Muslim boyfriend pressurising me to convert, but am reluctant
I am dating an Afghan guy for some time now. We met a few years back, but our communication got cut. When we got back together, he is already married with his first wife. The thought that it is legal in Muslim religion to have two wives makes my guilt less.
He wants us to get married now. I am pure catholic. As always, I am half-hearted in converting into Islam especially that I don't know much about it. He is pressuring me to convert saying that he will not be able to let us be married if i will not convert. I am aware and I am very much willing that if in the future we have kids, I will teach them Islam if that's what he wanted.
I have been reading some posts here and know that it is possible for us to get married even if I don't convert to Islam. Here are my questions:
1. How could I convince him that we could still get married even if I am a Catholic. Is there anything written in the Qu'ran that says so?
2. Is it really legal for him to have two wives?
3. If I convert to Islam, could I still keep my birth name? Or at least, use it?
So many questions! I will probably post them in the future.
I am really hoping that you could enlighten me up.
-feelgoodstorm
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Salaams,
1. According to the Qu'ran, in al Maa'idah (chapter 5) verse 4 it says, " ....(lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal dowry), desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse...". This verse is recognized by most Islamic authorities to show evidence that Muslim men can indeed marry women who are Christian without requiring to convert to Islam. They must however, agree to raise any children brought from the marriage as Muslims.
2. According to Islamic Shariah (not necessarily the law of a specific country), it is legal for a muslim man to have up to four wives. In the Qu'ran (chapter 4- An- Nisa, verse 3) it states, " ...marry (other) women of yoru choice, two, or three, o rfour; But if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them) then marry one..."
3. If you did decide to convert to Islam, you may use whatever name you like- you are not obligated to change your name or take on an Arabic name unless you want to.
I hope these answers help you, but please be advised that if he is pressuring you to convert before marrying you, that is NOT an Islamic practice. In fact, Islam teaches that there is NO compulsion in religion, so he needs to be willing to accept you as you are if he wants to take you as a wife. I would also strongly suggest educating yourself about polygamous marriages in Islam to make sure this is something you want to be a part of.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Excellent advice sister Amy, mashAllah! Your responses are always lovely to read.
I just wanted to add one thing in regards to point 3; one does not need to change their birth name so long as it does not have a polytheist or religious meaning. An example of this would be the name Radha and Krishna (which are both names of Hindu Gods). If it does, then it is compulsory that the name be changed.
-Helping Sister
Sorry but just because islam allows 4 wives does not mean that what he and you are doing is right, your still cheating with a married man, and if not its simple he asks you to marry you say yes or no, if no then get out of is life, suhan'Allah what is happening to the muslim male to make him treat their wives so poorly, if they want other wives then why not do it correctly it would save a lot of heart ache.
Brother Amy have given u an excellent answer to ur questions. . . I just wanna urge u to consider lerning something about islam. . U should start this by reading d quran "with understanding" and asking (learned people) questions on islam. . The quran is a guide and a mercy to those who believe. . . . ... And This (quran) is a healing and a mercy to those who believe ... And we ( God) have send you ( O muhammad) as a mercy to all of mankind ... And this (quran) is a reminder for the pious ... And verily, We know that there are some among you that deny (this quran) ... And indeed it (this koran) will be an anguish for the disbelievers ( on the day of resurection) ... And verily, it (this koran) is an absolute truth with certainty ... So glorify the name of your lord the most great.. These are some of the verses of the koran. Read it perhabs you may be guided. Perhabs it may be a light for u in this world and in the next life when we all stand in front of God Almighty. . My dear friend, i want to say some blunt truth to u., no matter what, dont allow ur self to die unless you are a muslim. Lest you will leave to regret it on the day of judgement. . . I feel and believe dat u are a very good lady, and i would'nt want u (just like i would'nt want my self) to be in an everlasting, painfull, unbearable and unresistable torment on the day of ressurection. Because as a human being i love u very much that is why am telling u this. . . . . Mohd
Assalamualaikum I am marriend for 16 years and I have 4 children I really don't know what to do .my husband always say he don't want to stay with me he wants to leave me .he also don't care for me . He threatens me by saying I will divorce you.I been hearing this for 16 years .I had it eough hearing this . I want to say that my husband is going online and joining some website for relationships from 2014.i was pregnant that time with my fourth one and there was a time I catch him he was talking to a woman that's he shouldn't do which was haram .and he use to talk long time hours. Then I manage to talk over with him .he was very angry how did i know .he was very differnt when he was doing that I mean his attitude was very change.he never care about me or children .he was coming home late from work that's is he was always online and talking to the women . I used to cheak his moblie and saw the number . So one night he was reading Quran he stoped. and i said pls what is going with you .he does not want to talk i said pls tell me . he Refused to talk to me about this matter then I said please hold the Quran and say that you love me he said that no I don't and I want to leave you I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I was very sad and depressed what he say front of the holly Quran .that was that .now again he is doing the same thing every night he sleeping late he never wants to come room early he always make reasons up . Always watching tv .l always say pls sleep early .it seem like he don't care .now he joined some matching relationship online .That is non Muslims women .I really don't know what to do .I always try to be good wife and try to make him happy .pls give me advice .now he is doing the same things to me again.