Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Problems with my mother

in laws, cooking, baking, mother in law, strict, abusive

I am a muslim and i know what is the importance of parents in islam. My mother is very innocent and she is very obidient in islam i mean she pray five times and recites quran tasbeeh, tahajjud etc. and anything possible that she can afford she does but the only problem is that when she don't find things in its place she blames unnecessarily others for stealing her things and  it can be anything maybe very cheap also.We stop her so much from all this but she don't listen to anybody not even my father and rather she becomes depressed that we don't support her and that we don't trust her, she becomes very upset for that and we dont know how to handle this we find things for her some time we get and some times we dont get and when we get then she says that the person whom she had blamed had come and threw it here.It becomes very difficult for us to explain some times she says ok she'll have paitaince but after some time she will do the same thing, at times she even gives curse or bad words to that person. And when she does this she dont listen to anybody. And for stopping her from doing all this we raise our voice and become rude to her and even my father has used his maximum voice but its all useless, due to all this sometimes she don't even want to talk to us and even my father but we apologize for all that.

I am seriously in the need of help it feels like a great insult to my family but we are helpless.

I as a muslim knows my limits for parents and i dont want to hurt her but how can i do that i need help how should explain my mother...we love her so much and we want her like before.

falak khan

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6 Responses »

  1. this is a very normal thing with elders.
    If your mother is very aged.
    She might have dementia or alzeimers disease etc

    (This can also happen to younger people, but it's rare.)

    This causes great forgetfulness and confusion
    It causes great anger and frustration for her

    She feels upset because she to an extent
    Knows she is having memory loss and it
    Makes her feel helpless

    She feels like she is loosing her independence
    That's why she is acting angry and irrational

    Some elders I know have those issues too.

    You need to go to a specialist
    They can prescribe her medicine
    To help her be calm

    Good luck

  2. How many times during the last 6 months has this happened? It happens when some thing is lost or broken we tend to think some one else who is there has done it.

    Stop raising your voice and being rude to her. You and your father think you are right and your mother is wrong because she is a woman. If some thing is misplaced find for her.

    Write down every incidence and share with your mom. Tell her every time she thinks some one stole some thing it was found.

    Give some examples of what actually happened

  3. Assalaamualaykum Falak Khan,

    It is possible that your mother has severe anxiety over losing things or loss in particular, which is why this situation has been coming up a lot. If this just started happening as you imply, then age and memory loss could be a factor and Ali's advice is good. She could also have a general anxiety problem, in which case a specialist in Psychiatry could help her.

    I would pray a 2-rakah Hajah prayer to Allah, asking Allah to guide you to the steps you can take to help her.

    Inshallah things will improve with Allah's help and these steps.


  4. At these times in life, I would probably get anxiety as well, but in the same way I would want someone to just come and talk to me when I'm in a better mood. The person I want most to talk to me is my close family; sons, duaghters, husband. A mother would never treat her child terribly without reason (even then it's for EXTREME reasons) out of her love. She is just aging now, but please stay by her side.

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