decision up but not when you are doubtful situation.

    Secondly, through exprience I would not advise anyone for long distance relationship but circumstance could be differ. Marriage is about to be closer to Allah from the fitnah of last and finding someone to bond with.

    Brother do yourself a favour and meet up with both sisters. When you talk to someone face to face is different from when you are talking to them either online, phone, from someone's talk.

    Write down all the things you need from your future spouse and check if they could fall in that category.

    Lastly brother make a lot Dua to Allah swt and ask to guide you to the right path.

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