Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He promised to marry me then changed his mind

oath

Promises

salam m having one problem plz guide me in the light of islam

I am 20 on may 2011 i got my contact with one guy by chance it all happened. he read kalima before me he took swears in order to make me realize that i should trust him once.

Alhamdulillah i never did any thing wrong i decided to trust him only on one condition that he willl never force me to meet i will nt send hm my pics and he will send his family soon. he accepted al these conditions.

he talked 2 my teacher to approach my fam without troubling me. he treated me lyk princess without even seeing me. he jst once askd me to saw me on my roof i accepted n only fr two second i allowed him to see me.

he started job fr me he talked to his parents his mother once contacted me n was ready to cum bt unfortunately she died in an accidnt.

sudenly his life changed he took promise frm me that i wil never leave him. bt i dnt knw wat happened to him that he started avoiding me, putting blames on me, scolding me. i tolerated he was nt ready to leave me. he caled me n read some quranic verses to show his sincerity. i was badly invovled nw he has broken all the realtions he has clearly said he wil nt send his family. m v depressed v hard to move forward plz help me to move out of this trance.

a tym cumx when i just came out of my room with tears with my heart in darkness. although i pray regularly in tahajad even bt still unable to come out of that. plz tell me some dua or wazifa fr my bettermnt plz hav some sol fr me.

- najm us sehr arif


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9 Responses »

  1. asslam alekum wa rahmatul hi barkatu,

    i am new in this website and does not know the how to properly post my question becuase i am already post my question since 5 days in they not show yet and post show ready

    sorry for this i am posting my comment in your post

    but there is some reason y i am comment this post

    aur story is little bit similar you can see my post if view in the website

    i am not want to wast ur time may allah give u the right path and give success in this world and aakherat.

    • Wa Alaikum as Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

      Brother, your post is awaiting its turn to be published. Please have patience. It will insha Allah be published soon.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • asslam alekum wa rahmatullah wa barkatohu

        brother u dont know im in which condition
        and i dont know want to explain my points to any other post

        i am regularly pray to allah i am not do any kind of kufr or shirk in this situation
        and every time try to find ways, which solve my problem.

        please i am very greateful to all of u to publish my post as soon as possible.

        may allah guide us on siraate mustaqim.
        allah hafiz

  2. Salaam, sister, insha'Allah i'll send you some proper duas but contact me on my email:
    (email address deleted by the Editor)
    insha'Allah it is authentic from Qur'an & Sahih Hadith...you won't be disappointed [bi-idhnillah] ...

    • Umar, we do not allow exchange of personal information here.

      And please, post your article where it is relevant. It was deleted because it was nowhere related to the issue involved.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Sister,

    Value yourself and who you are. A brother who is worthy of you and your heart will come. Put your faith in Allah almighty and he will always be there for you. Don't shed your precious tears for someone who does not value their word or value you as a person.

    Salam

  4. Asalamu alikum,

    If a person suddenly changes and begins to ignore you, sister that means he is sending a message that he is not interested anymore. This may be hard for you as you still have feelings for him, but trust that allah has alternate plans for you, and that he is showing you the man's bad side so that he can protect you before you commit to him.

    Make dua to allah to make things easier for you.

    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=34 - Here are some links to dua that are good.

    Also, i have never heard this "reading quranic verses to show sincerity"....is this a cultural thing?-This sounds fishy. Does it matter if he can read quraan, it doesnt mean that he is worthy of your trust if he reads a verse or two? where is the evidence for this practice, it sounds like bidaa; or an invented things.

    I dont know, maybe someone else understands this practice. But sister, dont be gullible, just because he says he is honest,it does not mean he is.

    Hope that your broken heart gets healed, it will take time. Take it easy on your self, and inshallah spend time with friends, read the quraan, make dua, and reflect on the relationship and what you learned from it for your next one.

    Samira

  5. Salamualaikum sister,

    You did very well by not crossing the limits of a relationship. Thank Allah for that. Just imagine, had you not taken care and done something wrong and this happened after that?
    Allah Saved you from something greater. Pain is a part of life, it can not be avoided. If we avoid one, there is some other pain waiting for us. All this is so that we become strong and Worship Allah better. Seek Help from Him Alone. And remember that your Final Return is The Hereafter. If you have patience, then you have a big chance of Allah's Mercy because Allah is with those who have Patience.

    And one more thing. Is your real name Najmus Sahr? This is a beautiful name which means the morning star. They refer it to planet venus and something. But what I want to say is that after every night, there is a morning. Your name already shows that you are the morning star. Hope from Allah that you will see ease very soon. Allah says in Surah ash Sharh:

    1. Have We not opened your breast for you (O Muhammad ( ))?
    2. And removed from you your burden,
    3. Which weighed down your back?
    4. And raised high your fame?
    5. So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
    6. Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
    7. So when you have finished (from your occupation), then stand up for Allah's worship (i.e. stand up for
    prayer).
    8. And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your intentions and hopes and) your invocations.

    You decided to do what's right. So, be firm upon it. There is no use thinking about what made him do what he did, except if your father talks to him. But if he's behaved with you now, what would stop him from doing it later after you get married, if you do?

    Pray Salatul Istikhaarah, because none can know what is the most correct, but Allah. And stay firm on Deen. Insha Allah, you'll see that Allah chooses for you who is best for you.

    May Allah make it easy for you
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salaams,

    I noticed you said that you talked to his mother once, but then she was not able to come later because she died in a car accident. If she actually passed so suddenly and recently, it may be that he is having a hard time as he is grieving her loss and a lot of his understanding of things is jumbled up as he tries to work through these emotions.

    I think if he really intended to pursue you before she passed, and started to act differently after she passed, then that's an understandable thing. Give him some time to grieve and work through this crisis and see if he comes back around.

    Either that, or he's fabricated his mother's death as an excuse for not doing what needs to be done to pursue you further. I have my suspicions that this could be a possibility, especially when he swears his sincerity by reading ayats of Quran and declaring kalima as the proof. Truly sincere people don't need to market themselves like that. They are secure in the fact that they are representing themselves transparently and honestly.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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