Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pre marital relationship: wanting to refrain from it but unwilling to lose each other forever.

I know a friend who is in a relationship with a boy. They are about the same age. 20 years old. They were good friends and then fell in love and this love was based on genuine reasons and it was not to have fun or fool around. They were in physical contact with each other but are still chaste. After some time, they understood the intensity of pre marital relations and how wrong it is. They want to do the right thing and whilst they can refrain from contacting each other, they cannot forget each other entirely. They want to stop all contact until the boy is settled down and ready to talk to the parents. (He is unable to at the moment since he hasn't even completed his degree, and isn't financial stable, so fears he won't be taken seriously). The girl wants him to promise her that he will come back for her in the future when he can. Is that permissible or is it haram? If it is haram, then what other choices do they have?


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6 Responses »

  1. as salaamu alaykum Clueless/Confused

    First I'm happy to learn this "relationship" has not gone beyond words. You say they're around 20 and so they shouldn't have to wait over long before they can make a move to realise the marriage plans. If it's true love Allaah (swt) may let it come to fruition as He wants for us happy and harmonious marriages.
    I'm Not a Scholar so ask others as well, but I see nothing Islamically wrong in asking his promise to come back for her in the future when he is ready to marry. Be aware though that much can happen and people change. Best of luck to your friend and may Allaah (swt) look favourably at their marriage plans if He knows that they would be good for each other, for dunya and for 'akhirah, and would be happy together.

    • He fears the same, that he doesn't know what would happen in the future. He's unable to promise because he doesn't know how things will be in the future. She, however, wants him and only him whereas he wants to forget and move on.

  2. Assalaamualaykum,

    I think that the better option is to have a mutual discussion and understanding, rather than a solicited promise, that Allah's Plan will prevail, and that if the interest is strong, they will be able to come back to each other when the time is right.

    A lot can happen in a few years, and many people would not be able to keep such a promise. If the interest is genuine, then it will still be there when the time is right and they can proceed from there.



  3. Bismillah
    Please have them do NIKAH even if they cant get married just do nikah so they dont get into sin

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