Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pregnant and Worried for the Future

I worry about whether he can take care of us

I am having trouble making a decision involving my husband and children.  I am an American Muslim convert living in the Middle East with my husband .  We have a two year old daughter and I am about to have a boy in July, inshaAllah.  My husband and I agreed that I would stay here to have the baby.  Now as I am getting close to my due date, my husband is under a lot of stress about how to provide everything we will need.

He has a very low income because this is a third world country in poverty.   I've become nervous that we won't be able to take care of everything and I start nagging him about it.  He then treats me as if it stresses him out and it's almost like he treats me like its my fault.  He can be negative towards me, like I'm the reason we need to accomplish these things. I've become very depressed.   I feel like half of me wants to go back to America and be with my family and friends and the other half wants to stay with my husband.  I'm afraid that my husband won't be able to provide the emotional support I need when I have the baby.

I have no one else here but my husband and his family.  Part of me just wants to go home where I'm happier anyway.  And there are so many advantages to being in America.  Better hospitals, easier citizenship for the baby, better baby products, etc.  .The other part of me feels like going home would be choosing my family and friends over my husband.  I'm really at half and half about what I want to do.  I really need an opinion, when I talk to my family they say come home, and his family say stay.

I need someone uninvolved to give me some insight.  Thank you.

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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alikom dear sister. I really feel you when you say this and it makes me think of my situation, only that Im living in Europe with good living conditions. About the husband: Dear I would say this clearly even though it hurts but its the truth: if a man is not supportive and loving with his wife in your situation then he is not a husband but a selfish man. I say this and exactly like this because I have been there and done that. I mean I have been with my husband for 1 year, and under this year I was pregnant and we were having problems concerning the economy etc. He did not have a work as he came to here a year ago and for this reason we get support from the goverment for living a normal life.It was fine and I was being patient till last month when I said to myself: enough is enough. With this I mean I asked myself few questions and the answer was that this man is just that this man is only wasting my time as he puts every problem on me, being pregnant with his first child and supporting him with money and papers to live a better life than the one they have in the Middle East. With my child in hand I decided to forget all of this and think og myself since he would not think of me and wanted to stress my young mind and pregnant body. To make a long story short: sister if a man doesnt care of you in the most difficult time of a womans life then he is a selfish man who thinks of himselves only and thinking of the fact that you left your country and good life in America for him: I think this is a shame and he should be there for you both emotionally and financially and never blame you in a situation like this. I would advice you to think of your life and ask yourself questions. Make a plus and minus list of whats good about your life now and see which one is the most. Because finally its your decission and no one can tell you what to do other than yourself at the end. Think of yourself a little sister, us women Allah created us with a pure heart and most of us tend to be patient and tolarating in wrong times and for the wrong person. I mean we often choose to stay in a marriage where the man is careless and only thinks of his desires. with this Im not saying that your husband is bad, but that this is selfish of him. Dont make sacrifices that would only take your energy and time and then finally he would put everything on you and maybe leave you when he was the one to be blamed. For once think of yourself and the child inside you, at a time like this you need care and love and even more than normally because there is another life growing inside of you. I ask Allah to do the best for you inshallah. Fee amanallah

  2. Dear sis,
    Dont worry just close your eye and think about god. Think about his wonderful power. Think about how how is responsible of these thing. How this formation of baby take place in you. It star from the cent L of sperm that enter your boby then develop to a bag of bold then after all these thing become a baby. Hw is that. Dont you belive that there is someone special that is responsible of all these thing. Someone invisible. Someone Specail.... Of course without any dont the true god is invisible. He can do what ever he want. so it time to no the true religion. For more information just log on....

    May god bless, And you a light in your way.....
    This is may email anything you want to no about islam just let me no...

  3. Aslm sister, hmmm after reading ur little text, i've just came out with a thought which is that: WHAT IF ALLAH IS TESTING YOUR PATIENCE TOWARDS HIM AND AS WELL AS THE PATIENCE OF YOUR HUBBY??? Destiny is and have always given its say in whatever situation we might be... Your destiny as well as the child have already been written well before the creation of the world begun... so don't fear anything and though you are stressed, confort your hubby as a man remain a man, he won't regain his calm untill he is drenched into sweetness.... talk to him sweetly, gently, understand him and you will be answered by a good response.... my suggestion is surely not the good or the best but what i've told you in this text, its in my destiny to write it to you and in your destiny to read it, who knows it might help you sister.... trust Allah, if he put a trouble in front of you, trust him, he'll be the one to remove it but its just a matter of time...... gain the conviction that everything will be fine..... and finally i'll tell you, listen to no one beside what your heart tells you.... and if though then do ISHTIKHARAH prayer.... you'll get your answer if Allah wants it....... don't lose hope sister, I'll pray for you and will never stop praying for you, INSHA ALLAH everything will be fine AMEEN.....if you want to contact me, plz do not hesitate, my email id is ().....

  4. salaam alkium warhmat alah waaa barakatooh my sweet siis dont think 222222 much as iznt good 4 ur health n ur bbyz .i'm pregnant lyk u n i do think n worry as well but remamber alah knewz wat iz in ur mind n soul n he knws wat best n worse 4 u so just thank alah wat ever u get by da end of day thiz world iznt 4 us so we must be pashent n dont think ur husband plamming u 4 all this it might be a test belive me siis i liv in uk (london) n my husband hasnt got job n our iznt that good but alahmdulah even though we're going through thiz we still luv eachother n i beliv 1 day everything will get beter hav faith in alah siis n inshlah everything will change b4 ur bby born datz wat i say n convinse my slf n alah knewz best

  5. Thank you all for your responses. I ended up deciding to stay with my husband in his country for now. I am due in three weeks and I am just trying to relax and be ready now. Ive tried to just ignore his behavior and I hope our situation changes for the better, inshaallah. I reallyI think our problems were just based on a new baby coming and the added stress of it. I am sure things will even out once we meet our wonderful son. appreciate all of your advice, thanks.

    • To you is my best wishes for your whole life, to every and all people in or who will be part of your family... Trust Allah dr sister, he's the sole one to help you in any difficulties......Anyway sis, don't forget to tell us the name of ur future baby and if possible a pic that little cuti, ok??????

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