Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Problems with my mum

Hard Times

Assalamualaikum

I'm having a lot of trouble with my mother. She's always complaining about me and the house and we always argue and fight. Sometimes she ends up crying, and I have a temper and don't like people putting me down but that's what she always does. I'm really scared because she always says to me you will have children who will do the same things you do to me and will make you cry. I really don't want kids like that but I find it so hard to be patient and keep my mouth shut.

She always favors my sister and thinks that she does everything and that I do nothing. Which is unfair. I feel really bad for always upsetting my mother but she also has a quick temper and purposely says the most awful things to hurt me, she is constantly cursing me and I'm afraid something bad is going to happen because Allah might accept her curses. I know I am at fault too and that I am very rude when I'm angry and lose control of my words. I really don't want children as bad as me and I want to be a better daughter. I don't want my mother thinking of me as the devil that ruined her house or a monster.

Are the any duas or anything I could do? I tried being quiet but that just fuels her even more and she always thinks I have an attitude because my face shows what I'm thinking when she says these things. I'm a very defensive person but I just want us both to be better.

Is there anyway for me to have kids that aren't as awful as me? I feel awful for everything I've said and did to my mum I don't want to upset her and make her cry but she just gets me so angry sometimes and I don't want to cry about my kids and I don't want my mum to hate me and be angry at me I love my mum but she thinks I hate her.

Please help me Its a new year and I'd like to start afresh with my mum and I'm in my last year of school so I don't want my mothers disappointment affecting my grades and I don't want Allah punishing me with nightmare kids or just an awful life or hell.  Allah always listens to the mother and pays the children for all the bad they've done and I've done ALOT. I really want forgiveness and a good life for both this life and the hereafter.

Are there any duas? Prayers? What should i do during conflict? Because I know I can be very rude and I always regret it but sometimes I'm just joking around with my siblings and she gets angry at only me and calls me a devil and says that nothing good comes out of me and that she wishes she left me at the hospital. I don't know what to do anymore nothing's working.

peace4freedom

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1 Responses »

  1. Asalaam Walaikum.

    Sister this might be one of your greatest tests. Yeah its said your children will treat you like you treat your parents ... Not sure if this is a hadith or just an Islamic saying, I'm sure others can clarify. Allahu Allam.

    Alhamdulillah you seen the error of your ways and there is only one way to truly better your sistuation ... I'm not an expert by any means but if you basically sit down with your mum just you and her and tell her everything you just told us then Insha'Allah yous both can work it out.

    Theres a good chance its probably both parties at fault so by having the conversation with your mum at a time when you and her are calm and happy. Maybe one of the nights after a nice meal or after yous have shared a joke or two then ask to speak to her privately in her bedroom ... Somehwere where you know no one will disturb you and just say everything your thinking. BUT make sure you accept its all your fault ... Don't make comments that she does stuff to instigate etc that will just cause another arguement.

    May Allah SWT mend your relationship with your mum before its too late and then you will live with regret ... So please atleast try your best ... Even if your mum doesnt try etc ... Aslong as you be patient, dont shout back or swear then Insha'Allah Allah will reward you for your effort!

    May Allah make it guide you and your mum to success ... Ameen.

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