Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pregnancy and nikkah.

Pregnant woman depressed


I am currently 8 months pregnant by  my "boyfriend". I struggled a lot with the decision to keep the baby, but chose to do so as I thought it was islamically and morally the right thing to do. I have my family's support to keep the baby, but they do not approve of the child's father as it has since come out that he has a secret life he hid from me and is actually married. He claims he wants to do nikkah with me and that he will have no relationship with the child if we do not do nikkah before the birth, as she will not be "halal" to him. All I want is to do what's right for the baby, but is nikkah with an untrustworthy person the right things to do islamically? He claims to be in the middle of divorce proceedings, but I don't trust him.


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11 Responses »

  1. assalamu alaikum sister,

    do NOT..i repeat DO NOT... marry this man!! obviously he has no compassion for a child he created! wasnt it NOT HALAAL WHEN HE WAS SLEEPING WITH YOU? AND HAD A WIFE?? why all of a sudden is he trying to manipulate you to marry him? as if he will turn his back on an innocent CHILD if you dont do what he pleases?

    i dont know what type of form of islam he attends to.but sister do NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE.

    RAISE THIS CHILD. with your family. take him for child support and keep it moving. a man that is soo willing to move from his child if he doesnt get what he wants is not a man.

    i have six children..and if i ever EVER used my children as pawn my husband would literally go ballistic. NO MATTER what happens between two adults a child should not be made to pay for..this innocent child is not to pay the price.

    if you marry him he was just manipulate you more. i hope you live in a western country. if he doesnt maintain the child financially just go to the courts.

  2. Salaam Sister,

    Yes he is untrustworthy, but look on the bright side. He is willing to marry you and accept the child as his. Isnt it better than if he had denied the baby and you were left alone to raise the child?

    Will you be okay with raising the child alone, outside wedlock if you choose not to get married to him?

  3. Salaams,

    What he is telling you seems like a way of trying to maintaining control and coercing you. It is not required at all for you to marry him just so he can have a relationship with his child. I would suggest you don't marry him, in fact- he's not quite marriage material.

    There is no such thing as a "haraam" baby. The child is his no matter how he wants to look at it, and his responsibilities to be a part of its life and help take care of it don't change. The best thing you can do is have his paternity established by the state and get an order for child support and visitation, naming you as the primary custodian. In the meantime, raise the child yourself as best you can, with the help of family and friends.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

    -Amy Editor

  4. Salaam,

    Although what you did was totally wrong on your part, I really do feel sorry for you. You have gotten yourself into a problem that's very hard to escape from.
    ON ONE hand, there's this "boyfriend" who clearly seems to be manipulating you. There's no guarantee that he'll take care of you and your child, after marriage.
    The fact that "HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS", indicates untrustworthiness and bad character (that's my conclusion) . WHO KNOWS.. THIS DIVORCE MIGHT HAVE BEEN HIS OWN DOING??

    ON THE other hand, there's this child whom you should be worried about. And worrying does not include only the present, but also the future. EVEN IF YOUR FAMILY SUPPORTED YOU, WILL YOU BE ABLE TO RAISE THE CHILD AS IT SHOULD BE RAISED (know that you will be required to step into the role of both a father and mother...something hard to imagine, and even harder to deal with). SAY YOU PLAN TO GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE, WILL THAT PERSON ACCEPT YOU AFTER HE BECOMES AWARE OF THIS? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE?


    Its obvious that you face a conundrum, and you'll have to deal with it, whether you like it or not.
    I advise you to weigh your options, and their consequences, while seeking guidance from your family
    This is the sort of matter that requires thinking with both heart, and mind.

    INSHA' ALLAH, everything will be sorted out.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    I agree with my fellow editor, Amy. This man doesn't seem like marriage material, and his comment about not wanting contact with his child because she "wouldn't be halal" suggests he is either ignorant of Islamic teachings about family relations or he is trying to weasel out of his responsibilities - or both - either way, that's not going in his favour.

    There are teachings that cover the issue of nikah and pregnancy; some scholars advise that a nikah shouldn't be carried out during pregnancy - if you do decide to marry him (or another man), I'd advise that you speak to your imam and ask him to advise on the matter.

    Don't marry out of fear of being alone or not finding a husband in the future. You aren't alone, as Alhamdulillah you have your family's support and your faith. And inshaAllah if you approach the matter of marriage through halal methods and have sincerely repented for what took place with your boyfriend, you may well find that there are pious men who will be happy to build a family with you and your baby. For the moment though, focus on your baby and creating a stable, loving and Islamic home for him or her.

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. Sister,

    With the utmost respect to you, your boyfriend had a relationship with you outside his own marriage. I fail to understand his logic that unless you have Nikah with him, the child will not be halal to him. You were not halal to him and that didn't stop him! I do not think your boyfriend even understands the term halal.

    This child might be his but I don't think you should have Nikah with a man who clearly can't keep his pants zipped up. He has already married another girl and lied to her and turned around and lied to you as well about the fact that he was married. One can only wonder just how many others there are that he has lied to. Turn to Allah and beg his forgiveness for your transgressions. You are blessed to have a loving and caring family who have chosen to love you unconditionally and support you.


  7. what a world full of CALAMITYS

  8. Sister,
    If you don't mind me asking what nationality are you bcos in a way your lucky bcos your family is supporting you. My family would never do that. I would suggest you not to marry this man. And newborn babies are not haram they are angels. May Allah bless you and your baby.

  9. Sister there are rules how we go about things in islam.. In Sha Allah talk to an imam on yr issue.. N this website I don't believe there are real scholars.. You need to talk to your local imam.

  10. Salaam to every1.

    I'm 7month pregnant and my boyfriend want me to abort the baby because its a wrong way but never thought its wrong when he was busy sleeping with me.He says that we will do things right after the abortion we will do the nikkah and have babies.He don't want anything to do with this baby.Please help me.

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