Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Proposal from an Alim – not sure what to do.

age difference

I have a proposal of a guy who is an Alim and a mufti. I really respect the fact that he has learnt so much about islam and is very religious, but he has only studied up til O'Levels and then went on to become an Alim. That is the only thing bothering me.

I myself am becoming an accountant and have been a straight A student throughout my O and A'Levels, and to be honest, I'm not sure if I want to marry someone who has only done O'levels.

I want my husband to be highly educated and be balanced in both deen and worldly education. So I'm not sure if it would work out between me and an Alim/Mufti guy. Please advise on what I should do and what is best in Islam's viewpoint.

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12 Responses »

  1. I would say go with your gut feeling.
    You will regret not listening to your gut if you marry and find that it isn't working out...and I'm sure that if you don't go ahead with wont be looking back and having any regrets cuz youre not that overly into it right now anyway..

    In my opinion...The man should be a little more educated than the woman...if the woman has a degree and the man doesn' this day and age...that can cause problems for the girl. That's just my opinion...I'm sure there are lots of ppl out there who will disagree with me.

    You will know when its the right person.
    Don't rush and make the wrong decision.
    Do your istikhaara if you really are in two minds about it.

    Saying no to "Alim Mufti guy" wont make you a bad person...(just in case you were thinking it) 🙂

    Take care
    Best of luck

  2. Hello,

    You are lucky girl, at least you know and specially that person likes you and serious for marriage, he's educated not that same comparatively to you but he can continue after marriage, don't leave him on basis of low education, see the person knows about Islam, he can teach you how to spend life according to Islam, usually girls in Europe and US prefers wealthy boys and not educated, don't compare him with your education, accept him, before its too late.
    My mama was professionally doctor at the time of marriage and my papa was just an inspector (police) so she educated him and later-on he retd as SSP (Police) senior superintendent of police, now both of them have expired, in all what i learnt is we all five brothers and three sisters are educated, own our own house, knows about Islam, well groomed, decent in all we are complete family.
    So what I know if a woman is serious serious for marriage than she can make the men life heaven and if she's in futurity complex such as education and money or compare someone such as your proposal than she would suffer later-on, so better suggestion take the decision for better future rather than regret later.


  3. Salaam, if he is able to provide for you financially and you are happy to to ahead with it then do so! Do what your heart is telling you

    • Waalaykum Ass Salam,

      Don't worry about finance, I gave you an example of my parents, they were not rich at the time of Marriage, but faith on Allah was with them, so Allah gradually supported them step by step, in short what Allah says "if a man wan to change himself than i am with him for sake of strengthening Islam and he do so, he even guide non-muslims, but later-on Allah describes in his book Quran that i guided all humanbeings before but if you are not interested to groom yourself according to Islam and deliberately do work against Islam than it would be treated as war against Islam, see nowadays what's happening in our society, American use to call themself supper power and what the crime ratio in US, a glaring example as you knows yourself.
      So don't worry about money or fame, Inshallah Allah will guide you and your future husband, if your intentions are good and you are sincere toward marriage, so just have faith on Allah and see the results yourself.


  4. Salam sister,

    Alhamdullilah you got a proposal from an Alim. His deen is intact. As the saying goes " marry the one who will lead you to Jannah" and who is better for your duniya and akhirah.

    But saying that you also need to feel some sort of attraction towards the person. You will be with him 24/7. So compatibility is very important too. If education is a cause for concern now it may still be a problem after marriage and cause bigger problems! Some girls accept men less educated, some cannot.

    So it boils down to what you are ok with and can compromise on. You need to think whether its better to marry a Alim who's not as educated as you or a non Alim who is highly educated?

    I would suggest speak to him and find out more about his personality and ask him why he proposed to you in particular as you are a bit more concerned about the duniya when he is concerened about the akirah? For example why didn't he propose to an Alima, who would be more suited to him? Tell him about your views about education and ask him what he thinks about it. And is he willing to study further etc etc.

    After knowing more about him you may like other aspects of him and his education may not seem important anymore. Only Allah knows.

    May Allah guide you to the right decision.

    • A very sensible reply, I do also think once she will take step after knowing him, i am quite sure she will love him and respect him, in today's life very few comments i have seen more decent, groomed and sensible.
      Thanks for guiding a fellow Muslim girl, Allah will definitely reward you as you have guided her right path.


  5. my solution may sound really simple but, in a marriage both spouses should encourage eachother to be betterMuslims and better people, right?... so why not encourage him to pursure higher education at a later time?? Just a thought 🙂

  6. Salam sister,
    I will share my experience with you. I am married to a wonderful husband with a deen so awesome, I thank ALLAH each and every day (many times) for giving me such an open-minded, calm, patient man. One could compare my education to his and while I may come out on top education-wise, and earning-wise, there is NO WAY I would trade my husband for another. Despite the disparity in our educations, my husband led me to Islam, and each day he inspires me to be a better person in front of ALLAH. His deen is good, and we work because he and I are also open-minded...willing to hear my concerns, share what he learned at khutba, discuss current events with me, offer me suggestions for work issues and LISTEN to my suggestions for his work issues as well. He is far more religious than me in Islamic knowledge, but he has no inclination to make me feel bad for lack of religious knowledge. Likewise I have no desire to make him feel bad because he lacks expected educational knowledge. He educates me while I educate him and neither of us look down upon the other. As a result, we both have learned so much.

  7. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    To me it would be better if you reconsider your definition of education. Isn't what he did to become an Alim education? Or is it because it has a title "Islamic"? So for example, how would you view a person who got his degree (or PhD.) in Islamic studies from Harvard or Oxford University? I don't think you would consider such a person as less educated, right? The Alim is just the same as him or even better, except that the Alim did his studies in Arabic, and the other guy did his in English.

    Perhaps, your concern is about his level of english understanding and not about his level of education. Because in fact, if it's about education, then you should see him as higher done you in education. Why? Because he didn't just study Islam or Akhirah only, but he studied what it takes to rule a whole nation.

    Among the package of Islamic studies, is the study of philosophy, psychology, science, economics, finance, management etc. They do not just study Akhirah only as some ignorants may think. Of course, their future is to live in Dunya before Akhirah, so they are given what it takes to survive in both Dunya and Akhirah.

    There are many Alim around the world, who are working in big financial institutions. What they had to do was to get some short training to become used to the system in use. And there are other Alims who perfected their level of english language, and are lecturing in higher institutions around the world.

    Of course, there should be a distinguish between an Alim who is willing to use his knowledge to benefit the world, and the Alim who wants to just spend his whole life worshiping Allah alone without working for his family. So this is what you should try to confirm from him and not his level of education. If he is on the Deen and has no problem in taking care of you emotionally and financially, then you are ok - then you should spend the rest of your life being grateful to Allah for him.

    Do you know that the Prophet (s.a.w.s) and his companions (r.a) ruled the world and were able to manage institutions, with the Islamic knowledge? This indicates that the Islamic knowledge contains all sciences of life in this Dunya.

    I do not think you would refuse the marriage proposal from the Prophet (s.a.w.s) or from any of his companions (r.a) just because of the lack of english understanding, or what you call education, right? Alims are the inheritors of the Prophets (s.a.w.s), so respect this Alim and follow him for your success in this Dunya and Akhirah.

    There are many good Muslimahs out there who are even more educated than you, who are seeking for Alims to at least be beside them so that they don't get lost in the wordly life - so be very grateful to Allah for bringing the Deen close to your door, without your efforts.

    Do you want to know something about the position of Alims in the sight of Allah?

    Sayyiduna Abud-Dardaa (r.a) narrated, "I heard the Messenger of Allaah (s.a.w.s) saying,

    'Whoever treads a path seeking knowledge, Allah (s.a.w) will make easy for him the path to Paradise. Indeed, the Angels lower their wings for the seeker of knowledge out of contentment for the seeker of knowledge. Verily, all those in the heavens and on earth, even the fish in the depths of the sea ask forgiveness for him. Verily, the virtue of the scholar over the worshipper is like the virtue of the moon on the night of al-Badr over all of the stars. Indeed, the scholars are the inheritors of the Prophets, for the Prophets do not leave behind deenaar or dirham (wealth) for inheritance, but rather, they leave behind knowledge. And he who acquires it, has in fact acquired an abundant portion.'"

    However, rather than focusing on the aspect of secular education about this Alim, why not focus on combining your secular education and his Islamic education to make a change in the life of your future children, and prepare for a new generation of our Ummah? Isn't this a better idea? Of course you have no idea how much blessings and rewards, you could be gaining from Allah through that in this life and the next.

    Anyway, do not forget to pray Salaatul-Istikharah to ask Allah for guidance in the matter.

    May Allah help you make the right decision. Ameen!

  8. Salam. We do have a similar problem, but in my case I got a proposal from an Alim, but he also had finished his bachelor degree major in Management. The problem in my case is he is 30 and Im 22. And I dont want to get married yet. Because aside from not being ready yet, I dont have a job yet and he doesnt have job too. Im currently having my masteral degree but Im still looking for a job. I dont want to gt married without a stable and decent job. I want to reject this guy as Im not also attraced with him. But Im afraid of karma. The thing is, im not ready yet and i dont like him. Im asking for an advise too.

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