Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pregnant out of wedlock by Muslim man

Pregnant woman depressed

Good day,

I am a Canadian Woman who is not Muslim but in a relationship with a Muslim man and I am 22 weeks pregnant with his child. My situation is very sensitive and I'm not entirely sure on what to do. I'm so lost and confused. I will start by giving some background information and then relate to you my story. (I apologize if I am giving you much to read, I just believe its better to be completely honest and open in order to receive the best advice possible).

In 2010 I started an online relationship with a Muslim man who lives in another country. In 2011 I traveled there for the first time and met him. I stayed in his parent's home with him and we did share private room and the same bed. I stayed for 1 month. In 2012 I went back and married him. From 2012 after the marriage until 2014 I have gone back to his country a total of 6 times. During the years before marriage and even after, I supported both him and his family financially. I would send thousands of dollars each month and even buy expensive gifts such as computers, phones ect... I paid for our whole wedding and everything else. He never worked a day we were together. In May of 2014 I received word from his father that my husband was arrested for narcotics (hash) and was sentenced to 1 year in prison. The minute I found out the news I packed my bags and went there. I again lived with his parents.  During the period I lived with his parents and family (parents + 4 brothers) I was beaten by his family (mother, father and brothers), I was confined to their home unable to leave unless it was to go on my weekly visit to see my husband in jail, I was made into their housekeeper and caretaker of my brother-in-law's 1 year old child whom his wife left there for his mother to raise when she returned back to Belgium with him. I had little money to my name when I went there. A total of $500 canadian for which they didn't care. I was made to be their caretakers as well. Money was being stolen from me, personal belongings were being stolen and sold for money as well. I was threatened that if I did not give money when asked that they would tell my husband that I was being beligerent, rude, unhelpful, even violent and out of control to his family and that they would pressure him into divorcing me. (These were threats from his mother and his father towards me.)

His parents portrayed themselves as being upstanding model Islamic citizens. Praying 5 times a day, going to the Mosque, wearing Hijab and modest clothing but behind closed doors they were completely the opposite and it was a horrible nightmare to live!!! I did not tell my family back in Canada what I was experiencing because I was living through it for my husband. While my husband was in prison, I would sneak letters to him through his clothing that the guards never found explaining some, but not all of the ill-treatment I was experiencing. I thought that when my Husband was released from prison, I would finally be protected and all this mal-treatment towards me would stop. Well, it didn't.

7 months into his sentence, he was released for good behavior on a conditional sentence and remain on good behavior on the outside for the additional 5 months remaining.

When he was released things were good (so I thought). His family and I were so happy to have him home. However, 3 days after his release, he told me that his parents were kicking us both out of the house and that we had to find somewhere to go. I had only $100 to my name and he had nothing. I ended up packing 1/2 of my belongings on the promise from him that we would come back later that day to pick up the rest and we went to the Canadian Embassy so I could ask for assistance in order to find us a place to stay. Upon our arrival at the Embassy, that's when he told me he was leaving me. He told me he was getting a divorce and did not want me anymore. He explained that his parents told him exactly what they had threatened to tell him about me which were nothing but lies!!!

His mother told him I was completely out of control, that I beat her, I beat his father and I even on occassions hit and slapped his brother's baby!!! They had even said I was very rude and I even hit his handicapped brother who was in a wheelchair!!! They told him I was gone from the house all the time not obeying their rules of staying inside, that I never helped them with money or even to clean the house. That I was always in my room and hardly ever came out and the only time they saw me was when I had to use the washroom and on visiting days to go see him in the prison. I was appalled by what they had told them and he was believing every single thing even after I showed him all the pictures and videos I took of myself after the beatings they gave me when my body was bloody and bruised as proof of their lies and deceit!!!

Needless to say he abandonned me at the Canadian Embassy in his country with no money and no place to go. The Canadian Embassy could not help me, they couldn't even help me return to Canada and I was completely 100% on my own.  I never got the other half of my belongings from my husband's home, as his mother kept most of my things, gave some away to the neighbours and threw the rest out in the garbage. I had no idea what to do so I called a friend of mine who lived in a city 4 hours away from where I was. I had known her for about 1 year prior (we met on the plane the last time I was flying home) and we exchanged phone numbers and facebooks. She was not in a place to come for me, but her brother was working in the same city I was in so she called him and asked him to take me to a hotel, pay for it and that she would send someone the next day to get me and bring me to her city and to stay in her home until I found a way back to Canada.

I spent the night in a hotel. Her oldest brother came for me and we travelled back to their home together where I ended up staying for a total of 4 1/2 months. During this time, I had minimal contact with my husband other than facebook messages here and there, a couple of phone calls, and skype calls. He told me that he filed for divorce and that the divorce was in the stages of completion and he would inform me of when that would be and I began becoming closer to her oldest brother (the one who came to get me and bring me back to their house). We were friends, he would bring me out to coffee shops ect and spend alot of time with me. I wasn't ready for a relationship as I was still married and hurting very badly in regards to what happened. About 2 months later I received a message on facebook from my husband saying that the divorce was finalized and that he was free of me and I was free of him.  Since they day I had received that message, all contact between me and my now percieved Ex-Husband stopped. The phone calls ended, the facebook messages ended, the skype calls ended, just everything ended. There was absolutely 0 contact between the two of us.

After he told me my divorce from him was finalized, and when all contact between us ended, I did accept that it was over for us and accepted the divorce but not before I went into a tail spin of different emotions. I didn't know what to do with myself.  I became very isolated during which time my friend's the eldest brother became my shoulder to cry on and we just ended up becoming closer and closer until one day he told me that he was falling in love with me. I was scared but I was having feelings for him too.

The whole family could see the connection forming between him and I and were overjoyed. When the family moved into their new home, I had to share a room with him (but seperate beds). During that time, he devulged many secrets to me as I did to him. We talked endlessly about anything and everything until one night, him and I decided to watch a movie together and that was the first time we had sex. (He was not a virgin). Since that night, we started a relationship together. He told me numerous times how much he wanted to have a child with me. I was on medication at the time for a medical condition I had, and was told by numerous doctors that I was unable to have children because of it. Needless to say, this man brought me to numerous doctors and specialists in his country who preformed tests on me and they all had the same conclusion that all tests were negative for this condition and that I could stop taking the medication I had been perscribed. So I did. During my stay in his new home and our shared bedroom, he would then come and "sleep with me" in my bed after his family was asleep but then go to his bed so when his family woke up they would not find us sleeping together but sleeping in separate beds.

I relied on him for financial support, but my mother also helped me by sending money every now and again. I took 1 pregnancy test and it came back negative. Then one month I was 6 days late. I took another one and it came back positive. When he asked me what the result was, I asked him what he would do if I was pregnant. He told me that he would be overjoyed and happy. When I told him I was indeed pregnant, he completely changed. He ended up getting worried and then started to drift away from me. He never told his parents or his family about my pregnancy but he did tell his friends and everytime he spoke to his friends about it he looked to be sooooo happy.

During the first months of my pregnancy I was still in his country. We travelled together and he even brought me to his friend's apartment where we stayed for my last 3 weeks in his country before I was going to return back to Canada at which time he beat me, and kicked me out of their apartment all because I wanted to go see a doctor and he was claiming that funds were low and we couldn't afford it but he was going out for coffee everyday at expensive restaurants and eating out while I stayed alone and he was also buying alcohol for him and his friends to drink. (This was my money he had. (The little that was left after my mom had sent me some before going to his friends apartment 3 weeks prior). The day he kicked me out, his friends went looking for me and ended up bringing me back to their apartment after finding me walking the streets in a city I was not very familiar with, with my luggage and with deep bloody scratches on my face.

A few days after that, I was able to find the money with help from my family to go back to Canada. (They had no idea what happened or that I was pregnant yet). We ended up staying in the apartment together until I went home.  We ended up going back to the city where he originally picked me up in. (It was the capitol of the country where the airport is located and is also a 20 minute drive from where my ex-husband lived). This was the last night for me to be with him before I took my plane back to Canada.

Being it the last night together, my boyfriend called his friend to come out for coffee with us. We were going to a place I had never been before. So as we were walking in the street to go for a coffee, my ex, one of his brothers and a friend of his turned the corner at the exact same moment. This was the first time I had seen my ex face to face since he abandonned me at the Embassy and the first time I had spoken to him since he told me that our divorce was finalized.

My ex-husband, his brother and his friend caused a big scene on the street which caused everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at us and my ex husband was telling my now boyfriend that I was still his wife and that he was taking me with him. My boyfriend would not allow it. He would not allow him to take me anywhere as he had already made a declaration for me with the National Guard stating that he was responsible for me and my well-being since the day he picked me up to bring me back to his parents home. (Which I had no idea he did. He had to do it because his sister could not). So, There was almost a huge fist fight on the street between the four of them. I didn't know what was going on, because they were speaking in arabic and so fast that I could only understand parts of what they were saying.

My ex husband's brother said he was calling the police but he was lying. He was talking on the phone but there was no one on the other end of the line. My now boyfriend was trying to call but he could not get through. So we ended up all walking to where we saw police patrolling the street and as we were walking my ex husband slapped me in the face. No one saw it (of course) but when we got to the police we stopped them and talked to them.

They brought us all to the police station where we all gave our statements and at which time my (presumed ex husband) told the police that we were not even divorced and that I was still legally his wife!!! He told the police that the divorce was still in court and was not finalized yet. I was in shock and disbelief. I never mentioned anything to anyone about the pregnancy so no one knew I kept that fact a secret because in that country I would have been put in jail and so would my boyfriend. I had no idea I was still married to this guy!!! He lied to me. If I would have known I was still legally married, I never would have started a relationship, let alone slept with another man!!!!

I ended up speaking to 5 different policemen. The last one that came in, spoke english so I was able to speak with him freely and openly. (The others I had to speak in French and were very rude and beligerent to me and would not even listen to a word I had to say. They just automatically took the side of my presumed ex husband).

Anyway, that night the truth came out about my divorce. I was still in fact married a fact that no one knew about, not even myself except for my husband and his family!!! I explained everything to the police officer who actually gave me a chance to talk about my situation and what happened, and he let all of us go but he let my husband go on specific warnings and conditions that he was not to talk to me, look at me or even come near me.

That night, my boyfriend and I went back to the hotel with an escort from the Canadian Embassy and took my belongings to the airport where I stayed for our last night together awaiting my plane to take me back to Canada.

I have been back in Canada now for 3 months. During which time I still remained in my relationship with my boyfriend. We talk on skype and on facebook but almost everytime we do talk, he starts problems with me and leaves me alone. There are times he just disappears for days at a time without even talking to me or even asking how his baby is doing and I have no idea where he is.

Everyday he wakes up in the morning, is gone all day and does not even talk to me at all. He spends all of his time with his friends and even at night. I am the one who is waiting until 3am for him to come back home and connect with me to spend some time with him. We spend 1 hour max together and sometimes less because he ends up falling alseep on me while we are talking on cam!!!  Some days he doesn't even come at all with no explanations and the days he disappears, I still wait for him even though I know it's a lost cause because I know he won't come. It hurts so much because his friends always come before me and his child. He's amost 26 years old and he's a man who knows right from wrong. When I try to speak to him about how I feel he gets so angry and upset and starts throwing around insults at me and blames me for everything. He says all I have are negative thoughts about him which isn't true. I just don't agree with his friends coming first above me and his child.

I have recently found out as well that he has also been in contact with my presumed ex-husband via facebook and telephone. I have no idea what is being said or what they talk about but I'm sure that he is filling my now boyfriend's head with alot of lies and horrible things about me!!! Why he would even want to be in contact with him is beyond my understanding!

I am having a high risk pregnancy which has not enabled me to work or to even do much of anything. My mother with whom I reside with is ill and I am the one who is in charge of all household work and taking care of her and myself and my baby as well. There is no one else but me and her who live here. He knows I must keep my stress to the absolute minimum but he just keeps adding more and more and more everytime i talk to him and when he disappears that just causes more too. I lose my appetite and I can't sleep at night. I eat just for the baby, and I sleep as much as I can for my child as well. I'm doing the best the I can.

He works, but has not sent me a dime to help me. I have no job and no money and since I have been out of the country I cannot get help from the government until the end of next month. One time he told me he would send me $650. I waited but then he disappeared and after 3 days of being gone he told me he gave $400 to his friend and the rest he spent travelling to a different city to "break his routine" of daily life. I have also been in and out of the hospital with bleeding and cramping. The doctor was afraid that I am having a late miscarriage. All of the times I was in the hospital I tried calling him, my family has tried and even my friends have tried but he refused to answer the phone. My family and friends even sent him facebook messages and he read them but no replies. They also sent him their phone numbers as well but he never called. When confronted with that, he told me the reason why he didn't want to answer was because he didn't want me to know where he was and who he was with because he knew I would be angry and in turn I would MAKE HIM angry as well as I ALWAYS seem to do to him!!! :/

Almost everytime we speak now, he starts insulting me calling me stupid, saying I am sick in the head, telling me I am crazy and other horrible things. He even had the nerve to tell me that he wishes I have a miscarriage and the baby dies. After that, he saw me have a complete breakdown to the point I couldn't breathe and I vomitted on my bedroom floor infront of him on camera via Skype because of the stress his persistance ill-treatment has given me, then I started to bleed and had to leave him to go to the hospital where I had to have an emergency ultrasound. He told me he would wait for me to come back and when I did, he wasn't around. He didn't wait for me to come back and hasn't spoken or seen me since until two nights ago when he found out from his friend that I was again in the hospital.

When we began talking, everything was fine. Then he started asking me for my facebook password. He said he wanted to see what his friend and I were talking about. I told him I was doing nothing wrong and asked him why he wanted it. He began again yelling at me and getting very angry. Accusing me of hiding things. I told him that I had just been released from the hospital, I was still in alot of pain and I was talking to him because I needed him to be there for me and his baby. I told him to let the subject of facebook go because facebook is not important. He was ignoring everything i was saying and kept copying and pasting his message about giving him my facebook. When I told him no, he then proceeded to turn off the cam in my face, insult me and tell me to keep my facebook and that he was never going to talk to me again.

I asked him why facebook was so important. Why was he putting facebook before me and his child, our well-being and our health. He never answered. I told him we didn't need this added stress and that's when he said he didn't care and went offline. That was 2 days ago and yesterday I had my doctor's appointment, during which my blood pressure was high, and was determined by the baby's heartbeat which was 10 beats above her normal heart beat that she was stressed too. I came home, wrote him a  message on facebook trying to reach out to him to tell him what happened at teh doctor's 4 hours later, his reply was, "Keep living with your facebook, it will do good for you and her." and that was it. I haven't heard from him again since.

Also, during this past week, I came across one of his old girlfriend's comments on one of his pictures on his facebook. I was curious so I clicked on her name to go to her profile. When I was there, I found that he had another facebook and he was her only friend. I wrote a message to that facebook and so did my friend who he speaks to all the time he read her message but ignored mine and never replied.

When she confronted him on my behalf he said Wallah Wallah Wallah that it was not his facebook even though it was his name on the link and his name on the facebook itself. He told my friend wallah wallah wallah that I was the only woman in his life and that he loves me and his unborn child.

Right after that (about 30 minutes) he disappeared for a while from facebook and when he came back and started talking talking to her again, she did a search and found that she could not find the other facebook anymore. When she told me it was gone and I searched for it, I couldn't find it either. She then used her brother's facebook to search it and found it, but the name on the facebook had been changed but the name on the link to it was still in his name. That confirmed that she was blocked from finding it and so was I. She also found that the other gilfriend was deleted and one of his friends but left one friend on there.

I have found 6 different skype accounts with his name, phone number and profile picture. 2 of the accounts were in the name of that married woman he said was his ex. He denies them all but I had taken photographs of them as proof to prove to him that they were indeed his.

To this day he still claims it wasn't his and still says Wallah that none of the skypes and facebooks are his. It just sounds and looks too suspicious. He started insulting me to her saying the same horrible things he has said to me. But not once did he say to her that he wishes I had a miscarriage like he said to me.

She tried to speak to him and to tell him that he has a responsibility to keep me and his child safe from danger and what he is doing to us is not protecting us, that he is putting us in harm's way. He would not listen to her.

So she told him that if he wanted to be with this other girl then just to leave me and his child alone because he has not given us help and he just continues to abandon us and treat us badly. He turned the tables on me as he always does and blamed me for his absence and blamed me for everything that was happening including evil his words and actions.

To this day, I still have no idea about the finalization of my divorce as my husband has not spoken to me and has not told me anything. So I still do not know if I am legally married or legally divorced yet!!! We still have 0 contact with each other and I don't know how to find out. Without the funds I cannot claim a divorce here in Canada, and in order for it to be recongnized in his country I will have to go there and re-do the divorce proceedings if the divorce done here in Canada is not accepted.

I'm besides myself right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know what obligationsand/or responsibilities if any that the father of my child has for his baby.

My boyfriend (the baby's father) just told his parents about my pregnancy 2 weeks ago. He was keeping our daughter (baby is a girl) a secret from them. He said the reason why he was doing that is because it is haram to have sex and have a baby before marriage and that his family will be so disappointed in him for doing so before having a marriage contract and he threatened me that if I tell his parents about the baby that he will lie to them and tell them I am married and that it is my husband's child and that I used him and his family for 4 1/2 months as a means of escape from being with him because I didn't want to be with him anymore which is a complete lie.

He said in Islam it's a sin to have sex before marriage and to have a child out of wedlock and that my child would be looked at as a product of the devil. What I don't understand is, he wasnt a virgin when I met him and he told me his first sexual experience was in a brothel 3 years ago where he paid a girl for sex. Then after that he had sex randomly with 3 other girls before he met me!!! He said they were all 1 night stands except for 1 which went on and off for about 2 years and that woman was married, living with her husband and had children of her own with him!!! (This is the same one who left comments on his facebook pictures and who he had a secret facebook account with). So now, that makes me question if any of those children are his and if my child with him has siblings!

He has also told me many stories of him going out drinking every night of the week and meeting different girls and sometimes have sex with them and sometimes not, but yet uses his religion as an excuse to hide his child and ignore me and put us in danger. I find that to be very hypocritical not just the sex part of things but also the drinking of alcohol because as I understand it, isn't the consumption of alcohol considered to be haram in Islam as well?

Before the last incident he asked me to come back to his country for a visit, but that he would have an apartment for us to live in so we woud not live in his family home.

However based on these current events, I am not going to go back to his country any time soon and I'm afraid to go back there for him to see his child after the baby is born because in his country the father has all rights over the child whether the child possesses a Canadian passport and is a Canadian Citizen.  The minute I step foot in his country, by law the child is regarded as a citizen of that country because the father is and the child will legally belong to him and I have no rights at all. He can keep our child with him and make me return back to Canada by myself if he so chooses and there is nothing I can or the Canadian Embassy can do about it unless I have a document from him signing over his rights to his baby while in his country and allowing us to travel together from his country to return back to Canada and it has to be signed, dated and stamped by a governement agency there. Without that document, I am taking a considerable risk and I can only get that document upon my arrival and not beforehand because a copy is not considered legal only the original is.

I never wanted this to happen but my baby is innocent in all of this. As a father, should he not be the one to protect his unborn daughter from harm instead of putting her in danger!?!?! I just automatically thought that was being a descent human being, not based on religion!!! Does he not have a moral and a financial responsibility for his child, even though we now live in separate countries?

I don't want my daughter growing up without her father and she misses out on 1/2 of her heritage. I don't know much about Islam, and I was counting on him to instill those Islamic values in her and to help me learn as well. I live in a small town in Northern Canada and the closest Islamic Centre is a 12 hour drive away. Without reliable transportation, funds and a place to stay it's impossible for me to go there. I want my daughter to know where she comes from and to know Allah. I would love to be the one to teach her since her father is being this way towards us but unfortunately I can't and that pains my heart so much.

I am the one who is providing what I can for her and for myself. I am the sole person responsible for her. I need to protect her, and it is killing me inside that the one person I have to protect her from is her own father and his need to cause us both harm and stress by his words and actions!!! 🙁

I'm not sure what to do. I know this is a delicate stubject and situation that not many find themselves in. Again, I'm sorry for the long read. If anyone could help me, by giving me some advice, some instruction based on Islam and the Quran in regards to my current situation it would be so appreciated and helpful.

Thank you and May you all be blessed today and always. <3

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11 Responses »

  1. Sister first of all i am very sorry to hear this all, especially i am gravely sorry to hear abt the hypocrisy your Muslim Boyfriend has shown.. let me clear you in Islam drinking Alcohol is clearly prohibited

    In Sunan Abi Dawood (3189) it is narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has cursed alcohol, the one who drinks it, the one who pours it, the one who sells it, the one who buys it, the one who squeezes it (squeezes the grapes, etc), the one for whom it is squeezed, the one who carries it and the one to whom it is carried.” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 2/700)

    Islam has taken a firm and decisive stance against Zina (fornication or adultery). Allah, the Almighty, commands in explicit and unequivocal words: (And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way) (Al-Isra’ 17: 32).

    this guy seems to be a Flirt as he doesnt even care abt his unborn child let alone you, this injustice is also condemn able by any religion.Plus watever your In Laws did to you was horrible. Dnt worry what goes around comes around, if not in this world they will be punished in a world here after.

    i am not a scholar or an expert in islamic advice regarding divorce, but i would suggest you to seek a help from any Islamic scholar in Canada so He can help you considering the Laws of both the countries..

    Plus sister if you wana learn Islam you can Always consult Quran and read its english translation.Believe me you will be amazed to read that Divine book. dnt judge islam by just seeing Muslims.

    In the end i would suggest you to leave your Muslim boyfriend he is hopeless, he would have changed by know but all in vain, have a child and try to move on , be a good mother , have some goals and motivations, Research Islam as much as you can so that you can properly guide your daughter.. i will pray for you..

    May Allah guide you to the right path and be your protector

  2. Sister,

    The very best advice I can offer you is to completely cut out these people in your life. Close your Facebook account and turn off your laptop. Your ex or soon to be ex, and his entire family are a bunch of free loading leeches. As long as you kept the money and goods rolling in, everything was fine. Once your ex was in jail for drugs, his family showed you their true colors.

    As for this boyfriend of yours, he may be the father of your child however if you think you are going to get anything out of him, you are not. For him to tell you not to inform his family that the child you carry is his or else he will sully your reputation shows the real kind of man he is. How can he tell you it is a sin to have sex outside of marriage yet he took you to bed? As if it is somehow all your fault. Pathetic. He played a roll in all of it and now that you are carrying a child, it's supposed to be a secret? Who does he want to protect in all of this? Himself...not you. You don't matter one bit to him.

    You are currently two months pregnant and before you know it, you will be due. It is time to start thinking about this innocent child you carry. This child carries no sin at all even as it is born out of wedlock. I am not familiar with the Canadian social system however I know there is one in place. Instead of wasting your time on these men, start learning how you can begin to help yourself. Be strong, stand tall and look within your city and find resources to help you.

    You might be surprised sister that you may have an Islamic center that you don't know about where you live or even sisters who meet weekly. As you already know, the internet is a powerful tool. Use it to look around where you live to look for Islamic resources. Take things slowly and address your housing (if needed) and your medical needs first. Know that none of us is perfect...Muslim or not. We are all human and humans make mistakes. Good luck to you.


  3. I agree with the above, please leave these people and don't speak to them ever again.

    Find a home in Canada, there is social assistance and if you a high risk pregnancy maybe you can apply for disability support?

    Just find peace away from these people. They are not muslim, and anything they learn from them will be rubbish.

    Educate yourself about Islam online, and that all you can do. Or find local Muslims in your area from which you can learn if you are interested.

  4. I agree with other commenters.

    Completely cut off from these people. They have nothing to provide except sorrow.

    And don't ever think of going back to that country ever.

    Settle your life in Canada and Inshallah in the future you will find a good husband who will treat you the way a wife should be treated.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

  5. Dear Sister!

    I feel very sad for what has happened with you. In front of Allah these idiots /rotten rats has nothing to with islam.

    Prophets companian Abu Hurairah (RA) relates that the Prophet (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, "The best of you is whoever treats his wife kindly." [Ahmad and Tirmidhi]

    Prophet Mohammed (PBUH)' wife (Mother of belivers)`Aisha (RA) related,"The Prophet (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) used to work for his family, and when he heard the call for prayer (adhan), he would go out.[Bukhari]

    The above are just few lines from islam. This is how a man should treat his wife.

    My wife quotes above hadith to me and warns me to behave in good manner.I surrender myself infront these instruction.this is how our life goes.

    Dear sister, Keep urself away from these kind of male.One who respects you will not come near to you without marriage.Please take care of your child and yourself.

    Contact islamic center in Canada through internet/mail. Get their advice . I will pray and ask Allah to guide you and protect you from all evil.

    Allah hears the voice of our hearts & tongue.

    Turn to your creator and ask for his guidance.

    Prostrate and say "My creator guide me" .. May Allah guide you .. Aameen.

    Learn islam through good scholars and through books. I dont really recommend online sources much .

    Read Quran translation you will find yourself in peace..Inshaallah.

    Read the history of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and about his companions Abu Bakr,Umar,Usman,Ali ..

    You will be amazed ...

    Allah is with you...

    Take care ..May Allah bless you happiness and success in this life and hereafter ... Aameen

  6. Dear Sis,

    Normally I agree with all above comments all the people gave you references i am just leaving a short note:-

    Adultery mean sex without marriage is prohibited in all religions but some societies allows it so avoid further sexual interaction or relationship without marriage any more.

    Let me know the country than may be i can force any of them to help you out in some way if its my country.

    Third i have a very good business in USA, UK & Europe if you like i will offer you a franchise free of cost with some stock. You can sell the goods on ebay or as you like you can pay further after sales. Many people attaining 1000s of $s from our products & it will not be a help, but will be a mutual cooperation & you shouldn't be thankful to any body for that.

    But please please grow your child upon the Islamic thoughts for that i have some references in your country if you let me know your city may i can find one for the best Islamic help & please read Quraan english version if you like i can provide you all the books you require free at your door step.

    Please don't come back to that country or not contact them.

    If your boyfriend was married than his only punishment is death according to islam if he was un married than 100 sticks in a crowd, your husband was a dayuos according to islam both will face the divine consequences.

    Further if you need any more help please write at my email address because i am a business man i just have a very little time. i just read your post coincidently.

    May Allah bless you enlightenment & true faith & peace of all lives!

    My best regards & honor

    Zeeshan Baber

  7. Sister,
    The men you were involved with are losers by any standards; as Muslims, however, they are double-losers (or perhaps even triple- or quadruple-losers) because their behavior is so far removed from the teachings of faith, and even Arab culture, which generally promotes decency and honor. Your story reads like a novel, and I find it shocking that two separate Arab Muslim families did not have any trouble with you sleeping in the same rooms as their sons before marriage. This is completely bizarre and something I have never heard of or witnessed, even amongst non-religious people.

    Honestly speaking, you should not even think of contacting these people or their families, friends, and acquaintances again. As you have rightly discerned, returning to the country you were in (which I assume is in N. Africa since you mentioned French) will almost certainly put you into trouble with the law if the father decides he wants custody of the baby. There will also be issues and possibly very severe consequences if it turns out that you are, indeed, still legally married to the first individual. You may need the services of a lawyer specializing in international law to sort that out for you. You might also consider changing your identity and location so that you are not in any danger from these people in the future...and I certainly hope you do not ever consider helping the baby's father immigrate to Canada as he will only create a disaster for you there.

    As other have pointed out, you are about to bring a new life into the world, and that should now be your focus. Take care of your baby, and shield her from the ugly things that happened before her birth. My hope for you is that you find peace in your life. Part of practicing Islam means no unnecessary interactions with the opposite sex, which is something you should keep in mind as you continue to seek out knowledge and information. You are in a bit of a vulnerable situation right now, so you should be very wary of befriending any men, whether on-line or in the real world, and even if they seem "religious." Each time you are tempted to take a wrong step, think of your daughter, and remember that you are responsible for her safety and well-being. She needs a mother who is fully engaged and not spending her days on FB living in the past and trying to unravel the mess that was created overseas. She also doesn't need any strange people wreaking havoc in your (and her) life while she is growing up. You have a blessed second chance now that you were able to return home and escape the problems you were once involved in. So seize this opportunity to turn your life around. Childhood is a beautiful time that flies by far too quickly, and you should savor every moment with your daughter. As a Muslim, I am truly sorry for what you have experienced and pray that things look up for you in the near future.

  8. Salam sister

    Your story is so complicated, i thought I am reading some fiction story. It felt like a badly written tragedy movie with too much mixed up cheap drama. This is exactly how i felt when i read your story.

    You have met the worst possible Muslims one can find, and you were so unlucky to be tricked and mistreated numerous times, and some how you didn't do much to escape that.

    Sister cut all relation with those people, go find an Islamic center and start a new life. This story of yours just forget about it and never mention it to anybody. It will make you no good to tell such a sad story to people it will hunt you and destroy your daughter if it go public.

    That story of yours nobody need to know about it, (Not your mother, not a friend and not a future husband and nobody at all) do not let it ruin your life and your daughters life.
    Find a good husband and start a new life and know that Allah forgives all the sins.

    May Allah help you.

  9. My dear sister,
    Usually i m not the one who read big sentences when i see wherever.but when I start reading your story, really my heart got more pain as its already in hurt for my love back.
    At first I want to tell that the 2 peoples whoever came in to your life are such a peoples we cant describe them a real Muslim and a real man.and the family who treated you in that worse way are such a family that no one never have.i am also a muslim,but i cant even imagine about doing such things even thats my worse dear sister i m not making you feel sad or disappointed.i cant shut my mouth for not to say this.i m really disappointed about that you had reached with the peoples who cant see whats love,who cant understand a women or her feelings.
    I am also really disappointed in my life because of my girl who left me and gone.she made my tears come out alot of movements and i m still hoping for her turn back to me.
    For you my sister i want to tell you there would be a good time which will make you fee relaxed.i want these all happened because of a reason whats meant to be happened in yur life which god has already planned.whether youbareva muslim or not, i m realising that you are such a most important person for Allah.Allah loves those who gone through in a worse situations and still hope in him.for this peoples the result from him will be morethan we cannot imagine hiw the goodness dear sister please believe one thing what god has told for us, this life is just a temporary for us.humans are the visitors here.we will be reaching our destination after this world.there is where we are gona have the real life which will never ends with anything.

    [Edited to remove contact details]

    • Assalaamualaikam

      We do not permit the exchange of personal contact information on this site. Please do not post these in future comments.

      Midnightmoon editor

  10. Salam alaikum

    very rarely do I comment on other people's lives, least of all on social media. I agree with the other posts that you should totally cut off all contact with those men and their friends. Don't go back to that country. Get some advice from Canadian authorities first and you should research islam before you enter it for the right reasons not for your disgusting inhuman exboyfriend or exhusband and their families. ISLAM IS THE ONLY TRUTH it is truly the most JUST, REWARDING, LIBERATING RELIGION IN THE WORLD. Research islam and reach out to other muslim women to help and guide you. Dont fall into the trap of other men who may see you as easy bait to ensnarl you into a trap.

    Those men and their equally hypocritical families are not Muslim in their actions. Their families allowed their sons to sleep with a strange woman in the same bedroom (such an abomination!) when it is not even allowed to mix freely with the opposite gender or talk unnecessarily let alone any physical contact. It is said in islam (I am not a scholar or learned in any way but know the very basics) that when a man and woman who are not married are alone together then yhd third person is the devil. Those families and their sons set you up and you easily and consensually fell for it my dear sister. I feel so so sad for you. May Allah help you and protect you from being misguided and used. They treated you as an easy western woman which is sadly how a lot of non western cultures see western women sadly - howver thos is not an islamic opinion but a cultural one. Apologies for the brutal brutal honesty but better to be truthful and face reality. Now that the worst is over let me show you the light at the end of the tunnel. You have been guided by Allah and shown the correct way, you are seeking the truth after being misguided by people who pretended to be muslim. You have the chance to raise the steaks because islam gives you honour. Islam honours all women regardless of race, age etc. Give yourself and your daughter all the love and care that you deserve. Protect yourself and your daughter and make islam your guidance, dont look to these unworthy men for anything. Islam gives women so many rights it will open your eyes and empower you with truth and happiness from within and best of all you will see how easilly islam fits in with the western world too.

    A few bullet points for you to consider if you may:

    *Do not trust another man muslim or non muslim until you are fully settled with your daughter in your own life and totally rid of those ghastly people from your past. Sort your life oit with the help of yhe Canadian authorities.

    *you are emotionally needy due to your difficult situation and I pray you do not fall into further sin snd temptation with other men who would love to takd advantage of you under the pretext of helping you.

    *protect yourself and your innocent daughter from disgusting men like that

    *in time and after you have become independent self sufficient and a strong woman and successful mother I have faith that you will find a wonderful husband and your daughter will be a blessed muslimah with strong grounding from you.

    Apologies for mistakes or any offence unintentionally and may Allah forgive me if my advice is incorrect or misleading in any way. Please delete my comment if there is any misguidance or incorrect advice.

    You will be in my prayers.

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