Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am pregnant and he married other one

Teenage girl carrying a heavy heart, big heart

I am a non muslim woman had a relation with a muslim guy few years back. At the start of our relation, we are so happy and marriage is only what we need. I have also considered converting though I´m taking my time to do it since both of us know that converting must come from my free will and not because of some pressures from our relation.

I have also learned about his arranged marriage and how his family is not accepting me. He assured me that he won't be marrying his cousin and he will fight for me. He even told me that he will marry me and he will stand up for our relation.

Last year, I got pregnant and he reassured me that he will be with me and support me. I have no choice but to went back to my home country and continue my pregnancy there. During those times, I was very sad cause I was far from him but all promises died and he told me that he is already married.


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2 Responses »

  1. Peace be upon you sister zarah.

    I am sorry to hear about what he did to you. This is unfortunately so common due to cultural pressure and what my mother calls 'courage of conviction.' Meaning he should have had the courage to stand up to it. However, would you want to marry someone who can't stand up to their family. - it would most likely have ended in marriage problems and difficulties. Of course I am not justifying his pre-marital relationship but where is the courage?

    As for your situation - I believe you deserve much better than a man who does not stick to his promises. So give yourself time and God willing you will heal. He is married now so keep him out of your life no matter what he tries to tell you. Cut off all contact with him. Remember that God never closes a door without opening a window. He never places a trial on us without throwing a rope to help us out. It is up to us if we choose to take this rope or not my dear sister. So turn to Him and ask Him to guide you through.

    One beautiful thing will InshaAllah (God willing) come out of this - your baby. Take care of him/her, nourish him/her and love him/her. Let your child be a source of comfort for you. Try to raise your child in the best way possible.

    This brings me to something else sister. Converting to Islam. I urge you not to let this experience with this man put you off Islam. He has let you down in a big way - but Islam has not let you down. First of all pre-marital relationships are wrong in Islam. As you were not Muslim - these rules did not apply to you - but they did to him. Secondly a Muslim should always keep their word. So please do not let this guys mistakes put you off. Slowly continue learning about it at your own pace. Open your heart and InshaAllah you will find peace and contentment.

    The reality is my dear sister is we cant fully 100% rely on anyone. People will let us down - sometimes a bit, sometimes they will let us down in a big way. We are all human - the only One we can truly rely on is Allah, God. He will never let us down, nor break promises and He gives us what He knows is best for us. Sorry I had mindblock - if you need me to explain anything please write and let me know.

    I pray that God eases your pain and blesses you with Islam and a beautiful, healthy, pious child.

    Sara Editor

  2. Assalamu alaykum Zarah,

    I would say "shame" on such guys.

    Sister, Islam lays down some guidelines for our life and one of which is no intimacy with a woman without marriage. When we dare to cross the limits, we should also be ready to face the consequences of our wrong actions.

    A Muslim is one who submits his will to Allah, God. What He commands in the Qur'an to do, he does it, what He asks to abstain from, he abstains from it. He does not transgress. If he sins, he turns quickly in repentance. If he thinks he did wrong, he immediately tries to repair the damage. When he makes a promise, he fulfils it, he helps those who ask for help. Such is a Muslim.

    I don't know on what grounds we call someone "Muslim". Yes may be just by name.

    Anyways, what has happened cannot reversed and changed. We have to move on from here on.

    Raise up the baby, take up the Qur'an, Insha Allah, you will find in it healing for your heart and will see the truth of life. If you believe, accept it and become a Muslima.

    It is for your good life. We have no choice. We live and have to die and then one day, on the Day of Judgment questioned by God. We have to return to Him, we have no choice Zarah.

    So if you turn to your God, your creator, He will protect you and on the Day of Judgment bring you in to Gardens of Jannat, where all believers will live. May Allah grant us Jannat, we look upto Him alone Zarah.

    If you do not turn to God ever in life, and death takes you in disbelief, then on the Day of Judgment you will have no helper, and forced to enter the Fire of Hell. May Allah save us, we seek His refuge Zarah.

    This is a clear Message for mankind. So let whosoever wills to choose a way to his God and he will not unless Allah wills so.

    So keep your heart pure and open to truth, Allah will Insha Allah, open your chest to the truth and make you a believer and will open gates of mercy for you, where in insha Allah you will have a good life, pleasing to him, husband, kids, home and peace and in the life after the Day of Judgment, eternal peace of Gardens of Jannat where you are united with your family, if they are believers and all live in eternal happiness and peace.

    May Allah help you.

    Your brother.

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