Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Got a non Muslim woman pregnant, do I have to know my child in Islam?

Pregnant woman depressed

As-salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmat Allah Barakatu

I am a muslim man since I was born alhumdulillah but I went through a rough patch in my life and I caused zinnah with a non muslim woman out of wedlock. I have now turned to Allah and have been asking for repentance. I have recently found that the person I was in a relationship with is pregnant and wants to keep the child.

My family do not know about my situation and I do not want them to know. In islam, am I allowed to not know this child and not pay child support.
InshaAllah you can help me with this situation as I do not know what to do

-Ali Smith

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62 Responses »

  1. I feel so sorry for this child who is going to be born in a world where his father does not want to be a father.
    Islam is a wonderful religion teaching you about to be good, responsible,respect parents and other people, charity.......
    Thinking about the last word: charity and help others. How are you ever going to be a good muslim when you do not want to provide some money for child support to your own flesh and blood.
    This child is sinless even though he is born out of wedlock. Just become a mature man and learn how to be responsible not be more preocupied how to avoid to be involved in his life physically and financially or keep him away from knowing is grandparents.
    If you start you life with a lie you will live in a lie your entire life.

  2. Ali,

    Do you even have to ask this question?

    Sorry to be so blunt, but it is a ridiculous question. Instead of trying to avoid your responsibility, embrace it! This is a test from Allah, and he is watching your response. In every bad thing that Shaytan introduces, Allah gives you the opportunity to glorify Him and respond so it is YOUR responsibility to turn to Him and respond in a way that does glorify Him. Take this opportunity to be a Muslim, be a man, and be a father.

    You can pass this test. If you don't, the next test is likely to be harder because of your surrender to Shaytan on this test.

    ~Your Brother

  3. Can I ask why you don't want to care for the child? I really don't understand how you can walk away from all responsibility.
    Please don't let your child grow up feeling abandoned he/she is innocent and deserves better teachings from his/her father.

    • So many baby's left behind I never though mine will be one more ... What a selfish guys !
      If they really fear God they should take care of this baby's

  4. Salaam brother Ali,

    Alhumdulilah that you have made repentance for this sin. Its important that you take measures to avoid it again by keeping contact with non-mahram women (both Muslim & non Muslim) within Islamic boundaries. So contact should only be when necessary, no physical contact and never ever being alone with a woman even if it's innocent. Because when this happens shaytaan is the third.

    You have seen first hand the troubles that zina can cause. In answer to your situation no you can't not know your child. As the saying goes 'you have made your bed so you must lie in it.' The child bears no sin of what you did. The child is innocent. So as the father of the child you do need to pay child support and be a father to your child. The child will need a father figure in his/her life. You do not need to necessarily marry this woman but as a Muslim you must be a part of your childs life. You have a responsibility now.

    How to factor in being a father around being a son. That's difficult. You may have to confess you to your parents in the end if it is leading you to lying. They will understandably be hurt but your priority now must be 100% this child and doing what is best Islamically.

    Sara Editor

    • I am comforted with all your comments. Reading all your comments make me feel i am getting support emotionally. I am in the boat with the woman who were not supported by the man who proposed to marry me before he pregnant me but when i got pregnant he did a lot of promises and no single penny received. The first wife knows everything but the man is not man enough to send even rhs1 to his child in me and yet so proud to be an asshole (sorry for the term). I have nothing against islam even i am apt to convert so we can marry but until now my child is almost 2yrs old,still chasing her father. What on earth we have this kind of person so inhuman and heartless for their child. I pity their souls.

  5. Salam

    You are required in Islam to acknowledge this child. Also in Islam this child has privilege to your assets. You should come clean with your family. It is better that your wife find out through you than through any other source. Ask your first wife for permission to marry this girl. It is the only respectable way, and may be your only way to receive forgiveness. She and the child are now your responsibility. Ask the mother to convert to Islam and guide her. It is a Haram for her to abort the child for any other reasons besides health.

    • Actually, sadly enough the child is not entitled to a inheritance or even his last name, because it is out of wedlock.

      • Sister, you are wrong. That is only the case if the father denies parenthood of the child and it cannot be proved otherwise (and also if the couple did not live together at the time). But in this case it seems the brother is acknowledging that he is the father, which means the child carries all the rights of any other born in wedlock.

        See this article on Out-of-Wedlock Children in Islam: Their Status

        Please don't repeat things you have heard without knowing the true rulings in the matter.

        Wael Editor

  6. Salam Alaikum Brotther Ali,

    I think the comments above told you many things about your situation... i think you have to wear your pants and become a very good father because the child is innocent of you and your partner sins... I was once in your situation and i wish my ex be part of my son's life, i beg him many times but he just not want and i did that not because i was in need of him (of course i loved him but i can't force him to be with us) i did that because Allah will asking in the day of judgement about his first child and his abandonment.

    I just want to add this,

    Fathers Responsibility of his Children in ISLAM

    The father in essence is the role model of the child and has been given the pedestal of leadership in the home: ‘The man (father/husband) is the keeper and leader of his family’. (Mishkãt).

    It’s very clear that by divinely mandated Islamic Law, man bears full responsibility for the care and upbringing his children. Those who willfully violate the Law will be held accountable, especially on the Day of Judgment.

    Children are a trust given to the parents. Parents will be held accountable for this trust on the Day of Judgment. Parents are essentially responsible for the moral, ethical and the basic and essential religious teachings of their children.

    If parents fulfill this responsibility, they will be free of the consequences on the Day of Judgment. The children will become better citizens and a pleasure to the eyes of their parents, first in this life, and in the Hereafter.

    God, Exalted, most High says in the Qur’an:
    “And the mothers should suckle their children for two whole years for him who desires s to make complete the time of suckling; and their maintenance and their clothing must be borne by their father according to usage. No soul should have imposed upon it a duty, but to the extent of its capacity; neither shall a mother be made to suffer on account of her child, nor a father on account of his child; and a similar duty (devolves) on the (father’s) heir, but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them; and if you wish to engage a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you, so long as you pay what you promised for according to usage; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, and know that Allah sees what you do. Chapter 2, verse 233. **

    I hope you do the right things, for the seek of your first son/daughter.

    God bless you, the mother and the innocent child

  7. marrying her will be the better solution ........

    • I agree

    • I'm a Saudi guy who has abandoned my 2 ur old son in Denver colorado. I have not sent one dollar in payment to him even when his mother asked me for it. When I left I left them homeless evicted from our apartment and I promised to send my ex money when I got backhome. However as soon as I returned my mother started getting into my head. She made me promise her not to send even 1 dollar to my son. I listen to her Bc in my religion I don't want to disobey my parents. My sons mother came to me in November and told me she couldn't get my sons u.s. Passport until I sign authorizing it. My parents said not to sign. My ex is really angry with me because now she has to go to court and spend money getting full custody of my son so she can get the passport. She wants to move to Dubai for a job opportunity that's why my son needs his passport. I told her I would sign the paper but for 5 months I just lied to her , now she's very angry with me. But just like the guy above I don't care . I made my parents happy so I feel like I did nothing wrong.

      • Salams @AbdulAziz,

        First and foremost, may Allah (swt) give you hidaya fro your arrogance. So, you know the rights of mother (which I don't know how relate to yours case) but you didn't know that it was haram to sleep with a woman and create a life who is not your wife? Seriously! It's men like yourself who give Islam and other Muslim brother bad name. May Allah (swt) knock some sense in you because you are absolutely lost and since HE is the turner of heart, I pray and hope that you realize soon what you have done and make every effort to correct your mistake rather than being a mommy boy (infant/toddler more precisely).

        Please grow a back bone and marry this woman and be a father and man enough to raise this child that you created. If nothing else bothers you then read "Sin of fornication" and fear the day when you will be standing in front of Allah (swt) answering for creating a life out of wedlock who you denied their rights.

        P.S; - I don't believe "you don't care" because chances of ending up on this page or similar one right when you start your "browsing session" are next to zero.

        May Allah (swt) change your heart before it's too late and you are left with nothing but regret for not taking action at the right time. Amin

        Muhammad1982, Editor!

        • I know these posts are old. But I am the non Muslim women in the same situation. I haven't told him yet and am worried that I will have to raise a child alone. You are right when you say men like some of the ones that posted here give Muslim men bad names. This is why they are looked at as barbaric even tho white men do the same kind of things. It's easy to hide behind religion when they don't want to take responsibility for their actions. But they weren't hiding behind religion when they were having sex? There wasn't any talk of what parents or allah wanted when they where trying to sleep with the girls? I find it hard to understand and I am trying. However, it angers me that the women no matter what religion has to bare the burden for men's mistakes. We are always cleaning up after them. I do t know what my guy will do but I hope he doesn't become arrogant and leave it all up to me. I am scared

      • Oh now you think it is important to make your parents happy! How long have you known your parents? Did you not know that your parents would not accept what you did before the deed was done? More importantly did you not know the will of Allah? Does your parents will supersede the will of Allah? Do you not belong to Allah before you belong to your parents? Do you fear your parents more than you fear Allah? As others have said it is your duty to provide for and guide this child.

        I do not like to say this but your foundation in Islam seems to be very shallow. You have acknowledged this child and left him in potential harms way without spiritual guidance. What is my meaning? Men and women will sometimes see the traits of their exes in the children they share. If this woman's knowledge of Islam comes from you and your character how easy is it for her to turn away from Islam and to teach the child to do the same? You said you have made her very angry. Maybe it is best this way, maybe you are not capable of guiding this woman and child in a healthy union with you and Islam. Maybe she will overcome her negative experience with you find her way to Islam.

        Hopefully you will find better understanding of Islam and your parents along with you.

      • How old are you though? I understand why you'd like to hide behind your parents, and Islam does say to respect the word of your parents, but once you've hit a certain age, you are fully responsible for making your own choices. You cannot be a grown man, and hide behind your mother. Doing what your parents say is not always doing what Quran says. Your mother is jealous and embarrassed but what she is telling you to do to the family YOU created, IS WRONG. YOUR MOTHER IS WRONG. You are a coward for following her. She doesn't want you to leave her, and struggle. She is only thinking of you as a child.... BUT SHE CANNOT KEEP DOING THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE GROWN. YOU CREATED A CHILD. DEAL WITH IT. Or keep walking into blindness and darkness under your mother's guidance. But surely Allah is seeing and knowing of all things.... So keep on denying the life you created and just know that their suffrage is due to you.

        Assalamu Alaykum

      • Did u ask ur parents permission when u got in relation to this lady? NO...did u make ur parents unhappy about this? Ofcourse yes... did u ask ur parents before u got her pregnant? No... again did u make them unhappy... ofcourse when u made promises to this lady ... did u ask ur parents first? No ... then y at time of fulfilling ur responsibilities as a father of the child ... u r first thinking to keep ur parents happy??
        Religion Islam is not to make excuses over one thing by using another reasoning... being a man and father .. you should fulfil ur promises and duties towards the child

  8. Asalaam alaikum Ali,

    It's very hard for me to respond to your post, because I am shocked, disturbed and angry that any Muslim man would think there is "way out" to abdicate his responsibility towards his own innocent child. Simply put: if you're going to have sex, then you better be ready to raise a child. You cannot undo this, so you must support this valuable life that Allah (swt) has given to you as a means of blessings in this world and the hereafter.

    I do not want to be overly harsh towards you, but I find your attitude cowardly, un-Islamic and absent of basic human dignity. Why even say you are confused? You know what the right things is, but your own selfish ego is looking for a way out. Your repentance will mean nothing if you abandon his child. I am not sure how you expect to claim any amount of iman in front of Allah (swt) any minute of the day that you ignore this child.

    I am being critical of you, because I find your question to be that of a person who is turning away from God given common sense, heart and soul. If you abandon this child, every day you live like this will be a sinful day, indeed. You will be a hypocrite, every intention will be tainted and you will be like the people of weak faith who abandoned the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw).

    Not only will you be a loser in this world, but surely you may face the torture of the hereafter, with Allah (swt) being the Supreme Judge over you. What pitiful excuse from the flames will you offer then? You think you wil be ashamed in front of your parents? Imagine the humiliation of being turned away by Allah (swt) and His Holy Prophet (saw), instead.

    Why am I so sure of this? Read the Qur'an, understand the Sunnah and the life you are supposed to lead. Abandoning your own innocent child is the act of an oppressor form the People of Ignorance who forsake their own children and killed them, a sign of sick mind and heart, but also the act of an unbeliever. How is it possible that an non-Muslim will take care of his child, but you as a so-called Muslim think you can leave yours' behind? Who has given you that revelation?! God forbid!

    The Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) had a son who died young named Ibrahim (ra). Do you know this story? Can you imagine how the Prophet cried and was heartbroken when his son passed away? Will you forsake that which the Holy Prophet (saw) never did? Do you think of yourself higher than a Prophet? God forbid!

    How many stories are in the Qur'an of prophets crying and lamenting for their children for years, if not decades? Nooh (as), Ezekiel (as), Yuqub (as) and even Lady Maryam (sa) whose whole story revolves around the birth and life of Isa (as). Do you comprehend the importance of taking care of and supporting a child? Read her story and how Allah (swt) talks about her suffering in detail in the Qur'an, which the people before had never known of. Why is is that Allah (swt) showed the suffering of this woman in a whole sura named after her? The wisdom behind it surely escapes you, so read and accept the Divine Revelation!

    Lady Maryam (sa) was a pregnant woman ostracized by her own community. She was alone and brought her child into this world without another human being to support her, but yet, she had the protection of Allah (swt)! If you leave this woman out in the cold, if you abandon this child, then you leave that Divine protection, as well.

    Look at Lady Khadhija (sa) when she was pregnant with Lady Fatima Zahra (sa) and the women of Mecca abandoned her because the community was persecuting her husband the Holy Prophet (saw). The Prophet of Islam stayed by her side and such was his greatness! He was surely the finest of all men. How can you call yourself a Muslim and abandon his sunnah in such a way? How can you even call yourself a human being, let alone a man, if you do this horrible thing of leaving them behind?

    Do you know that narrations state that when she gave birth that angels descended from Heaven and that the special ladies of God's religion came down to assist her by the Mercy of Allah (swt)?

    Here is that story:When Khadijah (sa), who was a lady of status famous for her greatness, married the Prophet of Islam (saw), the women of Mecca broke off their relations with her, saying she married a poor, orphaned young man and has lowered her personal status!

    This situation continued until Khadijah (sa). became pregnant and the fetus was none other than Fatimah Zahra (sa). When it came time for the birth she sent for-the women of Quraish and asked them to come to her aid in this sensitive hour full of pain and suffering, and not leave her alone. But she was confronted with this cold, painful answer:

    “You did not listen to our advice, you married the orphan of Abu Talib who has no wealth, we will not come to your aid!”

    The faithful Khadijah (sa) was greatly saddened by this ugly, meaningless message, but deep in her heart the light of hope shone, that her God would not leave her alone at a time like this.

    The difficult, critical moments of giving birth began; she was alone in her home, and not a woman who could aid her was there. Her heart grew heavier, and the roaring waves of the people’s unkindness tormented her pure soul. Suddenly there shone a flash in the horizon of her soul, she opened her eyes and saw four women near her, and she became greatly worried.

    One of the four women called:
    “Be not afraid, nor sad. Your kind God has sent us to your aid, we are your sisters.”
    I am Sarah! And this is Asiah the wife of the pharaoh, who will be one of your friends in heaven. The other is Maryam, daughter of Omran; and this fourth that you see is the sister of Musa ibn Omran; Kolthoom!
    We have come so that at this hour we may be of aid to you.

    And they remained with her until Fatimah (sa) the Lady of Islam opened her eyes to the world.
    Yes, as evidence to this:
    قال الحق سبحانه: (ان الذين قالوا ربنا اللّه ثم استقاموا تتنزل عليه الملائكة ألاّ تخافوا ولا تحزنوا)

    “(As for) Those who say, Our Lord is Allah, then continue in the right way, the angels descend upon them, saying: Fear not, nor be grieved.”

    Here in addition to angels, women of high worldly status rushed to the aid of the faithful persevering Khadijah (sa). The birth of this auspicious child so pleased the Prophet that he began speaking in the praise and eulogy of God, and the tongues of the ill-wishers who called him “Abtar” were forever silenced.
    God gave tidings of this blessed child to the Prophet in the Quranic kawthar, saying:

    إِنَّا أَعْطَيْنَاكَ الْكَوْثَرَ, Surely We have given you the Kawthar

    Therefore pray to your Lord and make a sacrifice; surely your enemy is the one who shall be without posterity.It is evident then is is not? If you abandon this child, in my opinion, you have abandoned the religion itself starting with none other than Allah (swt) and His Most Holy Prophet.

    • I learn a lot about your advice, I wish the father of my son read this but unfortunately he never ask for advice regardless his son :/ ... i got sad every time i know about a girl in my same situation, and it's seems these guys think that just to repent and pray to God will solve the problem. I really hope he follow all our advices.

      • Likewise sis.....i just hope our sisters wake up and dont fall for the tricks of shaytaan in the first place......i wish i was a better muslimah back then would hve saved yself alot of heart whatever Allah has written for us...we wil get.....

        • Amen Sister, Allah knows best... One day the father's of our kids will come back to ask forgiveness and want to be around our kids, i'm sure about that i just hope is not to late.

          Blessings for you and your daughter. If some day you need to talk i will be here, Insha'Allah

          • Salaam sis Maria...

            Tbh i do feel very alone.....i dont have many people in my life i can count them on one hand......knowing sumone is out there who does nt look down at me saying i told you so...or saying how stupid were u how could you do that helps so much.....

            These days even more so....its just me an my daughters....i do want to move on bt i have a feeling no one out there realy wants to take us on...i wouldnt want to lie to anyone And i dont think he will ever realise wat he has lost..because he left us to marry a girl who was wealthy..he drives around in convertables..has a riveraide apartment....i was not able to give him any of that...just my whole hearted wasnt i wish him all the best still....

            Bt still Alhamtholillah.....i have been blessed with so much my health my home my i am lucky...

            Hope you and your son are well and happy....x

      • Hi I'm currently in your same position. I'm pregnant right now with a Muslim guy.. out of wedlock but he told me to abort our baby and when knows that I'm pregnant he ignored my messages and blocked me to all of the social media. He told me that he cannot accept our baby cause it's haram. I don't want to abort my baby cause she is innocent from our mistakes. He even told's legal in muslim to abort my baby cause we are not married. But reading all the messages here makes me feel better.

    • I am in a similar situation as Ali the only difference is that I tried to stand up for my child and my girl, whom i am legally married to in court, but my parents rejected her and the child and told me I had to choose between my parents and my new family. Unfortunately I am also a coward who is not necessarily running away from his responsibilities but I just never took action simply because my parents also brought up Islam in the middle and told me that parents know better and that our religion gives our parents the authority to make certain decisions for the good of the children and that it was the children's duty to obey their parents. Now I was torn in half because no one should have to choose between their parents and their children. What I dont understand is why a father and a mother could not understand the pain that I had to go through with all this? would they understand if I leave them? does Islam permit me to disobey them as I have already disobeyed Allah? I am lost because I love my girl and I also love my child but I also love my parents. I need to know that given my situation what should I do? should I disobey my parents and be present in my childs life? The only thing that is stopping me from going to my child and my wife is the lack of knowledge of the teachings of Islam regarding this particular subject. I am confused because who comes first? as a human being I think my parents should know the pain i have in my heart for losing my son and wife because I am with my parents so they are happy but deep inside I am suffering far too much and I need to know what Islam tells me to do. I know this much that Islam tells a man to take care of a woman who is pregnant with him, but with this whole parents situation and their status in Islam, I am just not sure what to do. I have been praying to Allah to show me a way but I have been away from him for far too long and I dont see anything clear, I just need to know what Islam tells me to do in this situation.

      • Lost soul, if you want us to look at your situation and advise in detail then please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.

        Wael Editor

      • Dr Khalid Yahya Blankinship provides a detailed response


        Does a man who begat children out of wedlock before becoming a Muslim have any connection with those children under Islam? In particular, does not the well-established hadith, “The child belongs to the marriage bed, and the adulterer gets the stone (or: gets nothing),” prove that such a man has no responsibility to his children born out of wedlock before he became a Muslim?


        To say that a man who has children out of wedlock before becoming a Muslim and then upon becoming a Muslim ceases to have any responsibility for such children is completely unacceptable and should by no means be allowed or admitted. This is because all genealogies recognized in the Jâhiliyyah continue to be recognized in Islam. Thus, if any man has children out of wedlock from before embracing Islam but has in any way acknowledged those children in the past or present, whether by explicit statement or merely by his actions of treating them as his children, those children are unalterably his children forever, and he cannot subsequently repudiate them. However, if a man has had children outside of marriage in the Jâhiliyyah and has never recognized them as his own, that is another matter and has to be adjudicated before the qâdî.

        Even in the latter case, the matter cannot be dealt with summarily by the man acting alone.Islam does not actually recognize non-Muslim marriage rules as having a bearing on Muslims.

        Therefore both legal marriages and common-law marriages established in the Jâhiliyyah count in Islam.(1) Even if common-law marriages between non-Muslims were not recognized by the state, a couple living together would still be deemed as having established a household and thus a non-Muslim common-law
        marriage as far as Islam is concerned. This is especially true of non-Muslim majority lands such as ours where the Sharî‘ah of Islam does not prevail. Thus, the children of such pairings are legitimate and must be attributed to their true fathers. The fact that common-law marriages were until recently recognized by the State of Pennsylvania only further strengthens this point here in Philadelphia.

        On the other hand, once people are Muslims, Muslim law applies and children subsequently born out of wedlock to Muslim parents are not supposed to be recognized, according to the hadith. But even so, there is in the law the provision of istilhâq or legitimation, whereby a man recognizes a child as his.

        While in general this requires a statement of the father before the judge, other proofs are also accepted to establish the supposition of a lawful marriage, thus recognizing the legitimacy of the children. These other proofs include sworn testimony of at least two ‘udûl witnesses that the father acknowledged the child before. Also, as cited in Mulla, these proofs also include “the continuous cohabitation of the alleged parents; treatment (by the father) of the mother and child (as if they were his wife and child); and repute and notoreity of the
        father as part of a marriage among the members of the family, the community, or respectable members of society. Legitimacy of a child may be presumed from these circumstances without any direct proof of the marriage, and without any formal act of legitimation. (2)
        Once established, such legitimacy cannot later be
        altered by the father’s denial.(3) It should be noted that these rules considerably parallel the rules for recognizing common-law marriages in the states that do so here in America.

        There are a number of crucial references on this point, including hadiths. The most important are principles drawn from Mâlik’s al-Muwatta’(4) and commentaries on it, especially al-Muntaqâ sharh al-Muwatta’ of Abû al-Walîd al-Bâjî (d. 484/1091), the Andalusian Mâlikî Qâdî, who wrote an extensive
        study of this very point.(5) Also, the scholar of hadith and fiqh, Dr. Husayn Shawât (Houcine Chouat) of the American Open University and Majma‘ Fuqahâ’ al-Sharî‘ah bi-Amrîkâ, agrees with the position here taken.

        The hadith that the questioner bases his argument on, while it is a sahîh hadith found in both the collections of al-Bukhârî and Muslim (6) as well as al-Muwatta’ of Mâlik as cited above, does not at all support the conclusion that he has stated. In this hadith, Sa‘d ibn Abî Waqqâs and ‘Abd ibn Zam‘ah were
        disputing who should have charge of a child born by the slave woman of ‘Abd’s father Zam‘ah. Neither Sa‘d nor ‘Abd had a right to claim the child because neither was the father. The Prophet (SAAS) thus ruled in this case that the child belongs to ‘Abd as a brother on the basis that, in the absence of any conclusive proof or declaration to the contrary, the child belongs to the marriage bed, or, in this case the bed of concubinage. Thus, ‘Abd would have the rights to inherit ownership of the child of Zam‘ah’s slave woman as a part of his inheritance. But ‘Abd stated that this boy was his brother, thus freeing him from any
        suspicion of slavery. That did not suffice, however, to establish his nasab or genealogy as being from Zam‘ah; therefore, the Prophet (SAAS) told his wife Sawdah bint Zam‘ah to veil herself from the boy when he was around. Had Zam‘ah been established as the boy’s father, the Prophet (SAAS) would not have said this.

        None of this has anything to do with what the brother brought up. In particular, note that both Sa‘d and ‘Abd were seeking to get custody of the boy in order to raise him, not to escape from their parental responsibilities.

        As for the aspect dealing with the statement in this hadith, “The child belongs to the marriage bed, and the adulterer gets the stone (or: gets nothing),” that only applies when people have become Muslims, at which time Muslim marriage becomes mandatory. The Prophet (SAAS) never required anyone to go through a new marriage upon becoming Muslim; thus, he recognized the offspring of the various types of marriage relationships extant in the Jâhiliyyah as well as the marriages themselves as legitimate and established in relationship. As stated in al-Muwatta’ cited above and even more explicitly in al-Mudawwanah,(7) ‘Umar ibn al-Khattâb used to attribute children born in the Jâhiliyyah to their real fathers as legitimate, even if they were the offspring of relationships other than proper marriages.

        There is also a hadith found in a hasan version in Ahmad ibn Hanbal’s Musnad in which the Prophet (SAAS) states, “Whoever denies being the father of a child in this life, thereby putting the child to shame (or: in order to put the child to shame), Allâh will put that father to shame on the Day of Resurrection before all the witnesses, as a just punishment for each offense.”(8) Thus, fathers should be reminded of their responsibilities for their children and how they will be asked about this on the Day of Judgement.

        Khalid Yahya Blankinship

        (1) Muwaffaq al-Dîn ‘Abd Allâh ibn Ahmad Ibn Qudâmah al-Maqdisî, al-Mughnî, Beirut: Dâr Ihyâ’ al-Turâth, Vol. 10, p. 271, mas’alah 8555.

        (2) Mulla, Principles of Mahomedan Law, Pakistan ed. revised by M. A. Mannan, from the 17th Indian ed.revised by Hidayatullah, Lahore: Law Publishing Co., 1977, p. 322, Chapter XVII, section 339.
        (3) Shams al-A’immah Muhammad ibn Ahmad al-Sarakhsî, al-Mabsût, Cairo: Matba‘at al-Sa‘âdah, 1324-1331/1906-1913, Vol. 17, pp. 98-99.

        (4) Mâlik ibn Anas, al-Muwatta’, Cairo: Dâr al-Sha‘b, no date, pp. 460-462, Kitâb al-aqdiya, bâb al-qadâ’ biilhâq al-walad bi-abîhi, bâb al-qadâ’ bi-mîrâth al-walad al-mustalhaq, and bâb al-qadâ’ fî ummahât alawlâd; in English: Imam Malik, al-Muwatta, edited by Idris Mears, translated by ‘A’isha ‘Abdarahman at-
        Tarjumana [Bewley] and Ya‘qub Johnson, Norwich: Diwan Press, 1982, pp. 344-345, sections 36.21-36.23, traditions nos. 20-25; Imam Malik, Muwatta, edited and translated by Muhammad Rahimuddin, pp.319-321, Bk. XXV, Chs. 443-444, traditions 1415-1420 (note that the Rahimuddin translation is an inferior abridgement, as it omits the words of Mâlik from the original).

        (5) Abû al-Walîd Sulaymân ibn Khalaf al-Bâjî, al-Muntaqâ sharh Muwatta’ Mâlik, edited by Muhammad ‘Abd al-Qâdir Ahmad ‘Atâ, Beirut: Dâr al-Kutub al-‘Ilmiyyah, 1420/1999, Vol. 2, pp. 332-356, especially pp. 347-348.

        (6) Muhammad Ibn Ismâ‘îl al-Bukhârî, al-Jâmi‘ al-sahîh, Kitâb al-buyû‘, bâb tafsîr al-mushabbihât; in English: al-Bukhârî, The Translation of the Meanings of Sahîh al-Bukhârî, translated by Muhammad Muhsin Khân, 2nd revised edition, Ankara: Hilal Yayinlari, 1976-1977, Vol. 3, pp. 153-154, hadith 269;
        Muslim ibn al-Hajjâj, al-Sahîh, Kitâb al-ridâ‘, bâb al-walad li-al-firâsh wa-tawaqqî al-shubuhât; in English:
        Muslim, Sahih Muslim, translated by Abdul Hamid Siddiqi, Lahore: Shaykh Muhammad Ashraf, 1391-
        1394/1971-1974, Vol. 2, pp. 744-745, hadiths 3435-3438.

        (7) Sahnûn ibn Sa‘îd al-Tanûkhî, al-Mudawwanah al-kubrâ, Beirut: Dâr al-Kutub al-‘Ilmiyyah, 1415/1994, Vol. 2, p. 551.

        (8) Ahmad ibn Hanbal, al-Musnad, edited by Sidqî Muhammad Jamîl al-‘Attâr, Beirut: Dâr al-Fikr, 1414/1994, Vol. 2, p. 255, hadith 4795=CD ROM Jâmi‘ al-fiqh al-islâmî, Harf Co., Musnad Ibn Hanbal, hadith 4564.

        • I am confused by your post. How is there a such thing as common law marriage in Islam? My research suggests that dating and premarital sex are forbidden. Is this wrong? I am aware of temporary marriage which some say is forbidden and others do not. Are you equating nikah mutah with common law marriage? In U.S. law as far as I know it is a state in which a couple cohabitates for a certain amount of time. This time of several years determined by individual U.S. states with no marriage contract between them. Common law marriage essentially exists as a means to determine custody of children and assets accumulated during the course of long term cohabition when issues are in dispute in the event that the relationship dissolves. Nikah mutah is a marriage contract with certain conditions agreed upon by the the parties (the intended couple and sometimes parents/guardians) involved. A dowry is given and specific words are recited. These temporary marriages may or may not include sexual contact, some are arranged in anticipation of permanent marriage but my research suggests that this practice for a good number of Muslims is a means to engage in premarital sex. At any case temporary marriages have defined rules, end at an agreed upon time and would seem to have very little dispute in the end. Men who have children in these marriages are obligated to them. My research suggests that temporary marriage and common law marriage are not the same. Muslims are expected to obey the laws of the land they are in, unless the law/s conflict with Islam causing them to commit a sin. Do I have this wrong?

    • What you said and explained were explicitly expressed in true and honest opinion. I love every details of what you tell and it ease my guilt in someway or the other. Same like my story, i was enlightened for this fruitful message. Anyways, i always believe in Allah and his judgment not only to me but for all. Let his will be done on my Ex for not acknowledging our daughter and turn his back on her. i just wished that ALLAH bless him and his family amidst of what he did to us. I hope that in due time, this secret of him will be revealed in ALLAH's will and plan. ALLAHU AKBAR.

    • What you said and explained were explicitly expressed in true and honest opinion. I love every details of what you tell and it ease my guilt in someway or the other. Same like my story, i was enlightened for this fruitful message. Anyways, i always believe in Allah and his judgment not only to me but for all. Let his will be done on my Ex for not acknowledging our daughter and turn his back on her. i just wished that ALLAH bless him and his family amidst of what he did to us. I hope that in due time, this secret of him will be revealed in ALLAH's will and plan. ALLAHU AKBAR.

  9. Ali,

    Your post weighs on my heart. I offered dua for you and your child.

    Like you mentioned, repent. Be righteous. Stand with this child. Teach him, by example, and by the Qur'an

    Allah says: “Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” [Sûrah al-Furqân: 70]

    This child can become a good thing in your life, inshallah, the best thing in your life.

    ~Your Brother

  10. Asalamualaikum warahmatullah. The islam ruling is that u dont have any right on the child and vice vasa. He does not have the right to inherit from u cos he is a b*****. In essence u've lost him. Seek opinion of scholars on this

  11. I am also a b*****d, the best thing u can do for her is to seek knowledge about this. If u believe u are still her father, meaning u are her waliy i.e u can give her out in marriage which u are not. This lead to an invalid marriage and more b*****ds

    • Basheerah,

      Is it necessary for you to use such foul language? I am sure you can find a more eloquent manner in which to express yourself as I don't have time to keep replacing your blunders with little stars.

      SisterZ Editor

    • OH MY GOD!!! How a proper manner to refer to a kid that is sinless and has nothing to do with his or her parents mistakes... I think the one who has to seek opinions of scholars is you to don't offend people and talk in a better way. If Ali is asking for advice is because he want to do the right things beside committing more sins.

      May God bless you and grant you with wisdom Basheerah.

  12. May Allah guide you.

    Also May Allah guide the person who thinks that this child has no privilege. You must not be in the USA, but also this child has rights to him through Islam. Read what sister Maria has wrote.
    The father in essence is the role model of the child and has been given the pedestal of leadership in the home: ‘The man (father/husband) is the keeper and leader of his family’. (Mishkãt).

  13. Salaam

    This happens so often...i am living a simlar bf left me wen our daughter was born she is almost four mashaAllah.... Bt hurts me knowing she will never get to see her real father more so her real grandparents....who knows how much longer they will be around.....

    He walked away and re married....bro dnt do the same face ur respobsibility and be a man...


  14. Salam Sister Hinaz

    It seems that Allah has brought many men to this world to teach us women just how strong we are and can be. These men whom make us cry and feel down towards ourselves are the tests from Allah. We will pass. We are strong.... There is not one man on this earth that can take away what Allah has in store for us.
    Our children are our blessings... Not men's. We give them life from our life. It maybe sad that the child doesn't know the father or grandparents, but would you really want your baby to know someone who has a heart that cold? Who will leave at any time....
    I wish you all the best. May Allah give you many blessings in this life

    Allah Hafiz

    • Salaam sis Ameena...

      ...No i wouldnt. ..Its exactly that thought that helps me get through each day...knowing that my daughter deserves better.......its hard bt....she is a blessing...if i didnt have her it would have been so much harder....

      X ws

      • Wa Salaam sister...

        We are spending a similar situation and as you i feel so alone plus my son and i live alone far away from my family. His dad is planning to go to Saudi Arabia where he come from, and absolutely he just doesn't care about him. One thing i've learn is that people always gonna make comments about your situation, some would be kind, others not that good, and others just to judge you but at the end just you know exactly what had happened, so i usually ignore the negative comments. Also many women in our situation used to talk negatively about the dad's but they forget what once he means to her once, so i also decided to keep the good moment and pray to God to forge him.

        Until this day the dad of my son has gave me a very harsh time, because he is not with us but he still bugging us, so at the end i don't know what he wants. For me is very hard because i was loving him more than he deserves but at the end he gave me the biggest blessing of my life.

        Hope you and your daughter all the best in this world, and even if you are spending a harsh time now won't last for ever 🙂

    • we're all int he same boat... I want to be angry with my daughter's saudi father but i would be a waste of time and emotion (for all i know he is living a good life) and i don't want my daughter to have a miserable life... financial support is nt an issue here... its the recognition and love that's what we're after... I guess SAudi doesn't value priceless things... I'm still hurting now because I still love him very much... guess, love is not part of their life...

      to those women who we're abandoned... lets make life worth living.. they may left us but the also left a blessing ang priceless gifts to us that we should be grateful for.. GOd bless to us!!! Raise ur lil saudis welll in the future they will be better people..

      • I can't believe how many girls in the same situation I always knew he will go back and I was taking care of not to get pregnant but after almost 4 years together I never though. This will happen and how he will change with me he said that he loves me but he doesn't want to met the baby ... Wth !

      • hi!!!

        surely we did the best thing.... raising our own BLESSINGS without begging for their father's care & attention or anything sort of because a person who is RESPONSIBLE enough must know the meaning of RESPONSIBILITY, right? 🙂 I am also in the same situation but never regret anything till this day because everything happens for a reason, in ALLAH's time & will 🙂 my daughter is now 3-yrs old, i got pregnant in KSA and deliver her in the PHILIPPINES and by the way his father is a PAKISTANI 🙂 anyways, i choose not to bother nor disturb him simply because I LOVE HIM..... yes i do love him until this very moment and loving him means LETTING GO, ACCEPTING and want his ultimate HAPPINESS whatever the consequences it undertakes 🙂 Like everyone always says, ALLAH (swt) is being the Supreme Judge over you, so let ALLAH deals with them and may his mercy be upon them.

        Be happy and glad for our own children are the greatest gift we have more than their fathers 🙂

  15. All humans are born muslim. Thus you will here that people say I 'reverted' to islam, not 'converted'. You're man enough to get her pregnant, than you should be man enough to back her up through this. Be a man, be a muslim and support the little muslim coming into this world. How would you feel if someone called your own blood a b***stard? People in posts above are already using the B word for it.

  16. What does islam say about this? people are just answerin what they think is right. According to islam the child belongs to the mother if born outside marriage right?

  17. That is right, sort of. The mother has the first rights on the children. It does not say that the child is only the mother's responsibility, married or not. It states that the father is responsible for having guidance to Allah as well as the mother. The child has rights to your wealth in Islam. When quoted "The father is the keeper of his family", it does not specifically rule out children out of wedlock. Which means any family born of your seed.

  18. Shocked to see u after having fun with a lady trying to run away from the responsibility, you should ask your self (Ali) if same happens to your sister how would u act to him? Fear God and act as a man with this innocent lady by marrying her and taking care of your kid.

  19. Assalmualaikum to all,
    i think i am the biggest sinner here i made a non_muslim girl pregnant i ddnt want to be with her because of her past was much worse.i always ask Allah for his forgiveness.i married my girl both islamically and english as well she was four months pregnant when i married islamically to her.i should have done it well before that but nobody guided me of it.we are living together now baby is 1 years old actually i had to do this because of my situation and she told me before docs said to her that she will neverever be pregnant but as soon as she got with me she got pregnant then i married to her to keep her away from other sins and from her past.can somebody give me an advice if i had done it right or wrong please please do make dua for me and my family.

    • Ali, of course you committed the sin of zinaa. However, Alhamdulillah that you have now married the girl properly and are living as a family. A child is a blessing. Ask Allah's forgiveness for your past sins, and try to set a good example for your family. Be faithful and kind, and thank Allah for all his blessings.

      Wael Editor

  20. salam,
    if she is a christian then you can marry her. if she is not a muslim then try to do dawah to her and try to convince her about islam [she should accept islam for the sake of Allah not you]. by making a non-muslim pregnant and then not marrying her in a way you are protraying a bad image of islam.
    And Allah knows best.


  22. I am a christian girl, in this very situation. I found out a week ago and this is my first child. I had so much respect for muslim people when so many other christians did not. I even considered converting. The child was a mistake. people make mistakes and they deserve to be forgiven but now i am left to raise a child on my own. The father is a man of high stature and great wealth who insists upon abortion. Given i am religious in my own right i do not believe in aborting a pure soul something to be considerd a gift from god. The Man tells me that he cannot accept responsibility as he will be disowned by his family. I am weakend by the dispointment and hurt in this regard feeling that i cannot carry or love this baby which is so unfair. It does not matter which religion you belong to or who you are. These men disgust me. I dont know how you can want nothing to do with your own flesh and blood.

  23. Is it permissible in Islam to tell the kids who are under 18 about their mom pregnancy ?

    • Anumdaud, Please do not use your email address as your username (I changed it for you). And yes, it is permitted to tell them.

      Wael Editor

  24. Hi I have had a child with a Muslim man he says because we aren't married he doesn't have to pay and he won't see his child is this what Islam says? I'm really confused I find it hard to believe

    • It's true that Islam does not place an obligation on the man in the case of a child out of wedlock, unless he admits paternity, or paternity is otherwise established. See if you can get a paternity test to prove the child is his. Then take him to court or whatever you need to do to make him pay his share.

      Wael Editor

  25. I am an adult woman now but born out of wedlock to an Arab Muslim man that came to see me 1 time when I was 4 and abandoned me. I will tell you first hand the devastation this causing to children. I've searched for my father most of my adult life and realize now that I must accept that he did not nor does he want to be found. No blessing comes from God when you men and women decide to have pre-material sex, create children and abandon them.

  26. hi!!!

    surely we did the best thing.... raising our own BLESSINGS without begging for their father's care & attention or anything sort of because a person who is RESPONSIBLE enough must know the meaning of RESPONSIBILITY, right? I am also in the same situation but never regret anything till this day because everything happens for a reason, in ALLAH's time & will my daughter is now 3-yrs old, i got pregnant in KSA and deliver her in the PHILIPPINES and by the way his father is a PAKISTANI anyways, i choose not to bother nor disturb him simply because I LOVE HIM..... yes i do love him until this very moment and loving him means LETTING GO, ACCEPTING and want his ultimate HAPPINESS whatever the consequences it undertakes Like everyone always says, ALLAH (swt) is being the Supreme Judge over you, so let ALLAH deals with them and may his mercy be upon them.

    Be happy and glad for our own children are the greatest gift we have more than their fathers


    my daughter turns 5-yrs old last Oct. 10 and Alhamdulillah she became a well grown child. Beautifully and adorable princess in our family and all who knew her. I must say, ALLAH never forsake nor abandon me during my battle because up to now HE still blessing me with peace, love and happiness. BTW His father married his own cast via arranged marriage in accordance to their tradition last year and have his own family now and also been blessed with 1-daughter, Mashallah 🙂 I am happy for him and wish him luck in future.

    For whatever happens in our life, trusts that ALLAH will always be there guiding us, helping us to be a better person. Sure, my daughter will need a father sooner or later but never will I beg nor plead his FATHER to be a FATHER to her because I believe that Responsibility comes within ourselves through our conscience and it is up to us to do the action. It should not be asks nor to be beg for, not even a compulsory thing to follow. It must be a will to perform with all hearts and mind and nobody should tell you to be one. For my daughter luck to see his father in person, I lift it up to ALLAH to make this happen. He has a better plan and i know it will be for the good of all.

    I am proud to be a single mom of my two lovely children, whom i raised by my OWN sweat and blood, who never seek help physically, financially & emotionally from their biological fathers, come what may.


  27. I am only using this space to seek advice . I am married to a non Muslim man . He says he will convert if absolutely necessary but I feel it bothers him plus it would only be to please me and have legal status in my country -he’s an American citizen.
    I am very confused .
    First I cannot understand this discrimination in Islam in this matter between men and women , i even wonder if the scholars or whoever say it are right. I think Allah commanded to both Muslim men AND women, to marry Muslim partners .
    But life is life and we are not all perfect and sometimes your upbringing wasn’t necessarily focused on literal Islamic values ...
    I grew up in a family where we were taught strong moral principles and compassion alhamdullah, but where freedom of choice was also valued and my parents especially my father, rahimahou Allah swt, encouraged critical thinking and individual freedom . May he Rest In Peace . Plus ...we are adults now .
    So back to my subject: isn’t it said ‘la ikraha fi din?”

    If a partner converts under pressure how is this conversion valid ?
    Why cannot I just be married with my husband and maybe try to guide him slowly to Islam ? With time and praying to Allah subhanah?
    Isn’t it a more appropriate solution than ending a marriage ?
    I am lost .
    Thank you
    And also ...we want to try for children inchaallah and ...
    How is his ‘formal’ conversion valid ?
    I am not convinced by this ‘social ‘ conversion .
    There will be a paper saying he has converted to Islam but what’s the point ???
    Thank you for your help .

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