Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pregnant with my boyfriends baby and I feel like dying

couple in islam, woman in islam

Hi, I am pregnant with my turkish boyfriends baby. We have been seeing each other 2 yrs nows and when I went to see him in September and this time he wouldnt use condom to which I've found out I am 7 weeks pregnant to which my boyfriend has gone crazy.

He says if I don't born he will stay with me if I do born we will never be together and when our eyes meet it will be the end of my life. Then he will kill himself. I am so shocked by what he is doing. He says if his family find out he will be killed. He has said some wicked thinking to me. He isnt the man I loved. He has changed into the devil. I have been going to lessons to change to muslim and change but this has changed how I think.

This has made me think I am doing the right thing by changing if this is his belief an I don't want my child to have same beliefs either. He wants me to have an abortion but I wont. It's is against everything I believe in.

Please can someone help me understand what I must do as, I feel like I want to die.

~ tracie.aspinall

 

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13 Responses »

  1. Salam
    your post does not reveal your current religion and the distorted meaning i have perceived says that due to this incident you wish to revert to islam. Dear Sister first of all ur decision for not aborting is the right one as no religion permits you to kill a life that Almighty Allah has created. Secondly the guy whose baby you are carrying is under the influence of shaitaan. firstly clear your faith of all impurities and identify your creator correctly. this will bring you closest to the fitrah(the purest form with which you were created). lastly the guy is just trying to emotionally infl,luence you to abort the child. He was all good till he was assured that his darker side would not be revealed to the world but now as u are preg he is all scared and does not want his societal status to be affected. If he really loves you and says he will kill himself if you give birth, means he his not bothered of his life..........but he is also telling you that if his family gets to know about the child they will kill him.........this shows he is very much wanting his life.. he seems to be a hypocrite.

  2. I'm a convert and I went trough the same situation with very much harsh words from a man. I'm not expert to explain in Islam but I want to say that abortion is a sin. I pray for your strength.

    • Salaam warisa, am sorry to here that you also faced similar problem,,, and also welcome to the fold of islam... How are you finding the new faith?? You know, it's naturally not that easy at the begining for most reverts (especially the western reverts).. I mean the five salat prayers, ramadan fasting, dressing modestly, behaving morally, having tolerant on people etc etc... But keep it up sister, your reward is always with Allah and your deeds will never go in vain.. Allah has PROMISED garden of paradise for those belivers (muslims) who do righteous good deeds. A garden of bliss where all the enjoyments, happiness and entertainment would never finish, a garden where Allah would provide you with a very handsome spouse that would shear the happiness with you in jannah.. Pls as a reminder, i want you to check up this verses in your koran with english translation... Koran25:61-77 ie holy quran chapter/surah 25 verse 61 to 77,, Koran23:1-11,, koran23:57-62,, koran51:55-60,, Koran55:1-78,, koran56:1-96,, these are just a few, read this quranic verse with understanding and ponder on the meanings.... Your brother in islam - mohd

    • Dear tracie.aspinall,

      As Warisa I'm in your same situation just that my baby is almost born and my boyfriend is a Saudi, he had left me after almost 5 years relationship. I convert to Islam, which I found the right path. I congratulate you to don't commit abortion and I also encourage you to be strong and put your faith in Allah.

  3. So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, Verily, with the hardship, there is relief. So when you have finished, then stand up for Allâh’s worship. And to your Lord turn your invocations. Quran 94:5-8

  4. N/B this post of mine will not contain paragraph etc because am using my phone to send it., am sorry for that. Lol... This man is not in anyway representing islam to you. Perhaps he's family's represent a strong figure in there community and thus there reputations and dignity would be destroyed if everyone come to know of the premarital child and there reaction towards that would be violent.. But even by sharia law, dead is not the penalty for fornication... No doubt fornication is strongly prohibited in islam and it is considered as a major sin, but if you turn to Allah in repentance and make tawba (scroll up this page and click on the link 'tawba in islam' to know how it is done), then Allah is full of forgiveness and most merciful.. Allah says ''AND (among the qualities of faithfull beleivers-muslims are) THOSE WHO INVOKE NOT ANY OTHER god ALONG WITH ALLAH , NOR KILL SUCH PERSON AS ALLAH HAS FORBIDDEN, EXCEPT FOR JUST CAUSE, NOR COMMIT ILLEGAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE - AND WHOEVER DOES THIS SHALL RECEIVE THE PUNISHMENT'' ''THE TORMENT WILL BE DOUBLED TO HIM (or her) ON THE DAY OF RESURRECTION, AND HE (or she) WILL ABIDE THEREIN IN DISGRACE;'' ''EXCEPT THOSE WHO REPENT AND BELIEVE (in islamic monotheism), AND DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS; FOR THOSE, ALLAH WILL (not only forgive them but would also) CHANGE THEIR SINS INTO GOOD DEEDS (in there account with HIM [Allah]), AND ALLAH IS EVER OFT-FORGIVING, MOST MERCIFUL.''.... Koran25:68-70.. So you see, God is full of forgiveness if you solemnly and geniunely repent and with the intention never to go back to that sin again.. Again islam is vehemently against abortion, so you can see that your guy is not representing islam.. Parhaps this is just his first time of coming incontact with problems like this, and naturally he is confused as to what to do... So your guy's attitude towards you should not stop you from learning and accepting islam and also raising your child with the islamic faith.. It's a beautiful religion sister, you just dont have to miss it.. Your boyfriend is a coward, when both of you are enjoying the sex, he was not remorseful of his actions and also not forcasting on the concequences involved, and now that the consequences (the pregnancy) has come in, he's not ready and man enough to take his responsibility. Your friend is not a guy wort loving, he stick to you when he thought there was no problem, and now that you need his support and assisstance, he betrayed you and even threatning you.. A man that really cares for you would always stand by your side in what ever condition you find your selves. My advice to you is give him a call, tell him you are not aborting the child, and if he is not willing to assist and support you, then he should stop threatening you otherwise you gonna sue him to the authority.. I know it would be hard, but cut all contact with him and take care of the child alone. Allah would help you, take care of both you and the child all together.

  5. : )

    Thank you Br. Mohd

    Salaam Sister,

    My heart goes out to you.

    Sister, I must say a few things - they may hurt - but sometimes the truth does hurt -

    Islam does not allow premarital relations...
    Islam does not allow men and women to freely socialise...
    Islam does not allow women to show off their beauty to men who are not allowed to see them...
    Islam does not allow abortion...
    Islam does not allow us to drink alcohol...

    WHY?

    To protect sisters like you.

    ISLAM does not force anyone to accept...
    Islam is as it is for all of humanity... it does not change Gods word is perfect and final...
    If we dont like it we dont have to accept it...

    But if we have true understanding and if our eyes, minds and hearts are truly open and we want to know the truth SINCERELY, SINCERELY, SINCERLEY want to know the TRUTH the truth will never shy away from you! It will hit you on the head!

    Ask yourself why you want to learn about ISLAM....

    If you are sincere ... Allah will run to you....
    If you are INSINCERE - you will never find the TRUTH - you may be close to it - but it will slip away through your fingertips ...

    ISLAM is about sincerety

    Almost always... when someone is coming closer to Allah, Shaytan will try his best to the person from Allah - he will try his utmost to keep you away - and thats when your only your sincerety will take you through...

    What Brother MOHD said above is completely true. DO NOT JUDGE ISLAM BY YOUR BOYFRIEND JUDGE ISLAM BY WHAT ALLAH HAS SAID IN HIS BOOK AND THE ACTIONS OF HIS MESSENGERS - ADAM, NOAH, JOSEPH, SOLOMON, MOSES, JESUS and MOHAMMAD

    Please separate my beloved ISLAM from your boyfriend.

    Please do not JUDGE ISLAM according to me or other bad muslims we give ISLAM a bad name.

    Allah forgive us all for not representing ISLAM as it should be.

    Can your boyfriend marry you? Ask a local IMAM from the masjid. If he fears his life is in danger maybe he could marry you in secret - I dont know - because marriages need to be announced in general but with Islam there can be exceptions to the rule, in rare circumstances... find out from a local imam - or maybe you can leave your area and he can marry you somewhere else so that he can let everyone know without being harmed...

    Some cultures do take these things very seriously... although they dont seem to realise that they dont live lives according to Islam and ensure that their children also follow Islam and thats why their children end up doing things against islam and then they take it out on the kids.

    I am not justufying your boyfriends actions nor am I happy at your actions - we reep what we sow.

    But Allah is always ready to forgive and you can always have another chance to do what is right.

    BE SINCERE TO YOURSELF.

    Allah help us all...

    One love, One true Ummah... ONE ALLAH

  6. It is good to see the teaching about abortion being a sin and premarital sex being sinful and sincerity and truth before God or Allah and before men and women being so clearly set out. But what now? Does God want a woman to die, together with her baby? Does God want a man to be killed by his family for making this woman pregnant? God is great. God made us all for His glory. God, Allah, is merciful, compassionate. Do not condemn all that christians say. If Jesus, Isa, blessings be upon him, is a prophet, then listen to the teaching that he came to forgive sinners. Let this woman and this man admit their sin before him and ask for forgiveness. Let them make a fresh start, knowing that they have sinned but been forgiven. There is a precious child to be born, nurtured, and grow to live a whole life before God. Who knows what he or she may do for the world and in obedience to the will of Allah, God. . .

  7. dear sisiter,
    I have read all the great opinions given to you but also update all of us on your decision so that we can track the direction in which our views are being considered. also tell us the faith to which u currently belong. we will be better able to help u.
    At last and most important........" May ALLAH gudi, Bless and Protect you"

  8. Hi Tracie,

    I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your boyfriend seems very disturbed and the things he has said seem quite worrying. He has no right to pressure you into an abortion - someone who threatens to kill you unless you do something against your will is not worth your love. Please don't feel like dying. Your baby needs you and you have a lot to live for.

    Leave this so called boyfriend of yours. If you fear that he will really harm you, I suggest you do so secretly. Try to contact a woman's shelter if you can to find somewhere to go. Also if he tries to stalk you call the police and try to get a restraining order. Make sure he doesnt know your location. When you are InshaAllah out of this situation start reading about Islam - read an English translation of the Qur'an and try to get in touch with local sisters for support. Talk to Allah (God), Ask Him for help and guidance - He is always there for you.

    InshaAllah (God willing) you can get out of this situation, as long as you safely get away from this guy and live in peace. I pray Allah (God) opens a way for you to get out of this situation, gives you and your child His safety and His protection, and guides you to Islam.

    Ameen

    If you need more advice please write on here, we'll behappy to help.
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. thankyou for all your kind words x my faith is still muslim and iam getting better as the days go by .i no i am also to blame for this and not just ex boyfriend ,but the update is he states he can not support me or be with me as he is already married with a child and if iam to tell his family he will surely die . and his wife will be sent back to her father . to which i feel guilty as i dont want to mess anyone elses life up .this is a hard lesson to learn and the only one who suffers is my child but i have to ask for forgiveness as ididnt no this man at all and was stupid to believe him . i will bring my child up alone in sinmy punishment for doing what i did thankyou for your kind words x

    • Dear Tracie,

      I pray all works out well for you. Sister Sara gave you some good advice, insha'Allah you will try to follow it. If you need any help, please do write here insha'Allah.

      May Allah shower you and your child with His(swt) Mercy, aameen.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. O Dear....I wish I could give give you a Hug.....

    Dear I am really happy that your situation is improving although you are facing the toughest situation/time of your life but still hats off to you

    Dear what happened...just happened....now dont ruin your health....Allah is there with you and would hold your hand that everything would be perfectly alright....We all are his creatures and He loves us...
    Dont think about that man....he would face the consequences of doing all this to you and giving you a tough time....atleast he could help you or suggest you some alternative but he didnt....

    now just dont even think about him...Allah would give you a sweet cute baby who would be enough for you....surely things would become easy for you once you step in this religion ISLAM.....surely this was a test for you and you are trying your level best....

    Dear I cant even think about the situation you went through...i dont know how it feels but as a woman I realize that when a woman becomes a mother she really becomes a strong woman...My Duas are with you and best wishes for you

    May Allah help you and ease out your situation.....
    Do informing us about yourself......

    take care alot....
    Regards

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