Promised to marry me but lied for 4 years
Good evening,
I met this guy at work before 4 years and we found that we match and I told him if you want me it will only be for marriage. I made this clear from the beginning and he said ok but let us know the personality of each other. We come from different nationality but both are Arabs. He guaranteed that he has no problem at all in difference of nationality.
Days pass by and I told him to get serious and tell ur parents. So he told me that he has spoken to his father and his family will call my family. Days pass by and saying after one week and one week still no one called my family. Then, he said that his father was admitted to the hospital and I felt sorry for him and understood his situation.
After 4 years of promises, now he is telling me that his father rejects me coz we are from different nationality. But I am a good Muslim and was very committed to him and never knew anyone except him.. In these 4 years, i had family proposals but i did not accept in a hope of waiting for him.
What would you advice me? What will be his punishment Allah will give him for giving me false promises? Coz I do not beleive that his father rejects me. I think he is making up stories. Pleae advice. Thank you,
- sunshine
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Assalaamu alaikum sunshine.
I am sorry to hear of the deception you have experienced. The sad truth is, if his intentions were to marry you, he would have taken those steps. This man has led you on.
I don't know what his punishment will be - that is between him and Allah. Try not to think about his punishment, it will only be more damaging to yourself (health and emotions) in the long run. You need to let this man go dear sister. Leave him and leave thinking about him. Accept he doesnt want this marriage and move on. He has shown his true colours. Do you really want to marry a man who lies and leads people on? You deserve so much more than that.
If your relationship with this guy transgressed islamic boundaries (if it was haraam), you need to make sincere tawbah. You will go through a grieving process, you might miss him a lot and be angry, upset, confused and experience all sorts of strong feelings, but with time these feelings will fade and you will get over him InshaAllah.
When your ready you can then consider other marriage proposals which come your way. Learn from this though - dont ignore warning signs in future, do istakhaarah and involve parents as soon as. Dont meet except in the presence of a mahram. If the guy is making up excuses to meet parents after some time, then let him be. Dont wait around for long
I pray that Allah swt helps you.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Sister Sunshine, As-salamu alaykum,
You met a guy at work, and you told him that if he is interested in you then he must propose marriage. So far so good... Then you mention that days pass by, then one week and one week, and he was making excuses... okay I can understand so far.
Then suddenly four years have gone by? Whoa!!! What? What happened? How did days and one week turn into four years? You are leaving out a huge part of the story here. Did you think we would not notice or call you on that? Maybe you don't want to admit what happened after that.
Be honest with yourself and with us. Instead of trying to blame the guy for breaking his promises, consider your own behavior. If four years went by and you turned down other proposals, then it's because you got involved in a relationship with him and maybe fell in love. That was your mistake. As soon as he started delaying - and I mean after a few weeks, or a month at most - you should have ended the discussion with him and moved on.
You had other proposals. You had a chance to be married. You had a choice.
I hope other sisters will take this story as a warning. Don't let a guy string you along. Don't fall for a chain of promises. If a man is serious he might want to discuss with you briefly first (in a halal setting), but after that he will approach your family and make a proposal. If he doesn't do that, then he's playing games.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor