Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He promised to marry me and leave his wife, but he has left me and is happy with his wife

Move ahead with what Allah has Destined for you

Move ahead with what Allah has Destined for you

Salaam,I am a female muslim girl who was in a relationship with a guy but had a break off a year back.

My ex lover.,He no longer wants to associate with me anymore. He is  interested in working out his marriage, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands since last 10 august 2011 & he has really left me..

Since that day, I had been praying badly to Allah so that he could come back to me again and if we could be together again. But it seems fetching me no positive response.

I love him a lot and can't afford to lose him. I had been offering namaz n salat-i-hajat for same purpose.

Please can you suggest me some dua or some way that I would win his heart again and we could be together again. This is the person whom I want to  marry and if I dont get him then I'm gona commit suicide, thats for sure coz i cant think of my life without him or with anyone else.

It was last year he came in my life that was in march2011 end, as we were online friends since a year and never met but this time when he came back from pakistan he told me his nikah is only done and he will go to collect his wife for ruksathi in november 2011 but after meeting me and understanding he fell in love with me  he told me that he thinks of me, cries & fantasizes about me every second but as he confessed this to me on 24 june 2011.
I argued and shouted on him what about your wife and your family and how come you can fall in love with a girl when u are already married then he mentioned that girl is his far relative cousin and his family forcefully convinced him to marry her and as he had no other option he said yes but as he found me he wanted to settle his life with me not her and he was ready to leave her as they didn't even spent a night together.
So i kind of accepted him and told him that get approval of your parents about this and divorce her and then come back to me but he said he needs my support in this if i leave him in this crucial stage of life he will be broken and will not have courage to speak to his parents so i agreed after 4 days as he was continuously holding my feet and crying everyday for my yes to his proposal.
But after that he made me in heavenly appreciation, affection and love fantasies and i truly fell in love with him in the span of one month 15 days and within this period of time he said his house environment is very bad because firstly he will speak to his two sisters and then his parents but on 10 august 2011 he just came to me and said "forget everything and now we cannot be together anymore as my  parents are not agreeing and i cannot cheat my parents for you" and he just left and then he didn't speak to me the whole august and i was in a state of shock and mental trauma and the same time it was Ramadan so my parents thought i am becoming weak due to not eating
And in two months every weekend i was admitted to the hospital due to the reason of low BP, less blood and no water in the body my physical health drastically went worst till date and that man when i contacted him through his office number, he just fought with me abused me and all the dirty and bad things what a man can tell a lady & he even said how do i know how many u have slept as i never got a chance to check your virginity
I have tried all islamic wazifas, ayats, mannats and dua to get him back as he is in dubai back with his wife since november 2011 and he has changed his number because he is scared i will contact his wife and family,
I found out through one maulvi that his mother and his wife has fed him something and did lots of blackmagic on him to forget me & after this pain of 11 months and 13 days, I need him back & show my ex best friend girl "ke insaan agar gadaari karta hai toh uske liye usse bhugatna bhi padta hai" (Editors Translation: If a person betrays, (s)he has to bear the same too) as being my friend for past six year & the person i introduced "woh usse support karne lagi mujhe chodkar toh Ab aap mujhe batay mere paas suicide ke elava kaunsa raasta bachata mein samaj chuki hu mera aakhri raasta kabar hai aur buraae hamesha jeet jati hai." (Editor's Translation: she began supporting him instead of me. Now you tell me what option do I have, except for committing suicide?) this is gonna be my suicide note.

Please help me to get this guy back. I'm alive with the hope that probably I would get him back at some point of time. The day this hope dies, I'm also gonna die.


Please don't ignore this,

For God's sake

Suggest me some dua plz 4 the same..

~ helpless 25

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26 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum,

    Sister, I am afraid you are ruining yourself and drowning in the sea of misguidance. If you don't pay heed and concentrate on your Deen, your relationship with Allah Izza wa Jall, things could be difficult for you.

    Shaitaan has trapped you, but you still have a chance to escape and take protection in the Mercy of Allah.

    Would you like that Allah's Mercy covers you to an extent that no grief and no hardship even dares to touch you? I am talking about al Jannah.
    It is for the believing slaves of Allah, you Worship Him Alone, Trust in Him, do all their deeds for His sake. They live and they die, at His command. Yes, they do commit sins, but they do Tawbah. Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said as it appears in one of the ahadeeth, that everyone among the children of Aadam is a sinner. But the best of these sinners are the ones who do Tawbah.
    Jannah is for those who Allah is Pleased with, and they are Pleased with Allah.

    Who is Pleased with Allah?
    Those who do not complain for whatever they have to face. Whatever situation Allah puts on them, they face it and bear the difficulties with patience, without questioning Allah 'why or what or how'

    Who is Allah Pleased with?
    Allah is Pleased with those who Trust in Him, do Righteous Deeds, follow the Sunnah of His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam without questioning, and does not interfere in the Qadr of Allah, and Allah Knows Best who He is Pleased with.

    Do you think you have these? Are you Pleased with Allah? Is He Pleased with you?

    You have sinned by asking the so called 'maulvi' about the boy concerned. He is a liar per me, a soothsayer. Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said:

    “Whoever goes to a fortuneteller and asks him about something, his prayer will not be accepted for forty days.” (Muslim)

    No one except Allah has the Knowledge of the unseen. If anyone claims to have it, except what Allah Has given through Revelation, he has lied. Just going to such a person and asking about something puts your prayers of forty days in vain. Then imagine, what if you believe that this person has 'Ilm al Ghaib, thus making him al Allam al Ghuyoob, which is Allah's Right?

    Astaghfirullah. This is an issue which needs your attention.

    Secondly, as I mentioned, Jannah is for those who trust in Allah and for those who leave whatever they face, to what Allah has Destined. Do you know that your thought is taking you closer and closer to the Hell and czar from the Jannah?
    Yes, suicide is what makes a person go to the Hell fire.
    Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said:

    "Whoever intentionally swears falsely by a religion
    other than Islam, then he is
    what he has said, (e.g. if he
    says, 'If such thing is not true
    then I am a Jew,' he is really a Jew). And whoever commits suicide with piece of iron will be punished with the same piece of iron in the Hell Fire."

    Narrated Jundab the Prophet said, "A man was inflicted with wounds and he committed suicide, and so
    Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him." Hadith - Bukhari 7:576,

    Narrated Qais bin Abi Hazim,
    see also Bukhari 8:361, 438
    We went to pay a visit to
    Khabbab (who was sick) and
    he had been branded
    (cauterized) at seven places in his body. He said, "Our
    companions who died (during the lifetime of the Prophet ) left (this world) without having their
    rewards reduced through
    enjoying the pleasures of this
    life, but we have got (so much) wealth that we find no way to spend it except on the construction of buildings. Had the Prophet not forbidden us to wish for death, I would have wished for it." We visited him for the second time while he was building a wall. He said, - A Muslim is rewarded (in the Hereafter) for whatever he spends except for something that he spends on building."
    Hadith - Bukhari 7:670,

    Narrated Abu Huraira The Prophet said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever. "
    Hadith - Muslim #6485

    Such will be the end of those who commit suicide. Can you imagine burning in the fire of this World? The Fire of the Hell is 70 times as intense. Then just imagine yourself there, your skin burning and everytime it is burnt, you being given a new skin and it being burnt again and again.

    This is Allah's Punishment. Save yourself from it. Do not commit suicide, for the Mercy if Allah is wide and plenty. I know the any has betrayed you, but you were mistaken to believe in him in the first place. Because if was married. And coming in between relationships so as to break them is a sin. A dua in this regard is not accepted by Allah.
    Now that if is happy with his wife, you have no right to interfere in their life. Move ahead with belief in Allah, and Trust in Him, and forget about him as he can not be yours now. Any line of practice of magic for separation or something that may come to your mind, please note that it is Kufr and as far as I know and believe, it puts you out of the fold of Islam. So, please captain from such things and from people who practice it.

    Do not commit suicide, because this life has a lot of ups and downs, and because of these, you can not ruin your Aakhirah can you?

    I pray that Allah gives you strength to bear.
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • I forgot to give this reference:

      “A person’s Dua will continue
      to be answered so long as he
      does not pray for something
      sinful or for the breaking of
      family ties.” Narrated by Muslim.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. Female is much stronger in feelings than man, you have to encourage yourself to live better. He abused you and being a Man I request you to forget him. You are good and you have to do "good" ! I do not know you personally but my heart meanwhile is asking you to do not take a crucial step as both families will be in worst situation.

    Please try to live happily as we cannot achieve everything in this world! Please look at your beloved parents, your family members, brother, sister and those who want to see you happy & successful.

    Ma'am I know your current situation as I have experienced too, lost of my love in March 2008. I had fully disturbed, even I cried a lot of times. But here my situation is some different as "She" also loved me and still we are in love. I know how you are suffering but you will be all right. Believe me!

    May ALMIGHTY ALLAH bless you with happiness (and that will surely be yours but I pray that you got happiness and satisfaction soon)

    Try to offer all Sallah (Namaz), recite QUR'AN and Durood Pak; believe me you will be satisfied with what you have and one (man) will definitely come into your life and he makes you happy ever...

    Best regards,
    Muhammad Waqar

    This is the person whom I want to marry and if I dont get him then I'm gona commit suicide, thats for sure coz i cant think of my life without him or with anyone else.


    As far as your own existence, know that your life has meaning and purpose. Allah put you here on this earth for a reason. YOU ARE A UNIQUE PERSON-
    the only one of your kind in the universe, and as such you are a treasure. Just as Allah created the stars, the oceans, and the majestic trees, He created you. In fact you dwarf them, because you are a creature of complexity and free will.
    If it seems that those around you do not value you, it may be only that they do not know how to show it. People who are raised in families that do not express love freely may be uncomfortable showing affection. But that does not mean that they do not love you and care about you deeply.
    Know, in any case, that Allah values you and cares about you.
    In one of the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) we are told that, "Allah is more loving and kinder than a mother to her dear child."
    Why despair then…
    With such care and attention for detail in each individual, is it then warranted to despair of the help of the most Merciful?
    Why the trials and hardship…
    Thus Allah took the responsibility of providing for and looking after all affairs of each and every individual and reassured He is the One fully capable of that. Our concern is not to be anxious even in the most trying circumstance for Allah promised to provide a way out; rather our concern is to worship Him by living a life of obedience to Him and excellence in every walk of life. Any hardship faced is no more than a trial to prove that our only concern is the approval of our actions by Allah before anyone else in the community and even before our own pleasure. Allah promised in the Quran, “Alif, Lam, Mim, do people think that they will be left alone on (merely) saying: ‘We believe,’ and not be tested (in their claims)? We have indeed tested those who were before them; and Allah will certainly make it known those who were truthful and He will certainly make known the liars.” [Surah Ankabut 29:1-2]

    Thus suicide forbidden in Quran and hadith…
    Given that Allah promised to undertake the sustenance and any delay thereafter or withholding of any of its needs being merely for a trial, then there is no room for a person to take away the life that Allah has created for an important purpose and meticulously sustaining it each second for that purpose. He prohibited the destroying of ones life in any manner as understood by the general meaning of the wording of this verse, “And do not throw (yourselves) with your own hands to destruction; but work (deeds of) excellence for verily Allah loves the people of excellence.” [Surah Baqarah 2:195] Thus we are ordered to not destroy ourselves rather to direct the mind and energies to doing good deeds that please Allah. In another verse, “And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you.” [Surah Nisaa 4:29]

    In fact the taking of even one life is regarded as the taking of the life of the whole of mankind, “Whoever kills a soul – unless for another soul or for corruption (vice and mischief spread) in the land – it is as if he had slain the whole of mankind. And whoever saves one – it is as if he had saved the whole of mankind.” [Surah Ma’idah 5:32] The noun, soul (nafs) in the verse is without the definite particle. In Arabic, an indefinite noun in a conditional clause gives the meaning of generality and comprehensiveness. Thus, the verse is not only concerning the taking of a soul of another person but even ones own life for both are souls created and entrusted to us by Allah. This is not only prohibited but strongly condemned as though he killed the whole of mankind.

    The Messenger of Allah (May the peace and blessings be on him) also prohibited it as learnt from the following hadith. "Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron (i.e. a weapon) will have that piece of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever." (Compiled in Sahih Bukhari).

    The pain of suicide is for ever…
    A person, who commits suicide, does so believing it an escape from his crisis so he ends his life willing to bear a moment of pain and may throw himself of a cliff. Yet this hadith shows that he actually brings upon himself that pain not just momentarily but again and again in Hell-fire.

    But from His mercy He may forgive suicide – so why not stay alive in His mercy…

    However, from the mercy of Allah, the Exalted, He may forgive any sin committed by a person no matter how grave or He may punish in this life or in Hell-fire, except for Shirk. Associating partners to Allah (Shirk) in divinity and Lordship is the only sin that Allah does not forgive. The one doing shirk may seek forgiveness from the partner he claims to Allah in divinity but he is seeking forgiveness from someone who doesn’t have the authority to forgive! This principle of forgiveness is established clearly in the Quran, “Verily Allah does not forgive that you set up partners with Him but He forgives anything else for whoever He wishes.” [Surah Nisaa 4:48]

    A person who is confident of the mercy of Allah in forgiving him for committing suicide, shouldn’t he have the same confidence that if he doesn’t commit suicide, Allah from His mercy and care will alleviate his hardship and distress? If it takes time, it is no more than a temporary trial.

    A day’s worth for a Muslim…
    An extra day alive is that much longer to work good deeds to distance oneself from the eternal torment of Hell-fire and a golden opportunity to win a better place in Paradise. It is for deserving of this mercy of Allah and a Paradise which no eye has ever seen, nor any ear has ever heard nor conceived by any mind, it is for this a Muslim is directed to strive every moment he is alive by the favour of Allah. A Believer capitalizes on each breath Allah allows him – only the ignorant would throw away such a bargain! Allah says (translated it means), “And whoever does good equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant) will see it (on the Day of Resurrection to be rewarded) and whoever does mischief equal to the weight of an atom shall see it.” [Surah Zalzalah 99:7-8]00

    And in two months every weekend i was admitted to the hospital due to the reason of low BP, less blood and no water in the body my physical health drastically went worst till date and that man when i contacted him through his office number, he just fought with me abused me and all the dirty and bad things what a man can tell a lady & he even said how do i know how many u have slept as i never got a chance to check your virginity

  6. My dearest sister,
    We all love you for the sake of Allah. Suicide is is not right and certainly not the solution to him leaving and treating you like he does.
    He is not worth your life. Nothing will bring him back if he does not want to be with you.He treated you wrong. He does not care about you.
    Tough love....snap out of it already. Last year till are sick because of him....darling..he is not worth anything of yours, your time, your love, your respect..nothing. You say he abused you when you called, so dont call him again. Dont even give him the satisfaction that he can determine if you are happy or not!
    Allah willl bless you with happiness like you never thought without that man. The pain, betrayal and deception weighs in on you and it is tough, cuts like a sharp blade. It will be over. The world is not against you.
    Get over him, find peace, move on and be happy! That's what you should do. I know it is hard but it can be done. It is possible.
    We all love you and care about you. We will help you through the ordeal.
    Pray your salah and fast for ramada, get closer to Allah. Everything will be alright.
    Take good care of yourself.


  7. La hol wala quwwateh illa billah "There is no power except God-Almighty"

    please read you own post and think deeply into what your doing. this is disghusting!

    Allah hafiz

    • Sister brokenbrain, you should not be so judgemental, this sister has come to this place for help just as you and I have. Only Allah has the right to judge, and no matter what is being expressed by this sister or any other sister, or even a brother, we should only aim to provide advice in a compassionate manner...

      Sister helpless, I pray each new day is bringing you patience and hope that Allah will make your life better...
      I hope you turn to Allah and pray because that is your way to communicate with Allah - He is with the patience. It may be you were never destined to marry this man, and perhaps it is a good thing because this man has not treated you or his wife with the respect you deserve...

      Right now you can only see this calamity you have found yourself in... suicide is NOT the way out!!! You need to pray with your heart that Allah gives you peace and whatever you do, do NOT contact this man nor answer any messages from him... easier said than done.
      Everytime you talk to him you are peeling the scabs from the deep wounds you have. It is not good for you, it is clouding your judgement and it is making you ill on top no doubt if you are in this state of continuous anxiety.

      Maybe the idea of never contacting him again is abhorrent to you. Try it for a month sister, and re-establish your relationship with Allah SWT in this time. Read around what pleases Him and about the power of dua. It maybe in a month you will have cooled down enough to reflect on what has happened and to think through this logically.

      Maybe then you will be able to ask Allah for forgiveness for even contemplating suicide, and also thanking him that you are alive, you have an amazing family and you are Muslim!

      I hope you are ok sister, I will pray for you and I hope that you do let us know you're doing ok.
      Take care, and may the mercy of Allah envelop you. xxx

  8. As Salamu Alayhum,
    he was engaged or married to another girl. yet, he did not care about her, he engaged in a relationship with you. he was selfish. I do not get it. how women fall in the trap of men who are engaged or married? Are they so desperate to get married? I just cannot understand!

    If he did not fear ALLAH for cheating on his fiancee or wife, what would make him fear ALLAH in the relationship that was based on lies?

    Do not be fooled. Are women sooo desperate to get married even with jerks, liars, deceivers?

    I am not speaking about the good men. I knew there are good men out there, please, my intention is not to offend any good brother.

    Sisters, if a man wants to marry again, he should finish his old business with his fiancee or wife otherwise, he just want to use you.

    the cheating based on the argument that "my parents arranged my marriage with the girl i did not want to marry" has no sound foundation in my eyes. I cannot imagine anyone tying up their son's or putting a gun to their son's head to marry someone they do not like.

    In sum, he is a cheater. he is not trust worthy. you made a mistake. admit that you made it so you do not do it again. move on with your life. the cheater is not worth even one drop of your tears. Shake your self up. you have the power to forget about him. you are not married to him. you have no kids with him, do not waste your life for a cheater.

    what makes you think that if he comes back to you , he won't cheat on you? Subhana Allah.
    learn from your mistake to grow as a person. make yourself busy with work or school, things that will help you improve who you are.
    If you are depressed, seek professional help. there is no shame in going to see a doctor and ask for help. Healthcare providers DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE.
    Read quran, pray, not for him to come back. pray and thank ALLAH that the cheater is out of your life. If you have suicidal thoughts, talk to your family, a friend, a doctor.

    May Allah bring peace to your heart,

    • @Reader

      This "I must marry the girl my parents choose for me" theme commonly pops up on this site. Obviously, in many cases, arranged marriages are causing problems for some of these men and the relationships they willing pursue IN SPITE OF their knowledge of what is expected of them by their families. Men who know their marriages will be arranged, and those unwilling to stand up to family pressure and decide to choose their own spouses should have the common decency not to to engage in any sort of relationship with women whom they know they will never be allowed to marry. It is not fair to the women they use and hurt, and it is not fair to their future wives.

      • Salaams,

        Lydia, I agree with you 100%. Men who lack the backbone to start a marriage right will undoubtedly lack the level of commitment needed to keep it going in a healthy direction. In truth, men like this have very little to offer any lady, so it's very sad that other women (the "true" object of affection) get caught up and blinded by the ruse these men play on them.

        Sister helpless, please take into serious consideration all the good feedback you've been given. There are enough regrets we will have in this life, we don't need to add another if it can be avoided. I guarantee you in a decade, you won't even look at this situation the same. We all have to take lessons how not to depend on creation, but only the Creator. It breaks every last one of us when it comes. Yet, Allah provides nothing short of Himself for these times, so if you earnestly turn to Him you will find that He will never disappoint you, and suffice you through every disappointment handed to you by humans.

        -Amy Editor

        • Excellent reply, Amy and I strongly concur with everything that both you and Lydia have said.

          Helpless, I don't see a reason why you must kill yourself over a petty man who couldn't be true to just about anybody in life - Not God, Not his family, Not the "woman" he claims to have loved and abused, Not his wife, Not himself!

          Also, please consider yourself lucky, you could see his real self in a matter of few months, before things went out of hand. There are plenty women on this forum itself, who were abused emotionally and even physically in the name of love and for years!

          Please get over this asap, you're wasting your time over nothing!

  9. Please honey do not like yourself for this man he isn't worth any of your pain/ tears, if he truly care for you, you would have left his wife for you, must man just play around and try to make our life hell, so you be the better person forget him and insallah Allah has someone better for you, this life is a test so try to pray to Allah do you can pass this test.

  10. (Sorry do not kill yourself spell check)

  11. This is what happens when you do things the harangue way. Your first mistake was chatting online. Allah swt has given you the opportunity to get out of this mess, sister you really need to realise your mistake and ask for true forgiveness, you really need to wake up and get on with your life, and as for committing suicide, how will that resolve anything, Allah has planned something better for you, be grateful and thank Allah for protecting you from committing more sins

  12. Haram not harangue

  13. sister have patiance dont do any thing wrong that allah is unpleased with u sister allah is the planner of the world why r u thinking in negative way may allah has planned u something special and i think allah knows better htan any 1 one these world sister i to had same sutition when i loved a non muslim gril but i cant please my self and make allah unplease so sister time will give u the chance just wait allah knows better what he has planned u if u commit sucide than u r awaya from allah and his messanger

  14. Assalam'alykum sister helpless 25, we need a response from you !!! How are you doing ? I don't want to tell you what to do, all the advices are above, its you life, you will be held responsible for every actions you do.

  15. Asalamualikum ,
    my dear sister suicide is not a solution for your problem... a person who commits suicide is out of Islam he is directly thrown to hell fire..thers is a Ayat in the holy Quraan in Surah Al Bakarah saying "sumthing which you really loves and desires to be yours might harm you.... and sumthng which you really hates or you avoid it everytime that might be Khair for you ".... only Allah knows everything... my dear sister i know To say it is really easy buh to act it is really difficult..... to forget sumone is not that easy ..buh my dear sister please nvr try to do sumthg which is beyound Allah's sayings ...just try to avoid him when ever you think of him just get involved in Duaa,Prayers or Azkaar ... and that guy might not be meant for you .. because he doesnt deserve a person lik you.. remeber one thing sister you are far more better that him...and a person who is loved by Allah that person struggles alot in his life dont wryy sister if u are facing difficulty now surely u wil have a bright future In Shaa Allah... and remeber one thing this life is not your itz Allahs...... Asalamulaikum :).. involve me and every Muslim Ummah in you prayers

  16. Salam sister
    Please please take whatever you have in your head and heart for this man and throw it away! He is a awful human who has manipulated your feelings with empty promises with hope and words! All false! He's a weak man who says he can't cheat on his parents? I'm sorry his behaviour is disgusting playing you and his wife is oblivious to it all! It might sound harsh but there is goodness in this and you have been saved from spending the rest of your life with this man! Be thankful to Allah don't punish yourself as forgiveness! Believe me we have all been there when we loose someone we think life is blank even though they treat us like crap we would rather them hurl abuse at us than loose them! Today and tomorrow you might not understood what's being said but one day you will realise Allah made this happen for a reason! Have faith in Allah, don't let your imam weaken for who? A man who couldn't stand by you? What makes u think he will be faithful to you if he can't be sincere to the woman he read his nikaah with? He cant have the best of both worlds but you can remove any trace of him from yours! You have a chance now to repent and redeem yourself and inshallah there will be someone out there who deserves to be with you without this mess! Stay strong head high its the month of Ramadan pray and keep praying don't loose yourself in him ..loose yourself in Allah and inshallah gain the inner piece your looking for! It won't be by death! I read a quote just the other day "don't kill yoursel over a guy,hell bring another woman to your funeral" might be abit humorous but it's true! Don't punish yourself - 6 years is a long time! I was with a guy for 6 years he left got married etc I was in dispair but alhumduliah I'm stronger than eve
    Don't let anyone break you down! Pick yourself up and look ahead inshallah

  17. Salaam sister Madi your post was amazing Alhamdulillah.

    It is strange how many of us are in this same position where we were engaged to men who then married other ladies... I'd known the man since childhood and it hurts thinking everything i thought we'd do together like having children, growing old, he is doing with someone else.

    All I can say is the beginning is the hardest and after that things do get better Alhamdulillah day after day.

    Yea there are moments of weakness but dua and time is the best cure. Allah knows best...

    Jazakallah sister, you wrote to help this sister but it benefitted me too.

  18. Please, please don't do anything drastic, we hope you are OK.

    No man is worth your life - I know how you are feeling, but there are other people in this world who love you dearly. Think how upset your family would be if you did the unthinkable horrible act of committing suicide for someone who clearly has no respect for women.

    I know you miss him terribly and feel like you cannot go on without him - but you can... you did it before...

    Pray to Allah that you will meet someone much better who doesn't make you cry.

    The man I love left me after 3 and a half years - we used to talk every day and now nothing! I am upset, hurting and cry in private every day... but I would never give up the gift of life and moreover, my family would be in unconsolable if I did that. Just think he might be able to hurt people without a care in the world, but you are bigger than that.

    Although you will never forget him, please think of those that care about you. Who knows what will happen with time. Think positive and positive things will happen. Don't hurt others and make them feel sad just because someone with no morals hurt you... things WILL get better with time. Suicide is permanent, what you are going through is not.

    Take care and please try to look after yourself for the sake of those around you who care at least.

    Look in the mirror - see how beautiful you are... you can get through this... OK? YOU CAN!

    I will pray for you too.

    Take Care

    Miss S.

  19. Hope ur doing much better. I would lyk to share my story becos its abit lyk yours. I met a guy on the net 4 years ago we chatted for three months n then decided to meet he dident give me his number n said we will chat on msn i forth this is not ryt. I was very stupid comein to think of it now. After a few months of meeting i found out he was married he said his married life was driveing him crazy n hw would marry me n all the other a year went past n he had the same thing going on bout marrying me but he dident do anything in that year i loved him sooo much i left my friends for him n was evan willing to be his second wife. I got fed up 1 day n left him but i couldent live with out him i dident sleep for a week n stoped eating my siblings kept asking why are you not eating. I sent him soo many msgs on msn one day he came on n i told him how every nyt i cryd n hit myself for breakingup wth him. Nex day we saw each other again n it was back to normal i felt lyk i got my soul back in my body wen i saw him. Ramzan was around the corner n he said to me i will not see u or chat to u i was shocked i said i cant handle that i begged him not to do that but he still did left me crying n fot a hole month fagot about me i tryd my best not to let him get to me n fasted n prayed to my lord to forgive what i did n to help me thru the hard time i was going thru, in ramzan the devil was locked up n i could turn to allah i prayed n asked for my sins to be fagiven. The hole month went past n on eid he rang me to meet up n i went to see him he thorth that things will get bk to normal but i weny to tell him i could not carry on wth a relatiinship that had no name. There was alot of other things but i tryd to make it short. My lovely sister in islam this guy is not worth it he does not care for u love u does not evan care if you die or stay alive pls dnt waste your life lyk this. I have left that man 3 years ago nw n i dnt regret one second of it im happly married nw with a daughter allah will send you some one but u have to be patient jus leave things to allah n u will be guided. Do reply bk take care

  20. Assalamu alakoum sister,

    There is no point in repeating all the very well written posts above. PLEASE PLEASE take everyone's advice above.

    but i do have something to add. Please see this thread. You will quickly find out that there is NO good in marrying or wanting to marry a man who is already married. No matter how much you love him, your life will be destroyed and you will also destroy the life of the first wife. Men are selfish and are not following correct rules of islam and Allah does not bless these kinds of selfish marriages. Inshallah by reading this thread

    you will notice what a bad idea it is and will allow you to forget this idea and allow you to stop feeling sad about not having him. He did you a GREAT favour by leaving you. Allah saved you ! you should be making salat shukur and dua shukor and isteghfar not making dua for this man to return to you.

    the heart is easily mendable inshallah. it will take some time and training but with the help of allah you will forget and marry another man who is more deserving. inshallah

  21. helpless 25 - Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    are you fine sister ? reply back.

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

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