Islamic marriage advice and family advice

proposal from a shia

Shia Muslims performing self-flagelation at the Karbala mosque during Ashura festival
You advised me to submit my post separately so her I am doing this.

I have been proposed to by a shia guy while I am sunni and hafiza -e-quran too. We have known each other almost 3 years but have never met yet. In our conversations, we have always taken care of our moral boundaries and have never talked about anything which could be considered restricted in Islamic terms. He still says that he loves me from his heart.

He does not curse sahaba directly but says "whatever the sahabas' did with the ahl-e-bait was sheer injustice". I searched for the facts myself and found his claims right. I still have so many questions regarding these issues but sorry to say, I could not find any sunni scholar to answer my questions logically. These things makes me get a bit more inclined towards him and rebellious to my sect as I am finding our sunni people and scholars are hiding facts from us. On other side, he has a very respectable and well-off background. His elder brother has recently married a sunni girl; it’s not an issue in his family. Personally, I have found him a man of honor and values. I am a very strong girl but find myself very weak emotionally when I think of taking any steps away from him, but spiritually I find myself losing satisfaction and contentment when I try to move towards him. I have no idea how to respond in this situation. I am so agitated and depressed. Please guide me as soon as you can.

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7 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    It seems to me that you are confusing two distinct issues. For one, you have to decide whether you want to marry this man or not based on whether he is a good match for you. Certainly, the religious views you share or differ on are going to factor in some, but generally if you feel that you are compatible with someone, it's based on something greater than particular viewpoints on certain religious aspects. You are both Muslim, and you both already agree on the main points of Islam as such. Whether he is the right guy for you is something you have to decide exclusive of how he (or you) view issues pertaining to the sahaba or ahl-al-bait.

    In the same vein, your understanding of Islamic history and teachings are something you have to explore and evaluate regardless of if you marry someone who sees things as you do or differently. There are no guarantees, after all, that one or both of you might see things much differently in years to come after getting married. The bottom line is, don't confuse your spiritual journey to Allah with your marital relationship with your husband. The two at times intertwine, but in the end you are living for Allah, not your husband. You have to come to peace with your ideas because you believe they are bringing you closer to Allah, not to another man.

    In all of this, you never mentioned your parents' feelings about the matter. Have you confided in them about what you have been pondering over and what decisions you are trying to make? It would be respectful to include them into both of the realms you are wrestling with, and they might even give you some views on both issues that you had not considered. In any case, know that time is on your side and you don't have to make a decision about anything until it feels right. Take the time you need to sort out all the pieces of every puzzle until you feel you have the clarity to take steps in a certain direction.

    -Amy Editor

  2. assalam alikum,
    there is no need to depress, just ask your parents and follow the right way. if they suggest to marry then only you should marry. shia - sunni both follow the quran and path of muhammad. but u should not consider any one besides your parents.
    khuda hafiz

  3. Aoa,
    Im facing d same xact sunni grl n hz
    From shia famliy...hz religious views r same lyk our
    Fiqa ,hz family is convinced bt my family will only
    Convinced on hz conversion to sunni fiqa which hz
    Mother doesnt allows....wot v both will do nw?pls tell us
    Any dua or a way to b on same path....

    • aalia, there is obviously an impasse in your situation. I think you should let him go and find someone else whom your family will approve of.

      Wael Editor

  4. Hidayah, I don't really understand the problem. Why do you find yourself weakening spiritually when you move toward him? If you think he is a good match for you, and your parents approve, then marry him.

    As far as the religious issue, I think it's ridiculous to say that the Sahabah committed injustices against the ahlul-bayt. I don't really wish to get into a religious debate, but I have to stand up for our treasured Sahabah like Abu Bakr and 'Umar, who are sometimes maligned by the Shi'ah, but who were the Prophet's dear companions, and men of pure heart.

    Wael Editor

  5. This is a serious issue with religious and spiritual ramifications. The people here who are asking you to take it lightly are wrong. Do better research on the subject. Ahl e Bait will not marry with people who disrespect Sahaba. Know that.


  6. Sister Hidayah is just confused. She didn't find any evidence relating to sahabas injustice within Sunni hadith, mainly because the sahabas didn't do any injustice towards Ahl Al Bayt. Sunnis do not follow the traditional narrations of the shias, we have our authentic set and they have some thing else. Just like many other rulings and practices present in shia hadith which is only imaginary in this world. Just like yesterday's ashura's self torturing festival, Astaghfirullah. Sister Hidayah, What is your situation now ? Are you married to him ? Fruitfull ?

    And if you want to research about a particular matter , do not go to a shia website and do the research, obviously they will use their " hadith " etc and prove somthing which never happened. Similarly, if you want to find out about trinity, would you visit a christian website ? They'll obviously use the new testement and prove it. You might find their claims right too ! It doesn't make sense now does it? Therefore, we have to use the authentic resources available with us and compare. If shia hadith mentioned that the sahabas did bad and its not present in sunni hadith, would you accept it as absolute truth ? What about temporary marriage ( legal pros. ) being permissible in shia hadith and impermissible in sunni hadith ? Which is the truth in your view ? Both can't be true now can it ? Got it ?

    Your marriage will have consequences and severe issues. If not now, later. Take heed.

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