Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I married a Practicing Muslim, he turned out to be Promiscuous.

Husband has relations behid wife's back

Husband has relations behid wife's back

As Salamu Alaikum,

I married my husband who said he was a practicing mulsim. After marriage, I discovered he was not praying, he did fast though. I thought he was an angel sent by Allah. I trusted him a lot.

He was verbally abusive, I did not like it, but I did not make a big deal even when it hurt me deep inside. After having my first child, I discovered that my husband had committed adultery and he confessed to an Imam. He promised to change and I gave him a chance. I forgave him from the bottom of my heart.

The verbal abuse never stopped. He calls me names, he tells me to leave America and go back to my country after I sacrificed everything for him; family, friends, promising career!

I know no one forced me to marry him, but I did trust what he told me. I did not lie to him, so I did not think I should request a lie detector test!

The entire marriage, he will give me attention when he wanted , he will ignore me when he wanted. 2 weeks before my due date for the second child, I discovered he was cheating again. I drove myself to the hospital. He did not show up until the doc called him. Once I got out of the hospital, he told me he wants a divorce because I am a boring wife, I am too strict, I am too conservative.

He said he changed and he just wants to have fun. He does not want to leave the house, he thinks I should leave. He does not want to divorce but he does not love me. In fact, he hit me at least three times. Once he hit me on the head, in front of my young children, telling me he will turn me into a mental case. I want a divorce but he will not give me peace. He uses the kids as a threat telling me he will also ask for a shared custody.

In fact, once we started the process for a divorce, but once he realized he would be paying child support and he would be in a bad financial situation he backed up.

Since I discovered his affairs, I said enough. I cannot stop what he is doing but I cannot let him make me sick. I do not want to end up sick from his promiscuity. I know he cheated on me with his old high school friend, he admitted. Then he moved to another woman, then a woman in his job, older than him. He said to his friend he found a girl but she was ugly than he left her.

With this friend he is always talking inappropriate things. Now he found a woman from Nigeria. she has 2 girls. she is divorced. He spends more time talking with her on the internet than his kids. Now, he started sending her money. He wakes up early to talk to her in the phone.

My situation is complicated as I have my entire family back home. I have no support. I am ashamed to talk to anyone. My husband does not want to get a divorce as a grown up man. I feel trapped. I feel as if I am in prison. If I divorce, he will ask to share the custody of the kids then he will expose them to whatever he wants. My child has already been exposed to pornography.

My husband is the kind of person who does not think such thing as bad. If I stay with him, I feel sad, lonely, used, and abused. After all what I am going through, it is a miracle that I have my mind. I lost hope in life. I know it is not the right thing to say.

Wa la taqnattu min rahmati Allah.

When my husband stirs the hurt in me, at times, I wish I could sleep without never waking up again. These days instead of thanking Allah when I wake up, I feel disappointed as I find myself still living as I know I will still endure the abuse, the name calling, that you are nothing, no one wants you, you are boring, look at you, you are nothing, go back to your country...  All this comes from the guy I trusted, the one I loved more than anyone… I guess, he is right! I am stupid for trusting him.

I just want to live for my kids. I know my life is over but I hope my kids will have a better future. I just cannot understand why this is happening to me. Why is he so mean? How can a person who used to pray and fast turns into a monster?

~ Warda


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24 Responses »

  1. You need to leave him. He vowed to change his ways but did not. He is verbally and physically abusive toward you and this is not only damaging to you but to your children. Find yourself a good lawyer. If you do not have money for a retainer, perhaps a friend could lend you some money. Or research the internet to find a lawyer who will either work pro bono or allow you to pay on a payment plan. If you are in the US, you must be seperated for one year (since you have children) prior to initializing divorce proceedings. Since most states require the seperation to be "of bed and board" someone has to leave the home. Since you have young children to care for, a judge may order him to vacate the home. But you must see a lawyer as he or she can best advise you on what steps to take, and what documentation you may need in regards to the claims of adultery, exposure of your children to sinful things etc. I wish you the best and will pray for you.

    Lydia

  2. Salaams,

    I agree with Lydia that this relationship is over. In reading your entire post, I did not find one redeeming quality in your husband or the marriage to make it worth fighting for. I didn't see a speck of a glimmer of hope for it.

    To me, you have two options how to go about this. You can stay in the US, as Lydia suggested, and work on getting a divorce here. I can tell you that he doesn't have much of a chance having full or even joint custody of the children if he's been abusive to you. I suggest you write a journal of the history of the relationship, with specific details about any and all incidents of verbal and physical abuse with dates if possible. You can even include this post as evidence. While you are doing that, get a restraining order against him and have him court ordered to leave the home. Once you accomplish these, then you can work on the rest of the divorce details with an attorney.

    The only thing is, I feel that you doing all of that with no one here to support you, as all of your family and friends remain in your native country, may be extremely difficult and may end up sabotaging the process. The other option available to you is to take the kids and just leave him here and go back home to your family. Once you are there, you can go through the local court system to establish your own custody of the children etc. I'm sure your family would be willing to do whatever is needed to help you out.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. @Amy
    If her children are US citizens and her husband is a citizen of the US as well which I inferred from her comment "old high school friend", then she just cannot take off into the night with her children back to her home country. This is akin to international kidnapping, and will put her in a bad place legally as far as US law is concerned. She needs to remain in the US or get her husband's permission to travel back to her country. She cannot just leave with the kids. BIG NO NO.

  4. Salaams,

    I could be wrong, but it's only considered kidnapping if his custodial rights are written in a court order somewhere. Without that, it's a loophole. Im not saying its right, but at this point she could even claim the kids aren't his biologically and the burden would be on him to prove her wrong, in the country where she would be.

    -Amy
    IA.com editor

  5. Get out now tell them everything he did to you.

    Your children need to grow up in a halal environment.

    • As Salamu Alaikum
      I tried to get out but I was threatened. The first time, I was threatened by my brother-in-law who swore if I try to get back to my country he would call the FBI for kidnapping. At the time, I did not finish school. As I said, my husband said he would change I believed the lie.
      Now, my husband is the one who is threatening me. He tells me if I get a divorce he will share custody of the children. I can give up any thing and every thing except my kids. So, I am in limbo. I am married without a husband. I am a US citizen. Al Hamdu Li Allah, I know I can support myself and my kids but in this country even if someone is having affair after affair, that is not taken into account in custody. Even when my husband posted his pictures of his old lover on facebook for the entire world to see and share openly his love saying litearally "ALLAHU AKBAR I FOUND MY TRUE LOVE", none of the lawyers I showed the posts thought it was a proof to get a divorce on the ground of adultery.
      In the US, having internet affairs or even a lover does not imply adultery as this should be proved with a physical evidence and explicit pictures. To do this, I would have to hire a private detective who have to watch him. I do not have that kind of money and even if I did, I am not ready to pay to pay to let me know something that I am aware of.
      I cannot divorce because my husband can get shared custody despite his immoral character. I do not want to stay married to my unfaithful husband because each day I stay with him I feel like I am degrading myself more and more. I stay because I do not want to be separated from my kids. They are my kids and I feel no man can take them away from me. Because if I am not around, my husband can have an influence on them. It is hard and it hurts to live with someone who does not respect you.
      I will say to all those women who were betrayed and their husband took the decision to let them go, be happy that he left you. My husband does not want to change and he does not want to divorce and if I divorce him, I may loose my kids.
      I feel like I have to bear the unbearable or get a costly freedom: sharing the custody with a man whose moral values are replaced with wickedness and cruelty. I try to ignore my husband's affairs by telling myself that I should be strong and have patience for my kids but it is hard to ignore my husband's cruelty. May Allah give me strength and tons of patience.
      Thanks for bearing to read this and Salam,
      Warda

      • Salaams,

        You may be right that infidelity may not be a reason to award you sole custody, but physical abuse is. Like I said before, get a restraining order and involve CPS if you need to. You can start building a case against him based on his violent tendencies. No court or judge would give him more than basic visitation under that, and usually it's supervised.

        You never know how a custody battle will go until it plays out. You can't compare your case to others cases because every judge and county is different. They would likely assign a guardian ad litem to your case to make sure the best interests of the children are served.

        I'm saying this as someone who has been through 3 custody cases, and didn't even have a strong case like yours I still won all of them. Don't let your fears or ideas that you think you know what the outcome will be keep you from trying to secure a better future for you and your kids than what you will have by staying with him and choosing to live as a victim.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Dear wards,it sounds like you are nothing but a house keeper and baby sitter to your husband,meanwhile he goes out and enjoys himself with other women,sounds like you need to go to the welfare office and get some support and get a job,they will have free childcare for you and then ,save enough money to move out ,unless u want to be this mans maid forever

        • As Salamu Alaikum,

          Dear Jenna, I appreciate your feedback. Al hamdu Li Allah, I do not need to go to the welfare office. I have a professional career and I can support my kids and myself with Allah's help. For that, I say THANK YOU ALLAH. Yes,besides my job, I am a house keeper and I am a mother.

          It is an honor for me to take care of my house and raise my kids. I did never mind doing those tasks. I would not use the term baby sitting, I prefer the term parenting because I am talking about my kids.

          Hence, I do not see any problems with doing what I am supposed to do as wife or a mother. The problem is having a husband who has serious issues. And ALLAH knows that I tried all I could to help my husband and save my marriage. But as we know, any marriage needs commitment from both partners. I do not want an open marriage. I married my husband believing we have the same values and commitment but that was not my case.

          Strange as it sounds, despite my failed marriage, I still hope that one day the father of my kids will repent and get back on the right path. I believe, there is no punishment in this life or the next life other than going astray! So, if I am the one who is on my husband's way to have true happiness or may be get back to the right path, I won't be anymore, because all I want is move on without looking back!

          Anyway, I am heading in the right direction. It is just a matter of time, he will leave because he found his true love. I am so happy for him as this will make things go easy. I just need to be patient. I believe relief is coming soon!

          Until then, I keep my prayers, my hopes, and trust for/in Allah. I will let Allah guide me to wherever He wants. I won't resist His decree. I believe ALLAH has a better plan for us.

          Thanks for the constructive feedback, Ramadan kareem

          Hopeful Warda

  6. salam U MUST LEAVE TRUST IN ALLAH TAKE A DIFRENT PATH WRITE OUT YOUR OPTIONS AND PIK THE MOST SAFEST APPROACH dont live in this misery anymore u have to think of yourself wat good are u to kids if your depressed or end up mentallyill from all abuse its not if ...but wen u must take care of yourself and leave this abuse xxxxu hae rights as a mother , and een if he does as farther then that s life but u have to be strong and take it one step ata time first leave xxx

    • As Salamu Alaikum,
      thanks for everyone who answered my question. I have 2 options each one of them has good and bad consequences.
      Option one: initiate a divorce myself. I will get my freedom from my oppressor BUT I may have to share custody of my kids with him. Sharing custody of my kids means he may expose them to the things that I do not agree to. Readers may think I am a controlling person, I am not. If my husband is a stable person who will marry one good muslim woman, I would not mind him sharing custody of the kids. If that was the case, I will be glad. He is not. Since 2009, I cannot remember how many women he got involved with, I cannot keep track of them. If he shares custody, my kids will be confused, each time there will be a new woman in dad's house. My husband does not want to divorce as a civilized person.
      Option two: stay "married" and know that I am sharing the house with a person who has no moral values. This hurts me, it makes me angry, and sad. I do not deserve it. I am faithful to an unfaithful husband. We only share the house, nothing else. I am the one who buys the food, the clothes for us and even pay the utility bills. I know he will verbally abuse me and put me down.
      That is the bad part. The "good" part, I see my kids every day. I know where my kids are, I know what they are doing and I can teach them right from wrong. When he is on the internet, I tell my kids to stay away from the place. I do not let them use the "haram" computer.
      So, as of now, I am with option two. I do know that is not the best one, but for now it is the best. I take one day at a time. I pray a lot for Allah to end the oppression. I keep my trust in HIM. I stay with an abusive man so I can protect my kids from him. If I live until my kids are old enough to make their own choices in life, I will be the first one to leave the house and leave the oppressor. I think that what's keeping me going.
      Being far from my family and with no support, it is hard to stand alone against an oppressing husband. I do not want to loose my kids. After Allah, my kids are the only people I have in this foreign country.
      The matter of fact, last night, he started threatening me that he would get custody of the kids and he would tell his lawyers that I have been brainwashing the kids against him.
      He is in my destiny and I just pray that his oppression will end at least for the sake of my kids.
      I pray to Allah to give me patience to bear the unbearable and keep my kids and I safe from the misguided. Please Allah keep me strong mentally and physically.
      To all the sisters who are looking for future husbands, please, look at their deen. Do not just be satisfied that he is born muslim or he says he is muslim. Islam is a way of life, it shows in our actions. Before saying yes, do your homework. Do not assume that just because he is says he is muslim that is the case. That was my mistake. I do not want anyone to be in my shoes.
      May Allah forgive us and keep us in the right path.
      Warda

      • Salaams,

        Warda, I'm just going to be honest with you. You are making your choice based on the ASSUMPTION that he will actually get shared custody if you divorce him. I think that is flawed logic, because the only basis you have in believing that could actually come about is the fact that HE said it would.

        Many abusive husbands say the same thing to keep their wives from trying to get away from them. It's sad to see you are buying into that lie, and it's sad to see you are willing to continue putting your children through trauma they don't deserve for that lie. In truth, the majority of women who divorce abusive men get sole custody, and the fathers get visitation only.

        Now, if you are saying that you don't even want him to have visitation, that you want his parental rights terminated altogether, then I can understand why you don't believe the divorce courts would side with you.

        However, if you involved Child Protective Services, they can accomplish things such as this when other courts won't touch it. I'm telling you, if you were to file a report against him with CPS, move out (like into a shelter) and get a restraining order, you would have a huge amount of leverage against him to protect your children as you envision. Moving into a shelter there would be resources and support for you to help him overcome the power he clearly has over you.

        But, it doesn't seem like you're willing to look at those options because you'd rather endure what's familiar, no matter how bad or wrong it is. You would rather continue to give him power over your life. That's really a shame, because while you think you are protecting your children better by staying with him, what you are really setting them up for is being abusive or being victims of abuse when they grow up and enter their own marriages.

        I hate to have to be so blunt, but the truth is too many children and women are being shortchanged because of the type of logic you are using to make decisions. The choices being made are actually perpetuating abuse from one generation to another, instead of breaking the cycle. What's worse is you are doing this willingly, even after other options are being offered to you....options that could actually make your life what you want it to be.

        I hope that other ladies can look at this thread and make a better decision for themselves and their children if they happen to be in a similar situation.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Dear warda,by staying you are showing them that abusing women is fine,is that the way you want them to be raised to accept abuse and give it

  7. Sister Amy,
    thanks for your feedback. I have no intentions on stopping his visitations rights. he is the father of my kids. I do not want to take that right away from him.

    The last night he tells me he will accuse me of brainwashing my kids and he would have his mom back him up in court. I have to take that seriously. After so many years, I know where I stand and I know who I am dealing with.
    If I have my family here, things would be very different. He knows that and he is using that weakness to his advantage.

    For now, I have no other choices than ignoring his behavior. I will not allow his behavior to get into me. I think these last days were tough for me because he stirred up my emotions and I fell in the trap. I should remember my mission to be patient, stay calm, and "enjoy" the ride. I believe that one day I will break free from him. Until then, I will keep myself busy.
    May ALLAH keep us safe.
    thanks,
    Warda

  8. AOA,

    I think deep in your heart you don't want to leave this vile man and you hope he will return to the state he was in when you married. I can't see that happening but only Allah knows.

    Your husband will end up leading you to hell if you stay with him. That is you will not be able to focus on your deen and your commitment to your kids because you will be preoccupied by his filithy antics and be in misery.

    Stop anticipating the worst for yourself if you divorce. It's like your willing it to happen. Do you want your kids to grow up and resent you for not getting away? You have it all there, in your own words you said you can look after yourself . This guy is redundant. So the only thing stopping you is your own weakness. It's all in the ego. You can't bear it that this creature is someone you love and are the mother of his children. It can happen to any one of us.

    The Prophet's Lut (AS) and Nuh (AS) both had wives who were disbelievers. They left them behind. What I am saying is that us ordinary people cannot expect to be exempt from such things like this when better people have had worse.

    If you do the right thing, Allah will help you.

    • As Salamu Alaikum,
      I am aware of the saying the addict is addicted to drugs and the family is addicted to the addict.
      I am not addicted to him. I do not want him and never will.
      here is the fact: I have no social support, this means I am weak.
      If I get a divorce and he only gets visitation rights that is great, perfect.
      In case he gets shared custody, then what after that? Any one please can tell me how I can handle that? What I am supposed to do in that case? It is an IF situation But it is possible. Any solution for that possibility? Knowing that he can expose them to what he wants.

      Once again, if he had the minimum requirement to qualify as a good man( a decent person who knows right from wrong) I would not mind a bit him taking the kids and sharing them. I am muslim and I know it is haram to cut family ties. But in my situation, I believe it is haram to let him have them without me around.
      Jazakum Allah,
      Warda

  9. As Salamu Alaikum,
    I appreciate your honest opinion. I know, I am weak and I am in misery. I do not think there is hope in him being a good guy. I could hope if he expressed any remorse or I saw a slight improvement.
    He has no remorse and he keeps justifying his actions by the fact I did not want to follow haram like him. I respect people in here, I am not going into details.
    Once I break free from my husband, I believe I will need a life-long psychotherapy to restore my self confidence. He scared me deep inside. Yes, I DID love my husband, that was in the past. I thought he was going to complete my life. The idea of him betraying me never crossed my mind. I found his betrayal by accident. I believe ALLAH loved me enough to show me the truth about him. Now, my feelings for him include, anger and resentment. What is there to love? The abuse or the cruelty?
    He will never influence me to go a stray because I have always ALLAH in my heart.I am not staying with him, I am staying for my kids. I hate to make my kids and I homeless.
    I am going through a lot and I do not think I have the mental strength to fight a professional liar and impostor.
    For so many years, all I hear is negative things about me, I think I internalized all the you are nothing and I will destroy you.
    And now, I am thinking that to get away from this guy, I am taking a risk of letting him have my kids.
    May be I am wasting my time and my life.

    Please, for those who betrayed those spouses, know that betrayal is hurtful. If you betrayed your spouse, for the love ALLAH, repent from your heart and apologize to your faithful spouse again, again, again, and again.... He or she does not deserve betrayal. Betrayal leaves you empty and lost. Please, never ever tell your spouse, yeah I did it because you did not satisfy me. Not meeting ones need is not a reason to betray them because there are other remedies: marriage counseling or divorce.
    Those who betrayed their spouses and do not want to repent, for the love of ALLAH, do not do any more damage. If you cannot refrain from extramarital affairs, leave in peace your betrayed spouse. You will find what you looked for and let them heal out of your sight.

    I will continue to say Hasbiya Allah wani3ma al wakil. La Hawla wala quwata ila bi Alllah. I ask Allah to forgive us and keep us in His path.
    Jazakum Allah,
    Warda

  10. I will pray for u sister..

    May Allah guide u out of ur misery..
    May Allah help u to raise ur children in a happy Islamic environment and may HE make ur children strong enough to ignore their fathers filthy works and NOT follow that dirty path.. May ur children be a part of a healthy Islamic society..
    Ameen..

    • As Salamu Alaikum,
      Muslim Sister, Ameen and thanks for your warm dua.

      My faith in Allah is very strong. I put my trust in Him. My husband has some serious issues and I was stubborn. I thought I could change him or fix him. I learned my lesson the hard way. Only Allah can change him. I do not feel love or hate for him. I just pity him as I believe he is a lost soul. He allowed himself to slowly drift into darkness. My job with trying to help him is done because he does not want to and does not SEE the need to change.

      Through years of abuse, I am learning to stop being bitter and angry because such emotions are destructive. It will take time to heal and I know I will heal with ALLAH’s help. I say Alhamdu li ALLAH, I am learning to use my energy on people who are worth it: my innocent kids who rely on me to guide them. My job is to focus on my kids. I pray for Allah's help to guide me and guide my kids in His path.

      It is true that some days, I feel sad about my marriage to the point where I wish I could just sleep and never wake up to deal with the hard reality of life. The hardest is to forgive myself for loving someone who could not appreciate my love and my modesty. Even sadder, is when I think about my kids who will grow up without a good role model to look out for. So with such facts in mind, I am striving to do my best for my kids. I just want them to be righteous, insha Allah.

      I wrote my initial post when I was feeling REALLY down and angry. After some deep thinking, when I look back, I see that my failed marriage made me a better person. What kept me going ALLAH, my kids, and an inner force. Proof, in the darkest moments, with the help of ALLAH, I was able to turn my loneliness into success. While my husband was/is messing around, I tried to better myself through work and studies. Al hamdu Li ALLAH, I just earned my baccalaureate degree. I did it to prove myself that I can do better with my life than just weeping about my unfaithful husband and his abuse. More importantly, I want my kids to know and see through me that resilience is a good virtue in life.

      Now, I will not despair. I am hopeful and I know life will be brighter. Sometimes, all I need is to “adjust my lenses” to see a brighter scenery. Insha Allah, I will recover and I will be stronger. I have bigger dreams and hopes for my kids and me, and I know Allah has a way for us. I put all my trust in ALLAH. I will let Him guide me wherever He wants.

      I pray to ALLAH to help us and keep us in His path. Ramadan kareem to everyone.

      Your sister Warda

  11. U could use a camera.. Hide it somewhere and record the way he abuses u.. If u r able to record him hitting u then it will be sure proof and help u get rid of him.. I knw that will be hard but i suggest a record of him abusing u will help u in ur case..

  12. Assalamu Alaikum,

    I hope everyone is doing well. I just want to update my post. I have been officially divorced March 27th, 2013. I know this was the right decision. I have been through a lot and I just want Allah to grant me peace in this world and the next world.

    I ask everyone to keep me in their prayers.

    For all the struggling souls on this earth, may Allah grant you peace in your heart.

    Warda

    • @Warda

      Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

      May Allah make it easy for you and us.

      what about your kids now ?

      My advice to you is that, you should go back to your family. Do not stay alone without a mahram.

      __________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • Assalamu Alaikum,

        Alhamdu li Allah. I have custody of my children. As far as going back to my family, it will not be an easy thing to just leave the US with my kids. Their dad will never let that happen.

        I am just thankful that things ended peacefully. I understand your concerns about living alone.
        Basically, I divorced my husband not his family. They are aware of the reasons for the divorce and they are supporting me to be strong and raise my kids in peace.

        I strongly believe in this dua: hasbiyallahu la ilaha ila Huwa, alaihi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul arshil adheem.
        "Allah is sufficient for me. There is no god but He. I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne".

        May Allah grant us peace and keep us in the straight path.

        Warda

        • Please read this and also say this dua.

          Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) something that made me very happy. He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allaah will do that for him."'" Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon,' then , 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,' Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say, I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allaah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.' He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allaah will take this away from you (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.' So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me. Allaah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

          These two reports are in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad. The hadeeth was also reported by Muslim from Umm Salamah, who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: "Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha," but Allaah will compensate him with something better.' When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?' Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage, but I said, 'I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.' He said, 'As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.'" (Reported by Muslim, 1525).

          May Allah make it easy for you and us.

          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

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