I’m pregnant and I’m want to marry my Muslim boyfriend
Rasool(sws) said: 'Marriage without Wali is invalid, invalid, invalid!'
Asalaam alaikum,
I am a convert and I am pregnant with my first child which is with my Muslim boyfriend. I am needing advice on my situation as I no longer want to live a haram life and do the right thing.
I have just found out he was forced into an arranged marriage by his parents when he went on holiday to Pakistan he is very unhappy at home at the moment and tells me he wants to marry me and divorce his wife because he wants his future with me which I want as well as what we are doing now is haraam and I am desperate to live akhalil life. I know his parents would not approve of me because I am from the UK and it is not what they have wanted for there son.
We have arranged to get married in June with nobody knowing as he is so scared he will lose his parents which I understand.
I have a question I desperately need answering I have found an imam that will marry us but I need to know if I need to declare he is already married even though he will be getting a divorce this year as when we told the first imam he did not want to marry us.
I have been with my Muslim boyfriend for 7 years now and desperately want to make this halal.
Please can someone give me advise.
-muslimconvert11
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My Sister,
Welcome to the spiritual path of enlightenment and submission to Allah.
I hate to ask this question, but when did you revert to Islam, and why? You need to be clear of your reasons for reversion. You and your boyfriend (you know there is no such think in Islam) have made many mistakes. I am not here to rehash all of these errors, but remember you will have to answer to Allah for them. If you reverted because you truly believe that no other is worthy of worship other that Allah, with no partners, and that Mohammed is his slave and last messenger, then you need to begin your halaal path backed up with actions immediately! That means no contact with a this man in any haraam manner. You must have a wali or Imam from your masjid with you at all meetings or discussions or phone calls with him. Get advice from the Imam on how to proceed in the proper manner.
You mentioned that he is very unhappy at home. That is really not for you to say. Please consider the possibility that he may be happy at home and maybe he has not been completely honest with you, and he obviously has not been honest with his family. And if he married a pious Muslim woman and is now ready to divorce her for you, what makes you so sure he will not tire of you and move on in a few years? I'm sorry to ask such pointed questions, but you need to consider them.
And most importantly, pray to Allah, and plead for wisdom and guidance. Look for the answers within. Also, Allah wants you to be intelligent and utilize the Qu'ran and the records of the actions of the Profit to guide you. That's why he gave them to us, for guidance.
My sister, you must live with the actions you have taken so far. Make your future actions halaal, and you will not regret it. If you make your future actions haraam, there is no doubt you will regret it.
- Your Brother
Dearest Sister,
Welcome to Islam dear Sister, I too am a revert for almost 8 years too alhmadulillah. I reverted three years before I met my former husband, and we married in the masjied and according to civil law too. He decided to keep this marriage a secret from his parents.. Dearest Sister, do not follow this path, I am here to tell you that nothing good can ever come from a secret marriage. He may promise you that he will eventually tell his family about you , but chances are if he hasn't yet, then he will not. I too, was a 'foreigner' i am a North American Caucasian and my ex husband from Algeria. His denying the announcement of our marriage to his family and keeping me a secret has caused me such grief....that along with many other problems caused me to ask him to finally leave and it has been a year now. The marriage of two people should be a joyous event and should never be kept a secret.
Sister please think hard and long about this. I know that in my country, an Imam in a masjied has the authority to marry the couple by the state as well and if one party is divorced they must produce the divorce certificate before the marriage can take place.
My ex was living a double life all these years, and the dealbreaker was that he refused to tell his family about me and also refused to divorce me...but his absense for over a year and lack of communication, support and all my rights afforded me an annulment. I hope sincerely dear Sister that you will not have to follow down my path ~ it can be very discouraging for us reverts to meet and marry a foreign man and then be in for a big surprise when it comes to dealing with his family. I will keep you in my prayers, inshaallah.
AS Sisters I just wanted to step in and say there is NO such thing as a 'secret marriage' in Islam. Stop thinking there is. The sunna(AT LEAST, considered fard according to many scholars) of walima is a public announcement of your marriage. Why women would agree to this kind of arrangement is crazy. I see so many women willingly and forgetfully giving up the rights of their marriage in Islam without knowing it.